“Push! Push!” several people shouted loudly in chorus at the large double gate of the 652 clan castle.
“He won't go through, damn it! He's too fat!” shouted a few others.
“You have to push harder!”
“No, you have to pull harder from the front!”
“Somebody open the second door!”
“It's already open, you idiot!”
“Then break a piece out of the wall!”
“Anything else, yeah?”
Ivy put aside the tendrils of ivy she had been about to weave into her hair and went into the entrance hall to see what was going on.
Everything seemed as usual. The Thunder brothers were shouting at each other, and the atmosphere was on the verge of the usual mass brawl. Both door panels were wide open as far as they would go, and inside the door was - a new Thunder brother. At least it seemed to be one. He looked like all the others, tall, plump, bearded, round-faced. Except that he was even fuller. What's more, he was about four times as thick and four times as tall as the other Thunder brothers who were desperately trying to heave him through the door into the clan castle.
While some pushed from behind and others tugged from the front, part of the masonry next to the door panel actually gave way with a sigh and crashed into the castle along with the door leaf attached to it, followed by the impossibly fat big Thunderbrother, who lost his balance and tumbled onto his side.
“Yay!” the Thunderbrothers shouted enthusiastically, ”he's in!”
“It's getting easier now,” said Black with relief, entering the hall with the push team, ”now we can roll him. Please roll him to his room, guys.”
“Who's that?” asked Ivy, perplexed, ”oh, and welcome here!”
“Thank you,” the newcomer said happily, lying relaxed on his side and letting his new brothers roll him towards his room, ”I'm Darth Corky. I am a Sith Lord. One of the biggest there is, by the way. And one of the fattest too, but most people don't mention that. I'm happy to finally be here!”
“Oh!” Kodaxx rejoiced, ”I look really slim against you. I've already tried to lose weight, but now I feel small and thin!”
“The man is a machine!” explained Marzzzz, who had now also come into the hall, ”on the battlefield he mows down his opponent like a road roller. When he gets going, nothing can stop him. Every enemy is finished.”
A long queue of clearly underweight peasants now appeared in the open doorway, carrying huge trays of food.
“And who's that?” asked Ivy, stunned.
“Oh, that's the farm faction supplying him with food. He needs a whole farm faction of his own, that's how hungry the new guy is.”
Ivy turned on her heel and ran into the kitchen.
“Red alert, everyone. We're getting new ones. And one of them is so hungry we'll hardly be able to feed him.”
“Please what?” asked Lady Evelyne, startled and almost dropping the tray of cakes, ”We're already working to the limit. More people and then someone with a huge appetite?”
Marzzzz stuck his head in the door.
“Darling, can you please put down any plates you might have in your hand? And can you please move very far away from the cupboard before I give you this?”
Lady Evelyne pursed her lips, stepped back from the cupboard and approached Marzzzz: “What have you got there?”
He pressed a stack of lists into her hand at lightning speed: “Updated membership lists! Big merger!” - and then ran away as fast as he could before she could throw a plate at him.
Lady Evelyne took a quick look at the list of members and turned pale. “Red alert, Ivy, you're right. We need to expand the dining room and our guys really need to go shopping. RxW has entered vampire mode again. It's getting crowded. Breaking full!”
________________________________
In Lipsyte's room, Thunder Boo stood measuring the ceiling height. Lippy was immediately alarmed when he entered his room.
“No,” he said reflexively, ”no, no, no, no. I don't want any more bedfellows in my room. This used to be a beautiful room, the bedroom of a king. Until you put eight bunk beds in here and sixteen burping and farting brothers. Anyway, you claim they're my brothers, but in reality they're all cunts who get on my nerves every night. And then you came up with the moronic idea of putting this Neigh in my bed instead of Genny, who wants to peg me all the time. No. No matter what you have in mind, simply no!”
“I'm sorry, brother,” Thunder Boo said sympathetically, ”but we're getting so many new ones, we'll have to take down the ceiling in your room and put in another level. Then twenty of the new ones can sleep up there on a mattress bed.
“No!” whimpered Lipsyte.
“We're getting such a full city, we have to accommodate them all. And you have the biggest room. Sorry.”
“Will I at least get Maximilian then?” whined Lipsyte.
“Maximilian didn't want to come here...”
“He knows why,” Lipsyte remarked gloomily, ”God is my witness, he's a clever boy. He knows why!”
________________________________
Black had ventured into the kitchen, but stayed near the door to be on the safe side.
“You've already heard about our new arrival?” she asked cautiously.
Lady Evelyne, who was standing at the sideboard marinating pieces of meat for a barbecue, looked up. “Ivy was there earlier and told me about it, yes. Why am I only finding out about it now?”
