The weekend was over before I knew it and the school week started up again. My weekend was spent cleaning Sasaki-san’s apartment, teaching her how to use her dishwasher and undry machine, and studying. That annoying gyaru took up more of my time than I ever dreamed she would, but at least she wasn’t groping me anymore.

  Unfortunately, I promised to help her out with her crush on my friend from junior high, Sato-san. Even though I said I would help, I had absolutely no clue how I would go about doing that. Sure, Sato-san was my friend, but it would be weird for a girl who had no romantic intent to ask a guy about what kind of girls they liked. Misunderstandings were bound to arise if I asked questions that were obviously meant to gauge his romantic interests. People were already shipping us together and I didn’t want to feed into their strange delusions.

  Back in junior high, Sato-san and I were best friends along with Aoi-chan. There were never any romantic undertones or advances, we just enjoyed each other’s company. He would come over to help me with the chores because he wanted to make things easier for Mom. When I fell and twisted my ankle in P.E, he carried me to the nurse’s office and then helped me get home after school. When I struggled on my English exams, he helped me study.

  Even though a lot of girls would have fallen for him, I never felt anything more than friendship for him. Aoi-chan hung out with us too and she never felt like he was crushing on me. However, he was still a teenage boy, and if I tried to gauge his feelings, he may have gotten the wrong idea. No matter how kind and thoughtful he was, I didn’t want to be in a retionship with him, or anyone.

  Romance wasn’t something I liked. Many girls my age were obsessed with finding a guy and falling in love, and most would be utterly disappointed when their first love turned out to be a failure. To me, it was all a foolish effort to find someone to fulfill a perceived societal expectation that women needed a man to be happy. That’s not to say it was an explicit effort, but it certainly pyed a role in a lot of romances.

  Hormones were running rampant in teens, it’s only natural that they would look for an emotional connection. However, the pressure to be in a retionship or to be looking for love constantly was an exhausting prospect. The st thing I wanted was some guy to take my attention away from the things that truly mattered.

  As, there was another reason teenagers looked for retionships: sex. Teenagers were hormonal beings, and that meant that most of them were horny out of their minds. Some people wanted a purely carnal retionship, uncaring about any deeper emotional connection. Then there were those who were waiting for the person that they loved. All that meant was that they would put out whenever they found that love, which would inevitably end before they graduated. Some people were even more traditional, vowing to keep their virginity until marriage, despite having sexual urges. It was an admirable thought, if a bit presumptuous on their part.

  And then there were people like me, that had absolutely no interest in that world. That’s not to say I had zero sexuality, but I wasn’t interested in indulging myself for momentary pleasure. Taking a lesson from my mother’s mistakes, I swore off any kind of intimacy. If I wanted to make a better life than the one my mother had, I needed to avoid falling into the same pitfalls that halted any kind of personal ambition.

  “Earth to Sayaka-chan!” My thoughts were interrupted by Aoi-chan’s shrill tone.

  “Sorry, my mind was elsewhere. Good morning, Aoi-chan.”

  Aoi-chan got up close to my face as if to inspect it for signs of damage. “Are you feeling alright? It’s not like you to zone out like that.”

  “Can you move back a little? I’m fine, just a bit tired.” It’s not like I could tell her the actual reason for my unusual behavior.

  “Uh-huh. You always go to bed at ten and you wake up at the same time every morning, excuse me for not believing your weak excuse.” She immediately called me out for my awful dismissive answer.

  “Ugh, fine. Do you know if Sato-san has a girlfriend?”

  “Not that I know of. Why? Have you finally started to go through puberty?” Aoi-chan seemed to think it was unbelievable that I would fall in love. She was right, of course, but I found it interesting, nonetheless.

  “I’m not asking for myself. A girl asked if he was seeing anyone, and I got curious. We don’t really do the love talk thing so the subject never seems to come up, and it would be more awkward if I asked him.”

