Ode to Madeline: We Hunt Demons

  “Do you believe in Hell, Mrs. Balcom?” Laura asked, snapping me out of a trance.

  “W-well… Yes, I do. I was raised in a church orphanage, after all,” I nodded.

  “I see. If the Underworld really exists, do you think monsters live there?” She said, staring at the ash piles on the image. “Do you believe in demons, Mrs. Balcom?”

  “I am really sorry, Ms… Barak,” I replied. “I failed to see my involvement in all of this. First, you told me about the Triad massacre. Then, you asked me about mythic creatures like ‘demons’? It’s absurd, no matter how you look at it!”

  “Worry not, Mrs. Balcom. We came to you for a reason. That’s because years ago, your family was killed by the very same person who wiped out the Triad.” Laura handed me a file. It was my family’s death records.

  “It… It wasn’t a demon,” I gripped the paper. “It was a robbery!”

  “Yet the evidence suggests otherwise,” Laura turned to Luke. “Luke and I scouted your old house and the diner for months, and we found burn marks, brutal mutilation of victims, and wanton destruction. It wasn’t unlike the Triad case. In fact, it was very similar.”

  “It could’ve been anyone!” I shouted. “Like a serial killer! Or a… a psycho murderer!”

  “Hmm…” Her eyebrows scrunched. “Why are you refusing to give us the truth? YOUR truth. You saw him, didn’t you? The audio file suggests the killer was rather… unstable. I can hardly believe that you’ve never heard him speak, shout, or go on deranged tangents.”

  “Who ARE you?” I accidentally bit my lip. “Demons don’t exist! They don’t! Unless you—”

  “Luke, show her, please.”

  Luke scrolled through the laptop. His eyes glinted as he found something. He turned the laptop toward me and clicked play.

  It was camera footage, showing a warehouse filled with people. On top of the ceiling, a man was… floating. Oh, no. It was Mr. BP.

  “A man was captured on security cams just yesterday, causing mass hysteria in a Costco warehouse. He looked human, but we assume otherwise,” Luke shrugged.

  I was visibly trembling now. “But… But… I…”

  “And what’s this?” Luke pointed to a person. “A woman was yelling at the floating man. She had light-brown hair and wore a beige dress. She matched your description. Mrs. Balcom, was this you?”

  Nonononono… I’m absolutely FUCKED! SHIT!

  “Nooooo… Why would you think that? Ahaha!” I laughed, knowing my fate was sealed.

  “I apologize, Mrs. Balcom. We didn’t mean to make you nervous. However, people have been missing in your area. Costco recorded a purchase history with your card number. And your floor. What happened to it?” Laura pointed to where Mr. BP fell the other day.

  “I… I… I fell! I was carrying a heavy box!” I smiled.

  “Have you made contact with ‘him’?” Laura asked. “The demon who killed your family? Among many other.”

  “No, no, no! I do not trust you! And I will NOT be questioned further!” I stood up from my chair. “Not unless you TELL ME who you are!”

  “I did. We are government agents.”

  “No! Who do you WORK for? An organization?” I took a step back.

  Laura glanced at Luke, who nodded in response. She sighed and stood up. Then, she pulled out her badge, showing it to me.

  “Demons. They do exist. And they’re everywhere, endangering our lives. To maintain order and peace, mankind requires a line of defense against these otherworldly threats,” she bowed. “We are that line of defense.”

  “We are the Bureau.”

  “What?” I thought out loud.

  “The Bureau, an international association of more than 50,000 members worldwide, comprising the world’s top scientists, strongest weaponry, and countless military-trained agents on the field. We only have one goal. We hunt demons.”

  “I can’t… What?” I was stunned.

  But the doorbell snapped me awake, again. “Ding, dong!”

  Then, a loud knocking came. “HEY! HEY! Madeline! I got a WHOLE-ASS crate of BALLOONS and CANDLES out here! Open the door!”

  Oh, fuck.

  Laura glanced over to Luke, who raised two fingers. He began… chanting?

  “Anima Florem: Chameleon.”

  And they disappeared into thin air. WAIT, WAIT! Excuse me, WHAT?

