I dragged myself out of bed the next morning bright and early (well, O.K., dark and early) to get my carcass down to Clancy’s fight gym when Eddie opens the place up. As Jody once pointed out, when you least feel up to it is when you most need to (as he put it) ‘sack up’ and rise to the occasion.

  “You look like you been getting your reps in,” Joey said as he spotted me lifting heavy. “You ain’t been around here for a while, but you ain’t missions a step.”

  “I’ve been in London,” I said between sets. “I joined a gym there so I could stay in shape while in town.”

  “London, England?” Joey asked. “I ain’t never been, but I’ve always wanted to go.”

  “You should- it’s a cool town,” I told him, taking my position in the squat rack again. “The weather’s crap, but whatever, right? You don’t go to the UK for the beautiful weather.”

  “This gym- it wasn’t one of those big fitness places, was it?” Joey asked, pretty sure he knew the answer.

  “No,” I told him, settling my shoulders again the bar. “It’s a boxing gym that was certified by Queen Victoria in the Eighteen Hundreds. They do MMA now, but yeah- imagine dudes with waxed mustaches and rolled-up trouser legs back in the day.”

  “That’s friggin’ awesome!” Joey said with a big grin as I lowered the bar down. “Get any sparring in?”

  “Yeah, I did some,” I told him after I finished my twelve reps and set the bar back in the rack. “Three times.”

  “Let me guess- those guys had no idea what was waitin’ for ‘em in the ring!” Joey crowed, somehow proud of his homegirl kicking English asses.

  “No, they didn’t,” I agreed. Then, leaning in a little and speaking quietly, I said, “The guy who ran the gym- he recognized me from the videos and was extremely clear that he only wanted to see sanctioned moves in his gym. I told him I was cool with that and that was all that I did here in my home gym, too.”

  “We all know what kind of shit you and Jody did before hours,” Joey said, in the same quiet voice. “but Leah, you know we all got your back, right?”

  “Yeah, Joey, I do,” I told him. “And it means a lot to me, it really does.”

  “Well, don’t forget us when you’re rich and famous,” he said. “Oh, wait- you are rich and famous!”

  “Not so famous you guys had any clue who I was a year ago,” I countered. “You guys all thought I was some sort of secret government assassin or something.”

  “Still do,” Joey said with a smirk.

  “Wanna know something funny?” I asked, still keeping it quiet. “One of the reasons I went to London was to train with their secret government assassins.”

  “MI5?” Joey asked.

  “Hell, I don’t have any clue what department or anything these guys worked with,” I said with shrug. “All I know is their training facility looked like an office and warehouse on the east edge of town down by the docks. But yeah.”

  “Y’know, Richie said it best. He said he never had any fucking clue if you was screwing with him or not, because you’d say this crazy-ass shit like you’re serious, and it juuuust might be true,” Joey said. “But there ain’t no way of knowing.”

  “Which is exactly why I tell you guys the real truth. Because it is just that crazy,” I told him with a completely straight face. “Nobody would believe it, anyway.”

  “Man, you know, when we saw those fucking videos… The whole assassin thing went from kind of a joke to, well, like, ‘Fuck, is she really?’ in a heartbeat.”

  “Want to hear something funny? I’m a real estate developer, right, and I have a real estate investment fund. I do a metric ass-load of business with Silicon Valley tech guys- a lot of them have a lot of money invested in my fund. Well, part of the appeal for those guys is that I had a reputation as somebody you wouldn’t ever want to fuck with, right? It goes way back, but there it is. Shit like beating up Linda Rubio in the parking lot here just sort of added to that image, and I never did anything to try to change that.” I took a sip of water from my bottle and continued, since Joey was listening intently. “So when those videos went online and all of a sudden the whole damned world knew that I can literally kill people with my bare hands, money from those guys up in the Silicon Valley has been pouring in. They freaking love the idea that they’re investing with a real honest-to-God killer.”

  “Makes sense,” Joey said, nodding thoughtfully. “There ain’t nobody that’s gonna try to take advantage of you, knowing you could twist their fucking head right the fuck off.”

  “Nobody ever tried before the videos, either,” I told him as I settled the bar on my shoulders again for my next set.

  “Yeah, I can see that,” he admitted. “So, um, Leah, when we gonna spar again? I been workin’ on what you told me, and Coach Lawrence said it shows. I was hopin’ that, well…”

  Finishing my set and setting the bar back on the rack, I straightened up. “Joey, I’d be happy to spar with you and give you whatever pointers I can. I was just planning on weights and movement today, but I could throw down with you after I get done lifting.”

  “Nah, that wouldn’t be fair, you being gassed from lifting,” Joey protested. “I was thinking maybe Friday?”