  “Asked him what?” Sato-san appeared out of nowhere behind us to make our conversation even more awkward than before.

  Thinking on my feet, I spouted the best excuse I could come up with. “Ugh. Like I was telling Aoi-chan, some girl asked me if you were dating anyone, and I didn’t know what to tell her since we never discuss that stuff. I asked Aoi-chan because I figured you would get the wrong idea if I asked you outright.”

  “Oh! So that’s what it was! To answer your question, I’m not dating anyone. Don’t worry, I know you well enough to know you don’t have those feelings. So, who was it that asked you of all people? Most girls keep trying to pair you and I together so it’s odd for someone to ask you about my retionship status.” He was more understanding than I initially gave him credit for. I felt a bit silly for overthinking as much as I did, but I still felt justified in my initial thoughts.

  “They probably figured out that we’re just friends and thought that I would know you better than most. Out of continued curiosity, do you even like anyone? Don’t boys drool over pretty girls or something?”

  “Hmm… I don’t particurly like anyone more than I would consider normal. Most girls see me as the perfect nice guy so I’m always receiving love letters, but I’ve never given it much thought.” Sato-san was surprisingly open about his emotions and retionship goals.

  “Seriously? So, you never once considered asking Sayaka-chan out?” Aoi-chan, apparently, couldn’t comprehend our shared romantic disinterest for each other.

  “Huh? No way. Tanaka-chan is my friend, I’ve never thought of her in that way. Besides, even if I had considered asking her out, it would just be a waste of time since she doesn’t want to date anyone.”

  “At least you’re smart enough to figure that out. Do you have a type or anything at least? Don’t boys have the ideal girl they want to marry or something?”

  “Hmm… I’m not sure, maybe someone I can be myself with and not worry about living up to unrealistic expectations.” He was more like me than he wanted to admit.

  “That’s reasonable, I suppose… Romance is so confusing. None of it makes any sense and it goes against all logic. Why is it a forlorn hope to find someone who accepts you for who you are and nothing more? You romantic people are a strange lot.”

  Before either of my friends could rebut my remarks, we split up to go to our desks and homeroom began. Sasaki-san looked over at me occasionally, trying to gauge how my conversation with Sato-san went. She probably would’ve been disappointed with the result but there wasn’t much I could do about it. If she truly liked him, then she would need to find a way to get him to look at her differently. She asked me to learn more about what he liked; she said nothing about training her to be the perfect girl for him. Even if she had asked that, it’s not like I could teach her to be an accepting person.

  The awkward day had only just begun for me, much to my dismay. Most days, I ate lunch with Aoi-chan, with Sato-san joining us a few times a week. However, having spent a whole evening at my house must’ve made Sasaki-san believe we were friends. Fortunately, Sato-san was eating with his other friends when she walked over to where Aoi-chan and I were eating outside.

  “Would you mind if I joined you for lunch?” She asked with all the feigned confidence of a typical gyaru.

  “Huh!?” Aoi-chan was visibly taken aback by the question. She dismissed my opinion of not judging others based on rumors and viewed Sasaki-san in an unfair negative light.

  “Sure, go ahead.” I replied emotionlessly. The reason I agreed was purely selfish: I wanted to know what she wanted.

  “Thanks.” She sat down and awkwardly ate her convenience store fruit sandwich. It was obvious that she hadn’t thought about what to say if we agreed.

  “...So, are you two close now? Did you become friends since you sit near each other?” Aoi-chan stared in disbelief at the scene in front of her.

  “We’re neighbors.” My response was short and to the point. It was best not to go into unnecessary detail about our interactions.

  “She’s helped me out with cleaning and such a few times since I’m hopeless. Her mom and I get along really well too!” The gyaru act must have been tiring for her to keep up, especially since I knew that she was a shy, awkward girl at heart.

