A deafening ring assaults my ears, followed by a sharp pain running through my head. I let out a scream. No, a gargled cry fits better. For some reason, I can’t produce the sound I want to let out. It got stuck, and I can’t get it out.

  My whole body aches. It hurts. It stings. It aches, but I can’t feel it physically being there. That doesn’t make sense. No, me being conscious is already illogical on its own. I should’ve died. What kind of sick fucking joke is this? Is this hell? Is this my punishment? To atone for my sins?

  Questions, questions, questions. Yet, there are no answers in sight. Sight. Speaking of sight, I open my eyes... Nothing happened. I said, I open my eyes. “I-I can’t see anything.” Void is all I see. It’s pitch bck. “Please don't tell me I’m stuck here...”

  Realization kicks in, and anxiety erupts beneath my chest. It threatens to engulf me, to swallow me whole. My breath hitches, and the tears began to flow. I can feel each individual tear rolling off my cheeks. Leaving wet streaks in its wake. I can still feel my face. That’s good to know.

  I sobbed, mentally sobbed. If I could wail and scream, I’d done so by now. For now, I’ll have to stick with sobbing without a sound.

  “Why...?” I don't get it. I really do. I wanted to escape, and I've escaped. But in exchange, I’m stuck in this eternal prison. Bound by nothing but my consciousness. Funny, I don’t know which one is worse.

  ***

  Tears have withered by now. I’m still here. Is this a dream? If so, please let me wake up from it. It’s not funny anymore. The throbbing is gone now, somewhat. There are still sharp pangs here and there.

  I like the pain. It helps me to stay sane, letting me remember that I’m still here. Yes, that’s right. I’m still alive. Annoyingly so. I need answers, but no way to obtain them. If I use my mind, I’ll end up going insane.

  Maybe I can try to question... Someone. No, it’s directed to the void. Will that even work? Ah, it seems I’m already going mental. Of course that won't work. But I suppose there’s no harm in doing it.

  “Help me.” I reach out. No answer. Was it because my voice didn’t travel far enough to reach... Whatever was out there? Or rather, it didn’t travel anywhere. It was swallowed by the oppressive silence.

  It’s odd, as if the words never left my lips. Instead, they're trapped inside my head, failing to escape to the endless nothing surrounding me.

  Something suddenly coats my arm. “Woah...” I can feel it wrapping around. It’s liquid, almost jelly-like, and warm too. It’s weird, I like it.

  Tick tock, tick tock. The sound of time chimes loudly. It rings from one ear to the other. The ticking sound echoes even louder, and the liquid... begins to stab and dig into my skin. It finds its way inside my pores, I can feel them filling each one. Before making said pores into gaping holes.

  The liquid expands. It hardened like steel. And it hurts, it hurts so much. Another attempt to let out a scream, and another gargled cry come up instead. I try to pull away, but it’s stuck in pce. I don’t like it anymore. It pulls and twists. I hear a pop, then something brittle breaking off.

  The sounds of time stop, and I can’t feel my arm anymore.

  A series of fshing lights hit my eyes. I can see again! That feeling of joy, made me forget the pain, albeit not for long.

  The blinding lights faded away, “Mom...? Dad...?” There stood my parents. Far enough to be out of reach, but not far enough to be out of vision. “Why are you two here...?” No response.

  They’re supposed to be dead. Why are they here, alive? No, no. Alive isn’t the right word. Their eyes are bnk, cold. A lifeless shade of gray. They have slits on their throats, with dried blood coating all around the exposed wound. The insides of it are decomposing. They’re not alive, and yet they stare.

  Just like how I found them the st time.

  Seriously, what the fuck is going on?! Are they here to punish me? Please, please let me wake up from this dream! It’s not my fault, it’s not... it’s not! Please, listen to me!

  “Get away from me!” I shout, even though they’re perfectly still. I try to get away, same results. I can’t. I can’t even look down. I’m forced to stare at my parent’s corpses. Standing there, like they’ve no fucking guilt of what they have done.

  It’s getting difficult to breathe. I’m hyperventiting now. The feelings... of guilt and shame I’ve buried deep, deep down are resurfacing. “No... Not again... I beg of you...” I didn’t know who I begged to.

  To the being who has set me up like this? To myself, so I magically won’t feel these again? I don't know. All I know is, they’re coming back. And it won’t be pleasant.

