A Ginger man in a beanie stood grinning from ear to ear, nervously rocking side to side as the camera started and he cleared his throat.

  “What is up, Spooftube, Hello America in particular because let’s be honest, China’s not watching this shit. I’m Malachi Mayson from the channel with the same name, which is a shocking coincidence, and today we have just an absolute treat. I might actually be in space right now, it’s not entirely clear, my lawyer said the paperwork was vague, I’m doing it anyway. I’m honored to be here with…THE Gizzy Greggarious. Freaking aliens, alien guns, what the fuck is even happening? I… Bro, the world has gone insane recently and I love it. Let's go.”

  “God you talk fast” Gizzy muttered from off camera.

  “Thanks…probably. Today I have been given the chance to shoot some scifi shit like I have never imagined I would ever do. This feels like a dream or some half-assed fanfic book. I was told to bring my favorite hearing protection and glasses and be prepared to fire some handguns. I’m terrified, will I even survive this? Nobody knows, stay tuned. More importantly, will these guns be 3d printable and available for the public by 2026?”

  “…no.” Gizzy stated, dryly.

  “Well that’s disappointing. So I hear the other guntubers got to keep the guns? That's wild. That is repeatedly wild.”

  “Yes, you get to keep the damn pistol, but I’m removing the power cell and including a rechargeable battery on a cart that only holds enough for one magazine.”

  “What? I get a pistol on a cord?”

  “Hey it fires some rounds without power, but it’s a 4,000 volt system, and I am NOT giving you a roll-of-quarters sized nuclear reactor for you to Skibbidy-Yeet yourself with, or let’s be honest, accidentally disappeared and then confiscated by your government, by force, to make bombs. Do you want the government killing you for that technology, or do you want the 60 pound briefcase battery with a cable?” she asked, crossing her arms.

  “So today folks we have a really cool briefcase-battery powered handgun. So what exactly is this gem, and why do we love them?”

  “Glad you enthusiastically rapped that question, M and M. THIS, is humanity's introduction to the MagForge system, in a little combo gun called the 30 BlackJack.

  “Cool name. What inspired that?” Malachi asked.

  “Well, it was originally designed to fire just the 30 Blackout and 30 Jackal rounds, and 30 Jack-out sounds gay as shit. Not normal gay. Not fun gay. Andrew Tate gay. The dark sketchy gay you have to worry about. The kind so far in the closet they discover Narnia and assault the goats.”

  “BlackJack sounds way better. MagForge has me excited too”

  “I may also have a gambling addiction, let’s get into the gun stats. The Magforge system is a totally different kind of propulsion than typical chamber-contained explosives, driving a projectile by pressure. The Mag is for Magnetic. Imagine a bb gun, you know how BB guns hold a ton of ammo because small spheres store easily? Sadly, they also suck most of the ass, because air guns have no power and steel 17 caliber BBs have no weight. Well the Magforge pretty much loads Osmium BBs like a full auto BB gun, but it loads numerous at once into the chamber, and uses an induction coil to fuse them together in the chamber and shape the round any way you want. Levitated Magnetic Induction Fusion Forging, just makes the bullets as it fires. Magforge sounded cooler than L’MIFF, which sounds like a French Queef. The weight of the Osmium allows high mass in small compact size, and for complex reasons, it works well with the magnetic propulsion. So magnets load, magnets heat, magnets fuse, magnets shape, magnets spin and then magnets accelerate. Onboard microbattery powers the computer that makes everything work, separate from the coil powering cell. It charges off the recoil. These glock-sized magazines can hold 688 16 grain BBs in 86 stacks of 8. Now All MagForge guns either use a rotary 2-chamber revolver cylinder or psring return blowback action to load the BBs, and usually in stacks of 4 or 8, depending on the gun and caliber. This one feeds an 8 stack of .18 caliber rounds that can be programmed to fire in single, double, Quad or Octo. The advantage to this is that you can choose higher ammo capacity or higher mass and since the railgun/coilgun hybrid accelerators accelerate at 3,000 Feet per second, and spins at a riflign rate of 1:1, the higher the mass, the more energy per shot you get. Two of these BBs together at 3,000fps hits with a 32 grain fused solid projectile at 640 foot-pounds of energy, about like a 357 necked to a 22, and that’s 344 shots of that with basically zero recoil. 80 percent of your human guns’ recoil is the thrust of the exploding gas acting like a rocket pushing back, which is why a good Muzzle brake can knock recoil in half just by diverting gas sideways and equally. With no explosion and no gas except the negligible amount of atmosphere in the barrel, means all you feel is the Newtonian feedback of the tiny bullet pushing on the magnets. On double, you'll barely even feel that. Even on Octo, It’s gonna kick like a slightly stout 9mm, but that’s 86 shot capacity, firing a 128 grain projectile with the force of a 308 battle rife.”

