Humans get so many things wrong. It isn't their fault entirely, though. It isn't as if we bother to correct them. That's mainly because we aren't supposed to interact like that because of certain ws around the bance of the universe, it gets complicated. I am going to correct some of the misconception that I find the most amusing today, though.

  #1. Mrs. Santa isn't a fluffy grandmotherly type who runs around baking cookies all day for Nick. Okay she does bake cookies for Nick, but the rest isn't at all accurate. She's actually an awesome snow queen in her own right, powerful, young and quite stunning. She can be rather formidable if angered, but usually she is one of the nicest people you'll ever meet and my very best friend. She and I have a lot in common, but we'll get to that ter. And no, she and Nick don't have an age gap. They are both immortal elves, demigods of winter if you will. He looks young too if you get right up into his face to see it clearly through all the beard, but you never will, so just take my word for it. His hair and beard are snowy white, but that's just his natural hair color, his being a winter elf and all. He grew the beard out because he actually has quite the baby face, and he felt no one would take his power seriously if he didn't look older.

  #2. And while we're on the dies first kick, which we are, let's talk about me. Humans call me a troll, and a Christmas Witch. I am said to have had three husbands, the st of which is fat and stupid, so why I chose to end there, I have no idea. I supposedly have thirteen children, who enjoy the winter holidays as much as I do, but my dolt of a husband isn't as into that sort of thing, or so it seems. Why I didn't marry someone with whom I have more in common is beyond me but whatever. Humans don't really think things out when making up stories with which to terrorize their children into being good. I don't mind the attempts to make them be good, as it makes my job easier, but had they asked me, I would've preferred a bit more truth, because trust me, it is more interesting than bad fiction.

  One thing they said is accurate. I am a troll as is my real husband, the only one I have ever had, Krampus. We'll get to him eventually, though, don't worry. Back to me for now, though. As of yet I don't have any children, but I do have thirteen brothers that you might know as The Yule Lads. I also have a sweet kitty called The Yule Cat. Nick's elves have spoiled him beyond repair, but that's another story that I do promise to tell eventually. One offensive misconception that humans have about me and Krampus is that we eat naughty children. Really? Do you know how foul they would taste? We don't enjoy spoiled food, I'll have you know, but trust me, we aren't vegan. Though we do not eat bad children, sometimes we make them wish we had, because it isn't wise to be naughty, so don't do it. Sorry, but I also don't have fifty heads or nine tails even if Krampus has made a few inappropriate jokes about my temper! Men. Which leads me nicely into number three.

  #3. Let's talk about good old Saint Nick. His real name is Nick Santa, it's an elvish word that means snow, the Santa, not the Nick. Nick means nice which does suit him very well, although sometimes he can be quite maniputive believe it or not. Once he tricked me and Krampus into thinking he needed more help delivering gifts. He asked us to see if my brothers would help and being the good friend to Santa that I am, I bullied all thirteen of them into doing whatever he needed, as good sisters are wont to do. Once they pyed at helping Krampus and I terrorizing and tricking bad children into being good and good children into staying that way. I think Nick was growing concerned that their pranks were getting out of hand. You know, as in a bit too dangerous. Like maybe my youngest brother, Kertasníkir may have stolen candles that ended up resulting in naughty people freezing to death, lost in the dark. I say whatever, but apparently Nick thought that was going a bit too far. So to avoid a tension filled discussion, he simply decided to trick them into being helpful instead... Without telling me and Krampus. We actually believed that he needed help, and looking back on it ter, I feel rather foolish, because Nick has powerful magic so he don't need no help delivering gifts. It's rather embarrassing actually, because it feeds into the unfounded myth that trolls are dumb. We are very sharp and cunning, I'll have you know, just we believed Nick and I don't want to talk about it any more!

  #4. My brothers, the Thirteen Icendic Yule Lads!

  My brothers enjoy helping Nick because he is nice to them. Krampus feels that they respond well to niceness, but they don't really bring the nice side out in me. Do not judge. Try having thirteen brothers who never do what you ask without a good sound smack on the head before you judge!

  The fact that humans decided they were my children is rather daft as we were all mentioned in their mythology for centuries before that offensive insanity started. In some accountings, I was even correctly called their sister, but what? They got bored with the truth? Trust me, I do not look old enough to be their mother. Not that my mother looks old, she looks great for her age, even still having a trim figure, almost as slender as my own, which is a feat after having fourteen children. In case you happen to be reading this, mamma, you look amazing! My pápi looks great for his age as well. I have fantastic genetics even if I am somewhat the bck sheep of the family, though technically that's Krampus. He has the dark fur where mine is golden, but golden sheep doesn't sound as good, does it?

  What makes me the bck sheep? My choice of occupation. My very abilities and how I chose to use them. My interests. Like any bck sheep, the fact that I am not like the rest. It's the thing over which Krampus and I, and Nick and his wife bond. We understand one another like no one else ever will and that makes what we are even stronger. I was a young maiden when I first sensed Krampus's activities. His power, and the way he used it to bring justice called to me, excited and thrilled me. I could also sense the naughty children, you see, and it galled me to no end how they could ruin the nice energy vibes with their unnecessary ugliness. Krampus gave me an outlet for that, and I was eager to take it! I began punishing naughty children in Icend, hoping to gain the attention of the probably quite dashing Krampus. I say probably, because at that time I hadn't seen him yet. My brothers used my activities to start up pranks of their own, in part due to agreeing with the sentiment behind punishing the naughty, and in part due to just being bored and enjoying a bit of human harassing if we're being honest. See, I remembered that we were talking about the Yule Lads! I bet you thought I forgot and just went back to talking about myself again, didn't you? Well either way, we're done with them for the moment. I saved the best for st, so finally we move to the man of the hour!

  #5. Krampus! Beautiful and magnificent he is with those fming eyes and punishing branches of Burch. He even made me my own Burch bundle with which to punish the naughty back when we first got together, and I still use it to this day. He is such a sweet heart. He is so romantic! Of course sometimes he can be insensitive and daft, but I am feeling sentimental at present so we won't get into that just now.