  “Ah. Well, that expins it. Knowing her mother, you would be the type to get along with her. But that doesn’t really expin why you want to hang out with us at school.” Aoi-chan was on high alert, wary of Sasaki-san’s alleged succubus-like charms.

  “What’s so strange about me wanting to hang out with my new friend?”

  “Uh-huh. Sayaka, why is she really here?” Aoi-chan immediately called Sasaki-san’s bluff.

  “Remember what I told you earlier? She has a crush on Sato-san and wants to become a better person for him or something. I don’t really get it, but that’s not new for me.” It was easier to just come out with the truth than trying to dance around the issue. Sasaki-san may not have liked it, but I just saved us all some time.

  “Hey! Why’d you tell her that? Now she’s going to bb and ruin my chances with Sato-san!” Such a one-minded idiot she was.

  “Is that why you were asking Sato-san all those questions this morning!? Ugh. Why would you even agree to help!? Do you not care about Sato-san at all?” Aoi-chan was staunchly opposed to a gyaru getting with our friend, apparently.

  “Sato-san can make his own choices. If Sasaki-san wants to improve herself for his sake, then I don’t see a problem with doing the bare minimum to assist. If she changes for the better and he still rejects her, then nothing will have been lost from my helping her. If they go out, then it would only be because he saw her as someone worthy of his affection. There’s really no downside to this from my point of view.”

  The utilitarian way I viewed the situation made it clear that I made the right choice. I would not get directly involved, but I would assist in making Sasaki-san less insufferable. It was a win-win scenario in my view.

  “Huh. When you put it like that, it’s hard to argue with you. Well, sorry to disappoint you, missy, but Sato-san isn’t interested in romance and doesn’t have a type so you’re out of luck.” What was Aoi-chan trying to prove with that response? Did she think it would dissuade Sasaki-san or something?

  “That’s not true, Aoi-chan. He specifically said that he wanted to be with someone whom he could be himself with and accept him without expectations. It may not seem like a type, but it’s still more than nothing.”

  “I see… So, what would I need to do to get his attention? It would be suspicious if I just went up to him and decred I would accept him no matter what.” Sasaki-san wasn’t deterred by Aoi-chan’s attitude, if anything it spurred her on more.

  “How should I know? Oh, just to ease your mind, he has no interest in me whatsoever. However, that does make it more difficult to determine what kind of skills you should learn. Cooking and cleaning should be things everyone knows, so those are a given, but what else could we improve? I mean, other than your entire personality.”

  “Ugh. That boy is such an idiot! Sayaka would be perfect for him, and he just shrugged his shoulders! Now he has this monstrosity chasing after him! Why must you be so averse to love, Sayaka?!” Aoi-chan was obviously not enjoying spending her lunch period with her sworn enemy.

  “What’s so wrong with me!? Just because I like to dress like this doesn’t make me evil, y’know!? And what’s wrong with my personality!?” Sasaki-san was showing her true colors: she was an idiot.

  “Calm down.” I stuffed a gyoza in her mouth so she couldn’t continue yelling. “I told you the other day that you’re a zy slob. Add in your stupidity and one-minded way of thinking, you have all the makings of an awful personality. You’re also loud, moody, fshy, and braggadocious, let alone the fact you don’t seem to have any sense of personal boundaries. Do I need to go on?” To put a stamp on my statement, I stuffed another gyoza in her mouth.

  “Sheesh and I thought I disliked you. I’ve never seen Sayaka so annoyed before, she’s usually overly forgiving. She must really loathe you.” Aoi-chan ate her melon bun in a stunned silence after making her observation.

  “I don’t loathe her; she just has so many obvious fws that it’s hard not to point them out. Fws are things that can be worked on and improved if one has the will to do so. However, I disagree with her choice to change for the sake of some boy. Self-improvement should be done for one’s own sake, not for someone else.”

  “Yeah, but don’t you think it’s unlikely for anyone to fall for her if she doesn’t change?” Aoi-chan asked.

