AnnouncementContent warningThe story's pretty heavy to begin with, but this chapter has a few extra possible triggery parts. If you have triggers, reading the content warning is a good idea.

  SpoilerDepersonalization, identity death, mentions of rape, murder

  [colpse]two [31 december 2023]=-=[sunday]=-=(0348) New Year's Eve is normally a time to celebrate. Not that Anthony would know today was that day. Everything's blurred together, and time has no meaning. They're continuing to force him to watch these violent acts, while keeping his eyes forced open and keeping him awake with stimunts. He doesn't attempt to scream anymore. The st time he tried, he was threatened by one of the male doctors with having his vocal cords paralyzed again. The Anthony of a couple of weeks ago would have tried to retaliate. The Anthony of now cowers. Men are actually beginning to provoke a fear response in him with their mere presence thanks to the conditioning he's undergone. They won't hurt him if he remains docile and quiet. He's learned as much. He does hurt today, though. His body burns like he's been in the sun a bit too long, and he has no idea why. Especially his face. Good God, his face is sore as hell. They could have done anything to him while he was unconscious. He hasn't seen a mirror or any reflective surface since he's been here, so he has no visual reference for any changes that may or may not have been made other than what he can see when he's in his cell. He does think it's weird that he hasn't had to shave in however long he's been in this pce. He barely thinks of himself as Anthony anymore. Oh, he's tried to hang on to his identity, but the steady and systematic destruction of it has been thorough. Plus, they've been steadily drugging him in different ways, which has been screwing with his head and his body. He's swearing that everything is starting to feel even colder, and his chest itches at times. They haven't given him any clothes yet, which hasn't helped matters. He is so tempted to just break and let them do whatever it is they're pnning on doing. Prison never broke him. The Army never broke him. But these people seem hellbent on destroying everything he is and holds dear. They've already taken his balls, so who's to say his manhood isn't next? Is it even worth keeping at this point? The violence just gets worse and worse, and he's simply forced to watch. Every time his eyes start to become irritated, a drop of saline is administered. He's gone far past the point of not being able to take it anymore, but he doesn't protest. Part of it is because he doesn't want his voice paralyzed again, part of it is so they don't send in a man to try to pacify him. But the biggest part is that he can't stand to hear what they've done to his voice to begin with. It's just not a man's voice anymore. They're emascuting him in live action, and he can't do anything to stop it. What's the end goal? He wonders this over and over, and yet nothing is adding up to him. To be fair, he was never the type to experiment with his sexuality or gender, and he never really opened his worldview to new experiences. He'd never met a homosexual or a trans person in his life that he knew of, so those things just didn't factor in to him yet. But beyond that, they've let him keep his dick so far. And they haven't been referring to him... well, as either gender, come to think of it. It's always "they" and "them," or if they're feeling cruel, "it." As though he's nothing more than an object. Maybe that's all he is now. A body, but no longer a person. But he still wonders, to what end? Why? Kelly had said how she wanted him because he was trained to kill, and yet, he was such a wreck from the abuses he had been suffering that if the occasion arose, he wasn't sure if he could do the deed if it came to it. Maybe he could. But what good would it do? He had no idea where he was, or if he could even make his way out of this pce before they put him down. The loop of video shuts off. He sighs softly, inwardly relieved for a break from the atrocities he's been forced to witness, knowing that if the previous times were any indication, they would switch his IV to a sedative and knock him out before returning him to his cell for more conditioning. Instead, a door opened at the far end of the room. The light from the outside was blinding to him, and he tried to recoil from it, to no avail. His eyes were still forced open, and his head was still immobilized. In walked a woman, taller than him and wearing heels and a dress suit, but this one was not as high end as the ones Kelly was wearing before. Her hair was twisted back into a clip. She would walk over to him and take his jaw in her hand. "Interesting," she says. "Who..." Anthony starts to say. He can tell it's not Kelly; the hair color is wrong, and this woman is taller than her also. Kelly is a blonde; this woman is a brunette, possibly Latina. She also walks with purpose, almost like... ...She walks like a soldier. He gets out just the one word, which is met with a quick rebuke from the woman in the form of a violent sp that echoes through the room. It didn't do much damage, at least, physically. What it did manage to do was hurt his ego a lot. He was already afraid of what the men could do - the conditioning he'd been put under had the notion rattling around at the back of his mind that they were all rape monsters who would viote him as soon as look at him - and now this woman was physically dominating him with just a mere sp. "I didn't give you permission to speak," she says. "Do not do it