“More gold than I’ve ever had.” I say, looking at my current total, seventy two. I probably have another dozen in crap I haven't sold. While I'm thinking about how much more gold I need, I check the countdown. Remaining game time: 28 days, 3 hours. I imagine for the average player I'm making record time, but it doesn't feel fast enough. I don’t have enough gold to repair my armor, nevermind pay for a month of game time. After dying again to this asshole currently on the floor, it’s probably even worse.
Our attention is seized by a quiet sobbing across the room. The queen is on her knees, holding her face. Faeries flutter around her, trying to lend confort where they cannot assist. I catch a glimpse of her face, the light has disappeared, leaving a ragged hole exposing her skull. She has a joker smile, contrasting her miserable frown.
“We should go” I tell Peter. he agrees, and we move to depart.
“You’ve saved us.” The beastmen leader and his son stand in our way, at the entryway of the palace. “We’ll be safe in the Faelands until maybe someday, the Honorlord will forget us and we will be safe to leave.”
Root of all Evil complete! Experience gained.
“Now what?” I ask Peter. These nameless N.P.C.s are of no help. His speech seems disjointed, like each word was cut from a different sentence and put together. An auditory ransom note.
“If the story isn’t completely derailed, we’ll get a new quest to visit the Cyclops.” As he says it, Visit the Cyclops pops up in my quests. “That’s not even the right title of the quest! Something is seriously wrong.” he shakes his head, we walk around the beastmen, and out of the dungeon. I’ll miss this beautiful enchanted forest, our destination to the south probably doesn't compare.
“Is your bedtime soon?” I ask, earning an annoyed look from Peter. We mount up and get going.
“Don’t call it that man, you make it sound like I'm five. It's a curfew. And it’s in an hour, thank you.” he mock-scowls at my smile.
“Alright. Can I ask you a question?” We both mount up, heading south towards the quest.
“As long as I can ask you one” he waits for me to go first.
“Is your mom really a developer of this game?” I ask.
“Yeah, I know it’s giving my uncle works at nintendo, but it’s the truth. My dad really is a lawyer for the company, too. They don’t sit together at the office.” Peter answers.
“Everything seems normal there? There's nothing weird about their job?” I watch as he starts to avoid my gaze.
“You know… sometimes they come home really late. But that's normal for developers and lawyers. And sometimes when I ask about their jobs, or coworkers, they don’t give me straight answers. Like, I asked who made the little bear you can wear on your head, Epep. She wouldn't tell me, like it was some big secret.” Peter tells me, only looking at me half way through.
“The rumor about the robot,” I start, stopping my question when I see a red light in the distant treeline, floating along and keeping pace with us.
“There was a lay off, and one of the employees posted online that everyone was being replaced by A.I. The company denied it, but a lot of things started happening in the game that didn’t make sense otherwise. Then things went back to normal and everybody forgot about the whole thing. Most people, anyway. There’s still a few conspiracy theorists who think the A.I. never went away.” Peter tells me, I watch the light behind his head fade away.
“What was your question?” I ask, eager to steer away from the current topic. Peter hesitates, looking over at me, then away, then at me again. He clears his throat.
“I saw a forum post that mentions you by name. That guy that you said reported you went on a rampage, trying to get you banned for cheating. Nothing really came of it, but I can't get the question out of my mind, especially after what just happened.” He looks very deliberately into my eyes. “Are you hacking?” he finally asks.
“No.” I answer. He waits in silence for further explanation. “I’m not your typical player, but I’m not hacking.” We ride for a few seconds without speaking. “I can’t talk about it.”
“Did you sign an N.D.A.?”
“Let’s go with that.” We focus on the path ahead. We eventually leave the dense forest, arriving at a clearing between two mountains in a range. We pass through, entering a jungle of ferns.
Kangegaban Wild discover! Experience gained.
I can hear the Jurassic Park theme blaring in my imagination as a long necked dinosaur appears out of nowhere, crossing our path with enormous, elephantine footsteps. What’s Jurassic Park? “Dinosaurs huh? I thought this was a fantasy game”
“Yeah, but dinosaurs are awesome.” Peter smiles, watching the huge beast mosey on by. “Ready for a chase sequence?”
