I sat on the little chair in the little room with my hands on the little desk and looked at the little man in front of me while he looked at his notepad. Possibly to provide balance and fairness, the big man to his left looked at me.

  There was a lot of looking going on.

  I found it a little difficult to concentrate on them, though.

  The words still hung in front of my eyes as though made of delicate gold threads.

  Initializing. Please wait.

  So, I waited. It didn’t matter where I waited. I could wait in my apartment. Or my workplace. On the street, or under a bridge. It didn’t matter. All I had to do was wait. The System said so.

  And, while it wasn’t a quest as such, I knew there’d be a reward at the end. I just had to be patient.

  “Your name is Bexley Finch,” the little one said, injecting a bored tone into his voice.

  “Sounds stupid,” the large one grunted. “Is that your Drag name?”

  My lawyer, provided for me by the State, was fresh from university by the looks of it. She nibbled at the corner of her nail, and her briefcase didn’t look very brief. Quite the opposite. It looked stuffed.

  She dug around the thick wad of papers while they started their little act.

  She’d heard all this before, I thought. I hadn’t. The closest I’d been to an interrogation was an episode or two of CSI.

  I looked at her to continue the trend of looking and figured her to be a year or two younger than me. Which me, I wasn’t sure. Did my years in Neyteria count? I was almost thirty when I’d left Earth.

  Ten years in Neyteria would make me close to forty.

  A part of me felt shocked by that.

  I was getting old.

  I didn’t feel old.

  The Nekos. They’d made me feel young. That was it.

  My lawyer, who had introduced herself as Sally, looked up as though feeling my gaze on her. Pushing her cute oversized glasses back up her nose, she looked from me to the large man as though wondering if I expected her to intervene.

  She’d make a great Neko, I thought.

  I bet she’d be playful.

  “I said,” the large man growled through gritted teeth. He seemed determined to get an answer, as though it was a set up for a punch line. I figured he was trying to impress my lawyer with his toughness. “Is that your Drag name?”

  “I don’t know what a Drag name is.” I returned my look to him. “I’ll defer to your experience on that one.”

  The little one might’ve choked on something at that point. The large one didn’t seem too bothered, though. I think this was more a verbal ritual spar than anything too serious, so he let me have the point.

  “Alright,” he said, chewing on each word. “You’re still in the closet, then.”

  I looked around the very little room and shrugged. “Feels like we’re all in it together.”

  “It’s a bit small in here, for sure,” Sally agreed.

  I beamed at her. She really was going to be the cutest Neko.

  The little man gave a small cough. “You want to tell us why you did it?”

  “Did what?”

  “Break in and steal the ring.” He paused. “Then ate it.”

  “I did no such thing,” I said. “I walked in. The doors were totally open. They even had a sign on the door saying they were open.”

  “For trading, yes,” the little man said. “But you stole the ring.”

  “And ate it,” I said. I looked at my lawyer, who was obviously wondering why she was there if I was going to admit to everything. “I know it sounds strange, but I had to do it.”

  The large man sighed. “Let me guess. The voices told you to.”

  “What voices?” I frowned at him. “Do you hear voices? Maybe you should see someone about that.”

  “Why do it, then?” the little one cut in before his partner could snap back.

  “Is it important?”

  “We like to think so.” He paused, looking at my lawyer. “And so would the judge. It’d show cooperation.”

  My lawyer shrugged. She wasn’t a great lawyer, I thought. But she really was going to be a great Neko. Most Nekos were bored by this kind of thing.

  They were, after all, creatures of great passion.

  I didn’t care either way.

  I was simply waiting.

  “I had to do it,” I said, leaning in to look at him conspiratorially. I lowered my voice. “For the Nekos.”

  He frowned. Then looked at my lawyer. Both had looks of confusion on their faces. “The what?”

  “Nekos,” the large man said softly. “You know. Nekogirls. Catgirls. They’re, like, sexy chicks with cat ears and tails.”

  I grinned at him. He knew. He understood completely why I do what I do.

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  Then he noticed his partner was looking at him, with eyes a little too wide.

  “So I’ve heard,” the large man spat out quickly. “I got a friend who’s into that Japanese crap. Always going on and on about manga stuff.”

