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30 - Faith is Not About Seeking

  Everin felt torn the entire week he stayed in the Garnet District of Blomstra. On one paw, he adored the people within this tight knit community, who made him feel welcome and accepted despite not being a gemite. On the other paw, he didn’t get to spend any of it with Veldrix.

  Every night he’d find himself alone in the gemite’s personal home where they had spent only a few hours together before the Feast of Winter’s Break. Vel had actually given an amazing speech that kept him riveted and the crowd chuckling.

  It was shortly after that, though, when the party was in full swing, that Veldrix took him aside and whispered, “I have my duties now, but I’ll check in each morning. Stay at my place and try to enjoy yourself while you’re here.” Then they kissed him goodbye.

  As he currently stood in the fairly sparse sitting room near the entrance, filled mostly with enchanted moving paintings of people he had no names for, he realized that if this was Veldrix’s life and future, then he probably wouldn’t survive being a part of it.

  He couldn’t stay here waiting each day for Veldrix to choose him over duty.

  If something didn’t change for the Garnet Gemite who had somehow stolen his heart… if he couldn’t free the knight from the clutches of those abusive royals… would he have the strength to walk away from all of this?

  Everin believed everyone deserved to be free and happy, to live life the way they chose to live it, but he didn’t know how to convince Veldrix to believe that, too.

  “Are you ready to leave this place?”

  He turned to look at the gorgeous knight standing in the entryway, carefully watching him with an impassive face. “Did you bring me here so that I would?” he asked, sorrowfully looking at all the hung memories that reflected the centuries of connections Veldrix had made that he would likely never know about. “Did you have me stay here so that I would realize how different we are and never come back?”

  Veldrix shook their head, “No. I brought you here so that you would realize why I can’t just abandon these people.” They closed the distance between them and took his hands as they added, “I wanted you to have the time and space to ask yourself those harder questions.”

  “Which questions exactly? The ones I’ve repeatedly asked you?”

  The knight gave them an indulgent smile and said, “The question on if you think I’m actually someone worth falling for.”

  Everin wasn’t sure how to respond to that at first. It was the same question he had asked himself about Paul, though in a very different context. The underlying sentiment, however, was the same: would he be willing to risk completely changing his own life for another?

  “I know I’m far from perfect. A lot of years comes with a lot of baggage. We’re also still getting to know each other better since we first met a handful of months ago, but I want you to understand my life here. Understand everything that comes with getting involved with me.”

  He watched Vel for a long moment as they fell silent, and Everin could sense it… their bond beginning to fray. Vel didn’t let go of his hands, but their smile was sad, as though they already assumed the answer… already assumed they weren’t worth it. Like they were bracing theirself for the bond to snap entirely.

  “What did those royals do to make you believe that you need to be perfect to be worth falling for?” he ended up whispering, realizing it was probably an invasive question after it had already escaped his lips. In all Vel’s centuries of life, had no one thought to sacrifice in place of them, instead? Had people always taken advantage of their generosity and sense of loyal duty? Had no one ever thought to give back to them? Or even share in their burdens?

  “Everyone here would likely die for you; yet you think I would abandon you the moment I saw a mere peek into your life?”

  Veldrix adorably scrunched their nose and said, “But your life is already so much more exciting than mine. You love traveling and having adventures. You also said it yourself before, Rebel’s clergy never stay in one place for long.”

  Everin smirked, deciding in that moment that he wouldn’t allow their bond to break so easily. Leaning forward to rest his forehead on theirs, he said, “Unless there’s an active rebellion. I’m going to take you on this new adventure of ours, find your wayward sister, drag her sorry arse back here, and begin a rebellion of my own.”

  Surprise and confusion flashed across their face before amusement replaced it, “You do remember you’re still only Emerald Caste, right?”

  He chuckled, “I’ll have an Obsidian Caste Saint and partially Obsidian Executioner on my side. I think I like those odds. The only question is, do you think I’m someone worth falling for?”

  They gave a short laugh before teasing him, “Oh, definitely not. I’ve absolutely gone insane for allowing this Rebel Fox into our midst to wreak havoc on my life. I’m not sure you even have anything more to offer aside from your wit and cute butt.”

  Everin laughed as well, “I definitely don’t have anything more than that. These clothes aren’t even mine, really. They’re on loan from the temples. I’m a complete vagabond with nothing but my desires holding me down.” He gave them a soft kiss before adding, “But perhaps you bring out the desire for a home in me. One that we can both work to make better.”

  Veldrix faintly blushed but turned away as a knock at the door echoed through the space, “Guardian?” Alehandro questioned as he nervously peeked inside, “Sorry if I’m interrupting, but a message came for Avatar Starlark and the messenger is waiting at the gates.”

  The knight nodded, “Well, we best go get it then because we’ll be leaving the city shortly.”

  Everin grabbed his bag and followed the gemites out the door and beyond the district where he received a sealed envelope from a very large Avian that reminded him of a goose with their long neck. When he opened the letter and read it, he felt his blood run cold and knew his aura exposed the sudden panic crashing through his mind.

