this isn't an apology, just the truth no longer hidden, and if this confession ever meant something. it's already too late.

  "I did it again"

  But that's not important right now. the thoughts are flooding in again, crawling in like parasites, breeding like a whore. is it the shower? No. that's just the trigger.

  they've stopped what tormented me, made me believe in something, and handed me purpose, a horrid face, never once did they treat it loathesomely.

  Yet i give them doubt, the pain they give me is constant and sharp, something they want to witness on others, but even after this confession countless of times, I've committed. in fact i want none of them to escape i want to witness the climax to this purpose I've been given.

  A thought that became a calling, something you can't abandoned. not because they're telling you to, it's because you're too late late to even attempt to.

  because they're not really in there are they? have they even been with you. you're trapped constantly awaiting their move, your thoughts. does being frightened of them mean I'm just fearing myself?

  The truth is peace might never reach you, and when you do something else will take over you, and will consume what's left of you, the more you chase control of them the more you realize it's never been yours to have.

  not every thoughts is worth attention, yet you'll find yourself listening, knitting lies making something that fits, each one tailored just for you.

  and you don't even realize the more you think the more you realize. I'm not just haunted by my thoughts, I'm becoming one of them...

  "I won't be asking for anyone's forgiveness, for what I'm about to do"

  My thoughts didn't stop they just went silent. like a sharp blade sheathed, yet remains embedded in violence.

  I turned off the shower. leaned over the sink looking at the mirror, No reflection. That's fine, I don't need to see myself right now. i stepped out of the bathroom.

  Sigh...

  "Ahhh Yes, i did it again"

  A Person lying on the floor (Deceased) caused by a severe blunt force trauma.

  "the stranger? don't know who he is, but guess I've pick up few things about him."

  "Berwyn A. Lloyd an English fellow man Born in May 11, 1970 Age:45 & 175cm tall around 180 lbs."

  "the one bound at the dining table unconscious for a while now i wonder if she'll ever wake up, or if she even wants to. Asian Korean, Born in December 4, 1989 Age:35 & 165cm tall and around 118 lbs."

  "every night you have families killed, tonight should be no different"

  "ok let us begin"

  "Come on, Lloyd" gripping his limp arm as I dragged him through the floor. "Let’s not make a mess, and keep it down. we wouldn’t want her waking up just yet."

  Thirsty. i open the fridge grabbing a bottle of milk. i then sat next to her.

  Her scent suddenly went through my nose. a smell that takes you back to certain persons, (victims) in an instant and creates a vivid picture in my mind it's something that linger like a memory.

  I grasped her hand. a recently polished nail.

  "Oh.. how enticing. so Vulnerable. so still. and Untouched."

  "I want it, so small and sharp, yet so alluring."

  losing control. something wanted to be in charge, someone uninvited, yet someone I'd welcome.

  gripping her finger with nothing but my own fingers, "tearing comes resistance, the nerves ending underneath making them highly sensitive from pain. tearing a nail requires more strength than it seems, so you can't do it fast, it's always going to be slow"

  She woke as the pain unfolded, regaining consciousness. Her eyes wide opened. shocked. then scream came next followed by a question. predictable and pathetic.

  "You Screamed like all the others did. but that's what whores do, pretend it's pleasure when it's all pain, fitting"

  she asked. "why, why? do this"

  i then replied. "are you thinking why, why you? the one feeling this pain, you see, this is not solely just for you, we are sick and insane. and what a gross little stage we dance on what fun we have. dancing and fucking, not a care in the world. not knowing that we are nothing, we are not what was intended. your question should be why, why are we given pain"

  The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

  Blood gushes out through her finger as i am clutching it. a torn nail in my other hand holding it like a memento.

  Tears in her eyes. "Surprising right? how much a pain fits in something as small as a nail, one piece at a time, that's how we're gonna find out.

  "you're confused are you? you don't understand do you. it's the only part of you that's still pure, that hasn't been ruined."

  It felt as if my thoughts slipped away from the cracks of my head, and something feral took in charge. like a rabid dog with no leashed.

  I took a nail for each of her limb, as one wasn't enough, i first took.

  left hand (the index finger): "always pointing judging. now it looks more what? serene?"

  right hand. (the ring finger): "the one that held promises. love? connection? so much meaning from something so small"

  right foot (the Hallux): "The foundation. the balance, the one that bears your weight"

  left foot (the middle toe): "forgettable and unimportant. something to remind me of you"

  "you know bad doesn't mean bad, a poor man can steal, and don't get caught, and live a good life. what is there is guilt, all there is to do is get over it"

  "do you think he's watching? above us? if so then he must be enjoying, as he has always done nothing but watch. then i shall turn your art, into a masterpiece.

  "Time for you to see the truth, and witness me. since your god isn't answering i will"

  An Empty bottle of milk.

  I reached for the hammer and rose to my feet, walking toward the mirror, avoiding looking at the reflection. With one swift motion, I shattered the glass into a rain of shards. I picked one up, clutching it tightly, and firm.

