AnnouncementHi, all. Just a heads up; this story gets pretty dark at times. It deals with self-harm, dysphoria, transphobia, suicidal ideation and discrimination. If any of this is triggering or upsetting (especially with how the news has been tely), I'd say pass on this, since these will be recurring themes throughout the whole story.

  If you do decide to stick with it, I hope you enjoy your time with it.

  The blood feels so warm… I can almost see it steaming in the cold air. It looks so thick and gloopy… But in my hands, it feels slick; like oil… Its smell is of metal; iron and copper and steel, rusting in my nostrils. It’s sickening and intoxicating in equal measures…

  The meat is raw; it feels raw. Is raw. It twitches as my hands graze against it. Still alive. Still strong. The fibers shift in their struggle; tense and rexed. Shifting between the two constantly. It feels nothing like the butchered sbs of meat one would buy at a store; this feels strong. Fresh.

  And the color… the color… There is no red here; it is so very dark; like a void, swallowing in everything.

  *

  Daily woke up in distinct discomfort; her clothes were soaked in a yer of sweat that chilled her body to the bone and the gory nightmare did nothing to help. She pushed the sheets off her body and ran her fingers through her hair awkwardly, trying to calm her frantic heartbeat.

  The nightmares of gore, blood and death, were not uncommon to her. They had only increased in frequency in the recent months… And many of them were worse than the ones that she had just experienced. She had lost count of the number of times she had woken up with the urge to expel her stomach contents into the toilet and she had lost count of the number of times that had actually followed through on that urge. Right now, she did not lose to it.

  Several slow, deep breaths helped stabilize her mind before she tried to fall back to bed, only to wince in disgust at the sudden sensation of damp, sweaty cloth, sticking to her bed and back. With a resigned sigh, she quickly pushed off her bed and stumbled into the bathroom to shower.

  The warm water spshing off her skin brought an immediate improvement to her mood. She almost wished she could fall asleep in the shower, and had to fight to stay awake, forcing her body to move and clean herself. She gnced down and examined her arms and chest for several moments. Smooth and clean… for the most part…

  She eyed her safety razor and touched her hand again, feeling the bare prickle of hair emerging from her skin. A small inkling of hesitation danced in her chest before she shook her head slowly, almost to herself. There was no point, scraping at her skin, if there was no hair to deal with anyways...She stepped out from the shower and began to examine her face in the mirror.

  Her reflection did not inspire much confidence; she hated her reflection but forced herself to look regardless. Considering how awful she had felt waking up, the fact that she looked retively normal was, probably, a good sign. She looked down again, and touched her stomach gently, feeling the raised scars on her skin; several lines on heavy scar tissue running across her stomach, horizontally. She winced unintentionally, remembering the pain they incited, pain she would feel again soon, before shaking her head and moving back into her room to get dressed.

  Doubt was eating at her mind; it was unavoidable for the st few months. She tried to quash it down, but the echoes only rippled harder in her head. She quickly reached for the stereo and pressed a button, releasing a burst of music into her ears, silencing the inner voice with a constant drone of melody and harmonies.

  It only took a few minutes before a heavy banging on her door, brought her out of her bliss, “Aran, shut that off! What the hell is wrong with you?”

  Damn it and burn it all. Damn that name. Name to dust and cy to be remade.

  “Sorry… Sorry…” She quickly shut the music down with little hesitation; the voice had gone silent after its sudden outburst, for now, at least. She opened the door and forced a smile at her roommate, Alice, who was gring at her, “Sorry…”

  “What’s going on? It’s like… 4AM.”

  “It’s 7AM.”

  Alice blinked, “No, it’s not.” She gnced down at her watch and frowned, “See? 4:15.”

  Daily gnced at her watch, “…The second hand isn’t moving.”

  “What?”

  “I think the battery is dead.”

  Alice quickly gnced at her watch again and paled, “You said, it was 7?”

  “Er… st I checked.”

  “FUCK!” Alice darted back down the hallway in a rushed sprint, “Get dressed and eat something! I can’t be te today.”

  “I… I can take the bus!”

  “Shut up and get changed, idiot!” Alice smmed her door behind her, marking the end to their conversation and Daily shrugged softly as she followed her instructions. She was only half-way through her bowl of cereal when she came rushing out, like a bat out of hell, “Alright, let’s go!”

  “I’m not done, yet-”

  “NOW!”

  “Okay.”

  While clearly, in a rush, Alice at least had the wherewithal to drive normally, although she seemed somewhat frustrated by the fact.

  “Er… Big day today?”

  Alice shrugged, “I dunno. Maybe. If I py things right.”

  “Um… Promotion?

  “Yeah… Yeah. Manager.”

  “Oh! Um… Congratutions!”

  “Well, let’s not toot our horns yet. I don’t know how things are gonna go.”

  “You’ll do good.”

  “Hm.” Alice smiled; the words seemed to have a calming effect on her, “Thanks, Aran. Shall we drink to celebrate tonight?”

