The air reeked of burnt Adderall and the ghost of Diego Maradona's cigar. Carlo crouched in the Bone Cathedral's penalty box, its goalposts crafted from the fused femurs of 1966 World Cup referees. Above, the VAR – now a pulsating chandelier of eyeballs stolen from linesmen – dripped vitreous humor onto his neck.
TRIAL 06: OFFSIDE SOULS
[WIN CONDITION: BREAK THE CITADEL'S 1978-2022 TIMELINE]
"You're literally offside," hissed the Bishop-Referee, its cassock stitched from yellow cards issued during Argentina's 1978 World Cup. "Your soul's ahead of your body. Standard punishment: organ auction."
The scoreboard flickered with grotesque odds:
Carlo's Collateral: Right eye (contains last visual of pre-Citadel Lina)
Pantheon's Wager: 1982 World Cup's "Disappeared" Spectator Registry
Steve, now sporting Maradona's 1994 ephedrine-fueled sweat glands, slammed a rusted corner flag into the pitch. "Yo, Blinky McEyes!" He gestured at the VAR chandelier. "Dude's soul's fine – check his hairline for nano-offside!"
[VAR REVIEW: HERESY DETECTED]
The eyeballs convulsed, projecting holograms of Carlo's childhood:
Age 7, stitching a football from his mother's radiation-shielded apron
Lina whispering "Stadiums are tombs" before her 2022 disappearance
The Citadel's logo – a World Cup trophy grafted to Stalin's spine – burning their favela
"Irrelevant," droned the Bishop-Referee, its whistle made from a Chilean miner's femur. "Prepare for extraction."
Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.
Robotic nuns emerged, their habits woven from 2006 World Cup final red cards. One aimed a bone saw at Carlo's eye—
FLASHBACK TRIGGERED: LINA'S SACRIFICE
Carlo's Adaptive Combat Instinct mutated – his left hand morphed into a 1998 Zidane headbutt tendon cluster. He lunged, crushing the nun's skull. Black liquid oozed, forming words:
"Qatar 2022 Worker #4389 – Cause of Death: Sentient Concrete."
"Cheat code activated!" Steve roared, his hair follicles ejecting nanobots that hacked the VAR's optic nerves. The chandelier short-circuited, replaying Maradona's "Hand of God" goal in reverse.
[VAR OVERRIDE: 1986 CONTROVERSY PRECEDENT]
[TRIAL RESET]
The Cathedral shuddered. The pitch split open, revealing a subterranean library where mummified World Cup mascots held scrolls labeled "1978 Argentina Roster – Revised."
NEW WIN CONDITION: OUTSMART THE CITADEL'S TIMELINE EDITORS
Carlo grabbed a scroll. The ink squirmed – names of players "disappeared" during Argentina's junta bled into 2022 Qatar migrant worker IDs. A diagram showed the Citadel replacing Maradona's corpse with a clone grown from Messi's stolen eyelashes.
"They're… rewriting history through World Cups?" Carlo muttered.
"Duh," Steve said, chewing on a robotic nun's arm. "Why d'you think Pelé's corpse got that sweet NFT burial?"
A rumble. The library's walls shifted – they were inside the Citadel's trophy vault. Shelves stretched infinitely, holding:
Jars of Maradona's hair labeled "Hand of God v2.0 Prototype"
Neymar's cryogenically frozen hairplugs writhing like tapeworms
A fetus in liquid nitrogen – "Project Mbappé 2077"
The Bishop-Referee reappeared, its cassock now bloodstained with 2014 Brazil-Germany trauma. "Final penalty. Bet your voice or we delete Lina from the 2022 archives."
FINAL PENALTY: SILENCE VS. OBLIVION
Carlo's mutation spread – his vocal cords fused with a 1970 World Cup commentator's audio reel. He screamed in Pelé's voice:
"GOOOOOOOL—"
The sonic blast shattered the Bishop's whistle. The VAR chandelier exploded, eyeballs rolling to reveal micro-engravings: Property of FIFA 1978.
[VICTORY: TEMPORAL OFFSIDE REVERSED]
[CARLOS TRADED: ABILITY TO SPEAK PRE-2022 LANGUAGES]
[LINA'S 2022 WORLD CUP FOOTAGE: 8% UNREDACTED]
The Cathedral collapsed. Carlo stumbled into dawn light, clutching a scroll fragment:
"Lina M. – Offside Violation 12/18/2022. Penalty: Neural Rebranding. Status: STRIKER PROTOCOL ACTIVE."
Steve spat out a VAR eyeball. It projected a grainy video: Lina in a Qatar 2022 jersey, scoring a goal that warped spacetime – her eyes glowing Citadel silver.
"Bro," Steve said, his voice accidentally replaying a 2006 Zidane headbutt, "she's not trapped. She's… upgrading."