I almost manage to say “What?” before the Tyrannosaurus roar deafens me. From behind, the prehistoric halitosis monster eyes us hungrily. Peter whoops as our mounts take off in a mad rush to escape.
Eyes forward, we jump over roadblocks, and move side to side to avoid other dinosaurs. Suddenly on foot, we squeeze one after another between two rocks without enough room for the T-rex to continue the chase. It claws and chomps at the gap, still desperate to pursue us. I look over at Peter, but in his place is a little girl, seated next to me in a miniature jeep.
~
“Do we have more quarters?” Millie asks. Her pointy birthday hat rests on the dashboard of the dinosaur escape arcade machine.
“All out kiddo.” I give her a sympathetic look. Nobody wants the party to be over. “You know what time it is though?”
“Time for cake?” her eyes light up.
“That’s right. Let’s go find mom.” we get up, walking around the back of the machine, out of the garage filled with old arcade games, into the house proper. My wife Trinee finishes lighting the ninth candle just as we walk into the kitchen. She starts singing the happy birthday song, I join in, followed by our mutual friend, Frankie. Millie blows out her candles, Trinee cuts everyone a slice, and we dig in.
“Thanks again for letting us have the place to ourselves, Frank.” I say
“No problemo friendo.” She says in her funny way of speaking. “Anything for Millie.” We watch her and my wife enjoy their slices of cake, Trinee scoops up frosting with her finger and boops Millie on her nose, leaving a thick glob behind. Millie shouts playfully, we all laugh as she tries to return the favor, giving up on her mother, and chasing me around with a handful of frosting instead.
~
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Peter asks me. I wipe a tear from my eye, looking away and sniffing back more tears.
“Nothing. Hey, next time you log out, could you look up Franklin Macdonald for me?” I ask, managing to get myself together.
“Can I ask why?” Peter raises an eyebrow.
“Old friend of mine. I can’t seem to connect to the internet outside of the game.” I tell him.
“Even when you exit game?” He asks.
“Yeah” I lie, in a way. Not being able to exit the game seems even less plausible than having a bad internet connection while playing an online-only game. “Let's get going” I head further into the ferns, no discernable path ahead of us but a map marker towards the south-east. “You ever seen Jurassic Park?”
“Yeah of course I have. The original is far superior to any of the sequels. Especially the recent ones.” Peter emphasizes his point with widening eyes.
“They made a new one recently?” I ask, memories of movie night with my girls returning to me.
“Like a few months ago recently. They go back to the island for the millionth time, except this time, it’s the upside-down version. The t-rex has a split mouth like the demogorgon. It’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen.” Peter laughs, making me laugh, even though I only understand half of what he’s saying.
“What’s your favorite dinosaur?” I ask him after we recover from a laughing fit.
“Galenemous.” he says, receiving a raised eyebrow from me.
“Isn’t that the raptor that looks like it was put in a taffy stretcher?” I smile as he chokes, before falling into another laughing fit. “Mines the spinosaurus.”
“Ooh that’s a good one.” he says, suddenly distracted. “Looks like it’s time to call it a night.”
“I’ll wait for you before I continue the quest. Before you go, though. How can I make five hundred thousand gold at this level?” I watch his eyes almost fall out of his head
“Huh.” he strokes his chin. “Well, you could farm mats. Nobody bothers with old, low-level material, so it’s sold at a premium to people trying to level their crafting from scratch. If you go with mining, you can use the materials for blacksmithing, lapidary, and stonemasonry.”
“How do I start?” I ask
“Go back to Masstaoir and ask a guard where you can find the mining trainer, and buy a mining pick off of them. Then go out into the world and find nodes, and get swinging.” he stares into space again. “Ok, I really have to go now. See ya!” he disappears. I open my map and look at how far from the city I am, and remember the hot coal Bert gave me. I open my inventory and focus on using it. After a long cast, my vision changes to the leader-feature loading screen, and after a few moments, I'm in the Boar Tusk inn, staring at Bert.