  Hearing the name made her chest tighten softly; it wasn’t Alice’s fault. She didn’t know. But it stung nonetheless, “Ah… Um… I’m busy.”

  Pain. And Pain. And Pain again.

  “You’re always busy these days. Can’t you just take the time to enjoy a beer with me?”

  “Um…” Daily hesitated for a moment, before nodding softly, “Alright, I can do one.”

  “That’s my boy!”

  “Mmm.” Daily nodded softly almost to herself. She made a mental note to pick up a case of beer on the way back from home; knowing Alice, she would never remember to do it herself. That was just how she was; always forgetting things.

  “And this is you!” Alice pulled up in front of a dingy grey library and Daily quickly made sure she had everything on hand before nodding, “Thanks.”

  “What time do you need me to pick you up?”

  “Oh… I might be te… um… I’ll take the bus.”

  “You sure?”

  “Mm.”

  “Well, suit yourself. I’ll see you tonight!”

  “Right. Take care…”

  Before she had even finished her words, Alice was speeding off. It was almost amusing. Daily let out a soft sigh and wrapped her coat around her body a little tighter to keep out the cold winter air. She half-wished it would snow in this town. It always got cold in the winter, but there was never any snow. Almost disappointing.

  The library was mostly empty, as it often was in the mornings… and most of the day anyway. She could spot a few of her co-workers moving around, bleary-eyed and sipping lukewarm coffee from their small paper cups.

  “Oh, Daily!” A warm voice pulled her eyes towards its source; a plump, kindly-looking woman who approached him quickly, “Good to see you this morning.”

  “Mmm. Hi, Ethel…” Daily gnced around again, “There aren’t…”

  “No, Jon and Amanda called out. Flu, it seems.”

  “Ah.”

  “You don’t look great yourself.”

  Daily frowned and touched her face; she could’ve sworn she looked fine… “I’m… I’m not sick.”

  “No, no. You don’t look sick. You look… Stressed? Is everything okay at home?”

  Ah.

  “Oh, yeah… It’s all fine… It’s just my roommate…”

  “Arguments?” Ethel continued to pry as they walked towards the employee lounge; a tiny, cramped room that held a small series of lockers, a tiny table with an old coffee machine, a few rickety pstic chairs and a water-cooler.

  “No…” Daily shook her head softly as she removed her coat and adjusted her clothes, “She… I mean, she doesn’t know… And…”

  “Oh, sweetie, you still haven’t told her?”

  Daily shook her head again.

  Alone. Alone and lost and lonely, forever and ever.

  “Oh, you silly thing. You should be open about this; isn’t she your friend?”

  “She... She is… It’s just… hard to do it with someone I’ve known for so long…”

  Ehtel waved her hand, “Bah! You should be clear about these sorts of things, especially when they hurt you!”

  “It… It doesn’t hurt.”

  “Uh-huh. And the sky isn’t blue and I’m not an old bag.”

  Her metaphor brought a small chuckle from Daily’s throat. Ethel was only a few years older than Daily, but she always acted like she was ancient.

  “Are you afraid, she’ll reject you?”

  “…A little.” The two of them exited the lounge, as Daily moved towards the book returns, “I… We’ve never talked about… these sort of things. And… And I know that… That some people can be archaic… about it…” She scratched at her neck softly, “And I don’t… I don’t have anywhere else to go, if we… have a falling out. She pays most of the rent… She’s always supported me.”

  Ethel stared for several seconds before nodding, “You pay for the utilities don’t you?”

  “What’s that have to do with this?”

  “…You should know that this isn’t a healthy environment for you to be living in. Keeping yourself, all cooped up like this.” She tugged at Daily’s shirt, “I know how much you hate these things. Especially when you have so many cute things to share.”

  “You told me what to get.”

  “Exactly. Cute.”

  Daily let out another soft ugh.

  “Trust me, girl. If an old bat like me could understand, your friend should as well. Perhaps, broach the subject quietly; without talking about yourself first?”

  Daily nodded in agreement.

  Trust no one. No one and everyone and none at all. Shades and vessels all.

  “That’s a good girl.” Ethel gave Daily a few quick pats on the back before turning towards the massive bin full of returned books, “How should we go about this today, hm?”

  *

  The beer was cold in Daily’s p, as she hugged it close to try and prevent the bottles from cttering against each other as the bus gently jostled her. Even with her efforts there was the occasional soft clink of gss-on-gss that made her wince; it wasn’t even loud. She was just too self-conscious. There weren’t many people on the bus; just her and a handful of other people, whom she partially recognized. Many of them travelled with her before, but that was the extent of their “retionship”. Occasionally, she could see their eyes nd on her, staring for a few seconds before looking away. After all, it was te and like her, many of them seemed more focused on getting home over engaging with others at this time.

