Barely a toddler, Graham already knew how to burn people alive. All he needed was a sip of human milk and he could destroy anyone who dismayed him. His father, Liam, discovered this early on. He saw how Graham had looked angrily at and incinerated a cookie jar, how Graham's tight toddler clothes would disappear into ash, how his book burst into flames whenever he didn't pay attention to Graham. Thus, Liam developed a plan to succeed in his business.

  Liam workered as a financial manager for a corporation known as Potato. His job was to invest Potato's assets productively. However, Liam had many rivals who needed some burning, so he went to his office one day with Graham. He invited all his rivals from neighbouring companies and then he smiled at them. He said to Graham, "Googo gaga," and then threw the toddler at the table. Graham spun on the table like a revolver. Each time his eyes caught one of his rivals, that person ignited like dry wood in a forest on a mildly sunny day. Thus, Liam had succeeded in his undertaking and no one else stood in his path. The satisfaction stopped short as Graham's dismayed gaze paused on him as the spinning toddler came to a stop in a position unfortunate for Liam.

  "I player a game of Russian roulette with my toddler and I lost," were Liam's last words.

  Later that day, the police would find Graham in a pile of ash. The police would turn the toddler to the Department of Human Experimentation to see if Graham could be weaponized.

  * * *

  Liam, meanwhile, upon death, would awaken on a boat. The boat moved slowly and calmly. A figure in a cloak stood at the front, rowing the boat slowly, holding an oar with both hands.

  "Hm," said Liam eloquently, "where is this place?"

  "Look around and find out", the figure replied.

  Liam followed this sincere advice.

  He saw nothing of interest: the sky was pale green, the water was pale yellow, and, excepting the protruding rocks and stones of various sizes and pale colours scattered all around the body of water all around them, this lake or ocean or whatever it was seemed endless.

  "Oh, I died, yes?", Liam said. "So, this place is Heaven, eh? Finally, my 50,000 virgin husbands await me."

  "Oh, how did you know? I specifically made this place to be as pale and bleak as possible so no one would guess this was Heaven", the figure replied as it rowed.

  "I am much more interested in seeing your face. I will answer your question of how did I know if you reveal your face to me", Liam offered.

  The figure glanced behind its back at Liam. "Fine, but first you have to guess what my face will look like."

  Liam pondered the matter, but found no answers. He shot at random, "Maybe you wanted to look like a doll when you were younger, so your face looks like a Barbie doll."

  "Okay, this is false. But you did guess, so... Here is my face." The figure placed the oar inside the boat and turned around, then revealed its face by lowering its hood. It turned out to be his wife, Clarice.

  "Clarice?!", Liam said, seemingly incredulous.

  "Yes; however, I am actually the God Of Death", Clarice answered.

  "And where is Graham?", Liam asked. He stood up.

  "Oh, my grandfather is looking after Graham for now."

  "But you said your grandfather wasn't with us?", Liam pressed.

  "Well, my grandfather is God, so I technically lied, because he is always with us."

  "You promised to never lie to me!", Liam snarled and ge lunged at Clarice. Clarice sidestepped this maneuver and Liam found flew out of the boat, findijg himself in the water. He floated up and looked at Clarice hatefully. "So our promise to be truthful always meant nothing to you?!", he demanded

  Clarice looked hurt at this course of events. Looking down at his head and shoulders visible out of the water, she replied, "I hope you understand, I just didn't want you to think about my grandpa looking at us making love."

  Liam pondered this. Than he choked. Clarice pulled him out of the water. Coughing for some time, eventually Liam said, still on his knees, "The heck?! So, every time we were..."

  "Yes. Even now he is watching. He will always watch."

  Liam stood up and dusted himself off. "What's his name, or do you just call him God?"

  Clarice replied, "His name is John Potter."

  "Oh. Well, that's nice". Liam looked up to heavens and shouted, "I sue you for illegal surveillance, John Potter!"

  After saying this, lightning struck Liam and a storm gathered.

  A booming voice said, "I watch whoever I want and will never pay for damages!"

  "I will make you regret this," said Liam calmly as his head spun and electricity danced around and inside him.

  "Grandpa!", exclaimed Clarice with dismay, looking up at the sky with a pout.

  "No, dear," John's booming voice replied from the heavens, "Your pout doesn't work on me any longer."