“Hey.” I say, watching Bert clean a wooden mug with a ratty cloth. “I know you can’t talk back right now, so I’ll just talk at you.” Bert nods. “So, something funny happened with the last quest I did. I have a feeling that I'm on the right track for figuring out our situation. I’m going to learn mining and try to scrounge up enough gold to pay for game time.” Bert half-smiles at me, nodding at the door. Time for me to go. I walk out the entrance, giving Toebark a friendly wave on the way out. Finding the nearest guard, I ask for directions, and without a word, a marker pops up on my map.
I follow the marker to a professional district of the city I haven't visited yet. It’s set up like a market, with a forge, tanner, and other crafting stations behind the stalls. I wonder if taming or mount-rearing would be more lucrative than mining, but I trust Peter’s judgement, and find my way to the mining booth. Unrefined ores are piled loosely on a table, next to a mining pick. The N.P.C. behind them isn't named, so I don’t bother with pleasantries. Straight to business.
Mining learned!
Mining Pick added to inventory.
The profession cost ten silver to learn, and the pick was one silver. Not too terrible. I sling the pick over my shoulder, and march off to the nearest city exit, whistling all the way. The first node I find is copper, a hunk of rock with green oxidized metal poking out of it. I swing my pickaxe, and despite my immense strength, only get one piece, not making a huge dent into the node.
Copper Ore added to inventory.
Mining skill increased to 2.
Earl says: How much is copper ore worth?
Incredibro says: 1g
Earl says: One gold each?
Incredibro says: ye
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That’s insane, but I would still need hundreds of thousands of pieces to make enough money.
Earl says: Any minerals that are low level and worth a lot?
Kinkajou says: Quartz is like 10g you can find it in low-level nodes.
Earl says: Thanks guys you’ve been really helpful
Kinkajou says: don’t praise me ill cum
Incredibro says: lol
While I’m chatting, I finish off the first node and find another. Wherever there’s a hill, there’s a node. I wonder if any dedicated mines, or just caves, are nearby.
Mining skill increased to 4.
Copper Ore added to inventory.
Mining skill increased to 5.
Copper Ore added to inventory.
Mining skill increased to 6.
Copper Ore added to inventory.
Moving on. I find the next hill, and inevitably, the next node. While I’m mining, another player shows up, riding a huge, armored komodo dragon. “Hey.” I say, turning to face them.
Highroad, First of His Name. Level 90 Priest
“Sorry, do you have dibs on this copper or something?” I ask, waiting for any response. I notice under their cowl, their eyes are blank. They must surfing the web while still in the game. It worries me, but if they won’t talk to me, there’s nothing for me to do.
Mining skill increased to 7.
Copper Ore added to inventory.
Mining skill increased to 8.
Copper Ore added to inventory.
Mining skill increased to 9.
Copper Ore added to inventory.
Quartz added to inventory.
“Sweet!” I say aloud. I peek behind me, seeing the player still standing there, unmoving. His Komodo dragon flicks its tongue out. “Ok see you around I guess” I get on my warg and start riding to the next hill in sight, the player following behind. The way they are following me, in a very mechanical manner, gives me an idea. I ride very close to a tree, and successfully peel them off. There must be an automatic follow setting, so they could keep doing whatever they are doing outside of the game without losing me.
I find another handful of nodes before Highroad shows up again. I roll my eyes, focusing on my work instead.
Mining skill increased to 20.
Copper Ore added to inventory.
Marble added to inventory.
I move on, noticing a tin node that I finally have the requisite skill to mine.
Mining skill increased to 21.
Tin Ore added to inventory.
Granite added to inventory.
“What are you using to hack the game?” Highroad asks from behind me.
“I’m not hacking.” I answer, continuing to mine. The impacts make it hard to hear what he’s saying.
“You’re wearing max level armor at forty two. There’s no bug that would let you do that, we checked.” He dismounts, walking into my personal space.