  Gncing away from the other passengers, Daily stared outside the window; the town was dark, but not cloyingly so; streetlights and the moonlight did a great deal to illuminate the silent streets, but even so, the insides of the bus were far more well-lit than the outdoors were at this time and it allowed Daily to see her reflection very clearly; more clearly than she would’ve liked. She had half a mind to turn away; to put the idea of her face out her mind. But she forced herself to stop and look at her features carefully. Several months had passed since she had… started being herself; she wondered if it showed clearly. Ethel would’ve said yes, but Ethel was kind regardless. Alice either never noticed or never mentioned anything.

  She inched closer to the window slightly, trying to focus on all the details. Her hair was definitely longer than it used to be. Longer and fuller. Her skin looked nicer, her face rounder, her lips… perhaps they were plumper? Perhaps? She touched her chin softly and looked at her fingers; did they look any different? Maybe? Maybe a little?

  Hesitating for another moment, Daily tightened her coat around her body quietly. It was a long, heavy coat; the kind that would conceal everything except her head, hands and feet. She felt an odd warm smile cross her face. She did look… better. Perhaps, there had been changes… imperceptible… but working slowly, regardless. Perhaps.

  ‘Perhaps’ was enough.

  ‘Perhaps’ made her feel warm inside. It made her eager to get home; to meet Alice. To talk to her. To enjoy a drink together… and… and maybe…

  A soft hiss echoed through the bus as it slowly came to a halt and Daily frowned, turning away from a reflection that had started to please her and towards the front of the bus, before she paled. She could see, just barely, through the front of the windscreen; a make-shift fence set up, with barbed wire on top of it, guarded by men wearing bright white uniforms.

  Oh… Oh…

  The bus door opened with another soft hiss and two of the guards walked into the bus; they were wearing masks that concealed their lower faces but left their eyes visible and clear. They were cold and ruthless; glittering with intent and focus. On their chests, their badges glimmered; shaped like an upside down ‘V’, she knew what it was meant to symbolize; a staff broken in two. A decration of intent and action.

  “Please have your IDs ready for inspection. If you do not have your IDs, slowly stand up and exit the bus.”

  No one moved; the guards waited for several seconds before each one took an aisle on the bus and began to move down, inspecting the small cards carefully before handing them back. Occasionally, one of them asked a question or two before quickly moving down further. It didn’t take long for one of them to reach Daily.

  “ID, Sir.”

  Daily felt her heart plummet before she refocused her priority and quickly handed over her ID. The guard inspected it for what felt like an eternity before gncing back to Daily, “…You should keep your hair the same.”

  “I… I’ve been trying to get my ID updated…”

  “You should just cut your hair. Easier.”

  CUT HIS NECK. BLOOD FOR THE MOTHER. BLOOD FOR ALL.

  He handed back her ID before pointing at the small bag in her p, “What’s in that?”

  “Beer.”

  “Beer?” The guard’s eyes shimmered with interest, “Show me.”

  Daily nodded and opened up the bag. The guard reached in and extracted a bottle carefully and examined it, “Hmm… Gonna have to confiscate this.”

  BREAK IT IN HIS NECK. BLOOD FOR THE MOTHER. BLOOD FOR YOU.

  She didn’t bother even trying to fight; this wasn’t uncommon. Particurly with things like this. She had no desire to get into a fight with him on this. She nodded quickly and held out the bag quietly.

  “Thanks a lot, chum.”

  “No, NO! PLEASE!”

  A sudden scream broke the calm; Daily and the Guard quickly turned to see the other Guard wrangling with a young man, who was screaming, “I’m NOT! I’M NOT!!!”

  Daily watched in silent horror as the two guards quickly held the young man down and handcuffed him without any effort, before they pulled up the sleeve on his shirt, revealing a dense web of intricate tattoo.

  “Not magic, eh? What do you say about that?”

  “It’s not magic! Its… it’s just my heritage! Everyone in my family has them-!”

  “Everyone in your family, eh?”

  The Young man paled; he clearly knew he had made a mistake, “N-No! No, my family isn’t-”

  “Take him down to the tent. We’ll see if he’s hiding anything else.”

  “No! NO!! PLEASE!!!”

  Daily didn’t watch as they hauled him out of the bus, where they were greeted by several more guards who pulled the young man into a tent. She had seen this sort of thing before. Each time, it made her sick to her stomach. She wanted to cry. She desperately wanted to scream. To do something. To run in and help that poor boy.

  But she couldn’t. She remained stiff with fear, shoving herself further into her seat as one of the Guards returned and announced casually, “Thank you so much for your cooperation with this search. Please remember to stay vigint about any suspicious or supernatural activity that may occur in your area. Good night.”

  After several moments, the bus began to move again and Daily realized that the Guard had forgotten to take the beer case, save for the one bottle he had been holding. It left a bitter taste in her mouth; she would’ve given up all of them and then some, if they never noticed the tattoos on that poor boy.

  SevikaWrites