Saying goodbye is never easy, even more when we know that we won’t meet again. Wishing to stop the tic toc of the clocks, drag those seconds, and frame those moments. And fail, letting the tears cloud those precious moments, letting sadness be the last thing we will remember of each other.

  Saying goodbye hurts, but it is worse to not have the opportunity to give a last farewell. The regret will gnaw at our souls for the rest of eternity, thinking about the endless futures that could never be. Leaving an open wound that we won’t ever be able to heal. Hurting endlessly, not only us, but those that remain around us.

  A goodbye can hurt, but it gives us closure.

  After my lesson with Prof. Quirrell I hurried to the basement, there was still an Astronomy class tonight, and I really didn’t want to wait for everyone in the cold astronomy tower.

  …

  Even after astronomy, I still couldn’t believe what Prof. Quirrell had told me. How could wizards accept living like that. Is it cause’ most wizards live reclused lives, and don’t really are affected by them or what.

  Is it the same way in the muggle world? There are so many things in my head that I don’t think I will be able to have a good sleep tonight.

  It is certainly a dreadful feeling, this pressure in my chest. I thought that being a wizard was incredible, but now I feel like a caged bird. Why do we learn if all our magic will be practically sealed once we graduate, do we learn magic just to do office work.

  Why would professions such as Mr. Scamander’s Magizoology be frowned upon like that. Is it just cause’ he doesn’t have a ‘practical’ use to his knowledge of magic beasts. It is certainly disheartening, knowing that even if I excel in my studies, once I leave the protection of Hogwarts I won’t be able to truly be free.

  Just like Charlize practically never uses her wand and live a normal life. If we do not have that many differences with regular muggles, why do we need to be separated from their world. From what I’ve heard Prof. Quirrell is a very honest man. What would he get lying to me. Maybe his years teaching muggle studies have taught him these truths. Most wizards today are muggles with wands.

  I barely slept enough, I hadn’t felt this disoriented in a long time. Maybe that’s why my mother never brought me to the wizarding world. The normal world may not be all colours and rainbows, at least the is still hope.

  “Hey J, mate what’s wrong with you.”

  I guess even my friends saw how knackered I was.

  “What’s gotten into you Solé, what is it that something that not even a good night of sleep can relieve you?.”

  “It’s nothing Ernie, I’m just trying to process what Prof. Quirrell told me.”

  “Did he do something to you James?.”

  “No, no, no. He ask me about my future.”

  “What’s the point of worrying about the future, we are here today and that’s all that matters.”

  “Thanks Justin.”

  I don’t really remember what I did today, I felt like a machine, just doing what I was told. I know that those aren’t things that I should be worrying about. So, what if the magic government were like that, I don’t plan to do anything illegal. I know that I won’t solve nothing fretting all day long.

  “James, can’t you tell us what exactly Prof. Quirrell told you, maybe we can help you.”

  “Hermione, when did you came?.”

  “Seriously James, I’ve been here for almost an hour, you’ve been brooding in a corner the entire time, what’s so serious that you don’t even notice us here.”

  “We can help you Jas.”

  “I’m sorry guys, it’s just…”

  I proceeded to narrate them my entire conversation with Prof. Quirrell, they were equally flabbergasted as I was, Erni said multiple times that it wasn’t that serious. Justin face went pale, I don’t think he expected the magic world to be like this. I don’t know what Hermione thought, she remained serious the entire time, she just listened. Hannah and Susan remained composed, but I could see that they were a little worried. Surprisingly, the only ones that didn’t really pay much thought to what I said were Wayne and Neville.

  Neville looked at me, one of the few time that I’ve seen him this calm.

  “Jas, the magic world isn’t perfect, but it isn’t rotten, my parents fought for it. I don’t think they would have fought for something that’s rotten. My Gran wouldn’t tell me to be proud if that was the case.”

  He was right, why did so many people fight against He-who-must-not-be-named. From what I’ve heard so many people died, they couldn’t have died if there wasn’t anything worth fighting for.

  “Neville is right James. And even if the magic world is that way, we can change it. You told us that you didn’t saw a point in our magic studies, but you are wrong, it is because we study that we have the responsibility to change everything that’s wrong.”

