Chapter Eleven

  A Wish to See

  Cailean had instructed the boys in basic training. The mountain hold had some practice swords and he showed them the basic moves of winter hunter training. Cailean knew that combat training would be paramount, as in this horrible winter they would not only be facing monsters, but they may have to take arms against the Dark Stalker order that had been hunting their kind since the first flakes of snow fell.

  Leaving the boys to their paces, Cailean returned to the mountain’s library to check in on Gwen. She was deep in a generations-old text, written in old script and a bit hard to decipher. She was getting through it though. Cailean had tried to help her, with how much he dove into the old tomes of the Winter Hunter library in Tycolm, he was a bit more familiar with the old script and could help her figure out some of the more challenging letters. He came up behind her and rested his hands on her shoulder. She was shocked a bit by the touch of his cold fingers on her warmed sun-kissed flesh and jumped. She turned to Cailean and sighed.

  “How are you holding up, I think Gerbil’s expecting you to read every damn tome in these mountains, this library is nearly as large as the Winter Hunter archives, looks intimidating,” he said.

  “I’m doing fine enough,” Gwen said, turning from Cailean back to the tome, “This is supposedly one of the oldest tomes in the world, it speaks of the first turning, of the anchor, and of the first kings of Night and Spring speaking to the Goddesses themselves at the end of the First Winter, when the first Winter Hunters brought the great offering to the Goddesses,” she said.

  “Every Winter Hunter knows of that, the last farmed grain that man could muster from the land after fifty years of winter, it was all we hand, and the Winter Hunters offered it to the Goddesses in penance, they put their last hope to the fire knowing they would see another blessing, really it’s all the Goddesses wanted, just a show of faith, that's when they came to Gailech and Giran, the leaders of men, with their offer to return the spring. Giran said he would lead the people in a new prosperity, and Gailech the descendant of that betraying and cruel man, said that man deserved to be reminded of winter, and he would take the burden of leading the people when the Goddesses reminded us of the penance all men must pay,” Cailean said.

  “I’ve been reading a lot about the Anchor,” she said, “The orb that dimmed when King Giran, my father, handed it off to the Winter King. It was a gift from the Goddesses, while it dims in winter it always has at least a glow to it, showing that the light of the Goddesses will never leave us again. King Gailech has it now, we’ll have to approach the King of Winter and have him return it to the Giran family,” she said.

  “Return it to you, you mean,” Cailean rubbed Gwen’s shoulders, “The Spring is yours to find, you’re the one who’s going to have to accept it at the next turning, whether it be in Mythis, Kal-Dovean, or even the wilds, wherever it happens, it's you he needs to hand it to, the show that man has paid their penance in winter, and in your hands, it will ignite again, and bring the next spring,” he said, leaning in and giving her a kiss on the neck.

  Gwen sighed, closing her eyes, feeling so safe in the hands of her Winter Hunter, leaning back into him, “There's so much to learn, I don’t know if I can do it,” she said, closing her eyes, “To think, me bringing the spring back, never mind that it would be me who has to lead people, I’m just a girl, what knowledge do I have about running a kingdom. I don’t know anything about politics or leading, there has to be someone out there who could help,” she said.

  “You have the Winter Hunters, we rebuilt this world once, we can do it again,” Cailean said, “Even if there's only four of us, we’ll build from that, we’ll grow, we’ll enforce your new rule, we’ll be your first line against that terrible cold,” Cailean said, speaking a line from his oath.

  “I know, I just feel like there's more I can learn, more I can see,” Gwen closed the tome, “These writings are wise, but I think I need something else,” she said, feeling Cailean’s strong hands rub her shoulders, “Do you remember those leaves you gave me, that night,” she said.

  “Icee Leaf? Yeah, it's just used to help you sleep,” he said.

  “A little bit helped me sleep, but you used more, and you didn’t use it for sleep,” she said, turning to him.

  Cailean shook his head, “You don’t want any part of Winter Hunter rituals, I shouldn’t even have given you what I did, it’s not meant for you,” he said.

  “I need some of it, a full dose, like what you take when you can’t sleep,” she said.

  “Why would you want that? Meditation is sacred to Hunters, we don’t go and let anyone do it, not that anyone could do it, your mind has to be trained, readied to engage in meditation,” he said.

  “You don’t let anyone? Not even the Sun Blood?” she asked, “I want to see, maybe if I meditate I can see things like you see things, you told me your visions can teach you things, maybe I can learn something, something I need to know,” she said.

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  “I don’t have much left, I’ve already parsed out some for the boys, they’re coming along in their training and they’ll need to know the ways of meditation if they’re going to become hunters, and I need some for myself,” Cailean said.

  “Just give me a little,” Gwen said, “I just need a little, it’s been hard to sleep since Mythis, if anything I just want it to get a good night's sleep,” she said.

  “Too much Icee leaf won’t give you just a good night's sleep, a little bit maybe, just a bite,” he said, “But to use it like you want to use it, you’re not really going to wake up well rested and ready for another day of study, you might see things, things you don’t want to see,” he said.

