13

  Susie

  After getting handshakes from every man in the village, and crying hugs from every mother, Christian, Cody, Brad and I were invited to the Lord’s hall for a great feast of celebration.

  Christian was getting praise more than any of us. He was decked out in armor as opposed to Brad and Cody’s simple shirts and tradesmen’s weapons and my humble, if not a bit fashionable, maiden’s dress. Mother’s were crying as they held tight to him, and fathers were patting his back and offering both drinks and an invitation to meet one of their older daughters, at least I hope the daughters they were talking about were the ones a bit too old for the Piper’s taste, but I think I eventually learned more than anyone the debaucheries that this world could surprise us with.

  For instance, did you know that Snow White was only twelve years old when she ran away from danger to live in safety with the dwarfs? Only Twelve years old, a child. A full-grown woman, that evil stepmother, thought her the fairest of them all, thought her a threat to the attentions of men young and grown alike. Looking back, I really should have called the messed-up things in this world more than I did.

  We were given the honor of the head table in the Lord’s Hall. The Lord was something akin to a mayor I think, though we did find a few towns that had mayors as opposed to Lord’s. I never really did figure out how the legal system of Somewhere Else worked. Never mind the fact that for an area as small as we had covered in our travels there, I counted at least a dozen instances of meeting or hearing about this or that Princess. A Princess implies there’s a king right? Were all these royal families sharing rule over the few square miles of land that we covered in our journey’s? Maybe Christian’s theory was right. The theory that not only time was malleable, but space was as well. That the lake, while making us think we were landing in the same place every time we came over, whatever we happened to be looking for when we entered happened to be just a short walk. It didn’t matter what direction we went it, or if we had gone in that direction before. I’ve given up trying to find any sense or logic Somewhere Else, that place wasn’t real, it couldn’t have been real. I don’t care about how passionate Christian was in his arguments for that world’s legitimacy. It wasn’t real to me. It may have felt real in the moment, it may have felt real when I argued to free those poor children from the Piper, and of course things felt far too real when everything involving Morgan happened.

  Morgan.

  The whole Morgan incident was something that made me think nothing about our adventures could get worse. Of course, even after that ugliness Christian had one more surprise for me. Never mind that for now, we’ll get to that part of the story later.

  Anyway, we were served four fine plates of well-cooked and incredibly seasoned Pheasant. One of the only things I’ll give Christian for being right about this world was the food truly was incredible. I remember Cody once picked a ripe apple off a tree we were passing in one of our adventures. He sliced it on the blade of his axe and we shared it. It was the sweetest, crispest, most flavorful piece of fruit I’ve ever enjoyed.

  The Lord raised his goblet and called for a toast, “If we could, for ending the dreaded terror of that accursed Piper, we give thanks, all residents of Hamlin united in thanks, to the brave Sir Christian of Nebraska, and his mighty adventuring party. Sir Cody, Sir Brad the Moor,” Moor? I think I heard about what a moor was in history class. I wonder why they thought Brad was something called a Moor? Either way the people over there seemed to have a lot less of a problem with Moor’s then a good deal of people on our side of the lake did. “And a thanks to the lady Susie, one of the sweetest tongues and skill for words a lady could ever have,” he raised his glass. I took the, admittedly, awkward compliment in stride. This world was equivalent to about the fifteenth century, so you can give backhanded compliments to women leeway.

  We all stood and took a bow to a great applause from the thankful people of Hamlin. Forgive the sense that I was enjoying myself during times like these. Because I was enjoying myself. I was young and ignorant. To this younger version of myself I thought that we had just saved a score of children from a perverted enslavement of some horrible monster who played the role of a humble musician.

  As we ate an already paid and financially satisfied band of men with lutes and other instruments, no flutes of course, started to play a merry tune.

  Cody, with the same bravery one of those enchanted little boys had when they approached one of those enchanted little girls, came to me and smiled, “Dance M’lady?” he asked.

  The memory of saving those children, and being able to do it without any violence, I was feeling pretty good in the moment. God I was so ignorant, but this was before things got awful. These next few visits were the high point of our time Somewhere Else before everything got so messed up. I rolled my eyes, trying to play off like I was doing him a favor by taking his hand. But I really did want to take his hand, I did want to dance with him, and dancing with him was so fun.

  Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

  Brad found one of the serving girls, a rather busty serving girl at that, and humbled the young plain dressed maiden with a dance. The blushing and busty serving girl laughed as she won over the charms of the young Moor. Later I had seen him working on her, taking small shots of powerful spirit alongside her, and a few other of the serving girls.

  Christian, who I had seen already down three mugs of ale was probably having a high point in his life at the moment. He had not one, but two girls, each wrapped around one of his arms. As heavy as his shirt of chainmail looked, he moved so naturally in it. Dancing with the two women, twirling them and taking turns lifting them into the air and dipping them. Back in our world, the real world, I would have never imagined seeing Christian bold enough to dance with one girl, but here he could wrangle two of them at the same time with confidence as much as any man could have.

