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Chapter 3: Army Tryouts

  Lady Beatrice’s words roared like flames in the goblin woman’s heart. She wouldn’t be afraid to be alone; she would be her own person; she would join that damn army! Gigi would see the corners of the empire and make a difference. Maybe she wouldn’t have a gigantic brood and doting lover like Serena, but Gigi would carve out her destiny with her fists.

  First, she needed to bring Glorp back to the stables and give her plenty of kisses goodbye. The determined goblin made for home with visions of heroism etched in her mind. Before her homeland was absorbed into the goblin kingdom, her father had been a knight in the badlands for one of the goblin war queens. He would be rolling in his grave if he knew she was trying to join up with an army after he sacrificed so much to get out of war-making. To Gigi, though, the badlands and the goblin kingdom might as well have been a fairy tale.

  She knew her parents had left the goblin kingdom for a reason. After all, the badlands were just bottomless swamps. She had been told the pretty parts were near the far more expensive goblin capital where her mother had been from. Then, they fled the kingdom together for Epesia and landed in Poppy. Choices she, having yet to be born, had little input in.

  Still, she felt a bang of guilt as she tied the massive slug back up in the stable and put away the machine. Gigi would not miss much about Poppy, but she would miss Glorp with all her heart. Gigi knelt and hugged her faithful companion. Glorp squelched in approval.

  “I love you, girl,” she whispered to the greenworm.

  There was no way she could sneak into the house to steal her father’s armor or war hammer, but even in her leathers, she felt confident she could at least be a capable squire. Gigi took off at a sprint with one last kiss on Glorp’s gelatinous forehead. Her tight, well-defined muscles worked in tandem with her lithe frame. The bundles of muscles pumped feverishly to propel Gigi far faster than any human could run. She took the first path out of town, then through the brush and trees that acted as a natural border for Poppy.

  Animals scampered away as Gigi flowed through the wooden obstacles. She had loved the forest since she was a girl and knew it better than what the back of her hands looked like. Her father had told her legends about when her race was young when they had been fearsome pack hunters in the swamps. Rubbing her tongue over her teeth, she wondered if that was why they still had sizeable incisors. Her fangs weren’t visible unless she smiled, but she thought they made her look tough.

  Before long, she was clear of the trees and blazed her path on an open plain. The high road above the village was the only one a sizable army could have taken, so Gigi knew exactly where they most likely had made a camp. This was not her first attempt; she had been laughed out of camp more than once, but she felt optimistic that this time would be different.

  Finally, she saw smoke from the camp’s fires. If she timed this right, perhaps she could catch the captain or whoever was in a good mood after breakfast but before marching. Her ears perked up as she drew near and heard the cheer and laughter of human men. Her heart and ears sank slightly; she had hoped for a dwarven garrison.

  Dwarves and goblins didn’t exactly have what would be called a friendly history. Every goblin and dwarven child knew of the six-century war. That was ancient history, though. Or at least a thirty-year-old history. Even still, they more or less saw each other as equals. Humans, on the other hand, saw everyone as below them. It was a character trait that Gigi had always found particularly vile. One of the many reasons humans were on the same footing as trolls in her head. They may not have possessed the same strength or diamond-hard skin but they acted like they did. All humans had going for them in her mind was just how damn many of them there were. They mostly clung to the belief that they were better than everyone else, lack of proof or not.

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  Still, she was determined to make this work. Even if it meant she had to serve with lowly humans. Besides, surely she could dazzle them with her skill and strength and show she wasn’t the ugly monster most of them had in their minds.

  A cadre of men were busily putting out the morning fires as they donned their armor and battlements. Gigi loved the electricity in the air. The thrill of action about to happen heightened her senses. She had never been in a battle with a soldier before, but she had plenty of brawls and fights under her belt. There was no shred of doubt in her that she could show up any of these men.

  She called out to the men with her arms raised to show she wasn’t a threat. All the same, the men began to put their hands on the hilts of their swords. They scanned the distance for the high-pitched voice but saw nothing. It wasn’t until she was virtually on top of them they realized the voice had come from below their eyeline.

  A chorus of laughter erupted from the formerly tense men. She saw the soldiers’ demeanor change from on guard to loose almost immediately. They released their swords, going back to their former activity. Gigi felt insulted. They had dismissed her as a threat so quickly. Irritation bristled within her. She was sure she was twice the fighter of any of them. She let it roll from her muscular green shoulders. Gigi stepped forward, lowering her arms.

  “Let me join your ranks. I’m good with my fists and much stronger than I look!” she exclaimed.

  Another round of raucous laughter infected the camp. Gigi’s ears twitched as she fought off embarrassment. They didn’t believe her. That was fine; she would show them.

  “I challenge any of you to a duel. If I win, you let me join?”

  The hardest peel of laughter yet exploded from the men. Undaunted, Gigi slid her right foot back and raised her fists to show she was waiting. The breeze rustled through her long black hair as she stood proud before them. One man spat and stepped forward.

  “Yeah, I reckon I can take you. I thought you were a kid. Otherwise, we would have put a bolt in you from the trees.”

  Gigi nodded and forced a smile, showing her fangs off. “Blades or fists?”

  “You ain’t got a blade.”

  “So? I don’t need one to beat you.”

  He spat again, this time at her feet. “Maybe they could use your mouth in the kitchen, or better yet-”

  Before he could finish, she rushed forward. The knight was momentarily surprised but quickly raised his sword to strike. Whatever qualms he had about fighting an unarmed woman had been swiftly quelled. Gigi ducked under the blade by centimeters, shifting her weight down in one smooth motion. The soldier looked down in surprise to see her coiled below.

  The next moment, Gigi burst upward and delivered a stone-shattering uppercut, rattling the soldier’s bones and lifting him from the ground before he landed on his back. A massive welt was left where her fist had collided with his jaw.

  The laughter died in an instant. Gigi could sense she had gone from amusing oddity to irritating foe with that one punch. The soldiers' hands flew to their blades again as they stalked toward her. The soldier she had just knocked out tettered on his feet before falling backward. Gigi swallowed hard in a dry mouth, cold adrenaline flowing through her. She wasn’t about to fight an army. Spinning on her heel, she dashed in the opposite direction, waving behind her.

  “Just kidding. Good luck out there!” She waved goodbye as she darted into the forest. The soldier whose armor and pride she had just wounded made to give chase.

  “Forget her. Remember, we have a real war to fight?” called out the knight’s superior. The knight grumbled but halted and turned back. Gigi made one final rude gesture toward the army before disappearing into the forest.

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  PATREON TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!

  

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