  “LADY MADELINE!” Mr. BP was knocking louder. “Can you hear me? Damn, is she not home?”

  I turned the knob, preparing to run out and shut the door behind me. But Mr. BP just sprang through like a feral rabbit. “Hey, hey, hey! Whuddup, Madeline? Ya missed me?” He set the crate down.

  “No, I didn’t!” I leaned in and whispered. “Please, whatever you do, don’t take your—”

  But he already did, grabbing his human mask and ripping it off, revealing his grotesque, goat-like skull head with horns and sharp teeth.

  Ahem. I’d like to take a minute to pray to our lord Jesus Christ, please. He is very kind, and he is sure to give us salvation. So, with all my love to Jesus, please, please…

  KILL ME RIGHT NOW!

  “AAAARRGGGHHHH!!!” I pulled my hair. “WHY? OH, WHY? BP, WE ARE DOOMED!”

  “Why?”

  A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

  “THEY are here!”

  “Who?”

  Then, from behind him, a current of electricity flashed in the distance. It resembled a blade, like an axe blade? It was getting closer. I blinked, and the blade was swiping right past his skull!

  But Mr. BP caught it with two fingers.

  “Aaaahh… I knew I noticed that PECULIAR smell,” he chuckled. “Hehehehe… SO, the DOGS have come out to PLAY.”

  “Don’t move.” That was Laura’s voice, but where is she?

  But I didn’t have to wait long. Like a mist dispelled, Laura’s red hair came into view. “Finally, we meet…”

  “... Menace of Hell.”

  “Yo, Madeline, you might wanna stand back,” he turned to me.

  But from the far distance, I saw a gleam of metal. It emitted a ringing sound, blasting away hailstorms of dust in its path straight at us. “WATCH OUT!”

  Mr. BP swooped down to dodge the incoming projectile, kicking Laura away. Dust blew in my face. I coughed in disbelief. What was that?! I barely managed to dodge it as it shattered the window behind me.

  As the dust slowly dissolved, two silhouettes came into view. Laura was holding a freakishly massive axe with an equally long handle, with red lightning sparking around its blade. Luke was holding… nothing. But I’m sure he just threw something at us. They might be invisible.

  “Soooooo… Y’all found me!” Mr. BP waved hello. “Who gave you my location, Bureau? Was it Madeline?”

  But they didn’t say a word. I blinked once. And when I opened my eyes, they were gone.

  A flurry of dust alerted me to turn around, but they were already behind us.

  “Anima Florem,” Laura mumbled. “Cerise Thunder.”

  The impact was vast, sending crackles of red thunder in every direction. White flashed in my eyes as I was blasted across the hallway. Oww… It hurt! Shit! I think I ripped my dress! But Mr. BP was nowhere to be seen. I sprinted to the door. And neither Mr. BP, Laura, nor Luke was there! Where are they?!

  Then, I looked up. Oh, no.

  A huge BP-sized hole was punctured through the ceiling to the roof.

  ☆☆☆

  “An AIR BATTLE!” I yelled. “MARVELOUS, BUREAU!”

  But this annoying woman just whizzed straight at me without even responding! I dodged it, of course, while falling gracefully at 666km/hour.

  “HEY! SAY SOMETHING!” I shouted. “Make this worth my time!”

  Hmmm… The woman had red lightning. It’s a pretty rare Soul Magic, but it’s a bit showy to me. Actually, I’m gonna try getting hit.

  I didn’t have to wait long. She zipped behind me, and immediately swung her big-ass axe at my side, smashing my skull. The impact launched me to the stratosphere.

  I ascended to the heavens, and honestly, it was a bit underwhelming. She could hit a little harder…

  “HEY, WOMAN!” I called to her. “HIT ME WHERE IT HURTS! DAMN IT!”

  Heh. That must have made her mad. Veins were popping on her forehead, and she wasted no time pummeling me with an overhead swing. “Boom!” The impact sent my ass to the ground at SONIC SPEED, splitting the earth asunder. But you know? I didn’t mind. Finally, she showed some progress!