“We?” I ask, stopping to face him.
“My guild and everyone on the forums who’s paying attention. We’re not going to let you get away with it.” He tells me, arms crossed.
“Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?” As I finish speaking, four plays surround us. They dismount and begin mining the tin node, pulling all of the resources from it before I get the chance. “Very mature.” I mount up and move on, finding another node nearby. Instantly, the four players are on top of it, wiping it out. I try one more time before throwing my hands up, and using my Hertston to go back to the city. I’ll just sell what I’ve gathered and mine more another time.
I ask a guard for directions to the auction house, passing a dancing female cyclops on top of the mailbox outside. If physics kicked in, she would crush it beneath her. Even without any armor on. She uses an emote to wink at me as I pass, but her character just blinks. I approach the auctioneer, stopping short when I notice Highroad and his posse already inside. I walk through him, ignoring the goosebumps of seeing through his skull, and open the auction window.
I find copper ore on the market and go slack-jawed. “One copper?” I ask.
“We flooded the market.” Highroad tells me, a smug smile on his face. “You won’t be making any money off of the mats you hacked to get.”
“I’m not hacking!” I shout at him. He just keeps smiling at me, satisfied that he’s put a stop to my nefarious plans of earning a whopping two hundred gold from ore. Whatever.
Earl says: Do any dungeons have a rare drop worth selling?
Highroad says: Hacker
Bubbleguts says: hacker
Kimono says: hacker
Junktrunk says: hacker
Nohead says: hacker
Highroad says: Hacker
Bubbleguts says: hacker
Kimono says: hacker
Junktrunk says: hacker
Nohead says: hacker
The five of them spam chat until my message is lost, so quickly that no one would have read it before it was gone. Shit. Can I report these assholes for harassment or something?
Beelzehbuhb says: The Yeti mount will net you a cool mil
A private message, that won’t get lost in the spam because it’s in its own window. They must have seen my first message before it got washed away.
Earl says: Where does it drop from?
Beelzehbuhb says: the avalanche dungeon. It’s north east of here on the tallest mountain. It’s a level 80 dungeon meant for 10 players, though. You’d have to roll better than everyone else, and that’s if it drops at all.
Earl says: Thanks for the information.
Beelzehbuhb says: NP
Beelzehbuhb added to friends list.
I walk out through Highroad, mounting up and heading for the northern exit to the city.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Highroad shouts from behind me. Like he can stop me. I spot his komodo dragon mount following me, but none of his gang seem to be with him this time. I don’t try to lose him, I just exit the city and start the search for the yeti dungeon that will hopefully solve all of my problems. Highroad can’t follow me inside, and with luck, I’ll get the money I need all at once.
“???? ??” An elf says from his elk mount next to me. Four human-aligned players surround me, with Highroad.
“Come on dude just leave me alone” I groan.
“Duel him, and if you win, we’ll leave you alone.” Highroad proposes to me.
“Fine.” I say.
Leaflicker has challenged you to a duel. [Aceept] [Decline]
I choose to accept. A ten second countdown begins. Between the countdown ending, and me swinging Esquire at the elf, something happens that makes my blood run cold.
Leaflicker has canceled the duel.
You have attacked Leaflicker. Player versus player has been engaged. Do not attack another player for five minutes to disengage player versus player.
“??? ???!” One of the now red-named players shouts.
Binding Roots resisted.
Stunning Blow resisted.
Melee attack blocked.
Nature’s Wrath reflected.
Leaflicker slain. Rank: General. 100 elf bones collected.
“?????? ??????!” The dwarf of the group shouts, stopping after the elf collapses to the ground. While they’re busy trying to figure out what to do next, I find the setting to turn off notifications for player versus player combat. So many spells and attacks clog up my chat window. I think I’ll know if something successfully hits me.
“Just keep going.” Highroad tells them, one of his eyes clouded over. I roll my eyes at him, and march in the direction I was headed before this nonsense started. The three enemy players, and the elf, once he respawns, continue taking shots at me for the entire five minutes. After the time expires, their names go yellow, and they can no longer attack me first. “That’s plenty, let’s go” Highroad says, using his Hertston. The other players follow his lead, disappearing one after another. Finally, I mount up and get going at a decent pace again.