Black smiled. “It wasn't really planned at all, but then...”
“... then Black lured him in with German bread!” Thunder added with a grin from the doorway.
“Please what?” asked Lady Evelyne, stunned.
If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
“German bread, yes,” said Black cautiously, ”I mean - you're German, you can bake that sort of thing, can't you?”
“Yes, I can bake it, but...”
There was a rumble from the room next to the kitchen, as if a thunderstorm was brewing. Two words were clearly audible. “Hungry!” “Food!”
Lady Evelyne turned pale. “How much bread do I have to bake?”
Black moved slowly backwards towards the door. “Uh... I don't know exactly... just - a lot?”
“Hungry! Food!” came a much louder rumble from the next room.
Black scurried out of the door in a flash, just in time before the first plate came flying in.
Lady Evelyne quickly pushed the barbecue aside and switched on the oven to preheat. “Quick,” she then turned to Ivy, ”get me my Impel. I really need her to help me bake bread.”
“Hungry! Food!” boomed from the next room.
Ivy ran.
___________________________
Cat Dylan entered the clan castle of 652 laden with several cat baskets. Meows came from all the baskets, and one particularly cheeky kitten tried to poke its red and white head between the bars and bite Dylan's finger.
“Oh, cats!” said Biochest excitedly, stopping for a moment to look into the various cat baskets.
“We can't have enough cats here,” said Muslim Cat appreciatively, who was just coming down the stairs, ”you fit in very well with us, brother! Welcome here!”
And Muslim Cat immediately started talking to the newly arrived cats with various purring sounds.
“Thank you for the warm welcome,” said Cat Dylan happily, ”where's my room?”
Muslim Cat and Biochest gave each other a quick glance.
“You can stay in my room for now,” said Muslim Cat hospitably, ”we're a bit limited on space and there are always new people coming. But we're only here to sleep and eat anyway, most of the action is outside on the battlefield. Your cats and I can go out and hunt dogs right now, those are easy kills.”
There was a rumble at a connecting door to the entrance hall, then the huge skull of the new massive Thunder brother appeared. He took a quick look at the multitude of cat baskets and twisted his face into a joyful grin. “Hungry! Food!”
“This way!” said Muslim Cat hastily to his new friends, casting a mocking sideways glance at the huge hungry brother, ”We can hunt elephants later.”
______________________________
“You lured him in with German bread!” said Lady Evelyne accusingly to Black, who had cautiously ventured back into the kitchen with a little time to spare, ”German bread was the bait!”
“Sorry,” Black said guiltily, ”it wasn't planned at all. But when he heard that I'm German and that we have another German here who manages the kitchen, that's when it happened. He loves German bread and German buns. And German food in general.”
“German bread! Hunger! Food!” came from the next room as if ordered.
“Sausage platter with homemade black pudding and liver sausage, as well as sauerkraut,” Lady Evelyne automatically dictated to MightGuySensei, who was sitting at the kitchen table with a notepad and hastily trying to update the shopping list, ”Munich veal sausage with sweet mustard. And beer.”
“Oktoberfest!” boomed very contentedly from the next room.
Impel was standing next to the lady at the stove, busily beating the dough for the bread. “I'll help you,” she said comfortingly, ”we'll get it done.”
“We'll have to change the procedures in the kitchen,” the lady cursed, ”from now on. We had a two-shift system in Ramadan and ate in two shifts. We have to reintroduce that. There's no way we'll be able to feed the new guy and our current team at the same time. And I know this type of player - if we don't give him enough to eat, he'll eat us. That's the way it is. Always!”
Black went a little pale around the nose. “You really think so?”
Lady Evelyne nodded. “Oh yes, my dear. I mean, the new one is a great fit for us, he's a purebred Thunderbrother, even now. Our people are the same. How often do I get written to by enemies about why we're so mean and just can't stop. I always write back that I'm very sorry, but our people are like Nazgul. We have to feed them regularly, otherwise they'll eat us! That's the way it is!”
Black paled a little more. “Is the first loaf ready yet?”
“Here,” Evelyne pulled the first two loaves out of the oven, “And you can bring him the buns too.” She shook the oven-warm buns into a large basket, which was filled to the brim.
Black hurriedly took everything into the next room and was back with the empty basket in what felt like a minute. “He shoved four buns in his mouth at the same time and swallowed them without chewing. But he likes it! He's happy and he told me he likes you!”
“More!” came from the next room, “the German bread and buns were great! Bring me more! Hungry! Food!”
