I'm still thinking about it the next day. Thinking about what almost happened between us, and what The Queen said.

  "I wanted you."

  I dreamed about her. I dreamed that she wanted to kiss me, and I don't remember if I wanted to kiss her back. When I woke up, I felt like my comforter was trying to suffocate me.

  "Little prince, are you ill?"

  Marnie's voice snaps me out of my mental wanderings. I don't feel good, actually. I might throw up. But I don't know if it's because I'm sick or if it's my nerves.

  We're in the tiny greenhouse near the North Garden, tending to some seedlings that are beginning to sprout. I haul the metal watering can up to the table and sprinkle them. "Sorry. Just a heat spell, is all." It is uncomfortably warm in here, so I figure it's a good excuse.

  Her tail flicks. "Well, if you need to step outside, the plants can wait. They're very patient." I hand the water can off to her, and she douses a tray on her side. “After all, they’ve had nothing but time since they’ve been seeds.”

  I'd rather not leave. Working in here at least takes the edge off. If I step out, it might all come rushing back. "I'm okay."

  "Hm." I can feel her eyes on me, but she doesn't say anything else.

  We work in silence for a while. Since this greenhouse isn't as large as the one next to the magical study, there's only a few feet for us to walk around in. Most of the walls are stacked with thin shelves holding more plants.

  I hear a tapping outside on the door. When I look that way, although her form is obscured by the cloudy glass, it's unmistakably The Queen.

  Marnie slides the door open, and The Queen has to duck so her horns don't catch on the frame. "Welcome, My Queen. What can I do for you?"

  Her eyes flick to me, then the floor. "I was hoping I could find a moment alone with Ashura."

  Marnie waves her hand. "Oh, I was just about to step out. You two take the greenhouse for as long as you need." With that, she squeezes past The Queen and leaves us alone.

  As soon as the door closes, she looks at me. I focus on the little plants in front of me.

  "Um, Ashura, about what I said yesterday…"

  My body stiffens. Why, why, why can't we ever talk about something normal?

  "It was highly inappropriate, and I could tell you were uncomfortable," she blurts out. "I apologize. After the spell, I was exhausted, and I wasn't thinking clearly. I thought you would be flattered by my words, but I didn't consider that I might be pushing into territory we haven't reached yet." She bows deeply. "I didn't want you to think you were in the wrong for your reaction. I'm sorry."

  Her distress catches me off guard. This has been on her mind, too? I was too blinded by my own embarrassment to even consider that.

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  When I look at her, she hasn't moved from her bow, and her tail twitches uneasily. "Um…" what do I say? "It's okay."

  Lantana shakes her head. "But you looked sick when I said that.” She rises and sets her eyes on me. Her gaze and the heat of the greenhouse make me waver. “Ashura, I can’t read your mind. If something I do bothers you, you need to tell me.”

  I stifle a cringe at her words. They aren’t even aggressive, barely confrontational. But as a possible response spins in my mind, a wall of apprehension blocks it from ever escaping.

  The truth is, I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what will or will not bother me. I don’t know when, or if, I’ll ever be ready to do any of those “unspeakable” things she wants. The only thing I do know is that there’s something wrong with me, and I don’t know how to fix it, and it’s making it hard to exist around her when she expresses these feelings.

  The words repeat in my head, making me clench my fist. Anger at myself, fueled by this shame, rises, almost reaching its apex. I take a deep breath, inhaling the hot and stuffy air, and press it down just a little further. Not right now. Don’t you dare cry. Not while she’s here.

  I look at her, condensing every one of my thoughts into the most vanilla, mundane, watered-down reply I can manage. “I just want to take things slow.”

  The Queen nods immediately. “I understand, Ashura. I’d like to go at your pace. Just please, let me know when you feel uncomfortable.”

  It’s such an easy stipulation, but I don’t even know if I can do that. “I will.”

  After an awkward beat of silence, she asks, “Is there any way I can make this up to you?”

  Skies above. We’re one day out of the eclipse, and I already have her worrying about something else. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to get our minds off it for a while. "Do you want to help me with these plants?"

  Her ears perk up. "Yes, anything! What do you need?"

  I think for a moment, then pick up one of the empty trays sitting on the bottom of the shelf. "I'm going to plant some seeds. Could you grab the soil, please?"

  "Yes! Of course!" She turns around, her large tail nearly smacking me in the small space, and clumsily searches up and down for the soil bag.

  I didn't actually have plans to plant anything. What seeds do we even have on hand? I root through the small box of packets.

  Blue jazz? Sure, why not. I pull out the packets and set them on the table.

  The Queen turns around, a heavy bag of soil in her claws. "Where do you want this?"

  "Cut it open and pour some in here." I push the tray toward her.

  She slices the end of the bag open with her claw, then sprinkles soil on the bottom.

  My mouth twinges into a smile. "More than that. Here, I'll spread it." I step toward her to even out the dirt with my hands as she pours it out.

  She's a little closer now, and I can't tell if it's the sun or her hot breath beating down on my neck. The ghost of the feeling returns, giving me chills. This is fine. I can handle this. I focus on the dirt in front of me, leveling it out while she continues to pour soil into the tray.

  "That's probably enough," I say when the dirt is nearly overflowing. I rip open the seed packet and drop a few into my hand.

  She helps me plant them one by one. My nervousness never quite eases at our proximity, but I get a little better at hiding it. At least she isn’t expecting me to move too fast. That’s a weight off my chest.

  If only I could match her enthusiasm. Any normal person would, I think.

  We finish with the tray, and I set them on the shelf. "These will probably take a few days to sprout."

  "I want to watch them," The Queen says suddenly. I look up at her. "I want to see them grow. I've never raised a plant from a seed before." Her tail starts twitching, and I can see a curious sparkle growing in her eyes.

  At those words, I can’t stop my weak smile. Lantana likes plants! Even if she is terrible with them, that is something we finally have in common. "Will you have enough time to visit them between your duties?"

  “I’ll try.” She meets my eyes hopefully. "I've been meaning to spend more time with you now that the eclipse has passed. What do you say we watch them together?"

  I nod before I even have to think about it. "Of course!"

  Lantana beams.