The Roaring Peaks discovered! Experience gained.
The decimated forest of Clearcut transitions into living forest, much like every other direction out of Masstaoir, to the northeast the terrain eventually transitions to a snowy mountainside. I Can’t spot the dungeon entrance through the snowdrift near the top, so I keep climbing the almost vertical incline on my warg. We slip a few times, losing progress, reaching the top of the mountain through trial-and-error pathfinding.
There, on the tippy top of the mountain, is a flat summit with the dungeon entrance. We run through, my vision changing to a loading screen that looks heavily inspired by the bigfoot photo. A white-furred, ape-like creature looks over its shoulder at me in a whiteout. My sight returns, and I'm immediately buffeted by an intense winter wind.
Bitter Cold
1% damage to health every second. 1% loss to speed every second.
“Shit” I say, regretting opening my mouth immediately, as the biting cold hurts my exposed teeth. My tusks are a huge weak point in these conditions. I step back out of the dungeon to assess my situation. I don’t have any abilities or equipment to deal with the cold. Even with my ridiculous equipment, the chill blows through me like my plate armor is alternatively used for shredding cheese. I open my talent tree, hoping the seven unspent points will do something to improve my situation. I fully invest the required five points into Sword Dance, the buff popping up under my health bar. I had been avoiding the ten percent increase to allies damage assuming I didn't count as an ally. That might say something about my mental health but let’s move on.
The second and third tier of the ability increases its range, now covering a large enough area to affect everyone in my hypothetical group, as long as they are all in the same zip code. With the ability maxed out four new choices appear on the talent tree.
Split Sword - Long cooldown - Short duration - Command your weapons to break apart into ten pieces, each piece dealing 10% damage. The pieces can be commanded as a swarm that ignores 10% of the target's Block, Parry, Deflect, And Dodge.
Thunder God - Long cooldown - Short duration - Channel Electricity through your body, temporarily Gaining the spells Lightning Bolt, Lightning Strike, and Thunder Clap. Your weapons deal additional electric damage.
- Lightning Bolt - Shoot electricity from your palm
- Lighting Strike - Call lighting down on your target
- Thunder Clap - Strike the ground, causing Lightning Strikes on all enemies within melee range.
Circular Saw - Medium cooldown - Short duration - Your weapons spin at your side, protecting you from attacks and spells. Command them to attack your target with springing movement, or hold in place. Your weapons deal additional bleeding damage.
Wall of Swords - Long Cooldown - Short Duration - Summon an immovable barrier that deals damage to enemies that enter the area of effect.
Would Split Sword hurt you?
No, sir. Even if it did, I would bear the pain for you, master!
“Alright settle down.” I reconsider my options, dealing with the weather as the deciding factor. If electricity is coursing through my veins, would it keep me warm? Could I use Esquire spinning next to me like an umbrella? Split Sword wouldn’t be of any help, and Wall of Swords, my specilization’s namesake, sounds intriguing, but doesn't address the immediate issue in front of me. I put one point into Thunder God, and one into Circular Saw.
I re-enter the dungeon, shivering as the cold surrounds me again. I use my Thunder God spell, raising Esquire to the sky and summoning a lighting bolt into it. The hair on my everything stands up, little arcs of electricity jumping from follicle to follicle. A new action bar appears on my screen with the three temporary spells on it. I am warmer, but the damage I'm taking hasn't been negated. I push forward into the blizzard, trudging through deep snow. Just before my ability times out, I find cover. The cold becomes tolerable, and I stop taking damage from it. Thunder God’s effect ends soon after.
My health bar returns to full long before my Thunder God ability comes off cooldown. I use Circular Saw, stepping out from cover as Esquire sparks off of the rocky outcropping, emitting the same loud sound as the lumbermill we spent time in. We step into the path of the wind, I say a silent thanks as I take no damage, the oppressive precipitation pinging off of Esquire as they spin too fast for a single flake to pass through. This ability is shorter lived than the other, so I haul ass through the snow, searching for the next shelter.
