In the morning while we continued to sail toward the summit, Arn offered to watch Finn and let Elsie stay to spend the day alone with the kids so Nash and I could have our time alone like we did once a week.

  But, Leif couldn't resist complaining, of course. He took the baby from me and cast a look at me. "Must be nice to rule an entire kingdom and get to order everyone to take care of your kids. Must be nice–"

  "Here we go," I said.

  "Having a date every single week."

  I watched Leif patiently while he finished.

  "Must be so nice. Is it?"

  "Yes," I said. "It's so nice."

  Looking unhappy with my lack of reaction, Leif looked between Nash and me. "You're like a couple of kids and it's been how many years now? You should be ashamed of yourselves."

  "You know I said I'd watch your kids any time." I hooked Nash's arm and took a step back. "Just ask."

  "You don't have time to watch my kids. You don't have time to watch your own kids. Get out of here." He waved the back of his hand at me while he bounced Finn with the other. "Your parents don't know how good they have it. You're going to end up with as many brothers and sisters as my kids have."

  I smirked and nudged Nash toward the door. Leif loved watching Finn, no matter what he said, and he loved that Nash and I were happy. If he knew what we actually did every week, he might not be so happy then. Not with the security system out there and his threat hanging over our heads Any time I tested the limits of the gods, I feared he may appear again.

  But I couldn't speak of such things with the gods listening. I'd given them permission to watch my life closely to earn the avatar and return home after Dr. Henderson killed me. If I wanted to hide anything from them, I needed to do it carefully during the few times of privacy given to me. Usually, I forgot that they watched, because their computer program catalogued my life and they only cared to actually observe the most important things for themselves. They just wanted their precious data.

  What Nash and I had been doing the last three years would certainly be something they'd take the time to watch. So we needed to know for certain they wouldn't be able to observe. That meant no one else could know. Only Nash and me.

  I did enjoy our weekly date even if it wasn't the time together everyone else thought it was. We always started with something nice together, like a meal, or a walk. Something convincing. At some point, we'd return home, and Nash would kiss me, or I'd tug him along to our room. Today we spent time watching the ocean before returning to our suite.

  Once inside, Nash tossed his shirt on the ground and ambled back toward our room. I smiled, taking a moment to watch him. I never got tired of being with him.

  When I followed him in, he took my arms as soon as I entered and kissed me deeply enough to tempt me to forget about our plans.

  We settled on the bed and I pushed against his chest, my gaze falling down his whiskered cheeks and his long curls lying against the pillow.

  "You can't distract me this time," I said.

  Nash lifted, capturing my lips with his again. "I won't."

  Snorting, I shoved him back down and rolled onto my side, nestling back against him. But the tingle of his kiss burned against my mouth and I couldn't help drawing him to him for one more.

  "Now we work?" he asked.

  "Yes, Nash, now we work."

  "I suppose that's the responsible decision."

  Even though I rolled my eyes, my fingers trailed lightly along the curve of his shoulder and down his chest. The feel of his smooth skin warmed me deep inside, making me feel as close as when we connected. The gods would no longer be able to see us. We could talk freely.

  "I still want to go back to the very beginning," I said.

  "We're getting closer."

  "It's hard to navigate, but I feel like we're close."

  It always felt bittersweet to do this. For years after we first talked about it while lying in bed, we struggled to figure out how to do it. But ever since, we never stopped. We needed to learn everything we could to protect our world from the gods, the security system, and any other threat we didn't know about yet. This summit only made it more important because I thought finding the path forward might come from looking back to the beginning.

  I laced my fingers with his and closed my eyes. "Ready?"

  "Yes," he said.

  Taking in a deep breath, I focused very deeply, after all this time still finding it incredibly hard to do just right. Soon, the slipping feeling came over me, and I no longer felt his hand in mine.

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  I woke from our forgotten dreams–our stolen lives–with my cheeks wet and my arms already clutching Nash.

  Knowing Dr. Henderson stole entire lives from us and witnessing them were so different. Grief consumed me at the thought of how the story ended for those two people we once were and the understanding that we'd actually lived through it. Our lives had been filled with suffering and love, thousands of days lived and thousands of days lost. Traveling to our past lives set something right inside of me. It gave voice to the whispers of a past that had echoed through my entire life, but it also awakened a depth of grief I otherwise wouldn't know.

  Nash and I always awoke from living through our stolen lives solemn and quiet. We'd lie quietly together after, not speaking because what words could even scratch the surface?

  Every time it left me tempted to travel back to the day I ripped Dr. Henderson's life away with my sword, but I never did. I didn't want to spend one more moment with her than I had to. She'd taken enough time from me.

  "We found it." Nash's quiet voice rooted my mind back in our world, our lifetime, and plunged me into the pain of all we'd once lost. The anger of it. "The true first time we met."

  "Those two don't know what's coming. We didn't know what was coming." I looked up into eyes filled with lifetimes worth of both love and grief. "What is coming for us now that we don't know about yet?"

  "That never leads anywhere good for anyone, especially you, Max."

  Piercey continued to monitor and treat my anxiety so I controlled it much better. It would never leave though and an unknown future, especially cast in the fear of all that awaited us, allowed the anxiety in me to grow out of control.

  "I know," I said. "I just can never shake it. Twice before we lived like we are now and things weren't okay."

  "We're in a very different position than we've ever been."

  I nodded. He was right. Dr. Henderson no longer supervised our world or tinkered with our lives and we ruled a thriving kingdom. Nash and I built a life together I doubted I ever could have imagined in this life or any other. "I'm just so sad for them."

  Nash squeezed me and stroked his fingers along my back. "Me too. I could tell the man I used to be anything," he whispered. "I'd say this. You'll get more of her this way. You'll get more with her than a single life could contain. You'll lose it all, but you'll win it back, and more."

  I turned my face against the soft crook of his arm and struggled to hold in the sob that bit into my throat. Nash and I could never undo the death Dr. Henderson threw upon our world, but we could build something she would never be able to touch.

  "We have to keep going," I said. "There's something Dr. Henderson never wanted us to remember. I'm sure of it."

  "We'll keep going."