  Clarice pouted even more. She then said, "Really?"

  "Yes", Potter replied.

  Liam, meanwhile, groaned, trying to pull himself together.

  "Really really?", said Clarice, and made even more of an effort in her execution of the sacred pouting technique.

  It would seem that God could no longer withstand Clarice's devious tricks and suddenly the storm cleared and rainbows appeared all over.

  God's voice boomed, cooing at Clarice, "Who is my little granddaughter?",

  Clarice jumped in the air and proclaimed excitedly, "Me!"

  Liam, recovering, stood and asked, "I require one trillion dollars in damages due to your surveillance of me right now!"

  God replied, "Fine, but in exchange you will be sent to another world and do my bidding there. Deal?"

  Liam said, "No, never! The trillion dollars are for your illegal behaviour, you can't negotiate your desires in there!"

  Clarice said, "Grandfather, please, just give Liam his trillion dollars or whatever and let's get this over with."

  God sighed, causing a tornado to appear as if purely by accident. The tornado took Liam far away.

  God said, unconvincingly, "Oops?"

  "Where did you take him?", Clarice said calmly, her face fuming.

  "Oh, you will never find him, my dear". God cackled evilly and the clouds that represented him turned around and floated away rapidly, leaving only chemtrails behind.

  Clarice said calmly "I am no longer your granddaughter! Now I am known as Sataneve!"

  Sataneve discarded her robe and underneath, she now wore a red supervillian suit, with a sentence engraved on the front, "I Turned Into A Supervillain Because My Grandpa Blew My Husband Away On A Tornado".

  Sataneve jumped into the waters, disappearing from sight.

  * * *

  Meanwhile, Liam found himself in the eye of a tornado. All around him, all kinds of pizza slices floated, some were from Pizza Skyscraper, some from Chess' Pizza, some from McRobberDuck's. He tried to grab a slice of McRobberDuck's pizza, but unfortunately, an angry politician in a red suit floated and slapped his wrist.

  "It is forbidden to consume McRobberDuck items while in the eye of a tornado!", the politician said angrily.

  "The hell you mean? Get out of my tornado!", Liam said calmly.

  The politician shook his head once in admonition. "I know who you are. I know your name, your address, your age. I can sue you into oblivion. I am Senator BurgerHub and I support the Fast Food party."

  "What are my name, my address and my age?", Liam asked in a dubious tone.

  Senator BurgerHub appeared rather offended at Liam's scepticism.

  The politician took out his ID and showed it Liam. "See?", he said, then added, "And as for your your name, it is Jonathan Perkins, your age is 47 and your address is Street's Street, Montiger Avenue 372."

  "False!", said Liam. "You lose."

  BurgerHub slumped, defeated, and floated away to the top of the tornado, before being launched up into space.

  * * *

  After one billion years, BurgerHub reached the Andromeda galaxy. The senator landed on a random planet, and looked around.

  "Hm, where might I be?" he asked himself. "I gotta get back to that tornado and teach that punk a lesson," he said in anger. "How could I give up so easily?!", he added and punched a tree in frustration.

  "Hey, don't punch my tree," a little girl said, appearing from behind the tree. She was looking up at Senator BurgerHub's face angrily.

  "I am hungry," said BurgerHub, "Mind if I eat your tree?"

  "Didn't you get the hint?!", the child exclaimed, "Don't you even go near it!", she said, trying to push the senator away.

  BurgerHub smirked and put his hand on the tree's bark. "You are just a weak child, you can't even vote and your parents will never pay off their mortgage. You will live on the streets, little kid. So, shut up and go away. This tree is my lunch now".

  After finishing this speech, BurgerHub felt satisfied. His anger at that man inside the tornado diminished and he felt happy that he could bully a defenseless kid. He looked down at her and his smile widened as he saw that she was beginning to cry.

  "Yes, yes, now shoo!", BurgerHub said.

  The little girl burst into tears and ran off. The senator looked at the tree that that kid apparently owned. "I like this tree even more now, hehe."

  If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

  He begun crafting a pickaxe out of his red suit. His Ourcraft mods finally came in handy. Then, he chopped the tree down.

  "Yes, now to think about how I shall prepare it..."

