Chapter 178

  William frowned, took off his shoes, and approached the moving water and those little waves. The breeze was gentle, and the constant sound of water was amazing.

  Walking on the sand barefoot felt strange, but not uncomfortable, nor pleasant, nor as different as very dry farm lands, or grass. It was more like dirt filled with bits of bones, ants, and who knows what else, all around and below his feet.

  As he walked, a small wave washed the sand away, proving the ocean was real and not a poison. It had been a while since he felt this sort of water.

  His mind blanked for a moment, cherishing this once-in-a-lifetime moment for as long as he could.

  Only a couple of waves felt enough, but soon, a figure appeared on his right side, stomping her bare feet into water and wet sand and splashing around like a lunatic.

  “This is fun, isn’t it?” she asked while quenching her fists in unknown thoughts. She wanted to say or do something else, or visit a better place, but she wasn’t accustomed to this at all.

  *I guess it is too early for me. He is equally clueless as me, but... I don’t know... Maybe this isn’t so bad.* She scowled inside, as her current situation was partly her fault anyway, and William had no time to think about unnecessary ideas. Not today. Maybe not for a very long time.

  He was clearly a Walker, so she had to think about it from that perspective.

  “I like this place,” William added, watching the ocean and stars.

  “Technically, it isn’t a place, but the Federation is. I know for a fact there are many islands out there devoid of the darkness and Dawn. My dream is to live my old years on one such island. Fine. Old. In peace. Maybe when the peace is here again, in a land untouched by people and monsters, it doesn’t sound melodramatic, right?”

  “Sounds lonely.”

  “Yeah? Maybe I wouldn’t be alone.” She asserted and hid her fluster.

  “Oh, you mean like a colonist?”

  “Something like that. The world is big, and where to start after everything is done and over is kind of formidable and questionable. Maybe it is not even real; it is more like a dream. Not worth mentioning.”

  “I think dreaming is nice.”

  “Better be a realist than a sick fool,” Ellie added and released her fists. “By the way, have you calmed down after what Kaufman did to you? Had he...”

  “... he did nothing to me. He even gave me his card back and talked to both of us for many hours. I don’t hold deep grudges easily, but I won’t... forgive him either. Slap for a slap. That is my motto. Unfortunately for me, he is one of the freakiest high-rank Walker there is, so what am I supposed to think? He even warned me that more pain is coming and that people might come and chew at me too. Why? I know what is coming, and I think they are right, but what of these tests? Walkers are sick, Emblem related, and those books...”

  William became slightly agitated as he recalled those terrible feelings again.

  Ellie sighed. “Forget it for now. You will get Walkers and yourself in time, and you shouldn’t feel bad about these people. Usually. Maybe you shouldn’t trust everyone... Yeah. That sounds about right and forced. Right. Sorry.”

  William glanced at her dubious face; Ellie must know more Walkers than he did, so her words must have their point.

  Putting his arm into his pocket, he picked up that priceless card and held it to the sky.

  “Kaufman is a stranger to me. He wanted me to go with him or be under him, and for what or where? I refused him, and he gave me this, and today, he was... I was dumb, maybe?”

  Ellie was getting irritated, so she stepped forward and pinched his shoulder. “I say don’t worry about that!”

  “But Kaufman!”

  “What Kaufman? Who cares about him?”

  “I do? You do?”

  “By job and seniority, but you are you and you do what is right for you. If it is not right, do it right, or get some darn help. You are young. Do you even knew what waited for you in the Federation? No. You never knew. You were tossed here and almost forgotten out there.”

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  She gave him a long look, and he didn't answer back.

  “Thought so.” She said victoriously.

  William lowered his card and looked at the waves. “It is my ticket and key, but I don’t know what it brings or where it ends. You are right. I am young and stupid and clueless. Just what have I expected? What sort of life I can have or deserve?”

  “Can I suggest something?” Ellie strongly assessed and touched his shoulder.

  William looked into her firm eyes and listened to her voice. “Start from blank page and think of the past as a prologue. Maybe read it from time to time, and don’t think. Act. Learn. Speak. Grow. Only then you will get some steps. It is about life. Outside might not teach that. Maybe even the Federation doesn’t do that. People do.”

  William was speechless and didn’t even know why. Did it feel right to decide about his path and life in this place? What did Dann use to say...

  “You are a Walker, William. They can decide what they do later many times over, whereas their Emblem is fuel of these choices. I don’t think worries are as warranted as doubts, but many of them can be good. Means you think.” Ellie kept the remaining words in her throat.

