twenty

  [22 august 2024]=-=[thursday]=-=(1214)

  “...What do you mean your name’s Tiffany?!” Jeri asks, her emotional state a mixture between being completely crestfallen and wanting to go nuclear. “Evan, no! You’ve fought too hard to recim yourself after everything that happened!”

  “Please stop calling me that,” Evan, now entrenched in the Tiffany persona again, says. “I tried to go back to being him. I really tried. But they took too much of him away. This is all I can be. This is all I can ever be. I’m sorry. I never had a chance…”

  “...Why?” Jeri asks, starting to cry. She was just getting to know Evan as himself, and while she wasn’t attracted to him, she still cared about his well-being. And now he’s given up, and she’s all that’s left. “You could have gone back to what you were before Levin took you…”

  Tiffany shakes her head. “I talked with Danni and Miss Kelly about trying to get back in touch with my family, and they told me how difficult it would be. My folks, my friends, everyone I ever knew thinks I’m dead. They think I’ve been dead for two years. Legally, Evan is dead…” she says, as a few tears escape her eyes. “...Legally, thanks to that bastard, I’m Tiffany. Do you know how hard it would be to recim my old identity?”

  “No…” Jeri was only abducted off the street, not eborately “killed” in front of fifty witnesses. It would be a little of an uphill struggle, but she could recim her legal identity as Garrett and change it to that of Jeri without having to create an entire new identity from nothing. “I never thought about that, but…”

  “There’s also the factor of trying to convince my parents that I’m him and that I was forced into becoming this,” Tiffany adds. “And even if they believe me, I don’t think they’d be accepting of what I am now.” She sniffles and dabs at her eyes with a napkin. “Every time we’d hear about a trans person on the TV, they’d inadvertently teach me a new slur.”

  “But… okay, so if you can’t be Evan, you could be a different guy, you don’t have to be a girl…” Jeri protests.

  “...I’m not Oleg, Jeri,” Tiffany says. “I can’t fight tooth and nail against impossible odds just to achieve not even a half-measure. I’m closer to being a complete girl than I’ll ever be again to being a complete guy.”

  “You haven’t even given the testosterone a chance to work…” Jeri says, her voice quieting. She doesn’t want to see this.

  “...All it did was make me want to fuck everything that moved. You, the guards… Bke… For fuck’s sake, Bke is like my twin sister now!” Tiffany says softly. “I don’t know if they didn’t get the dose right, or what… but I hated feeling that way.”

  “...You could be a different girl… Tiffany was forced on you…” Jeri is almost whispering at this point as she pleads, hoping one of her arguments can get through the wall of resignation and despair.

  Tiffany shakes her head. “She may have been forced on me, but that doesn’t mean I have to be the Tiffany that he wanted. Zell was able to redefine aerself. I can make this into something completely new…”

  “How do you think Zell would react to seeing you walking around in aer old identity?” Jeri asks.

  “Ask aer…” Tiffany says softly as she eats her sad. “Please… I had no future as Evan. Just let me have this? Let me have something…”

  Jeri shakes her head and sobs a bit as she walks out of the mess hall. She leaves her pte behind. She’s very upset.

  --={@~~~@}=--

  (1321)

  Jeri is walking through the hallways, completely lost. She’s looking for Zell and Joy, not realizing the two live upstairs now and only seldom come to the basements anymore. “Ugh… come on… where the hell are you…” She rounds a corner and runs into Danni, literally, squeaking as she falls backward onto her ass. “Aaah! Damn it!” she curses.

  Danni reaches down and offers a hand to Jeri. “Sorry, kid. I was focused on what I needed to train Delih in today, I didn’t even notice you.”

  Jeri reluctantly takes it. Part of her is still angry at Danni and Kelly for the other day, but now, after seeing the state Tiffany was in, she’s no longer as mad. If anything, she’s now considering softening her own position of not wanting her to be brainwashed to fix her. “...Where’s Zell? I need to ask aer something…” she says.

