Female complications, day 24
Epic monsters
I don't know when Kari fell asleep, but Kari is a zombie when they wake us up at 7 a.m. It was late for me too, and I would like to stay in bed and be lazy, but I'm not egotistical enough to delay breakfast for the rest of them, or eat later by myself. Kari says she needs to think, and talk to Iselin about the experience and all the new information, but she's glad I showed her the movie. She understands me and Jane better now. A better understanding of what a huge adjustment it must have been for us. Understand why I've been careful about what I show them and have waited. I give her a quick massage to help her loose up, relaxing and think about something else, which becomes more playful and sexy, which becomes a quickie before breakfast.
Jane's epic painting is finished and we hang it up after breakfast. The others really loves it, and I like it a lot too. It's classy and epic, but not totally over the top.
"Jane, that painting is epic and beautiful! Very well done!"
"Thank you," she replies with a pleased smile. "I really enjoyed painting that. Took me back a decade to when I loved drawing fantasy stuff, and I saw so many fantasy movies. You know I liked Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and Stardust - still do - but I just can't stand Narnia as an adult. Pretty, but I just couldn't stand most of the characters. I too wanted to visit a fantasy land - which is a tale of 'be careful what you wish for' since I'm now stuck here in Alfheimr! Fantasy should stay fantasy, but at least there is no magic, demons and truly weird shit and beings here."
"As far as we know."
"As far as we know. I've always felt a bit of national pride that British authors have written a lot of good Fantasy. 'Maleficent' was a good movie and I love that you brought it. Ever seen a modern fantasy movie about dragons waking up during a dig in modern London and burning the world? They live in a castle, and dive from a helicopter trying to lure the dragon. With what's his name... Argh!"
"Do you mean Christian Bale? Sounds like 'Reign of fire'. Yeah, I liked that movie. The female helicopter pilot was the Swedish actress Izabella Scorupco."
"I actually meant the other guy, but yeah... Matthew McConaughey! When it comes to proper fantasy movies with dragons; I liked 'Eragon' and it was prettier, but 'Dragonheart' was the better movie."
"I absolutely agree that 'Dragonheart' was better and I like it too! Sean Connery as a funny sarcastic dragon worked well with Dennis Quaid as disillusioned Knight Bowen."
"Why am I still surprised you're likely to know every movie I mention that isn't a romantic or superhero movie, and knows actors and trivia about them?! You can probably say a few quotes!"
Which I can... That movie has many memorable scenes. I don't remember the monk's name, though; "If a dragon falls in the forest and nobody is around to hear about it, does it make a thud? And Drago's 'Come, visit the woods!' And Bowen's 'Don't clutter up a clever scheme with morality' and 'You should have eaten her'."
Jane just sighs, before smiling and snorting; "Well, you know all about eating ladies..."
I do my best offended Drago impression: "I merely chewed in self-defence, but I never swallowed!"
"Oh Gods!!" That gave Jane mental images, but she giggles. I like hearing that and moments like these.
"I saw it a couple of times. I had Dragonheart on VHS, and later DVD which I copied to my harddrive. Did that to all my DVDs and Blu-Rays. I'll admit I probably had a crush on Dina Meyer; the red haired actress playing Kara, the young action woman in Dragonheart."
"What?! You like redheads?! I never would have guessed!" Her tone is dripping with sarcasm.
"Hey, I was like thirteen when I first saw it! I also had and liked the cult movie 'Johnny Mnemonic' that came out in the same era where she plays Razorgirl Molly in a Cyperpunk setting. Keanu Reeves plays Johnny. They're not for everyone, but I recommend you to read William Gibson's books, and I have the three classics from his Sprawl trilogy in my tablets books folder; 'Neuromancer', 'Count Zero' and 'Mona Lisa Overdrive'. There's also the short novels 'Burning Chrome' and 'Johnny Mnemonic'."
"Okay, I'll admit; those titles makes me want to read them."
"You absolutely have time."
"True."
"Just realise they were written in the 80's, before the internet or even advanced home computors. William Gibson is one of the primary authors that helped created the Cyberpunk genré which down the line lead to movies like 'The Matrix'."
"The what?"
"... Do you mean 'Cyberpunk' or 'The Matrix'?"
"... Both?"
Jane response to my sigh and face-palm is a disgruntled look.
"How can you not know!? Especially about 'The Matrix'? I know you were like 7 when that was released, but still! Fuck! Now I feel old and dirty! Read those books! Cyberpunk is pretty commonly seen as a dystopian high tech future where corporations rule the world, and the stories are filled with anti-heroes and computors, information technology and cybernetics."
"Pretty much the world Midg?rd seems to be heading in?"
"Sadly, yes. 'Blade Runner' is another classic movie showing such a world." The look Jane gives me indicate she hasn't seen that either. "For fucks sake Jane! At least read those books. William Gibson helped create Steampunk too with the book 'The difference engine'. I don't think I have that one with me though. I know you like Steampunk, and that can be argued to be Victorian Cyberpunk. You know I spent a lot of time in libraries and reading. I wasn't much of a fantasy nerd even though I read a few series, and just to be clear; Discworld is its own genré."