  “Right,” I said, simply stating what everyone in the room thought. “A friend. I bet this friend of yours has a Neko body-pillow. Which is totally unfair, by the way. I don’t have any.”

  “We’ve seen your room,” the large man scowled, trying to lead the subject away from himself. “It’s a shithole.”

  “I know.”

  “It stinks!”

  “I know.”

  “And you couldn’t even pay your electricity, water, or rent!”

  “My rent’s overdue?”

  “There’s an eviction notice in your mailbox,” he growled.

  “Eh,” I said. I hadn’t planned to take my Nekos back there anyway. But I did feel a bit disappointed in my old self for letting my bills get that far behind. “No great loss.”

  “Is that why you did it?” the small man asked. “So you could go to prison for the free rent? It’s not a great place, you know.”

  “Neither is under a bridge,” I told him, tapping my nose. “Trolls are very territorial.”

  He sat back, not quite sure what to make of me. “Do they really?”

  “They do,” I said.

  “My client is clearly under some stress,” my lawyer put forward for the tape recording. “I think these questions are taking advantage of his, umm, stress.”

  “Stress?” The little man squinted at me. “He doesn’t look stressed. Are you stressed?”

  “Not really,” I admitted. I looked to my lawyer who was looking at me like I was an idiot. “It’s okay. None of this matters. It’ll be all better soon. We just have to be patient.”

  “Patient for what?” the large man asked, sticking his jaw out.

  “The System,” I told him. “It’s still initializing. I’m sure it won’t be long. When I got to Neyteria, it did the same thing.”

  “Neyteria?”

  “Yeah,” I nodded. “I think you, or your friend, would have liked it there. So many Nekos.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.” I nodded at him, spotting a slight twinkle in his eye. “But, don’t worry. I guarantee you’ll see a Neko real soon. We all will. But you won’t be able to touch any. I’m sorry, but I can’t let anyone touch the Nekos. I made a promise. And I never break my promises. I’m going to protect them until the end of time.”

  The little man leaned back in his chair. “I’m not saying I don’t appreciate the effort, kid, but you don’t really need to go this far with the insanity plea. You swallowed a ring. We’ll wait until you shit it out and clean it up. Give it back. You might even get out of this with a suspended sentence if you’re lucky. Maybe you oughtta talk to your lawyer a bit more.”

  System reboot in progress. Please wait.

  I grinned. “I’m not insane.”

  “Well,” he sucked a breath. “That’s not what it looks like from my side of the table. And if you pour it on as thick as this, you’ll end up in the monkeyhouse if you know what I mean. That’s worse than prison. Some people never get out.”

  System Activated.

  Please provide your name.

  “Bexley Finch,” I said.

  The little man blinked. “What?”

  Bexley Finch Accepted. Duplicate Entity records found from world #137. Would you like to replicate previous Build?

  “Yes, please. I want to be the Nekomancer again.”

  Accepted. Build recovery in progress. Please wait.

  My lawyer touched my shoulder. “Bexley, are you okay?”

  I looked into her eyes and saw genuine care. She was indeed the perfect choice for my first Neko on my home world.

  I was so excited. I couldn’t wait to free her.

  “I’m absolutely fine,” I told her. “What should I call you, though? What would you like to be called? I don’t know much about the law. But what about Claws? Like, you find hidden clauses in things? No? Dee? For Defence? Atty? For my little attorney? No? Nothing like that?”

  Build replication complete.

  “Err…”

  Entity Bexley Finch has completed Starting Quest previously. Would you like to skip the Starting Quest?

  “Yes, please. It was a bit annoying. Let’s not do that again.” I glanced at the two cops who were busy being confused. “It was just a series of fetch and kill ten this or ten that. Not worth doing. Besides, I think I know my way around the general geography on Earth well enough to get by.”

  Starting Quest skipped. Entity raised to Level 5. Unlocking Stats. You have 10 points to assign. Please assign them immediately to continue.

  “I think we should pause this interview for now,” the little man said.

  Stats only come in a few flavours.

  Strength, for how strong my muscle was. Stamina for how long I could, well, do things. Agility for how quickly or how bendy I was while doing them. And Intelligence for magic control. Wisdom? Well. It was there. I didn’t use it, though.