  He fried the tree, then boiled it. He used his skin oil for the first step. However, he regretted driving the child away because he recalled that young children's oil is much better suited for frying because its smoke point was much higher. Still, this would do.

  The third step was to bake the tree. Unfortunately, he found no suitable oven around and couldn't craft one with the resources he had. He decided to try finding the town where that girl must have resided. Surely she wasn't some hippy abandoned by her parents at birth, she didn't roam the forest alone, yes?

  He strapped the whole tree to his back and walked in the direction of where the girl ran off. It was a little difficult since BurgerHub's height was below 2 meters while the height of the tree easily was higher than 30 meters, but the senator used his not inconsiderable strength and finally reached the town.

  He saw various inhabitants of this marvelous little village.

  "Heyo! I am Senator BurgerHub and I require all your babies", the politician proclaimed. The townfolk looked at him in confusion. A big muscular guy approached him.

  "Oh, you're approaching me?", asked BurgerHub. "Yet I see no children in your arms. Turn around and go fetch me some."

  "Sir, what is this tree doing on your back," asked the man, "Need a hand?"

  "Oh, yes, please, your hand," said the senator happily. He grabbed the muscular man's hand and pulled back. Blood spattered everywhere and the senator held a human hand, detached from its body.

  "Oh, you misunderstood me, sir. I only meant to lend you my hand metaphorically, as in help you carry that heavy tall tree on your back," said the muscular man politely.

  "I know that full well! Say, what's your name, musclehead?", the senator asked.

  The muscular man did not answer. He simply turned around and walked, leaving a trail of blood on the ground.

  The senator noticed the little girl from before exiting a tavern with a drumstick in hand. The drumstick had a mouth and the two, girl and chicken part, animatedly argued about something. Suddenly, the red-haired child noticed the senator. She shrieked. "The vandal!", she pointed at him. "My tree!"

  The senator grimaced at her screams, because they attracted even negative attention to him. He threw the muscular man's arm at her head. The girl's head took the collision like a champ, breaking down into pieces. The senator laughed at that. However, he couldn't laugh long, because the drumstick jumped at him and tore into his chest. The last thing BurgerHub saw was the drumstick taking over his soul.

  * * *

  Liam ate lots of pizzas. He didn't know for exactly how long he spent in the eye of the tornado, but at some point he found himself on a beach of sorts. He stood up from the sand and looked around. He had little idea what was going on, but he would wager a guess that he was on some sort of uninhabited island. Probably God kidnapped Liam to participate in some kind of Satiety Games against his will. His guesses proved to be correct when Liam saw that out of the trees, a group of three came, all carrying some sort of rifles. Liam waved at them. The moment the three spotted him, they aimed and shot. Liam never felt how being shot felt before. Now he knew how it felt. Bullets penetrated his skin on his left biceps, right wrist and knee. The rest of the bullets missed. Liam wondered what to do while the attackers approached him. One of them ran up to him with a deadly smirk.

  "Hey, who can you be? I don't remember you being in the participant list."

  Liam said, "Well, I was sent here by my wife's grandpa."

  The other man laughed. "I see. So, your grandfather-in-law didn't like you cozying up to his dear granddaughter? I see how it is. Well, good day to you, sir, you get to die and go to Heaven!" The other two people reached them, aiming at Liam. Liam walked slowly towards the forest. The three behind him laughed uproariously.

  "Oh, you are walking away from us? Instead of coming closer?", the first guy said. He walked briskly after Liam and poked his back with his rifle, causing Liam to fall in the sand. Blood trailed behind him.

  "Joe, let's just kill this dude, I am bored," one of Joe's friends said. The other friend nodded, saying, "Cela is right, I am also bored. I wanna go kill the kids from the teenager group."

  Joe sighed and said, "Oh, right, you really were excited about killing the teenagers. Fine, let's leave this dude to the vultures."

  The three walked away.

  "Pst", a voice called to Liam a couple minutes later. "Want a beefsteak?"

  Liam managed to turn his head and lift it. He saw a girl wearing a hoodie. She looked down at him and held a plate with a piece of steak on it. "Come here, old man, I am not gonna hurt you. I am just gonna give you some free steack, I promise." The girl averted her eyes and cackled to herself, then pretended she didn't do any of the cackling and returned her eyes to look at Liam.