  Veldrix tensed beside him and asked, “What’s wrong? What does it say?”

  “It’s from Phoenix. Their ship was attacked by pirates and destroyed at sea,” he whispered, rereading through it all to make sure he was understanding the messy handwriting correctly.

  “Did the others die? Did Dazien—”

  “She doesn’t know. She scribbled on the bottom here that Saiya and Rayna just met up with her, but that means Dazien, Uriel, and Camilla were still missing when she sent this a week ago.”

  “So they may be reunited already?”

  “I have to go to them—”

  “Ev, you have a new quest now. That’s why Phoenix released you from your Oathbond before she left, didn’t she? You’re not meant to chase after her when your duty is to the Scholar.”

  He stared at them incredulously before practically shouting, “I can’t just abandon the Chosen—”

  “You’re not. I’m sure she didn’t ask you to abandon your quest and come rescue her, right?”

  Everin glanced down at the letter again before admitting, “No. She said that she wrote to Ambassador Wayland as well to request aid, and that she just thought I should be aware.”

  “Well, we continue on then,” Veldrix pragmatically replied, “We have a portal to go catch and hopefully we can find another to hurry back. Then you can go chase after your kits.”

  If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

  Everin tore his gaze from the letter back up to their garnet one. With a frown he asked, “You won’t come with me then, will you?”

  Their smile was sad as they said, “I guess we’ll just have to wait and see when the time comes.”

  He silently nodded, not wanting to argue the point anymore and simply followed the knight to their destination.

  Thankfully, the queen and king didn’t want another audience with them as Veldrix led him through the castle to the portalist where Noble Chriss Stratford was waiting with her party, a black cat snuggly held within her arms like she was nervous Bliss might wander off at any moment.

  “Knight Thevaris. Avatar Starlark,” the polite noblewoman greeted, “I’ve agreed to introduce you both to my mother while you’re in her duchy, but I don’t think I’ll be able to show you around the capital.”

  “That’s alright,” Veldrix replied with a smile, “We’ll be leaving it immediately anyways to head for the lakelands. The introduction will be appreciated, though.”

  As the royal portalist summoned the largest Radipuff that Everin had ever seen and thought didn’t truly exist, the massive rainbow fluff ball opened its mouth larger than physically possible. He quickly realized that instead of a set of teeth and tongue, he was staring at a portal to the Renko capital.

  The others quickly vanished through it, but Everin hesitated.

  Should he really be going to the other side of the continent when Phoenix and her party were in trouble? Should he trust in Veldrix’s words that he was needed for this quest instead of running off to help them? Did Scholar care more about this Saint of the Arcanist and monster Labyrinth than the wellbeing of her own Chosen?

  He didn’t have any of the answers and didn’t know how to find them.

  “Having faith is not about seeking the answer; it’s about trusting even though you may never find it,” Scholar’s voice softly whispered in his mind, “Have faith in me, and have faith in your shiny knight.”

  Everin took a deep steadying breath, nodded, and stepped through the portal.

  Patricia found herself with a rare moment of silence as she sat in a plush chair in front of her brother who was still floating in the air trapped in a cursed stasis. The letter currently clenched in her fist was rumpled and tear stained now, while she carefully sipped from the wineglass in her other hand. She didn’t want to accidentally break this one too and definitely needed the drink as she sat before the man she felt she had failed the most over the course of their lives.

  While Paul had always been the odd one in the family, being human like their mother and going from one zealous decision to the next, she had always looked up to him and strived to make a home he could feel proud to return to. A family that he could always depend on being there to support him unlike their father had miserably failed to do.

  She had a better relationship with their father than Paul ever had, but he had still been strict and the opposite of compassionate. Their mother was the only person in the world who he had a soft touch for, but even that withered the day she had died. While he had definitely been getting to the end of his lifespan, she never told Paul the truth.

  Their father had simply come to her one night, given her the lord’s keys, told her he was sorry and that she should make amends with her brother before Paul became as lonely as he was, then took his own life.

  Patricia simply couldn’t burden Paul more with that knowledge. She had seen how hard he had taken their younger sister’s death. She had never seen a person completely change overnight like he had when he failed to protect Priscilla from the Corrupted. Then again when he came to her an utter broken mess after his adventuring party imploded due to his own rebellious move against the Purifier.

  She had sworn to be there for him. That it didn’t matter to her that he angered a god by standing against doing something so horrible. He had taken her advice and traveled to the Delegation of Radiance’s headquarters in Northern Cysurus and publicly spoke out against the god in front of every Delegate there. The god himself had turned it into a show and a very public display of exactly what happens to someone who Falls from the Purifier’s grace.

  Their father couldn’t take the humiliation. Despite her promises and arguments, he banished Paul from their home.

  It took six years for her brother to get the opportunity to return to her; once their father died and left Paul as their new lord, perhaps as a final apology.

  She took another sip of the wine as she contemplated how best she might explain to Paul how she had failed to protect his son.