  Danni lifts Jeri enough that she actually lifts completely off the floor as she gets her legs underneath her. “Zell and Joy live upstairs,” she confirms. “Why?”

  “It’s Evan…” Jeri says. “He… he gave up and said he was going by Tiffany again, and… I wanted to see what Zell thought of him using aer old identity like that…”

  “Zell’s fine with her – and it is ‘her’ now – calling herself Tiffany if that’s what she wants to do,” Danni says. “Zell doesn’t want anything to do with aer old identity, so ae figures if Tiffany wants it, she can have it.”

  “…What?” Jeri reacts as if she was just told the sky is green. “B-but…”

  “Look, ultimately, we’re going to respect each of your wishes regarding what gender you want to be treated as, as well as whatever names you want to go by,” Danni says.

  “But he…” Jeri begins.

  “She,” Danni says, firmly.

  “...She was dysphoric as hell when faced with the prospect of living as a girl before!” Jeri excims.

  “We know,” Danni says. “But ultimately, she was in even more distress trying to figure out how to restore herself to being a boy, and she just couldn’t get far enough to feel comfortable. The surgeries just don’t exist to restore a boy who has been so thoroughly changed into a girl. A lot of the techniques trans men have avaible just won’t work on a transformed girl.”

  “But Oleg’s trying to transition back…” Jeri points out. “If he can do it, why can’t Evan?”

  “Tiffany,” Danni retorts. “And it’s because ultimately, they are two different people. Oleg can function even with the limited ways we have to undo what was done to him. Tiffany wanted more, and couldn’t live with less.”

  I’m trans, why am I of all people having such a hard time with her new identity? Jeri asks herself. “...I just don’t understand how she can feel so dysphoric and just decide to live with it…”

  “I don’t either,” Danni says. “I don’t know how anyone can live like that and not try to do something about it. But ultimately, it’s her life, and it’s her decision.”

  Jeri sighs. “I suppose if I said I was wrong about the brainwashing and wasn’t opposed to you doing it to her anymore, it wouldn’t change anything now…”

  “Nope,” Danni says. “It was never an option, whether or not you supported or were opposed to it. The only way we’d consider it for her is if she wanted it, and could be proven capable of consenting to it.”

  “Damn it…” Jeri says as she starts crying.

  Danni wraps the smaller girl in a rge hug. “I know.”

  “Why am I so upset? It’s not even my life; it’s not like I was in love with him…” Jeri says through tears.

  “You care about everyone, kid,” Danni says. “It’s a blessing and a curse.”

  “I just…” Jeri sighs softly, “It feels wrong. It’s like just as she was about to recim her old life… she killed him.”

  “That’s one way to look at it, kid,” Danni says, continuing to hold Jeri tightly. “But another way to look at it is that Evan did die when Levin got his mitts on him, and she finally gave up trying to bring back a corpse.”

  “...Morgan didn’t make him suffer enough,” Jeri says, angrily.

  “No, she really didn’t…” Danni says. She got the after-action report. Nothing Morgan could potentially have done would have been anywhere near the level of suffering that Levin deserved after all the suffering he inflicted to all those people.

  --={@~~~@}=--

  (1349)

  Tiffany walks up to the office that Vera has taken over. She’s borrowed an outfit from Bke, who is having a simir reaction to her deciding to revert to that identity that Jeri did. It’s a little more girly than what Bke is currently personally comfortable with.

  Bke, despite her initial misgivings, is willing to give having a twin sister a chance and is behind her all the way.

  Tiffany knocks on the door. She’s early. “Hello?”

  Vera opens the door. “Oh, hello. Evan, right?”

  Tiffany shakes her head. “...It’s Tiffany now,” she says. “I… I couldn’t make being Evan work anymore.”

  Vera nods and points Tiffany to the couch. “Go ahead and have a seat, okay?”

  Tiffany sits down and starts weeping quietly.

  Vera offers the girl a box of tissues, which she takes. “Talk to me,” she says, reassuringly.

  “I…” Tiffany says through tears. She tries to go further, but all she can do is cry.