  “Sure, that works,” I told him. “Actually, that works out perfectly. It’ll get me in the right mood for a staff meeting at work on Friday morning.”

  Joey laughed at that, holding out his hand for a low five. “Lemme guess- your employees are friggin’ terrified of you, amirite?”

  “I have a sign in the break room that says ‘The beatings will continue until morale improves’,” I said with a laugh.

  “Sounds a lot like my work,” Joey grumbled, “but we don’t got a real break room.”

  My day at the office was non-stop meetings, phone calls, and emails. I only managed to sneak in a ten minute break for what passed for lunch, which was a pastry and a cup of coffee from the break room (which didn’t really have any sign about beatings). I understood that it was the penalty for having been away for so long, but honestly, I could have done most of it remotely anyhow, so I really didn’t understand why everybody shoved so much work my way simply because I was physically just down the hall.

  “You worked late today,” Emmy said when I got home and found her sitting on the couch with her steel-bodied acoustic guitar, music composition sheets spread out on the coffee table in front of her.

  “A lot to catch up on,” I agreed, giving her a kiss.

  “Go change out of your work clothes and join me. I have some things I would like to play for you,” Emmy instructed.

  “Yes, dear,” I said, kissing the top of her head.

  As comfortable as the Savile Row suits were, a soft pair of jeans and an old T shirt were a welcome change. On my way back to the living room I stopped off in the kitchen and said hello to Jeremy, grabbing myself a can of sparkling water and a tangerine from the fridge.

  “Dinner will be ready in about an hour,” he said. “We’re having chicken cacciatore with homemade pasta. Emmy picked out some wine to go with it- and that’s a good thing. I’m going to have to learn more about wine. I really don’t know anything about it.”

  “I don’t much, either,” I admitted. “That’s definitely Em’s department.”

  “Tiny says dinner’ll be ready in a hour,” I said, sitting down opposite Emmy.

  “He worked all morning on the pasta,” she replied. “He made quite a few batches before he was finally satisfied.”

  “I’m glad he’s enjoying cooking so much. It’s good to see him enjoying himself.”

  “It is,” Emmy agreed. “I have made it clear that we do not require it of him, but he insists that he wants to cook because he enjoys it, and it brings him pleasure to feel creative.”

  “I get that. I mean, that’s why I suggested he take up a hobby like cooking to start with. I didn’t expect him to throw himself into it with quite so much enthusiasm, though,” I admitted.

  “I did not expect it, either,” Emmy agreed, picking up her guitar and slipping her glass slide on her finger. “I have been working on a song that Jackson wrote, and I want your opinion.”

  “Shouldn’t Jax’ opinion count more?” I asked, amused.

  “Yes, and no. Yes, because he wrote it and it is for his solo album, but also no, because he and I are too deep in the woods to even see the trees. I would like an unbiased outsider’s opinion this.”

  “Makes sense,” I said with a shrug as I peeled my tangerine.

  Emmy played through the song a couple of different ways, and all I could tell you was that some of those run-throughs were slidier than others, if that makes sense. Sure, she adjusted the tuning a little on a couple of the variations, but I’m really not the one to ask about what effect it had.

  “Em, babe, they all sound good to me,” I confessed after about the sixth time through, when she asked which I liked best.

  “I will play them again. I want you to tell me how it feels, what images come to mind, the mood of the music,” Emmy said, returning the guitar to its original tuning.

  “O.K., that one…” I said after the third of fourth run-through, “it’s the, um, slinkiest. It’s slower, and you’re using, I dunno, a softer touch with the slide? It sounds like a panther hunting in the swamp in, like, a bayou or something. Soft, slow, but menacing, I guess,” I said, at a loss for better words. “I think that’s my favorite. But if you tell me the lyrics are about driving a truck down a red dirt road while drinking a beer on the way to the honky tonk I’m gonna say it might be a mismatch."

  Emmy filled the room with her musical laugh, reminding me of bells. “That is exactly what the lyrics are! It is, after all, Country and Western song!” Once her laughter died down, she said with a smile, “No, it is not about drunk driving. The lyrics are about a Voodoo woman’s curse on a man for turning her down. It will be in two parts, his and hers. This is hers. His sounds like this,” she said, slipping the slide off her finger and playing a more typical strummed blues. “Jackson will play his part, and of course he will sing it as well. I will play the woman’s part. We are not sure yet if I will sing her verses or not. We will try it both ways.”

  “When have you even had a chance to work with him? We’ve barely been in town in the last few months!”

  “We have these things called ‘telephones’, Leah. They allow us to communicate over great distances, almost as if we were in the same room together. We also have this amazing thing called ‘video conferencing’, which uses something called ‘the internet’. These are very useful technologies. You should look into them.”