What I find is a large hideaway under a rock, a campfire warm and inviting in the middle, surrounded by uninviting giants. They turn to face me, blue skin wrinkling as they grimace at me, clearly enraged. A buff appears on their health bars, using the same icon as my Thunder God ability.
Frost Giant. Level 80
Rebuke the Thunder God - Frost Giants deal double damage to targets with the Thunder God spell.
“Come on, that's cheating!” I complain as they charge me. I use the Spring-action attack to send Esquire spinning into one of them, sawing the giant roughly in half. Blood sprays everywhere, putting out the fire and plunging us into darkness. Between the roaring storm around us and the rock wall above us, no sunlight pierces through. Esquire spins loudly at my side, as we both anxiously wait to be attacked. One of the giants punches me in the opposite shoulder that Esquire isn’t covering, I curse myself for forgetting to equip my shield. I turn one hundred eighty degrees, putting Esquire between myself and the giant. The mob doesn’t hesitate to launch another strike, even as his hand passes through a whirring helicopter blade, shearing off flesh and bone an inch at a time. Unconscious or dead, the giant falls head first, blending the rest of its upper torso. I gag, trying to keep the bile down as the third and final giant lurks somewhere in the dark.
As Circular Saw’s duration expires, Esquire comes to a sudden stop. Without the sound of spinning metal masking it, I can hear the crunch of the giant’s footsteps circling me. I summon the Illusory Clone to wield Esquire, the gentle purple glow illuminating a small space around us. I can’t target the giant to route my taunt through the clone and lure them into the light, so we wait for the giant to make the first move. Eventually, they do, swinging a club down through the clone and smacking hard on the icy floor. The clone and I move as one, cleanly severing the giant’s arms, followed by its head.
“Any chance you can turn up the brightness?” I ask my clone, it faces me when a blank stare.
No, sir.
Hmm. Well, we’re not going to make any progress like this. The storm beyond the shelter has kicked up so fiercely that the path forward is completely obscured. Thunder God has come off cooldown, so I use it, and the ability granted to me with it, Thunder Bolt, to send electricity into the extinguished fire. The force of the blast sends cinders and ash flying, but reignites the logs, as I'd hoped. I retrieve a burning branch, using it as a torch.
“This probably won’t stay lit in the high winds.” I watch the flame dance on the tip, thinking hard.
Earl says: How do you get through the snowstorm in the yeti dungeon?
Beelzehbuhb says: your group should have brought a player that can use a see in the dark ability, or a bubble. both ideally.
Earl says: What if you didn’t bring either of those?
Beelzehbuhb says: Grit your teeth, clench your cheeks, and run through the knee-deep snow as fast as you can.
Damn. Well, here goes nothing. With Thunder God on its last seconds of duration, I use Circular Saw again, Pushing forward. After tripping over myself in the deep snow, I have the idea to use Esquire as a spinning snow plow, making the path forward easier, but exposing me to the storm peppering my side. We push, running and slipping interchangeably, before the ability runs out of time. I’m stuck both fighting the snow in the air and on the ground, putting all of the inhuman strength I have into every step. The debuff eating away at my health and speed has me down to half before Circular Saw is ready, and like a second wind, we speed forward with renewed vigor.
I fall on my face as we enter the eye of the storm, a dead-quiet safe area. The eerie silence is broken by a terrifying roar, I look up to see a great white beast bounding forward, reaching me in seconds.
The Yeti of Mount J?tunheim. level ??
It doesn't give me time to recover my health or speed before it’s on top of me, pounding my lifeless body into the snow.
You died.
HACKER SLAUGHTERS MAX LEVEL PLAYERS AT 42??!?
Posted to Youtube 03/09/35 08:00 AM by user xHighroadx3
3000 views
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Boibot5009: Whats being a liberal have to do with it
Cursex666: I’m going to report him!