  “Don’t rush it, hon,” Vera says. “You can start whenever you feel ready to.”

  “Jeri was talking with me earlier and… when I told her I decided to go back to being Tiffany, she almost freaked out…” she says, blowing her nose afterward. “It was like… you know, as if I wasn’t agonizing over this myself… it’s my old life I’m severing myself from… she was trying to convince me to go back, to be someone else, another boy, another girl… and I just… I can’t, you know? Let Evan rest. Let him stay dead. Levin killed him once, and…”

  “I understand,” Vera says softly as she types on her ptop. “Why did you decide to resume being Tiffany, instead of becoming a whole new girl with less emotional baggage?”

  “I… I’d have to create a whole new person from scratch and… I’m too tired,” Tiffany says quietly. “I’ve devoted so much to surviving that I really don’t have much left...”

  “It’s okay to be tired after everything you’ve endured,” Vera says, softly.

  “At the least, one of the things that bastard Levin taught me was how to be Tiffany,” she says. “I don’t have to learn from scratch with her, I only have to change a couple of things around to make her fit me.”

  Vera continues writing. “That is one way to look at things,” she says.

  “Honestly, if I would have kept going trying to force myself to be Evan, I… I might be dead already,” Tiffany says, sadly. “I just couldn’t do it anymore. It wasn’t fair to me or to his memory.”

  Vera nods slowly as she types some more. “Do you consider yourself to be a separate person from Evan?”

  “...Like I said, Evan died after Levin got ahold of him,” Tiffany says. “I’m all that’s left. Am I separate? Yes. No. I don’t know, honestly. There are parts of him within me, but… honestly, they feel like grafts at this point. I have his memories. I have some traits of his. I’m not him. I’m not him.”

  “So, what will you do?” Vera asks.

  “I’m not going to be the Tiffany that Levin wanted me to be,” she says, defiantly. “Fuck that and fuck him. I won’t be Tiffany Levin. I already asked Bke, and she said yes. I’m Tiffany Sylvester. And I’m going to forge my own path.”

  --={@~~~@}=--

  [23 august 2024]=-=[friday]=-=(0701)

  Morgan empties a clip into the target with Joshua Callis’s face on it, as is her daily ritual. She growls as she quickly ejects the clip, sms another one into the pistol, then empties it again. “Fucking bastard!” she screams as she repeats the process again. “Come out of your hole, you coward!”

  “Are you okay?” Tiffany asks as she walks into the room with the firing range.

  Morgan pops the safety into pce and looks at the source of the voice. “...You gave up on him, didn’t you,” she says as she sees what the other girl is wearing. She sees that Tiffany is dressed in a decidedly feminine manner, instead of the ill-fitting attempt at masculinity she wore as Evan.

  Tiffany takes a deep breath and exhales. “Yeah. Once I learned Evan was legally dead, I knew there was no way I could reconnect to that life. As much as I wanted to be a guy again… it’s just not possible.”

  “I’m sorry,” Morgan says.

  “So am I,” Tiffany replies. “But I’m starting to rebuild anew. Bke said I could be her twin sister. She even let me take her st name. I may be Tiffany now, but I’ll never be Jason’s Tiffany again.”

  “Good,” Morgan says. “Honestly, you deserve to be happy. Evan deserves to rest.”

  “...Yeah,” Tiffany says. “He does.” She looks at the target paper being reeled in. Nothing but headshots. “...I’m going to guess you’re practicing to get a divorce with a bullet.”

  “Something like that,” Morgan says as she takes the target. The picture of Joshua has been completely disintegrated by gunfire. “...If I could ever find the bastard. Do you maybe know if he could be at one of Jason’s bases of operations or safehouses?”