  “Thank you guys. You’re right, these aren’t things that we should be worrying about. Gosh! I feel like a fool, I wasted an entire day thinking about nothing. I don’t even remember what Professor Binns told us today.”

  Everyone laughed, but I know that my words have left a deep impression in them. Apart from feeling like the biggest fool in the entire world, I can’t help but think that I’ve tinted my friends view of the world.

  With the help of my friends, I was able to temporarily forget about those unnecessary things. But I felt really bad dumping my emotional baggage on them.

  Tonight, I ate like a starving monster, I don’t even remember how many servings I finished before everyone started staring at me. Once I noticed their shocked gazes, I calmed down, but I still had three more servings. I don’t know if I am just eating my worries away or if my dazed self didn’t eat enough today, but I certainly compensate for it.

  After dinner I walked slowly to Prof. Snape’s office. From all the possible places I could go, that was the last place I would go. But I still had to go. I’m not his favourite student, I don’t know if he even considers me a student and not just an eyesore in his class.

  And frankly speaking, he isn’t my favourite teacher either. He may be a Master Potion Maker, but he is a terrible teacher, he doesn’t care if we truly learn something. Yes maybe not everyone is as talented as he is, and to be honest having a Master in the art of Potion Making, teaching eleven year old children is certainly a little too much. But that doesn’t excuse his actions. Teaching requires patience, something he clearly doesn’t have.

  But I had to spend an entire hour alone with him. And complaining won’t really solve anything. Rushing to review and finish all today’s homework taught me that.

  ‘knock’ ‘knock’ ‘knock’

  “May I enter Professor Snape.”

  The door automatically opened up and I took that as permission to enter. His office clearly reflected Professor Snape’s whole vibe. It was dark, dimly lit, a little musky, but at the same time it was clean and well organized. I walked to his desk and greeted him.

  “Good night Prof. Snape, I’m sorry to intrude. I’m grateful to be able to receive your personal teaching tonight.”

  “Reserve your flattery for someone that cares Mr. Solé.”

  “It isn’t flattery professor.”

  “Humph, come here, let’s get done with this charade, the sooner we finish, the sooner you will leave my office. You may not believe but I don’t want to spend more time with you than what is strictly necessary.”

  “I believe you professor.”

  A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

  He stood up and took me to a little desk in the corner of his office, there were two buckets, one empty and one filled with frogs, in the desk was a knife. I have seen E.T. and knew how this will end for them and me. And worst of all, I couldn’t set them free like Elliott.

  “I hope you brought your protective gloves with you, I’ll need you to fill this bucket with frog brains, I believe the completion of such a simple task can be easily done even by a dunderhead. Don’t you think so Mr. Solé.”

  “Yes professor.”

  What could I say to him, and even if I didn’t want to do it, that didn’t mean that these frogs would be set free, from what I’ve read on my potions book, frog brains were a common ingredient in many potions. It would be hypocritical of me if I can’t do it if I wanted to continue learning the art of potion making. Even if a particular professor did everything in his power to falter my enthusiasm.

  So, after he gave me a demonstration, I started harvesting the lives of these poor creatures, I just hope that their sacrifice can become the fuel of a future Potion Master. It would be a shame if they died, just to become a failed potion, something to discard, reduced to garbage and the deduction of one or two points.

  …

  After what felt like an eternity, I finished with the last frog. My bucket of brains barely at the halfway point. I turned to ask Prof. Snape, if we were finished for today’s lesson. But what I saw left me flabbergasted.

  The man just stared into nothingness, in his hands a vial filled with an unknown black liquid.

  As if he had forgotten my presence in his office, he just continued staring into nothingness, his eyes were glazed, it seemed like he was at the brink of breaking down into tears. But he didn’t let the tears flow, he just stayed completely still. If you didn’t know better, you may think that he had died, but his soft and slow breathing signalled his presence among the living.

  There was pain in his eyes, a pain that I knew. It was loss, but his was deeper, it was tainted with regret, powerlessness and a profound sense of self-loathing.

  I didn’t know what had happened to him. But whatever it was, he was suffering.

  …

  “Are you okay professor?.”

  “Sadly for you, I’m perfectly fine Mr. Solé.”