  “Five points to my Intelligence, please. Two each to Strength and Stamina. Add one to my Agility.” I smiled brightly at my lawyer. “I felt it was good to be a little rounded at the beginning and then just throw it all into Intelligence after Level Ten, you know. It worked, so I don’t see any point doing anything different. Hey, have you thought of a great Neko name, yet? What about Chasey? Like Ambulance Chaser?”

  “Or the porn star,” blurted the large man. Then shook his head. “The fuck is going on?”

  Unlocking Achievements.

  Achievement Granted!

  Achievement: Long Lost Champion

  Congratulations, you have completed the Main Quest on a distant world. Gain the Outworlder Title and Exotic Outworlder Skill Tree. This is separate to the Nekomancer Skill Tree and can be used in conjunction.

  “Ha!” I slapped the table with an excited bang. “I got a title!”

  Skills Unlocked. Please select 2 skills (+1 Outworlder skill) from the following:

  (Nekomancer) Transform to Neko: Permanently Transform Target into an obedient (and cute!) Neko. Protect her at all costs! 10 second cooldown.

  (Nekomancer) Kitty Litter: Sprays the surrounding area with sharp stones to cause minor damage to up to 8 targets. 10 second cooldown.

  (Nekomancer) Catcall: Increase Target Neko’s Attack Power by x2 for 30 minutes.

  (Nekomancer) Paws: Freeze target in place for 3 seconds. 10 second cooldown.

  (Outworlder) Teleport: Teleport yourself up to 1km in any direction. Target location must be in Line of Sight. 60 second cooldown.

  (Outworlder) Phase: Gain immunity from all attacks for 5 seconds. 60 second cooldown.

  I read my options while my lawyer started talking about getting a psychiatric evaluation. The two cops didn’t seem against the idea.

  “I want Transform to Neko, please. And Catcall,” I said, loudly and proudly. Everyone ignored me, but that was their loss. “Also, Teleport. That sounds fun.”

  I hadn’t needed to really think about my Nekomancer options. This wasn’t my first rodeo. But the Outlander ones were interesting. I knew from previous experience, however, that skills mutated as they levelled and, while Phase sounded helpful, I knew Teleport would be more useful in the longterm.

  I did like to get around, after all.

  Nekocoins Unlocked. Remaining coins: 14

  Do you wish to make any changes?

  “No, thanks.” I raised my arms to the sky, ready and willing. Happiness filled my heart. “Ding me!”

  There’s always a ding. It’s like a loud bell, but it’s soft at the same time.

  Then there’s a gentle pressure as though something vast has opened its eye for a moment and is staring at you through the void. Is it happy to see you? One cannot tell.

  Finally, a bolt of plasma beamed down through the roof and, this time, everyone saw it. Everyone in the city probably saw it.

  My lawyer screamed as the light struck my body and, in a single moment, every cell was obliterated and remade. It’s not quite painful, but it is uncomfortable the first few times. I had thrown up until I was level 15 or so.

  This time, I cried. It was an emotional experience. I let it all out. All the fear and terror from the last day. It had been so much.

  As the tears rolled, I reflected that I’d done a lot of crying in the past 24 hours.

  My Nekos would have liked that. They’d have gathered around and cuddled me until I felt better. I missed them so much. I needed more Nekos.

  The two cops were shouting for help. One of them had pressed a button and an alarm belted out its ear-blasting tune.

  My lawyer grabbed me by my shirt as I flopped back in my chair like a shivering little fish. I gazed up into her beautiful blue eyes and smiled.

  “Bexley, are you okay? Don’t move. You were just hit by lightning,” she blinked at the ridiculousness of it. “How the fuck were you hit by lightning?”

  “It’s okay,” I said, as cheerfully as I could. I felt the familiar feeling of mana creeping into my Reserve. It was only twenty points, but it would be enough. I put my hand on her cheek. I felt her shiver. She knew. I know it. She knew what was about to happen and couldn’t help but feel excited, too. I breathed my favourite words in the whole world so she alone heard them. “Transform to Neko.”

  There was another flash of light.

  And everything went black.