  “...I know of one in Australia…” Tiffany says. “It was in Queensnd, specifically. He would fly me there whenever winters got too harsh in Europe. He’d try to pretend we were a family. I… I’d have to walk around in a swimsuit and show off my body to the other rich people’s sons… pretend I liked their attention… but they could only look. I had to save myself for marriage like a good Christian girl…” She starts to look distressed. “...Never mind that he’d fucking raped me at least fifty times by that point… but it didn’t count because he was ‘correcting’ me…”

  Morgan reaches over and hugs Tiffany. “You don’t have to go any further down that train of thought if you don’t want to…”

  Tiffany starts crying. “No, I need to let it out… I can’t keep bottling this shit up, that’s something he’d do...”

  “Tiffany, no,” Morgan says. “Yes, it’s bad to bottle things up. But sometimes it can be just as bad to let things out that you’re not ready to hear yourself.”

  Tiffany shakes her head as tears stream down her face. “How… why couldn’t I stop him, Morgan?” she asks.

  “He held power over you from the moment he got you,” Morgan says softly. “None of it was your fault. Sometimes things are rigged from the beginning, and you just can’t win. At that point, it’s pointless to beat yourself up for losing. You should be proud of yourself for surviving.”

  “...Did I survive?” Tiffany asks.

  “You’re still breathing. You’re talking to me. It doesn’t matter what name you go by or what life you’re living, you survived,” Morgan says, reassuringly.

  “...Some days I wish the bastard was still alive so you could kill him again,” Tiffany says as she leans into Morgan’s embrace.

  “He got off easy,” Morgan says. “Men like that should be able to be killed many times over.”

  “Life is unfair,” Tiffany says.

  “...Look, this is a bad pce for a hugfest,” Morgan says. “Let’s grab some breakfast, kid.”

  Tiffany scoffs a little. “‘Kid?’ How old are you again?”

  “I think I’m 24 or 25?” Morgan wonders. “I don’t remember when my birthday is. I’ll have to ask Mistress.”

  Tiffany finds herself ughing a little. “You’re practically ancient,” she says. Then she notices something. She’s hanging out with this woman, getting close, even physically, and yet… she doesn’t feel distressed like when she was hugging Jeri. Now that she’s discarded the vestiges of her masculinity that she was desperately clinging to before, she can actually enjoy the closeness and intimacy women can express, without the pressure or expectation of sexual arousal or acts. To her, it’s practically liberating. She just wanted closeness all along, but between the abuse she’d endured, and the general bullshit men are taught growing up, she confted it with sex.

  Morgan wraps an arm around Tiffany, under her arms as the younger girl supports herself partially on her, as the two leave the armory and head toward the elevator so they can go to the mess hall.

  A few moments ter, the two arrive in the mess hall, where Raina and Danni are waiting.

  “It’s not what it looks like,” Morgan says.

  “No, it’s not that. You’re allowed to have friends,” Danni says. “We were just talking with each other over breakfast and coffee. We’re trying to figure out how we fit together independent of you.”

  “Yeah,” Raina says. “I… I’m kind of falling for Mistress too, and…”

  Morgan raises an eyebrow. “Mistress is letting you call her that?” she asks.

  “Eh, why not?” Danni asks. “She may not be my asset, but… I can’t help it; she’s growing on me. I might be able to find a use for her.”

  “...You have a very modern retionship,” Tiffany says.

  “There’s room for one more,” Raina jokes.

  “Um… I’m not sure,” Tiffany says. “I’m just getting used to physical closeness without any expectation of a retionship or sex.”

  “That’s understandable,” Danni says. “Besides, two of you are enough for me. I’m not interested in a harem. Plus, I still have to form a rapport with Delih so she can be useful in missions.”

  Morgan is still a little disturbed as she hears Delih’s name. In her mind, in some ways, Delih’s still Riley, the person who sold her out for a reward of a brainwashed fucktoy, also known as the girl leaning on her shoulder for physical and emotional support. “I’ll work with her, but I don’t have to like it…” she says, almost pouting.

  Danni reaches across the table and ruffles Morgan’s hair like a parent would a small child. “It’s not like you have a choice, little girl. So, tamp down on your ego and trust me on this.”

  “...Yes, Mistress,” Morgan says, suddenly feeling very small and nearly embarrassed.