  After every time she had failed to protect her brother, she was making the same mistakes with his children. How could she face him when he’d finally awaken and ask where his kids were? What could she possibly say that wouldn’t result in seeing that look on his face again? That pained expression that left no room for any thought of hope for happiness…

  Phoenix was alive at least, but this letter she had sent did not help Pati believe that Dazien would be alive when Paul awoke. She would greet her brother with a long list of the people he had lost while trapped in his curse. Perhaps she should have forgiven Jerem and sent him to play bodyguard instead? Even though she despised the man, he was almost Ruby and a Defender himself. Could he have changed the outcome? Should she have sent others with them instead?

  She took another long drink of her wineglass again before refilling it from the bottle in the chair next to her.

  “You know, I think I’ve come to dislike these types of curses most of all,” the Cultivator said as she appeared in the seat Pati’s bottle had previously occupied. “He can’t even work through his failures like this,” she added, gesturing towards Paul’s immobile form.

  “At least he can’t see how much I’m messing up everything,” she bitterly replied. “I almost drove his children from our House because I failed to see how much they truly cared about Uriel. I thought it was a light teenage fling. A relationship of convenience and proximity. I miscalculated the level of devotion they all had to one another.”

  “But you love that they’re that way, don’t you?” the goddess pointed out with a grin. “They are just as devoted to their family as you are, even if they are not bound by blood or name yet.”

  Pati snorted a laugh. “Perhaps that’s finally one thing we have in common.” She glanced at the goddess and said, “Perhaps if I had known the truth about them all sooner I could have handled things differently. Made smarter choices not based on false assumptions like I felt forced to. If you had just told me about Phoenix and Uriel’s Talents and Titles sooner, then perhaps I could have helped Paul avoid this fate,” she said, gesturing at her brother.

  “I know you love to grow the garden that is your family, Patricia Wayland,” the goddess began, looking back at Paul, “but sometimes you try to force the flowers to grow only in the direction you desire instead of granting them the freedom to grow as nature intended.”

  Pati looked down into her lap and Phoenix’s letter clenched in her hand. “I’m trying to do better,” she whispered. “I’m trying to let them grow as they wish while keeping the locusts from devouring them.”

  “I know you are, child, but that is why I chose to keep you ignorant. Your fierce love is sometimes overshadowed by your need to control. You scolded your brother for doing much the same, but while he was overt, you attempted to be subtle.”

  “I’m not stopping them from fighting. I know they need to in order to grow—”

  “But you tried to stop them from loving. They need that in order to grow, too. If I had spent the Aetherius to the Confidant to reveal to you the secret of Uriel Karislian’s Soul Mark and Phoenix Wayland’s resurrecting Talent the moment they both became involved with Paul Wayland, would you honestly have let them stay in your brother’s life? Or would you have seen both of them as an unnecessary risk to the brother you had long awaited to return home to you?”

  “Paul wouldn’t have let Phoenix go.”

  “But you would have tried to manipulate things into dividing them to shield him, wouldn’t you? In your own words: Safety first, then happiness and comfort second.”

  “Is that truly so bad?” she asked, setting her wine glass down on the arm of her enchanted chair that would hold it in place for her and turning to the goddess in her frustration. “How is it wrong to want to keep my family alive?!”

  “Is it truly being alive if all one desires is death?” the Cultivator quietly asked. Nodding towards Paul, she added, “If you thought the danger was great enough and had torn my Chosen from his side, you would have sent your brother into a very dark depression in exchange for a miserable existence. The danger to Paul Wayland then wouldn’t have been from his Protégé but from himself.”

  Patricia covered her mouth with her free hand, feeling more lost by the revelation that her brother had been that far gone. Had he been more like their father than she had thought? She knew he hadn’t exactly been happy with his life since their sister died, but she didn’t think he had been that unhappy with it.

  With a quiet realization, she whispered, “I can’t protect them from themselves, can I?”

  “Not how you were attempting it,” the goddess confirmed. “I honestly believe you have Hero to thank for your brother still being on this side of the Veil.”

  “What do you mean? Hero didn’t bless him or help him when he needed it during the war.”

  Cultivator gave her a sad smile. “Hero was the one that directed their paths to cross and suggested Paul Wayland find a new purpose in life… instead of giving up on his own.” The goddess softly sighed. “While both of us have a soft spot for House Wayland, Hero is much better at giving hope to those who feel lost.”

  Patricia contemplated that, lifting her glass again to sip and wondered what she might need to change in herself to be able to do the same. She wasn’t a fighter like most heroes, but perhaps she didn’t need to be to help save her brother the next time he felt lost and alone.

  “I’m not the Parent,” Cultivator said after a moment, “but I believe you should try making happiness and hope the priorities for all of your family members rather than simply sheltering them from everything that could go wrong. Let them grow freely and simply provide the light, sustenance, and love they need to thrive.”

  Patricia thought she might try that, but as she glanced at the letter still crumpled in her hand that brought her to visit her brother in the first place, she remembered to ask, “And how will that help me comb the ocean to find my lost nephew and cousin?”

  “For that, I’ll merely recommend a prayer to Hero instead.”

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