I wake up feeling even worse than I did yesterday. A stress headache pulls at my mind, triggered by another wave of worries. I could barely sleep.

  I didn’t see The Queen at all. Evidently, she had important business to attend to. That didn’t stop my mind from spinning a thousand reasons she could be avoiding me.

  It shouldn’t matter if we don’t see each other every day, we barely even know one another. But I can’t change my feelings, no matter how hard I try.

  Ugh.

  I rub my face and climb out of bed. The same guard is by my door again. “Where to today, little prince?”

  "Could I ask where The Queen is?"

  The guard nods. "She is most likely in the magical study. I will take you to her."

  I follow the guard as he leads the way. "I won't be disturbing her, will I?"

  "I'm sure she'll be thrilled to see you," he answers noncommittally.

  We venture outside. The study is not connected to the main castle. Rather, it’s a stone tower just past the walls of the front court. As a structure of bricks and not plants, it stands out, but the vines and flowers climbing around its cracks still make it feel cohesive.

  We pass a couple of small greenhouses on the way there. Peering past their glass walls, I can see strange and unruly plants of all colors.

  The inside of the tower is more ominous than I expected. Few lamps and fewer windows light the way. It doesn't seem like it was designed to be traversed in dragon form, as the interior is made up of small hallways and a well-worn human-sized stairway to trek up and down.

  After a bit of climbing, I hear The Queen's voice.

  "It's no good, no good at all! This spell is far too complicated. Can we try something else?" Her pacing footsteps echo off the walls. She’s speaking Draconic and sounds far more anxious than I’ve ever heard her before.

  "Do not despair, My Queen. I have confidence you will be able to perform it with more practice." It's Alcina.

  "The eclipse festival is only a month away! How am I going to find time to do that in between my meetings, regular studies, queenly duties, and now Ashura?"

  I pause, but the guard guiding me keeps walking toward the door. What does she mean “Ashura”? Am I causing problems for her already?

  They did mention I got here early compared to the other humans. Did they expect someone to volunteer only after this “eclipse festival”?

  The guard knocks on the ajar door to announce our presence. "My Queen, Archmage Alcina. Prince Ashura requested to see you."

  I reluctantly step in the doorway. This was a terrible idea. I can't distract her. I can't be a burden.

  The magical study is a round room taking up a good portion of the top floor. It's the only place in the tower where windows are large enough to let adequate light in. Vines are wound around stones on the wall, snaking over the ceiling to form a chandelier of glowing bulbs. Bookshelves crowd the walls, and the room is filled with tables of scrolls, vials, and magical artifacts I can’t imagine the use of.

  The Queen is in the back of the room with Alcina. She’s wearing a necklace of crystals similar to the archmage’s. She blinks at us, then steps forward while Alcina continues to flip through a book. "Ah! Prince, what can I do for you? You must have a tour of the study, it's quite exceptional!" The panic in her voice has been smoothed over, but I can still sense its remnants in how fast she speaks.

  In Draconic, Alcina mumbles, “Do you have the time for that?”

  "D-don't let me interrupt you," I rush. "You seem busy. Why don't I come back later?"

  She waves a claw, "Oh, I'm always busy,” then pauses. "That came out wrong. What I mean is, I can always make time for you."

  "No, it's really okay," I blurt. "I-I just wanted to make sure you were all right." Burrs and weeds, I'm blubbering on again, what am I even saying? "But I really, really don't want to distract you. I'm sorry. Please, don't worry about me."

  She stops and looks at me for a long moment, her ears and tail twitching. "I see. Well, it was nice to see you, either way."

  Oh no, were her words clipped? Are her ears twitching from frustration? Ugh, this was a terrible idea! Stupid, stupid, stupid Ashura, getting in the way again. If I'm too much of a burden, she’ll want to send me home, and I can't can't can't let that happen. "Yes. You, too. Sorry." I give a shallow bow.

  I hear footsteps, but I don't dare look up. She's standing right in front of me. What does she want? What's happening? She's angry, isn't she?

  I feel her hand brush a piece of hair on the side of my face, and my body moves without my permission. I vault away from her, barely able to cover up my cringe at her touch.

  We lock eyes, and I read her concern like an open book. "Ah, apologies. Your hair was in your face.”

  "I'm sorry. I'll have it cut."

  "Why are you sorry?"

  I bite back another apology. The silence in the room is so thick, you could cut it with a knife.

  She takes another small step toward me. "Are you feeling all right?"

  I step back. "I'm fine. Just tired. Sor—I'll be on my way." I turn around and pace out. The guard follows me.