  “I know, I know you’ve seen things, you’ve seen her,” Gwen looked down.

  “Yes, I saw her,” Cailean said, knowing that they were speaking of that mistress of mystery, that goddess of war and death, the Red Lady.

  “Did you see her last time? When Gerbil had you meditate here, did you see her?” she asked.

  Cailean shook his head, “Our pact was supposed to be done before I sent you away, I told her I would die,” he took a deep breath, “And I died, we’re square,” he said.

  “Did you see her?” she asked again.

  Cailean held his head down, “Yes, I thought I was done, but it seems our business has yet to conclude, she told me about the Winter and told me I wasn’t done yet,” he said.

  Gwen smiled, “You know, I’m a bit jealous of her,” she said.

  “What? Gwen?” Cailean asked, not understanding what the woman he loved was saying.

  “She gets to see you at your most vulnerable and intimate, all alone with you wherever it is that you speak with her,” Gwen held her chin up, and couldn’t help but smile, “What’s it like, talking to a Goddess?” she asked.

  “It’s not as divine a blessing as it sounds,” Cailean said, “I go to a field, a great green field, the sky is so damn blue you would hardly believe such a thing as winter could ever exist, there are flowers strew about in colors so vivid and bright even the spring of our world couldn’t produce them, there's a stream, with clear sapphire blue water, I splashed some in my face once and drank from it, it tasted like water but different,” he said.

  “Like water, but different?” Gwen raised an eyebrow, “How does something taste like water but different?” she asked.

  “It just is,” Cailean sunk his head.

  “Is she beautiful?” Gwen asked.

  “What?” Cailean asked.

  “In some of the books I’ve been reading, there are accounts from Winter Hunters who’ve been visited by her, Hunters like you, Hunters who died,” she said, “They speak of her as the most beautiful woman they’ve ever seen, a radiant Goddess who any man would gladly lay their life down for,” she said. “And I’ve read about the rights of a Winter Hunter's funeral, when one of your brothers dies, it’s traditional to bless him in last rights with the hope that he meets her, that he lies with the Red Lady and calls her his woman,” she said.

  Cailean reached up and ran his hand against Gwen’s cheek, brushing some of her auburn hair away, “The first time I saw her, she was beautiful, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen until I saw you, and when I saw her after that, I told her I was ready to die, but not for her,” Cailean smiled, “I was ready to die for you, you alone, One night with your love is worth endless against even an eternity of laying with that supposed Goddess the Red Lady,” Cailean took a deep breath, held his shoulders straight, “She is beautiful, its true, I wouldn’t be surprised if any man claimed her the most beautiful woman they could ever put their unfortunate eyes on should she visit them in vision,” He said as Gwen rose, reaching up to wrap her arms around her Winter Hunter. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers, her warm lips, maybe the only true warmth he would ever want to find in this damn season of cold and death.

  “I prayed to her,” she said, resting her forehead against his.

  “You did?” Cailean asked.

  “Yes, when you sent me away. When you stayed behind, I prayed to her, prayed to any goddess that would listen to me, you’re not the only one who’s made a deal with the Red Lady it seems,” she said, forcing a smile, “I told her that if I could have just one more night with you, I would bring the spring back,” she said, “For you, I’ll do everything I can to bring the spring,” she said, “Just so long as I can feel your arms around me, the warmth of a spring sun could never warm me like the feeling of safety your arms give me. What did she say, last time you saw her, when you meditated here?” Gwen asked.

  Cailean took a deep breath, “She said it wasn’t over, she said I still had a role to play, getting you here wasn’t enough it seems, and she called that so-called great battle I died in a mere scuffle, nothing compared to what's coming. I died once for you, and for you, I will die as many times as I can,” he said.

  “I need to see her, speak with her,” Gwen reached up and wrapped her hands around Cailean’s jacket, “I feel, if we’re the two women in your life, we should speak face to face,” she said, “You made her promise to let you protect me, and she let you, I promised her to bring the spring back, I need to have words with the Red Lady, if I’m to share you with her so be it, whether you end up dying for me or her, I just need to speak with her,” she said.

  “Meditation is no simple matter,” Cailean said, “I know more than maybe anyone alive the dangerous things you can see if you go too deep into that world of green grass and bright sun,” he said.

  “We’re in this together, I want you to think of that every time you hold me in your arms, that it’s you and me now, maybe I can bring the spring, but only if I have you fighting for it,” she said, resting her head on his chest, “Maybe I can come to a truce with her, maybe we can both have you, you in this world in my arms until you die as a satisfied old man on a warm springs day, and then after that I could be resigned to letting her have you,” she said.

  “I’ll have Gerbil prepare the meditation chamber, just know that what you see is just that, a vision, they can be complicated, complex, and confounding, just promise me one thing,” Cailean said.

  “Anything,” Gwen closed her eyes and just rested her head against his chest, wanting to hear his heartbeat against her ear.

  “You make her know that so long as I live in this world, so long as I draw breath, in the spring or in the cold, on this side I am yours, I am not hers, not yet at least,” he said.