again." He goes silent. A single tear falls down his cheek. That's the only sign he is capable of giving that signals his compliance. It appears to be sufficient. She goes back to looking over his body. As she visually examines him, she nods a few times. "I see," she says. "I suppose you'll be sufficient. I'll trust that Miss Kelly saw something in you that I can work with." She turns to the shadows and nods her head, and that familiar feeling of sedatives returns. He doesn't even try to resist, instead letting sleep take him. Not that he'll know peace in his dreams, for all he has to look forward to is more subliminal conditioning and traumatic nightmares of violence. All of it being done to him. --={@~~~@}=-- [3 january 2024]=-=[wednesday]=-=(1117) Anthony awakens in the cell again. Up feels like down, everything he knows is wrong, and he's just generally confused at this stage. They drugged him again, not like he's lucid enough to realize it. He turns to sit up and sees something new in the room - a gown. Pretty much just a hospital gown. It's better than nothing. He gets up carefully - the IV setup is still in his arm, just disconnected at the moment - and starts to walk over to the gown. He's so terrified of what might happen if he goes to put it on, or even to touch it. It could catch fire. It could explode. Someone could storm in and hit him or sedate him. "Put it on," a woman's voice says over a hidden speaker in the room. "It's safe. You won't be punished." It's the same woman from the other day that spped him for speaking. He quickly does so, now being able to cover his shame. It makes his chest itch really bad, but at least his genital area is covered. Not like there's much left there as atrophy is starting to set in. "You may speak," the woman says over the speaker. "Tell me your name." "My... my name?" Anthony asks. "My name is Anthony Bailey." It took him a moment to remember it so he could say it. "That's not right," the woman says. "Anthony Bailey is dead. You are not. Therefore, you cannot be Anthony Bailey. So, what is your name?" If he had his wits about him and wasn't traumatized and drugged to high heaven, he might protest this. But he also feels a compulsion stemming from the other day. He doesn't want to be hit again. Compliance is easier. "...I... don't know?" he says, hoping the answer is right. If he's not Anthony, then who is he? "That's better," the woman says. "Don't worry. We'll tell you what your name is eventually." "...Okay?" he says, still confused. "Do you know why you're here?" the woman asks. "Kelly..." he starts. "Miss Kelly," the woman corrects, sternly. "...Miss Kelly was supposed to tell me about a job, but I ended up here, I guess?" It doesn't feel entirely right, but what does he know? He can't even remember his own name. "That's right," the woman says over the speaker. She almost sounds proud, like a mother is of a child that answers one of her questions correctly. Almost, anyway. He feels a slight feeling of euphoria at this. "We're preparing you for the job right now even as we speak," she continues. "We're making you perfect for it." "What is the job?" he asks. "You'll find out when we tell you what your name is," she says. "Oh." That makes as much sense as anything does to him right now. "Do you have a name?" He almost recoils as the question leaves his lips, worrying that he's being disobedient and will be punished again, but punishment doesn't come. "The next time you speak out of turn like that, you will be punished," the woman says. "But I'll answer you just this once. My name is Danni. You, however, will refer to me as Mistress." "...I understand... Mistress?" he replies. "Good girl," Danni says. "Two of my associates are coming for you so you can continue your training. Do not resist." "Yes, Mistress..." he says. "But..." "Go on," Danni replies. "I'm not a girl. I have a penis. Girls don't have those," he says, briefly finding the logical high ground, if only for a moment. "Girls can have penises," Danni replies. "You wouldn't be the first one to have one. Listen to yourself. You have a girl's voice, right?" "Oh." Just like that, what he thought was true is disproved. "I guess I do..." "And you're nice and docile and compliant, right?" Danni continues. "Yeah, but... I remember being a man before, I think..." he says. "You were wrong before when you thought you knew your name," Danni responds. "How do you know you're not wrong about that also?" She has a point, he figures. Maybe he is a girl after all. "...Maybe you're right, Mistress..." It's almost comical just how drugged he is. Or is it she now? She is a girl, after all. Mistress said so. In any case, her mental capacity is all but destroyed, and she's extremely suggestible in this state, so long as the expnations are kept to a level a five-year-old would understand. "Of course I'm right," Danni states. "Now be silent." At that point, the door opens, and two women enter. They're both dressed like security guards. "Come with us," one of the women says, while the other moves behind her and gives her a slight nudge, signaling for her to walk. She has some trouble doing so. She hasn't really moved around on her own much since she arrived here... how long ago was it? Has she ever known a life outside this pce? It's so hard to remember. And even if she did, she can't trust her memory. She's been wrong twice already today. Eventually, she figures out how to walk again - one foot in front of the other - and the two guards are being so helpful, making sure she stays upright. She's led back to the room with