  He returned to his usual self, as if nothing had happened. But I knew that what I saw really happened.

  “I thought you were going to cry.”

  “Oh, Mr. Solé the only thing that would make me cry would be your poor performance. The damage that you have done to those poor brains, it would surprise me if one tenth of them are usable.”

  “I’m sorry professor, I just…”

  “Just what Mr. Solé, just wanted to inquire in my personal matters. Matters that do not concern you in the slightest.”

  “Just wanted to lend a helping hand, my mom always told me to help those around me.”

  “Your stupid mother should have told you not to stick your nose in things that shouldn’t concern you.”

  How can there be people like him, I was just worried about him. I’m not a senseless prick like him, when you see someone going trough something the least one can do is lend a helping hand or just hear them. But this snothead doesn’t deserve my concern.

  “Well, excuse me for not being an emotionless fool. You are right, I shouldn’t care what’s going on with you, I just wanted to be polite. But you won’t talk about my mother like that, you didn’t know her, so shut your mouth or else…”

  “Or else what Black, what will you do. Do you think that just because Dumbledore pays attention to you, you can talk like that to a teacher, for talking back to a teacher fifty points from Hufflepuff.”

  “I don’t care about points, we at Hufflepuff don’t pursue useless things like glory or honour, we value friendship and loyalty. Things that a bloody loner like you won’t understand.”

  “Fifty Points from Hufflepuff!”

  “C’mon, I think there are some points left, why don’t you continue?.”

  “You’re such a stupid mutt, you are just like your father, so I must assume that your stupidness comes from your mother.”

  “SHUT UP!”

  “Or what, will you go cry to Dumbledore, ‘Headmaster, the bad teacher doesn’t pamper and cuddle me’, grow up Black, not everyone will be like your stupid mother.”

  “Shut up… please…”

  “You are an ignorant prat, don’t ever talk to me like that. Because unlike you, I really can deliver on my threats.”

  “So, what will you do professor, kill me just because I told the truth. That you are a loner, that you won’t ever know love, that you don’t deserve love. Unlike you I did have and have love. You call my mother stupid, but the only stupid one here is you. Maybe you knew my father, but you didn’t know her. She was an angel, she gave me love and happiness every single moment that we spent together. Meanwhile you, you will remain in this dark hole for the rest of your life. I don’t know and really don’t want to know what happened to you. But I hope that it haunts you till the end of time, to never get the forgiveness that your eyes desire, that even in death you continue to suffer for eternity. Because even if you kill me, hex me or curse me I don’t care. I still will have more than you could ever have.”

  Silence flooded the office, his deep and penetrating eyes were locked on me. A deep rage boiled inside of them. But when I was getting ready for whatever he had in store for me, but he did nothing. He slowly composed himself, burying the hatred he had for me deep within his eyes, he turned back and returned to his desk.

  “Get out”

  Just two words, but those words carried a deep chill in them. Just two simple words, but they harboured a deep hatred and fury in the calmness of the tone in which he pronounced them, like whisper, but resounded in my head like a distant thunder.

  I didn’t need his command, I was already walking towards the door anyways. I slammed the door with all my strength and just started walking aimlessly. I didn’t know if it was already time for the curfew. And honestly, I didn’t care. I just needed to walk, to breath and forget what had just happened. I swear to God; this would be the first and last time I was alone with that bloody moron.

  I didn’t really notice it but I had stumbled to the third floor, I entered an abandoned classroom. I just wanted a place to calm myself, and I didn’t want to be caught by Mr. Filch. God forbids, they put me in real detention, I will kill myself if they put me with the old bat once again.

  The classroom was dilapidated, clearly it hadn’t been used in ages. I found an open space amidst all the desks and chairs that were piled up inside and pulled a cloth that was perched in what I thought was a plank. I put the cloth on the floor and just sprawled myself in the cold stone,

  I really wanted to cry, Bill said that I didn’t cry when mom died, but he doesn’t know how much I really cried alone in my bed. Even if she told me that we will meet again, I couldn’t and still can’t really believe it. Sometimes I think that I’m just lying to myself, and should just accept that she’s gone, and won’t see her never again.

