ERIC

  Eric placed the unconscious goblin onto his desk in the Beast Be Gone shop and hastily closed the blinds. He wiped his brow and breathed in the familiar scent of home. Safety, security and dust, now blended with a hint of mimic urine. Eric grunted at Larry, who was disguised as a tall lamp. Larry leapt into life, flashing his bulb and came hopping across the room.

  ‘Oh. You’re back,’ said Larry, as his light flickered off.

  ‘Yeah,’ said Eric. He looked down at the goblin. ‘And this little guy.’ But no Daisy, he thought to himself. He pushed the pain away and tried to focus. She was gone and there was nothing he could do about it. At least he could help this creature, one less death on his conscience.

  Larry bent over the goblin, his lampshade almost touching the creature’s long nose. ‘Urgh, a goblin? Why’d you bring such a horrid little thing?’

  ‘Goblins aren't horrid,’ said Eric with a sniff. ‘They’re just misunderstood.’

  ‘Shouldn’t we tie him up? What if he does something, you know… evil?’

  ‘Goblins aren’t evil, either. That’s a stereotype.’

  ‘But they do so much evil.’

  ‘Admittedly, they do a lot of evil, yes.’ Eric produced a rag and wiped the pixie dust from the goblin’s face. ‘But that’s mainly because of their socio-economic standing.’

  ‘Socio-eco...what now?’

  ‘This one was making an honest living as a shopkeep, so he can’t be all bad.’

  The little goblin stirred, his pointy ears flickering. His beady eyes opened and regarded them with horror, then screamed.

  ‘Shhh,’ Eric lulled. ‘We’re not going to hurt you.’

  ‘I might,’ said Larry.

  The goblin writhed on the desk, slapping Larry’s lampshade away with his scrawny arms. ‘A talking lamp!?’ it cried.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ said Eric, ‘he’s just a mimic.’

  ‘A mimic!?’ The goblin flailed even more.

  Eric cleared his throat. ‘A friendly mimic. Ain’t that right Larry?’

  Larry straightened himself up and hopped back. ‘Sure, mostly anyway.’

  The goblin stopped moving but kept his eyes fixed on Larry. ‘So… if you’re not going to kill me, then what do you want?’

  Eric pulled a chair over, and sat down, bringing him to eye-level with the goblin on the desk. ‘I only wanted to save you. I accidentally let the bandits loose on the Adventurer’s Supply shops. All of them. So I’m afraid you’re out of a job.’

  The goblin laid his head back onto the wood and closed his eyes. ‘I’ll have to retrain again.’

  ‘What’s your name little fella?’

  ‘Skwee.’

  ‘I’m Eric, this here is Larry the mimic.’ He pointed his thumb.

  ‘Just Larry,’ said Larry. ‘I don’t call you Eric The Human.’

  ‘Yeah, sorry,’ said Eric. ‘Well, Skwee, maybe we can find you a job somewhere else.’ Eric’s heart went out to the little minion before him. He probably didn't have a soul in the world who cared for him. ‘I’ve got some pamphlets on relocating, I bet there’s a goblin warren somewhere you can...’

  Skwee shook his head. ‘Nowhere’s safe for me. I can’t desert The Master. Do you know what they’d do to me?’

  ‘A fate worse than death?’

  ‘How did you know?’

  Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

  ‘Textbook minion control strategy,’ said Eric. ‘I’ve even had to use a few of them myself at times. Last resort of course. Who’s your master?’

  The goblin rolled away and put his head in his hands. ‘I can’t tell you.’

  ‘Or it’s a fate worse than death?’

  ‘A fate worse than death.’

  Eric massaged his temples. ‘Alright, have it your way. But if you want me to help you, you have to help me.’

  ‘Why do you want to help me anyway?’

  ‘I’m in pest control, it’s what I do.’

  ‘You’re not an adventurer?’

  Eric spat. ‘Definitely not.’

  ‘Oh. Most of you humans seem to be.’

  ‘I know what you mean.’

  Skwee hung his head. ‘That’s on reason I went into the Dark Army in the first place. It’s the only safe place away from them.’

  Eric stopped. ‘What’s this about a Dark Army?’

  ‘Ah… I… I’ve said too much. I should be going now.’ Skwee sat up and looked around the room in confusion. He tried to pull himself off the desk but fell with a clump onto the floor.

  Eric leaned down and pulled him back up. ‘You ain’t going anywhere. That pixie dust I threw at you is a powerful muscle relaxant.’

  ‘I swore an oath,’ Skwee clasped his hands together. ‘Please don’t make me talk. Please.’