  “O.K., I deserved that,” I admitted, chuckling at Emmy’s jab. Leaning back, I said, “Speaking of great distances, I’m going to need to go to Japan for a couple of weeks coming up. I know you promised Jax you’d work on his solo album this month…”

  If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  “You had mentioned that would need to go to spend time with the shinobi,” Emmy said, setting her guitar aside. “I did not realize it would be so soon.”

  “I’d like to get everything sorted out over there and be home in time for Christmas break.”

  “That does not leave very much time,” Emmy said. “I think… I think that I will be O.K. here while you are gone. We may need to use some of those technologies I mentioned to stay in communication.”

  “Are you sure?” I asked.

  “I think so,” Emmy said, almost as if convincing herself it was true. “As you say, I will have my bandmates, and our friends. Jeremy will stay here with me, right?”

  “I want you to take him along everywhere you go,” I told her. “Even if it’s just over to Lee and Jen’s house, or to Jenna and Andy’s, anywhere. Keep him with you.”

  “I understand,” Emmy replied.

  “You know, you guys could go back to New York and stay and work at the townhouse again,” I suggested. “Or maybe use the same studio in Austin you guys recorded Jackson’s last album?”

  “As good as that studio in Texas was for us last time, the space we have here is so much better,” Emmy said. “I have been thinking that I may want to record my solo album in New York for the townhouse studio’s intimate sound, but for this one we must stay here in Los Angeles.”

  “Do whatever’s right, babe, that’s all I’m saying.”

  “I understand that,” Emmy said with a sigh. “I wish you did not have to go to Japan, but I understand why you must. I wish the timing were better.”

  “Yeah, me, too, but it’s just for a short while,” I assured her. “And it’s important.”

  “I will miss you,” Emmy said.

  “We can use those new-fangled devices you mentioned,” I teased. “To stay in touch.”

  Wednesday night’s dinner party had quite a turnout- our biggest yet. Emmy had wanted to invite pretty much everyone, so that’s what we did, and plenty of our invitees brought dates, too. Mom and Tiffany had come up from Temecula, bringing Madison and Lainey with them. Unlike last time they’d come up, though, they didn’t plan on spending the night- they all had work or school the next morning. Still, even if it was only a few hours I was happy to see them.

  Steve K, Aaron and Darius all brought dates who seemed completely star-struck to be having dinner with Emmy Lascaux, but other than that they seemed nice, if, I hate to admit it, more than just a touch air-headed. At one point during the evening Darius admitted to me that his date for the night was not a romantic prospect, just a cousin from back home out to LA to visit.

  “When I asked her if she wanted to have dinner at you guys’ place tonight- I told her it was a regular thing you guys do- she just about had a stroke. The called every damn person in the entire family to let them know she was gonna be here tonight and to look for her on this week’s karaoke video,” Darius said with a laugh.

  “Man, those videos,” Andy said, shaking his head. “Everybody’s talking about ‘em.”

  “Ain’t no lie,” Darius agreed. “People come up to me on the street and tell me how good I sing. My granny called me to tell me she watched it! My granny! She’s like, ninety years old and wouldn’t know Youtube if bit her, but somehow she seen it.”

  “That reminds me,” Andy said, tugging on his hair. “I think your disguise isn’t gonna work much longer. You’re not, like, front and center in any of the videos, but if anybody knows to look you’re there.”

  “Damn it,” I said, my shoulders slumping. “Should I go put on the wig before tonight’s music?”

  “Might not be a bad idea,” Andy said. “But, I mean, it’s been nearly six months now, so maybe you don’t need to worry about it any more?”

  “Maybe,” I replied, unsure. People were still talking to me about the videos, so at least some portion of the population hadn’t forgotten.

  Teddy Bear found me out on the deck later on, after the night’s musical interlude. Lacey had been the karaoke singer for the night, singing a remarkably rich and smooth rendition of the Fugee’s song ‘Killing Me Softly’.

  “Doing O.K.?” he asked, concerned because I was off by myself, looking at the lights of Hollywood, screened by the eucalyptus trees on the south edge of the property.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, not bothering to look up. “Just needed a few minutes of peace and quiet.”

  “I get that,” he said, taking a spot next to me, resting his arms on the rail the same way I was doing.

  Thankfully he didn’t say anything more, and the two of us enjoyed the surprisingly warm night air, the smell of the trees, and the muted sounds of the party behind us.

  “Emmy said you’re taking off pretty soon. She said you’ve got business in Japan,” Teddy said after a while.

  “Yeah,” I agreed. “The timing sucks, but I promised Em I’d be home for Christmas break, even if it means I have to back after the new year.”

  “I like Japan. Did a couple of promo tours there.”