  Liam sighed heavily. "Sorry, lass, my son taught me to never take steaks from strangers. Besides, I am kinda bleeding out to death here. So shush and go, let me rest in piece."

  "Oh, your son? How old is he?", the girl asked.

  "I dunno, six months?", Liam said.

  "Oh... Right. And he can speak already, of course? What a little genius", the teen replied sceptically. "Well, if you decline, I will force feed it to you."

  Liam looked at her with indignation. He saw that the plate left the young woman's hand and floated towards him. "Sorry, I am new to this, so don't be surprised if it falls on your head and breaks into million pieces, cutting your skin and eyes and ears and nose and lungs and lips.", she explained reasonably. Liam tried to crawl away, but he didn't exactly had much strength left.

  Finally, the plate found itself before his mouth. "Now eat," said the girl.

  Liam ignored her and closed his eyes. He felt a little dizzy, since the bleeding didn't seem to stop. Suddenly, he felt as if something waa tickling his armpits. He laughed and the steak fell into his stomach.

  "Oh, here, have some other things," said the girl and chocolate bars floated inside Liam's mouth.

  "I am on a diet, you know?", Liam complained.

  "Well, the chocolate just fell into your stomach, so you can just say to yourself it was an accident. If you are a vegan and a fly comes into your stomach, you wouldn't complain that you are a vegan, would you?", the person asked him with a smug face.

  Liam noticed something unusual: his wound healed rapidly. The three bullets popped out of his healing body and fell in the sand. The girl winked at him and went back into the forest, disappearing from sight.

  Liam stood up and loudly said, "Thanks for nothing!" He then walked along the beach for around five minutes.

  The weather was quite hot. But at least Liam got some Vitamin D out of this. He took off his suit and shirt and undershirt and put them by his side and sat on his brown suit, using it as a blanket, allowing his upper body to soak some sun rays. Hopefully, he won't get cancer ouf of this. Few minutes later, he took of his pants and now was only in his shorts. He lay down and covering his eyes with a piece of clothe and dozed off.

  * * *

  Graham was very angry at being taken inside the Department of Human Experimentation. The reason for this was that they didn't bring his favorite chewing toy Lavender the Chewie. Thus, he tried to use his incineration powers but failed. This was because the people here knew some tricks and could protect their equipment and personnel from naughty angry toddlers. A scientist by the name of Loretta entered the room where Graham was kept in.

  "Hello, little kid!", she greeted him. "Would you like some candy?"

  "Googoo gaga", said Graham angrily and swiped at Loretta clumsily. Loretta cooed at him. "Oh, you little gremlin, just don't incinerate anything, alright? I will inject something to help us study your ability, okay?" Loretta showes him a three centimetres thick needle and grinned as the toddler begun bawling his eyes out. A couple weeks ago he would narrow his cute eyes and try to incinerate the lab but now that he knew it didn't work, he could only cry like a loser toddler he was.

  "Yes, yes, sing for me baby, right into my ears!", Loretta sang beautifully left and right as she brought the thick needle closer to the toddler.

  Suddenly, something boring happened: Sataneve appeared and rescued her child from this abuse.

  "Oh, Sataneve? Go away, leave the child with us," said Loretta, using her hypnosis clock. Sataneve's eye drooped and she nodded obediently. Then the supervillian left the room through whatever hole she came, namely, the one she just made in the ceiling.

  Loretta laughed in delight. "Even your mother can't save you, baby!" She injected the toddler violently and held him still even as he writhed his body in pain.

  "Don't worry, Graham, soon you will get used to this. Our plan is to increase the thickness of the needles every day, so it will be alright, I promise. The larger the needle, the less pain there is."

  She doubted Graham had heard her, since he seemed quite busy wasting his breath on cries of pain and anguish. Loretta shook her head in criticism of the seven-month-old's lack of guts.

  "Come ooooon, Graham," she sing-sang, "Don't be such a little baby!"

  Finally, the injection was complete.

  "So, show us how you do it. Teach us, Graham-sensei. How do you use your Inceneration Eyes? Try it on this teddy bear."

  A teddy bear was placed before Graham on the nearby table. Graham was still too busy crying. Suddenly, Loretta's colleague, Mr. Brand, entered the lab and said, "Hello there."