  “Holy shit. And I bet it shoots flat as hell since they all move at 3,000FPS.”

  “Exactly, your bullet drop doesn’t change, and your sight zero is identical even switching from high to low energy, because the energy/mass changes, not the velocity. The coil field moves at 3,000 FPS regardless and as long as the round doesn't exceed 150 grain, it will always move that fast and shoot the same spot. We did experiment with a 40 caliber grenade launcher system in this gun because the magnetically levitating projectile never touches the barrel and the induction shaper can form up to 38 caliber bullets, BUT we found the power cells depleted and overheated firing 450 and 500 grain rounds, and so we switched to a hybrid system that fires conventional propellant…sorry, conventional for us. We use consumable plastic explosive cases instead of gunpowder and ejected brass. It was easier on the gun to just have it fire the 40 Jackal and Blackout rounds that way. We later switched to 30 caliber for better performance. So here we have a very normal looking magazine loaded with 10 subsonic Blackout rounds, 500 grain Osmium powder filled polymer that’s frangible on impact…and 10 additional 50 grain ICE rounds. That Stands for Incendiary Carbon-Electrum. It’s hard as hell, but the weight of solid aluminum, so the ICE rounds have more space for propellant and a shorter sharper, light-weight armor piercing round, that ironically heats up before impact leaving a nice blue tracer streak, and the Blackout rounds go fully to the end of the case for high mass and lower energy. The coil chambers act like a suppressor, and the muzzle igniter doubles as a high efficiency compensator, so even the ICE rounds with 1800 foot-pounds of energy and 4,030FPS velocity kick like a colt 1911 and will tear through body armor like wet tissue paper. The subs are dead quiet, still hit with 1300ft-lbs due to the high mass, and the recoil is less than some 9mm pistols. Nothing in this gun has more kick than a glock 41 in a gun about the same size, with 7 more rounds of ammo MINIMUM, hitting like an 8.6 Blackout rifle round out of a 24 inch barrel, and with the Magnetic rounds, you may as well be shooting an FN 5.7 with infinite ammo cheat codes and no recoil. This thing can do anything. You want 20 rounds of .30 Jackal, hybrid light armor piercing expanders?” She said slapping in a magazine and racking the rear stub back. “There it is. Safe, semi, 3 round burst. You need stealth?” she said, dropping the magazine and re-cocking with a new one. “20 rounds, 75 decibels, safe semi, burst. Oh no, you need to shoot like 200 dog-sized spiders? MagForge clip, safe, dual, mine is preset for full auto, medium heat so the rounds have lead-like expansion on impact, you got 344 rounds to spray down the area without reloading. That’s all just carrying the gun and 2 spare mags, 1-4 seconds to change modes. Feel the grip.” She said, handing it over.

  Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.

  “Kinda heavy.” Malachi noted.

  “Well the ammo is heavy and there’s a lot of it, high-mass/ high-volume, is the point. It’s a 3 pound gun fully loaded with the power cell and heavier magazine. The MagForge ammo alone is a pound-and-a-half, half-pound battery, One-pound unloaded gun. Titanium alloy and Nanocarbon. Mine here is slightly heavier due to the…fuckload of gold inlay and black marble grip.”

  “Why marble?”

  “Because it’s sexy, and I like the texture. You wanna coat yours in spray-on rubber truck liner, be my guest, mine is pimped out and I don’t mind the weight. My other Magforge pistol is 9 pounds. Be happy you’re not shooting that one. The 730 Plague kicks like a motherfucker. Yes, 73 caliber. I’m saving that for Kentucky Sean whenever we can convince him to sign the damn waver.” she sighed.

  “Should I have even signed the waver?” He asked.

  “Ah, it’s fine. Legal bullshit dealing with transportation and liability if you do something stupid. You get free alien healthcare if you get hurt here.”

  “So nobody is really answering this, did we get teleported? Because all of us had to sign a form, get on a private jet, and we all fell asleep on the flight. There were no windows on the plane. The fuck even are we?” Malachi asked.