"I've started reading those, and I agree."
"Good. I miss my books, and my bookshelves are really hard to reach from here. Did you ever see older fantasy movies like 'Labyrinth', 'The Princess Bride' or 'Ladyhawke'?"
"Oh Gods, Yes! I loved 'The Princess Bride' and 'Ladyhawke'! And 'Willow'!"
"Yeah, 'Willow' was okay too."
"I loved the Brownies! '- This way! - No. Noo. No. - Alright, then this way. - No. This way. - This way? - That what I said-d! - This way.' Madmartigan was sexy, but I guess you looked more at the red haired villainess Sorsha. I saw 'Willow' so many times! 'Highlander' was okayish, but not really fantasy fantasy." Jane is a bit quiet and we just sit there leaning against each other thinking while looking at her painting, before she continues. "I will paint another epic painting based on 'Pirates of the Caribbean' and 'Black Sails'. I so wanted to be Miss Swan and wear her dresses, and I actually bought a couple of outfits with accessories. Just very few occasions to wear something like that. Kissing Orlando Bloom would have been nice too. I'll admit to having a crush on him."
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"You and most teenage girls. Argh! Now I feel old. Again! You liked vampires and werewolves too?"
"Sparkling vampires and angsty teenagers? No thank you! I couldn't stand it! But you ever see a movie called 'Underworld' with Kate Beckinsale as awesome vampire Selene? I really like the first two, their style and how she kicked arse."
"Oh yes, got them on DVD. The first one was awesome, and you know I like when they used practical special effects and just touches it up in the computor. It usually looked better, at least back then. And you know I loath unnecessary over the top 'cool sequences'. 'Underworld' have a few, but I can live with it, and a few just stylishly set the tone that they are not human. I like the roof jump in the beginning. It's a relatively simple straight forward stunt, but so nice and fitting. Far better than a superhero landing."
"Yeah, Selene is totally boss!"
"Dual wielding guns is a classic movie thing, so you can't just blame John Woo - I don't expect you know who that is - but it is seldom practical if it's longer distance shooting or will include reloads. Reloading two guns is just a hassle and not quick. It might just be spray and pray, especially with the weak hand, unless it's trained for, and you have a finite amount of bullets. Shot placement matters a whole lot. Reloading one gun is usually way more efficient. A backup gun is another thing."
"But it looks cool! I bet you seen Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft fighting a robot! Yeah, I know terrible tactics from movie characters who should be proficient is a button for you, especially from a gun happy country like USA. But you got to admit that Lara Croft and Selene looked awesome!"
"True, and Kate Beckinsale managed to do it without flinching - which is one reason many actors have dark shades when shooting guns."
"Maybe I should get me some tight brown leather shorts and a tight turquoise t-shirt and dress up as Lara Croft? I got the accent! Wish I had the boobs too. Or some black buckled boots, tight leather pants, corset and a coat made in black leather and cosplay as Selene? You'd like that?! Ey?!"
"Your choice, but that kind of roleplaying isn't really my thing. And I can't make guns like that."
"Yet."
"Maybe never. The primer is the biggest issue."
"You make something close, and I'll dress up and be your naughty Lady Croft, or your naughty vampire chick!"
"I'm real happy that we're living with Elves, instead of vampires or werewolves. At least that we know off."
"Oi! I told you to not say stuff like that! Tosser! More things to be afraid of in this bloody world!"
"Well, they're both unlikely to exist, especially morphing werewolves, and I can tell you medical and historical tales that probably lead to both myths. Elves is just a tiny genetic variation from humans since 'thousand year lifespan' and magic is bullshit."
"As fas as we know."
"As far as we know. Vampires are a whole other absurd level, especially their powers. Their weaknesses, like a reaction for UV light might have a basis in a sickness I think is called profyria, and silver and garlic might just be hyper allergic reactions being exaggerated. There are people literally allergic to something like cold, and just cold air or an ice cube in the hand might trigger an allergic reaction, so it's no wonder there is wild tales from history. You know the Sagas here, and all their weird shit and nonsense. But flying, extreme speed and strength, and ageless living forever on blood is so stupid. Also; everyone dies when they're on fire, have a wooden pole through the heart or gets the head chopped off. You don't return from that."
"As far as we know."
"As far as we know. As you know I was somewhat paranoid during the first boat trip here that there might actually be monsters in the deep, or orchs or relatively real dragons. I'm just lucky I wasn't really a fantasy reading nerd, but being a science minded nerd and knowing about Dinosaurs was uncomfortable. It's far more likely to find humanoids resembling orchs, halflings, or monsters in the deep or dinosaurs, than vampires and werewolves. Although Big foot, Yetis and Trolls might exist, as it could be the same species."
"Bloody Trolls and Dinosaurs. Iselin is so excited about trying to find a dinosaur skeleton to dig up, and even though I too told that it's unlikely here, she have been looking close on the islands rocks and cliffs to find fossils. I still can't fathom how easily she accepted the history of the world, or how fantastic she think it is that we're all made of Stardust. She is excited about what other creatures or intelligent beings there might be here. She hope future exploration will find some!"