  “Please... It’s not my fault... They did it to themselves... I couldn’t have saved them...” I could’ve. If only I was more aware. If only I wasn’t so selfish.

  My throat closed up, “Leave...” Is the only word I can choke out. Something is grasping at my heart. Their grip is tightening, I can feel them trying to pull it off. This feeling never changed. It’s always suffocating... hurting...

  “Leave...” I repeat. I’m not sure to who the word was directed to. To my parents, so they can leave me alone after death? To myself, so I can leave this pce? I don’t know.

  “Ah... what's that?” Something bright is opening up in the distance, far beyond where my parents stood. It looks like a room with a fancy bed? Am I getting sucked into this... portal? Maybe this is a dream after all. The more I... or it gets closer, the more blinding the lights are.

  I pass by my parents. They continue to stare into the distance. Not noticing me. Not caring about me. Just like how it always is. The lights become so bright, they practically vanish from my eyes.

  “Waah!” I flop down on the bed, my face pnting on the soft pillows, “Bweh, what..?” There I was. In the middle of the unknown room. I rub the back of my head. Wait, I can move again. Feel my body again. I’m back! I quickly look up to see the portal closing in on itself.

  “What just happened...?” I blink a couple times before taking a closer look at the room I’m in. Simirly to the bed, the room is quite spacious and fancy. With marble walls and gold outlines. There are no doors and windows. Just this grandiose room with a scrawny figure in it. I stick out like a sore thumb here, I don’t fit in.

  “Was I... saved?” A reasonable thought. Maybe whatever being I reached out to saw my pitiful state, and helped. But before I dive deeper into more theories, I should calm myself down first. I’m still having difficulty breathing properly. Taking deep breaths hurts my chest, but it helps in stabilizing me, albeit a little.

  “Don’t spiral. Don’t. Calm...” I repeat, over and over. Their faces are still etched onto my mind, stronger than ever. They never have faded away, they’ll stay until I die. Or so I thought. I’ve died, and they stayed.

  I shut my eyes and grip the sheets tight. Trying to forget part of it, I know it won’t work, at least effectively. But I have to attempt to do so. Ah, the sheets are ruined now, messy and out of pce. It’s no longer silky smooth, it’s all crumpled. Yes, that’s right. I always bring misfortune upon everything I touch. Chaos always follows me. I always mess things up. Ruining them. I always—

  “No!” I shout, and a jolt runs through my body. “Snap out of it, Sera!” I shout again, and this time I snap awake with tears starting to well up. My breathing is still uncontrolble, and heavy. But at least I’m awake, and I still have the skills to snap out of spiraling down.

  I wipe off my tears as to not stain and ruin the bed further. Bringing my knees to my chest, I squeeze them tight. My brain registers the hug and calms down. It has gotten familiar with the feeling.

  Fifteen minutes pass, and slowly but surely, my breathing is getting stable. I can focus on things again, not thinking about... them anymore. Okay, maybe I’m well enough to dive into some theories.

  “Saved... by what?” I ask, my voice echoing off the walls. Again, no answer. No answer to all the questions I’ve had since I woke up. I’m not exactly expecting anything, but a clue would be nice. So I won’t be in this constant state of panic, where anxiety rises up and down in my chest.

  Maybe I’m asking for too much. Maybe I should just let things flow and go with it. Something has saved me from what I call ‘hell’, after all.

  “No... That doesn't sit right with me.” I’ve to think. I refuse to accept things as is. There’s a reason for all of this. I’m sure. Think... Why would anything save me? I’m a mere mortal who has achieved nothing in her life. Except to be a burden for others. I never believed in spiritual Beings, I never prayed to them.

  Pity. That’s the only reason, right? Something out there felt pity for me and saved me. I breathe a sigh of relief... Then dread and anxiety fill my lungs again. I’m lying to myself, I know that’s not true. Beings like those don’t care about such trivial things. All they care about is... entertainment.

  I hug my knees tighter, so tight that my arm starts to shake. Was that all a set-up? A stage to start the entertainment? It’s too convenient. Maybe they created that ‘hell’ so they can pull me out of there, to gain my trust. And then they can control me like a puppet. I hug tighter. Okay, maybe that’s too far-fetched. I’m a pretty pessimistic person after all, maybe—

  “Bingo. You’re spot on.”