the chair and the television. She's put into the chair and tied down. This time, her eyes aren't held open. The earphones are slipped back onto her head. "That's right, my good girl, it's time for more of your training. Just watch the screen and don't look away..." Danni's voice says in the headset.She's subjected to more violent imagery on the screen and more audio conditioning through the headset as her IV is hooked back up to a bag and she's given more stimunts. Every time before, she would be on the verge of screams, if not actually doing so. Today, she smiles, her mind still addled by the drugs. --={@~~~@}=--- [7 january 2024]=-=[sunday]=-=(1551) The drugs have long since left the girl's system, but the confusion, gaslighting and conditioning lingers. For example, she's still thinking of herself as a girl, and she's still waiting to be told her name. There are but shreds left of what was Anthony, but for all intents and purposes he may as well be gone. She also awaits her Mistress's next command for her. Pleasing Mistress makes her feel so giddy inside. And the aims of the training are starting to bear fruit. She managed to sit through the video loop for ten hours before her eyes needed to be forced open again - less due to sensitivity of the violence, and more due to fatigue. It's still too early to call any of what's going on a success. She's at that fragile stage where all the conditioning could all be undone by some unexpected stimulus. Worse, she's very broken down already, but she won't be built back up for a while, and when she is it'll be very deliberately done. Today she awakes to actual clothing in her room... of a sort, anyway. What is there is a bodysuit, along with a sports bra and a gaff. "Put it on," Danni's voice says over the intercom. Wordlessly, the nameless girl complies. She wasn't told to speak, after all. She strips off the smock without even the slightest hint of a hit to her modesty, before picking up the gaff. It looks like thong underwear, and she has an idea of how to put it on. She does so, slipping it over her legs before pulling it up over her crotch. After the orchiectomy that was done when she was first brought in, things have shrunken down there to the point where the gaff is enough on its own to create the illusion of a ft, feminine crotch. She then puts on the sports bra, which helps with her itching chest. The material is just so much smoother against her skin than that scratchy smock. Finally, she puts on the bodysuit. It's almost like a leotard in the way it goes on, with an obviously feminine cut. On the girl's body, however, it's obvious that her body is not yet developed enough as such. Still, she finishes donning the outfit, waiting to be praised for it. "Good girl," comes over the intercom. "My associates are coming; you will follow them and do as you are told." The girl just nods in confirmation. "Excellent. You haven't been given permission to speak, and you stayed silent," Danni says. She doesn't really sound proud or impressed, but she doesn't sound angry either. It's still a win for the girl as the two guards return to the room. "Come with us," the first one in the room says. The nameless girl nods and gets up. She silently accompanies the two guards to a new room to her. Inside is a man in the tattered remains of a private military contractor's fatigues, and he's been beaten to hell and back. "...What the hell is this?" the man asks as he sees the two female guards bring in what, to him, looks like a man in a woman's bodysuit. But as soon as he speaks, he jerks like he's being shocked. As it turns out, there's a colr around his neck, locked with a heavy lock and a rge device attached to it. It must be a shock colr. The nameless girl continues to remain silent. "This is one of the men from your videos," the guard says. "Given the chance, he would rape and kill someone like you. He's done both to people already. Women... children. His boss is one of the people we're training you to deal with." The second guard chimes in. "If you let him live, he'll just hurt other people in the future." The captured PMC tries to protest but is quickly shocked by the colr. The girl just looks at the PMC dispassionately. She doesn't speak. She hasn't been told to. She appears to be waiting for something. "You don't need a weapon," the first guard says. "You are one." "Do what you have to do," the second one says. Danni's voice comes on over a speaker in the room. "Follow the guards' instructions as if they were mine," she says. The man on the floor looks terrified. "I didn't..." The girl walks over, grabbing the PMC's head. She hesitates for a brief moment... but only a brief one, as she violently twists it and snaps his neck. The light goes out in his eyes as she lets go of him, and he drops limply to the ground. She then takes a step back and stands, expectantly waiting for a response. "You hesitated," Danni says. "You can't do that in the future. Speak." "I understand, Mistress, I'm sorry," the girl says. "Don't apologize. Just don't make the same mistake again next time," Danni says. "Otherwise, there might not be a next time after that." "Yes, Mistress," she says softly. "Now be silent. Guards, you can take her to the training room," Danni orders. --={@~~~@}=--- [9 january 2024]=-=[tuesday]=-=(1622) After the session of what they call training, the girl is taken to a new room. It's less like a cell, and more like living quarters, though it is only sparsely furnished. Really, it's barely one step up from military barracks, but with a definite feminine motif. It also