  Eric stood up. He wasn’t going to force poor Skwee to talk. Adventurers who described themselves as “chaotic” liked to force people to talk. Anything to give themselves a bit of edginess, but Eric suspected they were really just sadists. And besides, he wasn’t too bothered about what he had to say. There were more villainous masters out there than there were rats in Porkhaven.

  ‘Alright Skwee, settle down. You can stay here while all this looting goes on, then we’ll find you a nice new goblin clan somewhere, or return you to your master.’

  Skwee breathed out. ‘Oh, um. Thank you,’ he stammered.

  There was a crash outside.

  Eric sensed something in the air. Something wasn’t right.

  The tang of magic.

  He delved into his Sack of Clutching and pulled out some essentials. This included witchbane, an anti-arcane stone and some resistance potions. He stuffed them into his pockets, then took out a rope and slung it over his shoulder.

  ‘Larry, keep an eye on Skwee here would you?’

  ‘Sure thing,’ said Larry, who had already turned into a footstool and was hiding in the corner.

  Eric ran over to the front door and pulled it open an inch. He peeked out and shivered at the fresh air.

  A woman stood on the street with a tome in her arms, staring fiercely at the shop. Her lightning-blue robes glimmered in the sunlight, complemented by her piercing black hair. He would have described her as beautiful if there weren’t something so ugly about the way her face contorted with anger. She stepped forward, staggering.

  ‘Eric!’ she called out, slurring. ‘Come out and faace me, Eric. Oh Chos’n won. I know you’rrre in there. Come ouuuut.’ She smiled, stopped and pulled out an Elixir from her bag, then poured it into her mouth. Most of it went down her robes. ‘Look wha you mad me do Eric.’

  Eric opened the shop door and stepped into the street. Passers-by quickened their steps, obviously avoiding the drama. He smiled at the strange woman as best he could. She needed careful treatment, she was unhinged. ‘I’m Eric, what do you want?’

  ‘I noh you’re Eric. I’m Xe-ik-zalla. No. Zen-in-clalla. Xenizlaala. Whateva. Breaker of things, killer of... whatyoucallit. You know. Defender of aaaall this.’ She twirled her arms around. ‘I’m here to fight you, oh great warrior man. I’ma taking your Essperience.’

  This woman was out of her mind. ‘You’ve clearly had a lot of Elixir, miss. But you have the wrong Eric, I’m afraid, I ain't a warrior and I don’t want no trouble.’

  ‘Oh I’ve-’ She hiccuped and wiped her mouth, ‘I’ve got the right Eric all right, tha’s you. Cho’s won. We fight and it will be amaz’n. Best dual evver. I guna be best. The best.’ She flicked open her book.

  Eric’s hands moved so fast he didn’t even have to think about it. First, he scrunched witchbane leaves in his ears. Second, his fingers rubbed an anti-arcane stone in his pocket, it vibrated in response. And third, he leapt aside, rope in hand.

  He moved just in time to dodge the fireball that exploded into the stables behind him.

  The potion of fire resistance flew from his fingers, shattering over the stable roof. The fire went white, flaring bright, then disappeared altogether.

  Eric turned and lunged towards the witch. She mouthed spells, but he didn’t hear her, the witchbane working magic of its own.

  The witch scrunched her face in confusion, backing away.

  Eric grinned. Magic users relied so much on their spells. They never bothered learning anything else. Why would you when you could summon minions to do your bidding?

  He threw his rope, whipping it at her feet. She stumbled backwards. Eric ran to her, spinning the rope around, dancing to avoid her jabbing and scratching hands. But she was close now, he heard her spell.

  The world turned sideways as he flew back. He crashed against the shop wall.

  Moaning, he stood up.

  The witch cackled as a glowing wolf emerged from her fingertips, green smoke emanating from its body. It pounced, eyes beaming, jaws snarling.

  Eric rolled to the side. His hips screamed as he hit the ground. The summoned wolf flew past with a yelp, then turned.

  The witch grinned and helped herself to another Elixir. The street was empty now, everyone knew to stay away. Drunken magic duels were a common sight in Porkhaven and a stray lightning bolt was no laughing matter.

  The wolf levelled his gaze on Eric. Not breaking eye contact, Eric rummaged through his Sack of Clutching. Carefully, he tossed a pork jerky at the animal’s feet.

  The wolf sniffed the meat, enchanted by its scent, and snaffled it up. It let out a whimper, crumpling to the floor as it dissolved into ash.

  Dispelling salts were worth every penny.

  Now it was Eric’s turn to grin. He turned back on the witch, rope ready.

  He stopped.

  Her skin was already bright green as she lay twitching on the floor, foaming at the mouth and sparks flying from her nostrils. Her robes twisted over themselves, soaked in vomit and gutter water.

  The Flux.

  He knew exactly what he had to do.