  But deep inside, I just wish that to be true. I wish to meet her once again, tell her that I love her. That she was my world, that she still is my world. Tell her about the friend that I’ve made, the places that I knew, I just wanted to hear her voice once again.

  I took the J-max from my sling bag, put on the headphones, and listened to her voice. I couldn’t help myself from crying. Why do people like her have to go, while jerks like Prof. Snape remained. I curled up trying to remember her warmth, those days that we spent playing around. Why did she have to go. Why did she leave me. Did she really love me.

  …

  Her song, played on repeat, I know she loved me, because I loved her. Because to this day I still could feel her warmth deep inside my heart.

  After a while I calmed myself my eyes were stinging. But my anger had subsided, I shouldn’t care about his opinion, I barely knew him. He didn’t know anything about me or her. I shouldn’t hate him; I will pity him. He will continue suffering, never knowing peace.

  I really didn’t know what time it was, but it should still be Friday. I didn’t keep track of time, but I went to his office at seven thirty. So, I think it isn’t even time for the curfew. I decided to go back to the basement or maybe go to the abandoned classroom that we use as a base.

  After I stood up, I dusted myself and picked up the piece of cloth that I had used. What I thought was a plank or an old table was a mirror.

  It looked very ancient, not like any mirror I had seen before, very ornate like those antiques in the museum, it’s feet were like claws and it’s frame was made of gold, in it there were some letters that frankly seemed like gibberish ‘Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi’.

  There was nothing in it, just a simple mirror. It was strange, leaving a mirror like this one here in an abandoned classroom. It seemed very valuable, it clearly didn’t belong here. I tried seeing what was special about it.

  My eyes focused on my reflection, and it slowly started to distort itself. I saw myself aged, an old man, with hazy eyes, long white beard and an equally long hair. I saw myself in a bed, surrounded by many people, faces distorted, some at times they resembled my muggle friends, and at times they resembled my new friends, I saw them leaving one by one. Until I remained alone in the bed. The old man in the mirror stood up, walked up to me and waved, as if saying goodbye. The mirror started distorting itself once again, but this time it reflected me, and beside me stood another old man. I clearly recognized him. He was Headmaster Dumbledor.

  “An amazing mirror isn’t it”

  He talked, but the reflections in the mirror shouldn’t produce sound, or the old me would have talked to me instead of just waving me off. I turned myself and I saw him. Professor Dumbledore in the flesh, sporting a mischievous grin in his face.

  “Good night Professor Dumbledore.”

  “Good night James, my boy. What do you think of the Mirror of Erised.”

  “An amazing mirror indeed, does it project the future?.”

  “Oh, no, no, no. It isn’t that incredible. If you read this carefully you will understand what it does.”

  He pointed to the jargon that was inscribed in the frame of the mirror, but he pointed to the las word, so I tried reading it backwards [I show not your face but your heart’s desire].

  “So, it only shows my desire, I thought that it showed the future.”

  “Oh, why do you think so, what did you saw boy?.”

  “I saw myself, but I was old. I laid down in a bed surround by many people, some resembled my muggle friends, some resembled the friends I made here at Hogwarts and there were some that I couldn’t recognize, it seemed warm, but everyone left me, at the end it was only me in the bed, and then the me in the reflection stood up, and said goodbye. Then I saw you, and you startled me.”

  Professor Dumbledore just chuckled and patted my shoulder.

  “What an incredible desire James, but you shouldn’t think that they left you. They just continued with their journey, just like your old self. He was ready to continue with his journey and bade you farewell.”

  “I hadn’t thought about it like that.”

  “Remember James, Death is not the end…”

  “It’s just the beginning of a new journey. That’s what my mom always said.”

  “Your mother was a wise woman James, I would have liked meeting her.”

  “I do too professor, but I’ll met her at the end of my journey. We made a promise.”

  “I believe she will wait for you boy, but you shouldn’t make your friend wait for you now.”

  “Thanks professor”

  After he said that I stormed out off that abandoned classroom and ran to our base.

  There were all my friends, even Dean and Seamus whom I didn’t share that much time with. Everyone was chin-wagging and lazing around. I felt a fire in my heart, I knew that it was happiness.