We just sit and look at her painting. Jane freeze, and grabs me. "Bugger! Couldn't Orchs be some kind of furless Troll adapted for warmer climate?!"
"Yeah, it might. If the nine worlds of Norse mythology is correct, all of those creatures might be wayward travellers from one of those worlds."
"I can really do without Orchs if they're violent and nasty, and without bloody dragons, but I wish there were Hobbits with that culture here. I would really like to visit The Shire."
"I have. It's kind of charming."
"What?!"
"You know I visited New Zealand. I visited Hobbiton, which is the movie set for The Shire, and I visited more places from LOTR like Mount Sunday where they built up Edoras. I've visited a lot of filming locations on my travels, and it's usually not the goal but a fun day trip and a bit surreal when I'm in the neighbourhood. Unfortunately I know and remember a lot of them or other epic terrain I've visited, so when a movie or TV series shows them it takes me out of the story. Especially if they stack them after each other in an epic journey. I'm like; 'Please; you don't walk from Scotland to Wales via Ireland and Southern France'. Yeah, smirk all you want, but I can't be the only one annoyed by that. Another classic is reusing of filming locations for TV series, and I can't help remembering that hut in the forest or that building was also used in this and this series, or at least that nagging 'I've seen that before'. There is a certain distinct movie prop with glowing light tubes, and it was practically a meme that it must be the most important object in the Universe as it is in all kinds of movies and Sci-fi series. Hundreds."
Jane's giggling is music to my ears. "Most people wouldn't remember something like that."
"The real issue is how annoying it is to find the series and episode that was, just to check if I'm right. I haven't always succeeded, but I have screenshots on my tablet. Then there is the fantasy classic 'walking along mountain ridges' to get at nice panoramic shot, instead of where it is easy, safer and logical to walk. Just getting up there to film should prove that it is stupid and dangerous. Especially when they're trying to flee from enemies since they have maximum visibility, and then they go 'Oh no! How did they find us?!'" Jane giggles at my frustration. I really enjoy making her do that, so at least my rant had a nice reward. "Come on, lets go up to my room so I can show you those screenshots and some of the Hobbiton pictures."
We have end up on my sofas talking a lot about LOTR and other things, and we both realise that one thing we have in common is a desire to travel and experience the world. That used to mean Midg?rd. Here we can really discover the world, but neither of us wants to make the journey with this level of technology. It will be dangerous. Both from nature and other cultures and animals.
"I wish I would have been less party and more for nature and culture, but I now know that was mostly because of Tom. I wish I'd been to New Zealand. It was my idea to visit Norway, and that we should take a short hike to H?rteigen." Jane snorts and with a sarcastic tone, "it will be a fun couple of days."
I hug her: "I'm happy that you did, because you're now here with me. My best friend and ?lskarinna."
"Truthfully, I wish we'd met four years ago, and no matter how unlikely that would have been back then, especially with our age gap, that we would become friends. I wish I hadn't met Tom, and that we two would have ended up together and become what we now are. That I had realised what I now know."
I really wish the same, because it would have been nice to have her as a friend, travelling companion, and as a girlfriend, but I don't think Jane would have learned the same painful lessons and then it wouldn't have been as nice. Jane wishes she could have travelled with me, and the way things are between us now, it would have been really nice. Would have been more trips for me too, because I've often been a bit unmotivated to travel alone, even though I've done it many times. Life is short and my life have a limited amount of summer and winter holidays where I am healthy and have finances, so gradually I've started to travel without a companion when friends become parents of young children or have girlfriends. I do not want to be the third wheel.
Anyway, now that the epic painting is in place, I can start fixing the door behind it. In a couple of days. I've already done all the parts like the hinges, the locking mechanism etc. I just want Jane and others to start forgetting about the picture. Jane is thinking about decorating the inside of the toilet doors so that we or guests have something to look at when we sit there.
To lighten the mood, I play 'Always look on the bright side of life'. She has never been a fan of Monty Python, but of course she recognises the song and can sing along. It is very famous, especially in England. Famous enough that it was sung and performed to epic effect at the London Olympics closing ceremony. We sit there singing along to the song, and Iselin who appears with Alith just looks at us quizzically, so I explain the situation and try to translate the lyrics and they start to get the humour. Alith thinks it should be sung before going into battle, which just makes me and Jane look at each other. Iselin's eager poking and repeating 'Sabaton' to Jane's confusion, makes me realise what she's suggesting, so I ask if Alith would like to experience some other music from Midg?rd tonight, which she's happy to do.
https://ww19.0123movie.net/movie/stardust-9088.html
https://ww19.0123movie.net/movie/reign-of-fire-8726.html
https://ww19.0123movie.net/movie/dragonheart-4550.html
https://ww19.0123movie.net/movie/johnny-mnemonic-18519.html
https://ww19.0123movie.net/movie/the-matrix-1967.html
https://ww19.0123movie.net/movie/blade-runner-4202.html
https://ww19.0123movie.net/movie/ladyhawke-11943.html
https://ww19.0123movie.net/movie/willow-5507.html
https://ww19.0123movie.net/movie/underworld-6735.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hobbiton_Movie_Set