  “Nice! Good!” I swiped the dirt off my Gucci coat. “Now, where’s the guy?”

  Then, I heard chanting behind me. “Anima Florem: Split Tongue.”

  A sticky tentacle wrapped me tight. Disgusting! And I realized it was actually a tongue. DISGUSTING!

  The woman bolted toward me with thunder trailing behind her. And before I knew it, she struck my neck with an elegant horizontal swing. Stray lightning crackled in the air.

  Eh, it didn’t work, but I appreciate the effort.

  “Hey, hey, fellas! Haha…” I chuckled. “You gotta hit me where it hurts! C’mon!”

  But she ignored me. AGAIN!

  “Anima Florem: Thunder Cyclone,” she whispered, raising her axe to the sky.

  The sky turned dark, and the clouds huddled around above me. I’mma guess this is her ultimate attack.

  The air swirled. They spun and spun like cotton candy until they looked like a mini fan. Cute. Then, her axe sent forth a surge of energy toward the mini-fan cyclone. The earth ruptured once more as the biggest burst of lightning embraced me in a thunderous hug. It electrified me all over, every bones and nerves were fried to perfection. Geez, this feels quite nice, like sitting in a bathtub with a toaster plugged in.

  But I’m still alive, baby! Just a few smokes and there.

  “Hehehehe…” I laughed. “Nice! I gotta give you props, Bureau! You sent some okay fighters this time around. I was expecting even less, but you proved to me that you are SLIGHTLY MORE than less! Your performance was four out of ten at best, but not abysmal!”

  I easily snapped out of the tongue hold, punching the woman with SONIC SPEED! She didn’t block it in time, so she was sent flying through the air. The dust made a shuffling sound, so I dropped down, spun my leg counter-clockwise, and swept the man off his feet. He was invisible! Of course! I couldn’t see him ‘cuz of it! But after I threw a barrage of fists at him, he shifted to visibility.

  He scurried back to the woman’s body hanging from a tree. Hohohoho… What weaklings!

  “Alright, so even though your fighting was subpar,” I made a thumbs-down. “I’ve decided to grace you with 0.00000001% of my power! Rejoice! Your DEATH WILL BE TEN OUT OF TEN!”

  I slowly floated up for dramatic flair. Of course, we gotta look down before stepping on insects. Their eyes widened in horror, sweating and gasping for air. The sky shone light on my muscular physique as I raised two fingers.

  Ready?

  “Anima Florem…”

  “H—”

  “I’M UNHAPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!”

  WAS THAT MADELINE? NO, MADELINE! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

  ☆☆☆

  Mr. BP burned in agony, shouting every letter of the alphabet. I sprinted to Laura and Luke, blood pouring from the horrifying wounds as they struggled to breathe.

  “Nononono! I’m so sorry! Do you guys need any medicine? I have some back inside—”

  “Argh… Argh! Mrs. Balcom, don’t worry! I’ve already called for an emergency team. These injuries are quite common in our work,” Luke tried smiling, but flinched at the pain.

  “But… But…”

  “I don’t know how you got that demon under control, Mrs. Balcom,” Luke said, making a thumbs-up. “But thank you for doing it.”

  “No! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! It’s… It’s my fault for not trusting you! I should’ve… I should’ve told you about him! I… I…”

  “Ma’am, do you trust us now?” Laura said, slumping against a tree and clutching her axe.

  “Yes! Yes. Yes, I do.”

  “He’s burning with… white flame?” Laura stared at Mr. BP. “Huh, is that your Soul Magic?”

  “My what?” I puzzled.

  “Well, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that he seems to be under control.” She stood up and walked to me.

  “Can we TRUST you to keep the demon in check until we return?” She asked, blood trailing from her mouth.

  “Yes! Yes. I will do my best!” I replied.

  “Good. We’ll be in touch. And don’t worry about the damage. We’ll send maintenance.”

  After an hour or so, black armoured vehicles pulled up to the scene. They helped Laura and Luke on stretchers and drove away. I hope they will be okay.

  I dragged Mr. BP’s burned corpse back inside the house, ready to teach him a very, very painful lesson.