To be honest?

  Writing a retelling or a modern version of Zeus would be easy.

  Like, ridiculously easy.

  I could take what I wanted, erase what I didn’t, slap on some leather pants and broody trauma, and boom — romantic lead material.

  But that’s not what I set out to do.

  I didn’t want to write a Greek mythology–inspired romance novel.

  I wanted to write a Greek mythology–based romance novel.

  There’s a difference.

  It means I don’t get to clean Zeus up and call it day. It means I have to stick to the messy, morally bankrupt, lightning-happy man exactly as myth made him. I mean, sure, I’ll twist a few things — I’m not Hesiod, after all — but I’m not here to sanitize him.

  And honestly? Even I wouldn’t fall in love with Zeus as he is now.

  And that’s saying something. Because I’ve been attracted to some very questionable fictional characters. (Shoutout to anime villains and Victorian murder boys.)

  Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

  So. If I’m going to make this work, Zeus needs a partner who’s just as twisted as he is.

  You don’t pair a monster with a mouse — you give him someone who bites back.

  So, I did what any reasonable writer would do: I Googled his lovers.

  And because I’m lazy, here’s the list — copy-pasted, no shame:

  Metis: Oceanid, goddess of wisdom. Swallowed by Zeus to avoid a prophecy. Gave birth to Athena from inside his head.

  Themis: Titaness of divine law. Bore the Horae and the Fates.

  Eurynome: Oceanid, mother of the Charites (Graces).

  Demeter: Goddess of agriculture. Also his sister. Because, Greek mythology.

  Mnemosyne: Titaness of memory. Mother of the nine Muses.

  Leto: Titaness. Bore Apollo and Artemis.

  Hera: His sister and wife.

  Europa: Phoenician princess. Abducted by Zeus as a bull.

  Io: Priestess turned into a cow. Because of Hera.

  Dana?: Impregnated via golden rain. Yikes.

  Alcmene: Mortal. Mother of Heracles.

  Semele: Mortal. Mother of Dionysus.

  Leda: Wooed via swan. Because why be normal?

  Honestly? I’m shocked.

  And not for the reason you think.

  I expected more.

  I mean — this guy is Zeus. I was expecting a body count that rivaled half of ancient Greece.

  Thirteen? That’s… tame.

  Solomon had 300 wives and 700 concubines and he’s still considered the wise one.

  Zeus? Thirteen. That’s amateur numbers.

  But I guess it’s not the quantity. It’s the quality.

  And by quality, I mean… Wow, this god was one freaky, cheating, shapeshifting chaos magnet.

  Also — and this might be controversial — the whole “he cheated with everything in a skirt” line?

  Slightly exaggerated.

  Still gross. Still problematic. Still deeply in need of therapy. But slightly exaggerated.

  So now the real question becomes:

  If I’m going to write a romance where Zeus is still Zeus, who the hell do I pair him with?

  A woman who knows what he is and matches him move for move.

  A mythological counterpart.

  Or maybe… something new.

  We’ll figure that out next.

  After I un-see the image of him turning into golden rain again.

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