  “...Wow,” Tiffany says. “I… I’m going to grab some food and leave you three to… whatever this is,” she adds as she gets up.

  --={@~~~@}=--

  (1708)

  Tiffany and Bke are sitting on the bed together, leaning against each other as they watch a movie and share a bowl of popcorn. The movie is a rom-com with action elements. It never really caught traction in theaters but has developed a bit of a cult following since then.

  “I never had siblings growing up,” Tiffany says. “Is this normal?”

  “I guess so,” Bke says. “I had a sister, but...her own demons destroyed her before I ever really got a chance to know her. Are you doing okay?”

  “Yeah,” Tiffany says. “I’m feeling settled down after getting the new estrogen pellet impnted.”

  “That’s good, sis,” Bke says with a smile. “I’m really sorry that trying to go back to your old life didn’t work out, but I’m proud of you for trying to salvage something of your life and keeping going. I didn’t want to see you...”

  “...Yeah. I get it,” Tiffany says. “I’m gd I stayed.”

  “Oh!” Bke says. “Danni said I might be able to speak with my parents tomorrow.”

  “Oh? Congratutions… I wish I could still talk to mine, but they think I’ve been dead for almost two years…” Tiffany says. “And they’re big-time transphobes...”

  “I’m going to talk to them about officially adopting you,” Bke says. “You’re going to need a lot of support moving forward, and they can provide it.”

  “You think they’d do that?” Tiffany asks. “Even though I’m an adult?”

  “Yeah. They’re the type that’d do anything for me,” Bke says. “They’re very progressive, we don’t have to worry about them rejecting us. I think they’d find it funny on some level that they lost a son, and they’ll be gaining two daughters. But if you don’t believe me, you can ask them yourself.”

  Tiffany blinks in shock. “Wh-what?”

  “Sis, I want you on the video call with me,” Bke says, smiling warmly. “I want you to meet your new parents.”

  “Oh my God…” Tiffany says, before screaming in joy and hugging Bke tightly. “I… yeah, sis! I’ll be there…”

  Bke smiles and returns the hug. “That’s what I want to see. I love you, sis.”

  “I love you too, sis,” Tiffany replies.

  The two spend the rest of the night together watching trashy rom-coms and getting physically, but ptonically close, just like sisters should.

  --={@~~~@}=--

  [24 august 2024]=-=[saturday]=-=(0917)

  Bke and Tiffany make their way down to the security room for the video call. Both are up early, as Bke’s parents live in Maine. The two young women are pying a twin trick, dressed identically, made up identically, and having their hair styled identically as well. The only difference between the two is that while both have green eyes, Tiffany’s are a slightly bluer shade of green.

  As they walk in, Danni does a double take. “...Holy shit, you two really are twins. Who’s who?”

  “I’m Bke,” Tiffany says.

  “And I’m Tiffany,” Bke says.

  The two ugh as Danni gets even more confused. “No, it’s the other way around,” Bke says.

  “You two are having entirely too much fun with this,” Danni says, in her normal emotionless manner. “I love it. I talked to the Sylvesters, and they’ll be initiating the video call at 11:30am, their time. I just wanted to get you here early to set some ground rules for the call.”

  “Ground rules?” Tiffany asks.

  “Right,” Danni says. “I think it goes without saying that what we actually do here shouldn’t be told to outsiders. We approached them as a rescue organization for young adults who suffered traumatic abductions and abuses. You can mention what happened to you two as long as it doesn’t tie back to us. Don’t mention Morgan by name or call her an assassin, just call her ‘a soldier,’ ‘a mercenary,’ or something simir. You can also mention how you two were forcibly feminized, or the other things Levin did to you, if you feel comfortable doing so. Quite frankly, we don’t care how much you drag him through the mud.”

  “Right…” Bke says. “I’m guessing this is for operational security.”

  Danni nods. “Yeah. Just because Levin is dead doesn’t mean our mission is over. We need to be able to operate in the shadows. Say you understand and agree, and we’ll get the call started on our end.”