  “So what? I may know nothing about love, but I believe you shouldn’t change who you are for someone. If they don’t like who you are, then that’s fine. There’s probably someone out there that’ll accept you. Would you really be happy to be with someone who only loved you because you changed everything about yourself so that they would? Doesn’t that mean they don’t love you; they love those specific qualities and could care less about the person.”

  “...You’re right, you know nothing about love.” Aoi-chan undermined my entire argument with just a few words! How could she be so dismissive!?

  Sasaki-san finally swallowed the st of the gyoza I forced fed her and interjected her opinion on the subject. “Yeah, like, isn’t it normal for people to alter themselves to fit what the person they love wants? If I’m happy after changing who I am, then why does it matter that I changed in the first pce?”

  “But wouldn’t you be happier if someone fell in love with you despite you not being exactly what they may have wanted? Wouldn’t you like it if someone fell in love with your fws as well as your strengths? It wouldn’t mean you’d have to stop trying to improve, but you wouldn’t be doing it so that someone would fall in love with you. If you already had someone who didn’t care about your fws, then they wouldn’t be upset if they never improve or would praise you because you did something for your own sake. See this is exactly why I have no interest in love. Somehow, I’m an idiot for not wanting a retionship founded solely on inflexible emotions. Mom thought my father loved her, yet the moment he learned she was going to change into something he didn’t want, he bolted. Excuse me for not wanting anything to do with fickle emotions.”

  “...You take things really personally, Sayaka. What does what your mother went through have to do with Sasaki-san’s situation? Seriously, you need to get over that stuff, you were literally an embryo when it happened.” Aoi-chan was probably sick of my rants about why love was stupid so I could understand her annoyed reply to a degree. But she didn’t need to be so dismissive.

  “Whatever.” I decided to end our discussion there, not wanting to have another fight with someone I cared about.

  “...I guess I understand why you would be distrusting of love, but do you not see how many people are happier because of being in love?” Sasaki-san was naive and lovesick, too dense to understand what I was saying.

  “Happiness for one can be misery for others. Measuring how good something is based on how many people are happy dismisses those who have been hurt by it. I’m not saying that my opinion is correct or that everyone should be love averse, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me feeling that way either.”

  “Ugh, you take things too seriously. This happens every time this subject comes up. You go off on some long philosophical tangent about what love is and why it sucks. Even Sato-san knows he has no chance, even if he did like you, and it’s been years since he’s talked to you about the subject. Sasaki-san, you really chose the absolute worst person to go to for help. I don’t like you very much, but I even feel bad that you went to her first.”

  Sasaki-san looked perplexed by Aoi-chan’s opinion on my usefulness. “What do you mean? She hasn’t tried to change my mind and she agreed to help me despite her opinions. At least she listened to me, which is more than I can say about most people. She was probably the best person I could have asked since she doesn’t judge me.”

  “Well at least you have that part right. Heh, maybe you should just date Sayaka since she clearly doesn’t care about rumors.” Aoi-chan was obviously joking but Sasaki-san got bright red just at the thought of it. Was I really that repulsive?

  “N-no way! I don’t like her like that! B-besides, she’s not into dating, let alone girls!” Sasaki-san was really flustered by a silly joke.

  “I was just messing around, there’s no need to freak out about it. Damn, Sayaka, even as a joke, no one will date you.” Aoi-chan didn’t pick up on Sasaki-san’s stuttering and nervous fidgeting. Even someone like me could tell she was embarrassed by the question for more than just a joke.

  “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be forever alone. It is what it is.”

  Before either of them could respond, lunch period ended and the three of us returned to the cssroom. It was an interesting discussion; however, I didn’t learn much more about Sasaki-san than I knew before. Though, I was intrigued as to why she responded so strangely to the idea of dating me. If she ft out rejected the idea or pyed along, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. However, the way she reacted was neither of those things, but I didn’t know what that meant.