  “Technically, since you signed the form... Arizona. So the best part of the Magforge guns is the versatility of the interface you see here on this laptop. This 3d representation of the gun links to the gun itself, and with fairly easy to learn software, you just customize anything you want as Magforge presets. The bullets can be Magnetically forged custom shaped, hollow, Hollowpoint, Spire point, wadcutter, mini-buckshot, they can fire out pre-chilled, room temp, warmed to a soft leadlike consistency, or straight-up molten like a damn laser beam of hate. Safe and semi-auto are standard, but you can set the semi auto setting-2 to double-tap in a hyper-fire sort of cycle rate that sounds like one shot, the auto setting-3 and setting-4 are adjustable, so the thumb safety selector bumps up and down like a remote, to however many settings you want up to 8, the rear display shows what setting you’re on and the little A1200x4 means: fully automatic 1200 rounds a minute rate, quad 64 grain, you can see the orange means medium heat softened…” Gizzy yawned, casually aiming at the target and without warning letting off a 30 round Buzzing burst of ammunition “108 Decibels, hearing safe, machine pistol hitting like a 556 softpoint.”

  “That’s the sexiest thing I have ever seen fired.”

  “Well I was the one shooting it, so that never hurts.”

  “So this thing is just…like 8 different weapons ranging from a damn 308 down to a belt-fed suppressed AR, it fits in a colt-sized platform and holster and has a fucking smart-selector that you can run off a laptop? Mother of Christ, man.”

  “It runs grenades too, but I can't let you have those. Technically it can run off a smartphone, but you can’t keep my phone, so I’m throwing in the laptop we got at the last minute. It matched the big battery case and runs off normal Earth software. We can’t give you one of our phones. The neural implants are not human friendly and it’s advanced tech. And like the advanced nuclear power pack we’re using now, I’m taking it with me and that’s why you’ll need the giant car battery sized cart-bastard and the cable to run the one I’m giving you, that takes 36 hours to charge off a 110 volt outlet. Hey, sorry. Tell your scientists to stop cloning extinct wolves and get thorium on the market, and you can have a power cell the size of a thick pistol flashlight, like mine. But the plastic propellant rounds don’t need the Power cell anyway, so this can still be a great personal carry even without the laser blaster infinite ammo situation.”

  “No way this is legal.” he scoffed.

  “Yea Demo Mike mentioned that, so we looked into it and actually got these registered under a mountain of technicalities. Legally speaking, this is a faulty electronic, Forced reset trigger mounted in a flair-gun chambered in 7.62 Wildcat flair-only. All imported parts kit, that has been assembled in Arizona by ATFFU gunsmithing, which for legal reasons I do not own and neither does my clone. It comes with a crate of training flairs, and a because of this plastic tab here, this is not a 688 round magazine, this is 86 separate 8 round magazines that snap together for storage in this Glock-magazine shaped carrying case that does NOT fit the magazine well because this tab stops it, and no amount of pressing it with your thumb will ever break this tab by accident.”

  “And you’re definitely not single or anything?”

  “No, and I don’t fuck primates or accept new human pet refugees. The second part might be subject to change, the first part is not.”

  Malachi stood looking dazed and elated as he finished the last magazine of "training flairs" into the steel target, now full of glowing holes.

  “Man, I am so glad I signed the sketchy waver. I may never be able to carry a Glock again after this.”

  “Just remember you can’t get ammo made for this, so go sparingly, and when you do shoot it, be sure to make a video on Spooftube, link me in the Doogly-Doo and plug my channel. Oh, and that reminds me to thank our sponsor, the like-button, and First Contact Clothing, where you can get a neon green “Get Probed” T-shirt or beanie hat for 50% off using the promo code Asstastic. We’re no longer sponsored by Black Talon Energy Drinks. We gave them all to Demo Mike. Apparently he’ll just take anything free.”

  “Well that’s a wrap, I guess. I’m Malachi Mayson, it’s been a fantastic day at the range, we’d like to thank Gizzy, ATFFU, where you can get 50% off all flair-gun ammunition using my Promo code Buttstuvv…seriously?” he asked discreetly.

  “It’s on brand for your channel.” Gizzy shrugged.

  “Yea, kinda is. I backed right into that one. Well, we will see you back on Earth.”

  “We are legally filming in Arizona.”

  “Can’t wait to do more content with this thing. I’m gonna shoot so many garbage cans it’s unreal. So get a T-shirt and support, potentially, our new overlords!”

  “His joke idea, not mine.” Gizzy smiled to clarify, giving a thumbs-up to the camera.