  I stood behind her. "Don’t worry, this is only temporary."

  slamming her head against the table. The sharp piece of broken glass in my right hand. Without hesitation, I punctured her back.

  "This time, I won’t be listening to your screams."

  I carved a wing, through her back. "so you can ascend, Go ahead go as high as you can see for yourself, find the one you believe in. The all loving, almighty being? a construct of your fragile mind. a comforting lie they fed you. Nothing more than a design. a projection. Certainly not divine."

  "You want a god!? Then I shall give you one."

  "I will become something beyond man. and you... you will thank me. For I've given you the gift! of kneeling before something worthy."

  As she then gave her last breathe.

  Dozing off looking at the ceiling. this is it what i wanted a peace in my mind, they didn't disappear they just went into the corners of my minds leashed, but you can still hear them breathing.

  "I'm Home" a voice of a young woman

  No reply. are they not home yet? "Auntie? Uncle?" Still, no reply.

  A blood stains on the floor, and still she tried one last time hoping they would answer. the blood was a warning following the trail will erase the path where she came from, but she walked blindly following the trail.

  Uneasy. "Auntie!? Uncle!?" The trail she followed led her at the dining table.

  A Stranger at the dining table looking at the ceiling, she then felt his presence, a chill crawled over her skin dragging every hair upright, it felt like something divine. my legs felt like it should get on their knees as it begun to shake uncontrollably.

  it was something like a god.

  she was so fixated on him she didn't even notice her aunt at first, like it was just the two of them at the dining table.

  "Aunt...?"

  A gut-churning realization. This is real. this is happening why is he doing nothing..?

  Paralyzing dread. My legs won't move, they won't move I'm begging you move!

  A wave of nausea. I'm going to throw up. I can't breathe.

  A mind unraveling. My thoughts scattered, what do i do?

  Strength slipping away. I'm losing control, Mom..

  Run. Escape the only thought she have left

  Unable to. legs Shaking not listening. a stranger sitting, but not reacting.

  Run. After i gave it one last attempt. Collapsing, falling into the ground on my knees.

  the scene felt like a mortal overwhelmed by the sight of something divine, Is this the reason? is this why we cannot see our gods, as their presence alone would bring you to your knees.

  I then went lower i tried crawling even my hands are shaking, I'm cold as if I'm already dead at this exact moment.

  Petrified. Desperately Trying. I then heard movement.

  Thoughts are flooding back in.

  A Unfamiliar ceiling. "ahh.. yes that's right"

  The Woman Next to me. Unrecognizable. Not by appearance but by what she became.

  Mutilated. Deliberately and Necessary.

  Her scent. the blood masking the smell of perfume but not completely eliminating it.

  A Young Woman Crawling. I grabbed the hammer, each step toward her slow deliberate, then I stopped.

  I was standing over her now, watching her drag herself back, fingernails scraping the floor, mouth open in a silent scream, "can't stop it? you're shaking, is it the face? or the woman? you don't need to worry about her nor she has any use for it as she has witness the truth.

  her scent is different, something unusual, yet familiar.

  She's pure untainted. untouched and unspoiled. it gave me erection.

  i then gave my hammer a swing

  "Mom!?" she yelled just before my hammer landed on her back, through her spine.

  Movement stopped.

  Conscious but unable to move.I then pulled her underclothes and started pleasing myself.

  Staring through her back, the curve of her spine etched into my mind like scripture. She didn’t move, didn’t resist and somehow, that only deepened the Lust, inside me. The silence, the stillness, it wasn’t control I craved, it was the unbearable pleasure of her purity. I could feel the heat rising, breath shallow, chasing the high I'm close.

  Each moment her body remained quiet, unaware, fed the fire inside me. And when it came, release. it wasn’t triumph. It was worship. a sick aching devotion.

  I then stood up. "not quite yet more" as i then reached for my hammer.

  A Teardrop. not for the pain, but for someone.

  A faint voice: "Mom.."

  It wasn't a god she saw it was the devil itself, she's expecting mercy like it was heaven looking down at her, it was hell.

  "i then gave my hammer a big swing, bashing through her head and then through her skull"

  one was enough.

  but I didn't stop at one.

  Pounding:I then kept Pounding.

  Pounding!: her bones shattered into pieces.

  Pounding!!: her blood sprayed the wall, then my clothes, my skin, the face, her face on mine.

  pounding!!!: until there was nothing left to hit.

  her head burst apart. her thoughts shattered dripping at the wall. pieces of skull scattered everywhere like fragments of mirror shard.

  Finally.

  "Their voices didn't disappear they just stopped screaming, going silent. even this doesn't bring me enough peace. now I'm left with my voices just me listening, as they are satisfied, i am given a little peace, I'm now left with fear, and perhaps. regret?"

  "I'm not asking for anyone's forgiveness. I'm begging for the end i cannot give myself."

  Be sober-minded be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

  thank you for reading I'd greatly appreciate an honest feedback, some lines from films were referenced.