  There were a scant few times I caught Christian smiling back in the real world, usually when he was smiling over there that meant he was thinking about Somewhere Else, and even then, any time he smiled in the real world it looked forced, almost painful really. But here, his smiles looked so natural, so prideful, boastful, and deserved. I wonder why he didn’t have a deeper conversation with at least one of them as the party winded down. He was, as Cody or Brad would say, ‘Totally in bro’. It was probably overwhelming for him. Not just one, but multiple women finding him strong and courageous, finding him interesting. I wonder if the feeling he had when we left the party had any similarities to when he left the first party by the lake. Christian didn’t feel like he belonged anywhere, until he found this place. He was probably just nervous. God help me, if one of those girls he was dancing with had lured him out of the hall, behind a haystack or anywhere else more private, him having that experience could have probably prevented so much awfulness from happening later.

  Between dances the boys would return to the serving girls Brad was working over and requesting more drinks. Christian, who could barely handle his first two beers was downing mead with the best of them. I approached him, trying to stay positive, this was a positive night, we really did save those children, whether they were real or not.

  “Go easy, I know it’s a celebration but you sure are pounding those down,” I said.

  “Susie, we’re heroes, we’re actually heroes,” his voice was slurred, and he was stumbling a bit. Three drinks of mead could do that to one inexperienced with drinking.

  “Christian, we did good, didn’t we?” I asked, smiling. I imagine this is how Cody felt whenever his pity for what I now know is this pathetic man, hit one’s heart.

  “Yeah, we did good, I was asking about, not Snow White, not Rapunzel, Cinderella,” he raise his eyebrows, “I asked if anyone in the town, if for what we know, we brought a girl named Cinderella back, she could be out there you know. Those two pretty girls I was dancing with were sisters, I asked if they had other family, asked if they maybe had a stepsister,” he looked off with a dreamy look in his eyes, “Never know, I could go on an adventure, go to a party, dance with a special girl. As bad as I am with women, I’d probably be so enamored with her beauty I would forget to ask her name, but maybe, after our dance she would have to run off, and she would leave behind a slipper,” Christian’s eyes went low, dark for a second. “I could find her. The lake would let me find her. The lake always puts us just where we need to be,” he said.

  “Okay,” I said, feeling a bit uncomfortable at this obvious warning sign for future crimes that Christian was beaming towards me. “I’m going to go back to the party, don’t drink too much, we have to go home tomorrow,” I said.

  “Tomorrow is relative, to that place,” Christian said, talking about our world, the real world, “We can all have fun tonight,” he took another full mug of mead, “We’ll sleep it off, I’ve already arranged for us to have good lodgings tonight, pro-bono of course, what with our great service to this town,” he smiled at me, “We couldn’t have done it without you, Susie, you helped us solve this the best way we could. And now we’ve more coin, we’ve praise, we’ve admiration,” he said, “I told you it would be easy, didn’t I?” he asked.

  “You did say it was just a guy with a flute, I guess he was just a guy with a flute,” I said, hands wringing my dress, a bit uncomfortable as I watched Christian begin his slow descent, deeper and deeper into this fantasy world.

  “Yeah,” Christian said, tilting his head and finishing what had to be his fourth or fifth mead for the night, “Let’s not think about the other world, let’s celebrate, here and now. That’s how we should live our lives, here, and now,” he said, turning and looking over the great party that was being held in our honor.

  These were the fun times, the times where Somewhere Else was a vacation into fantasy as opposed to a mandate of common human decency. Before rescuing someone running from their problems, before Morgan, before realizing just how much gold we made, and before Rose, Christian’s rose. I’ll never forgive him for the horribleness we saw, I’ll never forgive him for bending my life, Brad’s life, and Cody’s life so out of shape. I’ll never forgive him for that. I think that Cody thinks that retelling this little memoir we’re spinning will be therapeutic for us. Maybe as we write these early chapters where everything was going right, where everything was going well, we’ll remember Christian as a more, I hate to say it, sympathetic character. I’ll let Cody pile on the reasons to sympathize with Christian, the main reason I agreed to this, as I said earlier, was to show you the dangers someone lost in a fantasy world can pose to those around him. But we’re still in the good times right now, we’re still in the times of parties and feasts, of congratulations and revelry. Things were good, for a time. But then everything just became so wicked and messed up. I have to stop writing for a minute, I have a case to prepare for. A man, recently separated from his wife got drunk at a bar and, instead of calling uber, got in his car and mowed down two pedestrians. This one is easy, already in the bag. One of my associates is already offering him a plea and I pray he doesn’t take it. I want to lock this man up for as long as legally possible.