  “I understand and agree?” Tiffany says. “That’s a weird thing to say, but sure…”

  “Yeah, I understand and agree too,” Bke says.

  “It’s from a book Raina found online,” Danni says. “It’s an interesting premise, but I don’t think a thing like that could happen in real life. Hansen?”

  “Right, Boss,” Hansen says as she sets up the video call program, routing the call through a few proxies just in case.

  Tiffany starts to breathe heavily.

  “It’s going to be fine, sis,” Bke says, smiling reassuringly. “Calm down.”

  Hansen gets on the phone and makes a call. “Yes, this is Signe Hansen, we talked yesterday,” she says. “We have Bke here, and we’re ready on our end whenever you are. Please don’t be armed by their appearance. Right, okay, then. Thank you.” She hangs up.

  “Signe?” Tiffany asks.

  “What about it?” Hansen asks.

  “I’ve just never heard that name before,” Tiffany says as Bke massages her shoulders to try to get some of the tension out of her body.

  “It’s Swedish,” Hansen responds. “Why?”

  “Nothing, it’s just kind of pretty…” Tiffany says.

  “You two, get in position,” Danni says, pointing to a green screen that has been set up with two chairs in front of it. “How’s the background?”

  “We look like a generic office you’d find in the city,” Hansen says. “It’s all obfuscated.”

  “Good,” Danni says.

  The two girls go to sit in the chair. Bke takes Tiffany’s hand. “Sis, it’s going to go fine,” Bke says. “You’ll see.”

  Eventually, the call is connected from both ends, and Bke’s parents appear on a screen. They’re both women, though one is obviously trans, a ter-in-life transitioner. The woman who looks to be cisgender is slightly older and a little bit heavy-set, appearing to be approaching her sixties. Her shoulder-length hair is as white as a sheet. Meanwhile, the other woman has a shorter, but still feminine hairstyle, gsses, and only appears to be in her early forties.

  “Hey, Mom, Nana,” Bke says, smiling a little. “It’s good to see you again.”

  The older woman blinks in surprise for a moment. “Bke? Am I seeing double?”

  “No, you’re not, Mom,” Bke says. “This is Tiffany, my new sister. We… we were held together and altered into twins…”

  “I see…” Bke’s mom says. “I’m guessing you’re inseparable now.”

  “Yes, Mrs. Sylvester,” Tiffany says.

  “I prefer Melinda,” Bke’s mom says. “But, I suppose if you and Bke are sisters now, you’ll have to call me Mom,” she says with a smile.

  “Yeah, kid, if you want to, that is,” Bke’s Nana says. “I’m Carol, but you can call me Nana if you want. I’ll admit that we didn’t expect any of this, but we’re just gd to have our Bke back safe and sound, and we’ll take one more if it makes hi-- no, it’s ‘her,’ right?”

  “Yeah, Nana, it’s she and her now for both of us,” Bke confirms.

  “Well, we’ll take one more if it makes her happy. Melinda’s always wanted another kid to dote on, she just swore them off after the holy terror that Bke was as a little kid,” Carol says, smirking.

  “I’m just gd we’re going to be getting you back,” Melinda says, swiping a tear away from her eye. “Boy or girl or whatever, I just wanted my child back. I agonized for a year worrying about what you were going through, or if you’d ever come home. Please tell Miss Signe that we’re grateful to her organization for getting you back.”

  “I can hear you, and you’re quite welcome, Melinda,” Hansen says from her chair, out of view of the camera.

  “Mom… would you and Nana be willing to officially adopt Tiffany?” Bke asks. “She tried to get back in touch with her own family, and… they didn’t want anything to do with her. They said she was dead to them. And I figured since we were both changed to be each other’s twin, that…”

  “Of course, sweetie,” Melinda says. “We’ve got room in our hearts for her, and we’ll give her a family.”

  Tiffany starts to cry.

  “Sis?” Bke says, turning and comforting her sister.

  “I… I don’t know what to say… thank you…” Tiffany says, crying profusely into her sister’s arms. “Thank you, Mom, Nana...”