  What a disaster. I've made a fool of myself again. But is she really mad at me? Or is it my imagination?

  It's happening again. I'm not thinking straight. As I get to my room, I lock my door and take deep breaths. Think about the garden. Leaves falling.

  There has to be some kind of damage control I can do. I shouldn't have left; I should have let her show me around! What if she thinks I don't want to be near her?

  Do I want to be near her?

  I give myself a few minutes to calm down. Then, I go to my bathroom and splash cold water in my face with shaking hands. I need to make things right. Will she still be in the study by the time I pull myself together? I don't know.

  A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

  I take a pause in my bedroom, pacing the large space. I don’t have much to distract myself with. There are some books already in here. They’re mostly in Suthic, though only basic and popular titles. The other humans must not have spoken Draconic.

  When am I going to tell someone I speak Draconic? Would it be awkward to bring it up now? Will The Queen be upset I didn’t tell her sooner? It’s just one more maddening thing to worry about.

  When enough time has passed and my nerves have calmed, I step out of my room. I don’t know what my plan is, or if I have a plan at all. But I can’t end the day on that note. I have to apologize, or not apologize, or do whatever I need to do so she’ll forget all about it.

  The guard salutes me. He’s been standing there all day. “Where to, my prince?”

  I think for a moment. Will The Queen be impressed with my competency if I don’t need someone to guide me to the tower? Or will she be mad if I ditch my bodyguard? Do I want someone around to hear whatever conversation we’re going to have, anyway?

  “I’d like to go alone,” I try. “Do you think The Queen is still in the study?”

  “Hm.” The guard looks me up and down. “If you’re sure. She most likely is. Don’t stray far from the castle. If you need help, any guard will be happy to provide it for you.” He bows.

  That was worryingly easy. Do they already trust me that much? Or do they not care if I get hurt? “O-okay. Thank you.” I step down the hall, consulting my mental map.

  My memory doesn’t fail me, and I find my way back to the tower. There’s only a couple of guards at the front, and they nod to me as I enter.

  I climb the agonizing set of stairs again, trying to think of what to say to The Queen when I reach her. “Yeah, I had a headache, no big deal. Didn’t want to be cranky around you!” Or, “Oh, no, it was nothing, just the crushing weight of interacting with the person I have to convince I’m worthy of marrying.” Maybe, “I left the stove on! Silly me.” No, that’s not going to work.

  The Queen’s voice echoes down the hall as I climb. So, she’s still here. They’re speaking Draconic again.

  “—don’t understand.”

  “Give it time, My Queen. You can’t expect smooth sailing this early.” Are they still talking about magic?

  “Maybe this was a mistake. If he’s hiding something like this from me, what can I expect from him as a king?”

  I freeze.

  “I’m sure he has a reasonable explanation.” There’s a shuffle. “Really, my Queen, you must not be worrying over these things. Why don’t you just confront him?”

  “I will. But that’s part of the problem. Something’s not right with that man. Did you see the way he flinched at my touch?”

  Oh no. No, no, no. I push myself against the wall, covering my mouth. But I don’t leave. My feet stay locked on the steps, my ears sharp for their words, the words they assumed I would never be able to hear.

  “Was I too bold?”

  “I’m not sure. I don't know enough about human culture, your majesty. Back to the matter at hand—”

  “He’s terrified of me; I can feel it. It’s in his aura, in every word he speaks.” She’s pacing now. “But why? Am I that frightening? Does he find me so repulsive?”

  “Lantana…”

  “Am I the problem? Or is it him? The other humans were nervous, but this goes beyond that. He looks at me as if I might snap and kill him at a moment’s notice. Oh, this is a disaster…and now I have a headache…”

  Alcina sighs. “Maybe we should take a break. You’re exhausted.”

  Those words snap me back to reality.

  “Right, right. I suppose I should try and find him. Maybe I’ll bring it up slowly.”

  Their footsteps draw near. I finally force myself to move, tiptoeing down the stairway. My feet quicken, and once I’m out of earshot, I’m sprinting down the steps.

  I nearly ram into the door at the end, and I open it as slowly as I can to appear normal. But I don’t make eye contact with the guards. I can’t. I have to get out of here. My chest constricts, and I feel too hot, suffocating in my clothes. Something bad is happening.

  I only make it halfway across the courtyard, my steps awkward and stilted, when disaster strikes.

  The door of the tower creaks open. “Ashura?” The Queen calls my name from far away. “Hey! Ashura!”