  His world would be different from hers, but who is to say she couldn’t accompany him if she was brave enough or watch him closely?

  She wasn’t wrong about anything she said.

  Alas, she hadn’t told him everything tonight.

  As they spent a few moments below a starry sky, the ocean felt nice, and it cemented and mended some of their worries. William nodded and tossed that card back into his pocket.

  “Thank you...” was his only answer to her.

  He couldn’t decide about the rest. Perhaps he shouldn’t. Forced Awakening and those upper floors had too much to show and give. While running around blindly had very little reasoning, running away was not possible.

  Ellie wasn’t ready to share all of her feelings, if even some. Whatever they were, time might show them up later.

  Ellie couldn’t touch on any subject and returned her hand. “I am going home, Will. Goodnight. Can you go back on your own? I am not that far from home, so...”

  “I can.” Looking at the sky, they departed.

  William stood in the water alone, thankful for her help and words. Her lectures were impactful at the beginning, and perhaps even more now, as he was learning and growing at a rapid pace. He couldn’t even imagine what it would be like if he didn’t have Ellie by his side.

  Taking a deep breath, he walked back to his home with heavy steps, unbeknown that there might be people watching him all the time, fearful, apprehensive, hopeful, and thinking about why this brat was marked by Kaufman. Or it might be about something else.

  A lot of mysteries lie in the mist of the distant past, or right there, waiting on this beach, and soon walking away.

  A certain individual was waiting for William. Perhaps she could answer a lot more questions than a young girl pushed into a very tough world because she felt like it.

  William felt the breeze hitting his face but not his steps. Even if the ocean and stars left their mark, his mind was somewhere else—or trying to be.

  It was nothing too terrible, even if wishes of going even further were not so far after all. Everything major was closing in, and Ellie said so and had done so much more than she even assumed. William felt it until the gravity of his situation and this land hit him.

  Was it fine?

  Could he remain as is?

  After a hectic day of pain, lectures, and getting to know Ellie a little better, seeing that library or his life together were two distinct concepts.

  One wasn't in his grasp, even if it was literally there. The other was partly in his pocket and wandering away from him.

  He should feel confident. Not everyone survived what he did. Thinly in his mind, he held conviction, but it was cracked or misplaced and wrong. Thinking about being normal and abnormal at the same time felt about right. Yeah. IT wa wrong.

  It was a weird acceptance that was borderline traumatic because of his shaky memories. The Walkers were chaotic!

  They shouldn’t be, for as much as they could be, that was who they were.

  The Federation was also not normal. No matter what he looked at, this was not his home.

  Dawn was the terrifying discovery. Most secrets, even more so, considering all those materials and stuff he had yet to read. But watching oh so many Darks out there wasn’t about reading. William saw them.

  Dark hunts dreams and reality alike. Running away came to his mind again. It wasn’t a point he wished to cross or touch.

  He wasn't as emotional or lost, though if it mattered, calming down was probably not the kind of help he was waiting for. Here, things that could help him have changed.

  Or he did.

  William was quite enduring underneath all that roughness and willingness to go do something new or old. He relied on getting used to stuff quickly. It was better that way, but tell that to a kid who never got used to catching the distant hand of his mother that never left and never came closer.

  At least he was good at overcoming odd difficulties, thanks to his colorful life. Outside was wilder than these buildings, so he felt he should acclimate to it right away. He did not, but again, everything was yet to show all of its fangs. Outside was the same.

  There was no doubt that everything new would eventually arrive. It always did. He will become a Walker, even if he doesn't particularly like it.

  At these moments, when his mind messed with him, there were doubts and more anxiety than normal. A change of heart was likely, too, but he wasn't a liar.

  If he decided on something, he would see through it in pain and suffering or madness because that was a Walker's path. Bizarre, dangerous, dark, and fatal, or completely unavoidable. The future might be ignorant like the past, messy like the present, or worse than the rest combined.

  And right now, a couple of things mattered much more than others.

  He should get his shit together.

  His steps quickened, and there was no blood drenching anywhere. No wind, whispers, or noises were close, though his Emblem was very much open and enjoying the breeze, and certainly no ghosts or shadows of people or things around it.

  William walked until he reached a familiar building complex, which housed his fourth day. Moonlight kept the streets lit, with most light coming from lamps on many corners.

  He wondered why they were bright if there weren’t people on the streets. It wasn’t much of a problem; it was a luxurious street, and Ellie talked about it.

  Mi-Yung must be someone very important.

  And she was waiting for him.