Sleep? Impossible.
You ever try sleeping after getting hit by Truck-kun, being turned into Yuji Itadori, and discovering Gojo Satoru snores like he’s summoning the Void? Yeah, not exactly calming.
I stared at the ceiling, wide-eyed, blanket up to my chest like a traumatized anime protagonist.
“I’m in a Jujutsu Kaisen fanfic.”
The realization hit harder than the truck.
But maybe—maybe—I could change the story. What if I didn’t play by the script? What if I forced the best possible outcome?
“Okay… okay. Let’s think this through.”
I knew my innate technique. It was Blood Manipulation—one of the most versatile, lethal cursed techniques out there. Combine that with Reverse Cursed Technique, and I could become a walking self-healing machine. And not just that—I could hit eight black flashes in a row, and I had a domain expansion tucked somewhere deep inside.
I grinned. “I’m a genius.”
But then—
“Wait… how do I actually do any of that?”
My smile faded.
I started digging through my memory. How did Yuji even get Blood Manipulation? Oh yeah… because he became the vessel for the Curse Womb Death Paintings. Like how Sukuna could use Ten Shadows after hijacking Megumi’s body.
Yuji didn’t naturally have those abilities. He absorbed the Death Paintings 4 through 9.
I froze. “...Well shit.”
And cursed energy? That came from eating Sukuna’s fingers.
“...WELL. SHIT.”
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Just as despair was setting in, morning light pierced the dusty blinds and birds chirped like they had zero empathy. The sun hit my face like a slap from God.
I got up and marched to the bed. “Gojo. Wake up.”
No answer.
“GOJOOOO WAKE UP!!”
Still snoring like he swallowed a chainsaw.
I reached out to shake him—then stopped.
My hand hovered a millimeter from his shirt. I could feel it.
Infinity.
He cracked one eye open lazily. “I’m awake. Just too lazy to get up.”
“HUH!!??” I yelled like an NPC mid-glitch.
I gave up. Nature called.
---
[POV SHIFT — Gojo Satoru]
He left for the bathroom.
I leaned back, arms behind my head.
Then I heard it.
From the other side of the door:
“HUH!!! OHHHH NOOOO IT SHRUUUNK!!!”
And then silence.
A silence so heavy it was physically awkward.
Thirty minutes passed. I could sense the emotional trauma through the wall.
He came out, eyes red, face swollen, trying to pretend like nothing happened.
I didn't say a word.
Because real men respect the pain.
---
[Back to Me – Your Narrator]
Yeah, no. I don’t want to talk about it.
Anyway, after surviving a spiritual war in the bathroom, I packed up everything that was now “mine.” (Sorry, Yuji.)
Then we went to pick up Grandpa’s ashes. It was quiet. The kind of quiet that only happens in anime when someone's about to unlock trauma-induced power.
Gojo looked at me and said, “Your school has Sukuna’s finger.”
I froze.
If I eat it… I become Sukuna’s vessel.And I get cursed energy.
I turned to Gojo slowly and whispered, “Does cursed energy make it grow? Hypothetical question.”
He didn’t even blink. “No.”
I stood there, expression blank. And then, out of nowhere—BOOM.
A golden aura exploded from my feet and wrapped around my body like a phoenix on steroids. My hair spiked upward, switching from anime pink to Goku gold.
Power surged through me. I felt invincible.
“This power… it’s… AMAZING!!” I screamed into the heavens.
And then I blinked. Looked around.
“…Right. This is the JJK universe. Not Dragon Ball.”
The aura fizzled out.
“…Well shit.”
We got in the car.
On the way to school, we saw it—purple mist leaking out of the school gates like a curse had smoked a whole pack of spiritual cigarettes.
Gojo slowed the car. We both stared.
And, like the synchronized badasses we were, said at the exact same time:
“Oooooh shit.”