has some aspects like a prison cell - the toilet is in the open, and there is also a shower area in the corner. There is no curtain, no privacy anywhere. Not like that matters to the girl. Her sense of personal modesty is gone. "Go inside," the second guard says. The girl complies. Her arm itches. The IV has been removed completely. She's progressed past any need for it - if she has to be drugged in the future, she'll willingly let herself be injected. "These are your quarters while you are being trained and in our care," the first guard says. "You will be expected to keep this space tidy and clean." The second guard resumes. "Look at the side of the bed." The girl looks over. There are a pair of handcuffs hooked up to the bedside. "Be a good girl and you'll never have to use those," the second guard says. "But if you are told to, you are to immediately lock them onto your wrists and sit on the bed until someone comes for you." The girl just nods in the affirmative. "You will be expected to dress and groom yourself from now on," the first guard states. "You will be graded on how you dress." "Now strip and shower," the second guard commands. The girl doesn't even hesitate, as she starts to peel off the bodysuit. She lets it drop to the floor, before picking it up and gently folding it. She sets it on top of a nearby dresser. The dresser is fairly small, looking like it holds about a week's worth of outfits at the most. She then strips off her sports bra and her gaff. The two guards are watching her, but they don't react outwardly in any way. They're being nothing if not professional about this. The girl then sets the underwear on the dresser and steps into the shower. She starts the water up and showers in an almost mechanical fashion. There's no emotion in it at all, just the quickest path to follow the order she was given. She's momentarily curious about how she still has no body hair growing back, but in the end, she just accepts that it's not there and resumes cleaning herself. They've been doing ser sessions to her while she's been sedated, which is how that's come to be. She finishes the shower after three minutes and dries herself off. The guards are still watching. She then puts the towel away and walks to the dresser. All of the clothes are very feminine. If there was anything left of her male ego, it would be recoiling in horror at being expected to wear these things. But it's been shattered to nothing. So, she first chooses a matching bra and panty set and casually gets the panties on. It's just underwear, after all. The training bra is a little more challenging, but she eventually figures out that she can turn it backwards, csp it in the front, and then rotate it around her body until the cups are in front. Then she puts her arms through the straps and pulls them up. "Very clever," Danni's voice says over the intercom. "Good girl." The girl smiles for a moment before choosing a sundress to wear. It's a light and flirty one, and with her hair still being so short, it sort of looks ridiculous. But no one here will react as if that were the case. They're all trained professionals here. "Excellent," Danni says as a third female guard walks into the room with a tray of food. There's a sad on the tray, as well as a sandwich. Chicken sad. "Take the tray and eat, then wait for further instructions." The girl walks over and takes the tray from the guard, nodding as she turns and goes to the bed. She starts to eat the sandwich, taking small bites of it. Before all this, she could pack away a couple of pounds of food in a sitting, but her stomach has started to shrink from her food intake being so restricted. The portion she has now would be sufficient for a child, or a smaller woman. The chicken sad is actually pretty good, and the sad is also well made. It has honey mustard dressing on it, which she never realized she liked but she's absolutely fallen in love with the taste of it. --={@~~~@}=-- (1634) Meantime, Danni and Kelly are both watching everything from one of the security rooms. "I can't believe he broke so easily," Kelly says as she sips at a bottle of water. "You pay me for results, Miss Kelly," Danni says as she looks on. She's not taking any pleasure in this; it's just the job to her. "But I wouldn't call her completely broken just yet. We have to tread very carefully as we build her new identity." "Right," Kelly says as she leans down to take a closer look at the monitor. "Have you decided on a name for him yet?" "At this stage, 'her' is much more appropriate," Danni says. "In any case, I want to see how she develops before naming her. It has to fit just right." "Yes... it does need to fit her perfectly. I need to know soon, though. I have to start preparing her for her buyer, and he will no doubt want a name to be attached to her," Kelly states. "I understand, Miss Kelly," Danni says. "Do you really think she'll just stay there without needing to be cuffed?" Kelly asks. "Are you doubting my work, Miss Kelly?" Danni asks in reply as she turns to look at her boss. "Never, Daniel," Kelly says, using Danni's full name. It's a privilege only she has. Not even Danni's own mother would call her Daniel... well, if she knew her name was indeed Daniel now. Or that she was now a woman. "But I need you right now for... other reasons." Danni takes a deep breath. "Your room then, Miss Kelly?" "Yes," Kelly says. "Wear something shiny." She turns to leave the control room. "I'll see you in an hour." "Yes, Miss Kelly," Danni says, still showing no real emotion. This is also what Kelly is paying her for.