  No, no, no, not now, she can’t see me like this. My breathing is erratic, my fingers are going numb. Her words won’t stop echoing in my head, past and present alike. Not right, mistake, repulsive, flinch—

  “Prince? Are you okay?” At the sound of Alcina’s voice, I cringe. They’re right behind me and speaking Suthic again. “What are you doing out here?”

  Slowly, I turn around, trying my best to keep my face neutral. But I’m sweating bullets, and I can’t stop clutching my arms, and I can’t even stand up straight. My eyes seem to wander, focusing on everything and nothing. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.

  “Ashura? You look ill.” It’s The Queen.

  “I-don’t—sor—I-can’t—” My racing thoughts escape as incoherent mumblings. What do I say? What do I say?

  She steps toward me, and I cower away. I can’t look into her eyes, only trace the stones beneath us. I need to get out of here, but how am I supposed to escape now? Stop panicking, stop panicking, stop stop stop stop stop—

  “You’re pale,” she says, her voice soft. “Do you need medical attention? Your aura doesn’t seem sick, but it is erratic.”

  Stop panicking…stop panicking…

  “Why are you so out of breath?”

  Stop…stop…stop…

  “Ashura?” She reaches for me. “Perhaps I can sense what’s wrong? May I—?”

  “Don’t touch me!”

  I don’t realize the words are from me until it’s too late. I look at The Queen, who is staring at me, shocked. Alcina covers her mouth. The guards that were behind them have approached, and at least one of them has her claws at the ready.

  “What’s the issue, my Queen?” The guard asks. She’s glaring at me. I can’t move, but my entire body is shaking. “Does he need to be subdued?”

  “No!” For the first time, The Queen’s voice is harsh. Even when it’s in my defense, I still shrink away. “Everything is fine. Go back to your post.”

  “But—”

  “I said go back to your post!”

  Her words are screeching in my ears. My legs make a decision before I can, turning me around and bolting for the castle door.

  The walls rush past me as I make a beeline to my room. The guard at the door raises his hand to greet me, but I don’t have time to return it. I slam the door behind me.

  This is bad. Really bad. My hand fumbles for the lock. Even then, I rush to the bathroom, and lock that door behind me, too.

  I’m thinking about her again. She claws her way into my mind like an animal making its kill. I hold my head in my hands and crumple to the floor. They’re going to send me back home, they’re going to send me back to her.

  Unwanted images and sensations flash through my head and infect my body. The memories dance around me, circling like vultures. I can’t breathe.

  Rosalind approaches me. “Hey there! Have we met before?” I can’t breathe.

  “You’re not like the other guys in the castle…” She touches my arm, and I can’t breathe.

  She stands in front of the king. “Don’t punish him, father! I forgive him, really.” I can’t breathe.

  “Why don’t we take this dance?” I can’t breathe.

  “Could you at least look enthusiastic?” I can’t breathe.

  “I thought I told you to cut your hair.” I can’t breathe.

  “Ash, get out of there!” I’m in the bathroom back home, crumpled against the door like I am now. “This isn’t cute anymore!” I can’t breathe.

  “All you need to do is give this to me…Do you like it? Who am I kidding, you can’t tell a diamond from quartz.” I can’t breathe.

  “How could you do this to me? TO US?” She raises her hand, and I can’t breathe.

  My eyes blink open. I’m on the bathroom floor, and I feel like I’ve fallen off a cliff. Every muscle in my body hurts, and even in the loose dragon-style clothes, sweat has pooled on the fabric.

  Did I pass out? I guess it’s lucky I made it to the bathroom when I did. How humiliating would it be for that to happen in front of the castle on top of everything else?

  Thinking about it makes my chest tight, but I’m too exhausted to spiral again. The Queen was right. Something is wrong with me.

  What time is it? There’s still a bit of light filtering through the ceiling in the bathroom. I’m hungry, but I don’t think I can stomach food. It’s a miracle I didn’t vomit earlier.

  Slowly, I sit up. The room tilts, and I’m still dizzy. I climb to my feet, supporting myself on the counter. When I look in the mirror, the man staring back at me is a horror show, flushed skin and dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. I turn away and fumble for the door.

  When I peek into my room, it doesn’t look like it’s been disturbed. Nervously, I check the lock. They didn’t open it. Nobody came in. Should I be glad they didn’t want to bother me, or concerned they didn’t check on me? I’m not sure.

  One thing is clear, though. I can’t go out there right now. I don’t know when I can again. Instead, I flop down on my bed, not bothering to shower or change. I let my eyes droop closed and try to think about anything. Anything but her.