“You recruiters are just awful,” scolded Lady Evelyne, ”I was lured in with the promise of RxW as a spa hotel, and you lured this poor guy in with German bread. Don't you ever have a guilty conscience?”
“Wait a minute,” Black protested, ”I may have promised him German bread because I was sure you could do it. But then Thunder came along!”
“And then?” Impel asked curiously.
“Then things really clicked between the two of them... they started flirting with each other and then they started a really hot bromance!”
“You're all gay,” the donkey remarked matter-of-factly at the open window, ”no matter how many times you deny it. All of you!”
“Thunder's with him right now, too,” Black whispered.
“I think I know what that relationship is!” whispered Impel back ”Thunder must be Corky's feeder!”
Lady Evelyne dropped onto the kitchen bench with a low groan. “RxW is a bunch of psychopaths, perverts and tyrants, I'm telling you. Now Thunder has also acquired a feedee. It's getting worse and worse!”
“That's because you're all gay,” commented the donkey and began to sing:
“Oh, I'm feeling bright and gay,
Like these brothers in the hay,
Spreading love in every way,
Let us celebrate today!”
______________________________
In the meantime, mail had arrived from 641, causing loud laughter in the entrance hall.
“Civil war in the city of 641?” Dylan asked in amazement, ”what's going on?”
“Saint is burning Insane Wayne's faction,” informed DmenAce, ?and Wayne is now nicknamed ’Toothless Wayne' on all the servers.”
“Who do you think is responsible for this?” asked Neigh as innocently as possible.
“No idea!” replied DmenAce without blushing, ‘Anyway, Saint has renamed himself ’Judgement' and is now keeping things clear in his city. Some of Wayne's followers are currently fleeing to other cities. There's not much left of the happy family world of Synergy.”
“It was never a happy family world either,” Biochest growled, “Mark my words: people who talk so much about family and friendship are the worst kind of cutthroats.”
_______________________________
“German pretzels!” was the loud cry from the room right next to the kitchen, ”German cinnamon rolls! German pudding puff pastry!”
“I need caustic soda,” said Evelyne hastily, pressing the shopping list into Marzzzz's hand, ”for the pretzels. Quick, go into town and get it.”
“Me?” protested Marzzzz, ”I'm already totally overloaded with all the applicant emails! There are more and more!”
“I don't care,” growled Evelyne, ”you're responsible for us having an insatiable new member! Hurry up, then you'll be back quickly and can get back to your emails!”
Marzzzz rolled his eyes and hurried outside.
“We need a bigger oven,” moaned the lady, ”there's just not enough capacity.”
“I can build one,” said the handy Dylan helpfully, ”as soon as I've repaired the entrance portal. How big should it be?”
“Big enough to fit two recruiters and a boss,” Lady Evelyne explained beastly.
“Hey!” protested Black at the kitchen table.
“Are we going to get anything to eat today?” moaned Neigh, who had just entered.
“As soon as I have time,” Lady Evelyne promised, ”you can heat up the barbecue outside, the meat for the barbecue is already marinated. We'll start with that. Impel, the next loaf can come out of the oven, take it straight over to Corky please.”
“You see, it's already running,” Black said comfortingly, ”you just have to change the planning a bit. But it's already running in parallel!”
“Yes, yes,” growled Lady Evelyne, ”of course it is, it always is. And I'm also glad that RxW is back in full vampire mode. But the stress level is incredibly high. Nobody outside is thinking about that for sure!”
Impel came back from Corky's room looking a little confused. “Corky told me he has to eat so much because he has to make corksauce. What is corksauce?”
“He said that to me too,” Black mused, ”I honestly didn't dare ask what it was.”
Lady Evelyne blushed slightly. “It sounds like something naughty... oh no, I'm afraid it's something horrible like 'suki, suki' again! That gold box I clicked because I thought it was a Chinese lunch!”
She slapped her hands in front of her face. “And then Marzzzz had to explain to me what it was in front of everyone in FC. It was so incredibly embarrassing! And then he said that, in a broader sense, it was something like a Chinese lunch... waaaaaaahhhhh!”
Black nodded: “You mean corksauce is also part of it? - Yes. Corksauce and suki suki sounds like they belong together to me too.”
Lady Evelyne covered her eyes. “No, I don't want to know that exactly. I really don't. No.”
“Neither do I!” said Impel.
“No, I don't want to know either!” added Black quickly.
“Ladies,” said Lipsyte gracefully from the open kitchen door, ‘the word ’no' doesn't interest anyone in this house. I found that out again just now. That's because, apart from a few decent souls, there are nothing but cunts gathered here. And now...”
“Hungry! Food!”