  “I’ve only been there once, when the Downfall played. We spent a bit over a week there. You know, Andy and Jenna were with us, and Andy speaks Japanese- it made being a tourist a whole lot better.”

  “Your cousin? He speaks Japanese?” Teddy Bear asked, surprised.

  “Our dads were both in the Marines, and when he was little his dad was stationed in Okinawa, so he learned it as a kid. I guess he took it as a minor at USC, too,” I explained, a bit proud of my ‘cousin’. “The two of us wandered around in Tokyo off the beaten path. It was funny as Hell to see the locals’ reactions when this huge gaijin talked to them in Japanese.”

  “That’s awesome!” Teddy Bear said with a laugh. “So what are you going over there for? From what I understand, real estate is a terrible business to be in over there.”

  “I’ll be working with a local group to develop their tourist industry in a less-well-visited part of the country,” I said. “This is mostly a fact-finding mission. We’re going to try to figure out what I can bring to the table, and what they can offer. What we all really want is for the locals to do the heavy lifting- I’ll just be there in an advisory role, and maybe come in with some seed money.”

  “Um, this might be presumptuous of me, but like I said, I like Japan, and my show, we’re on hiatus until late February… I could go with you, if you’d like,” Teddy Bear said, sounding shyer than I’d ever heard him before.

  I turned to look at him, and I could tell he was regretting saying anything the longer I stared.

  “Come with me,” I said, leading him to the outside bar, where Rodney looked bored.

  “Rod,” I said, “Set us up with a couple of those high-test Old Fashioned you made me the other day, but make them doubles.”

  “You sure?” the hipster bartender asked, looking doubtful. “You’re gonna have a hard time walking after that.”

  “I’m sure,” I assured him. “I don’t have to drive anywhere, and I’ll get TB here a ride home.”

  “Am I gonna regret this?” Teddy Bear asked.

  “Maybe,” I told him. “But you’re gonna need it, too, I can tell you that.”

  Once Rodney handed us the high=proof drinks, I steered Teddy Bear around back and out to the lagoon pool, where we took a couple of seats, looking out over the water which giving off a soft haze of vapor. I reached my tumbler towards his, and he took the hint. We clinked our glasses together and took our first sips of the smooth but scorching cocktails.

  “Shit, that has a kick,” Teddy Bear said.

  “Yeah, the bourbon is cask strength- like a hundred and thirty proof,” I told him. “So, basically, this is almost like four drinks in one glass.”

  “You have me really, um, curious as to why you need to see me loaded,” Teddy Bear said.

  “Ted,,” I told him, looking him straight in the eyes. “I’ve come to think of you as a good friend. I mean it- I like you, I really do-”

  “Is this about me inviting myself to go to Japan with you? I didn’t mean it like that,” Teddy Bear protested.

  “No, I didn’t think you were trying to hit on me, that’s not it,” I assured him. “But it is about Japan, and the possibility of you coming along.”

  “So, what, then? Do you think Emmy would get, I don’t know, jealous or something?”

  “No, not at all,” I said. “In fact, she’d probably be happy that I had a friend with me. It had occurred to me to ask Andy, but playoff season is rapidly approaching, and, well, he just can’t take the time right now. No, that’s not it. Now take another drink.”

  Teddy Bear followed my instructions, completely puzzled.

  “Alright. What I’m about to tell you is a secret right now, but in six months, maybe a year, depending on how things go, everybody in the world will know. So what I’m going to tell you stays between us for now. Later you can tell everyone you knew way back when, but for now, like I said, for the next year or whatever, you have to keep this to yourself,” I said, looking him straight in the eyes to make sure he understood I was serious.

  “I can keep a secret,” he assured me.

  “This is a crazy one that you’re going to want to tell people, I can promise you that,” I said. “And in a year or whenever- it’ll be obvious when- you can tell anybody you want. But for now, loose lips sink ships. And… this secret has a certain element of danger in knowing. Much more for me than for you, I can promise you that, but still, if I tell you, you’ll understand what I mean.”

  “After all this build-up, I’d probably die if you don’t tell me now,” Teddy Bear said with a chuckle, taking another sip.

  “Alright. Swear to me that you won’t tell anyone. After I tell you this thing, we can discuss you maybe joining me in Japan.”

  “Scouts’ honor,” Teddy Bear said, holding his hand up with three fingers up, his thumb holding his pinkie down.

  “Were you ever a Boy Scout?” I asked.

  “Eagle Scout,” he confirmed. “Remember, I grew up in a small town in Iowa. This was a thing we all did back then,”

  “Alright. So, here’s the deal. First off, a little background. You’ve seen Emmy, right?” I asked.

  “Um, yeah?”

  “Describe her to me. Don’t worry about being PC. What is the most striking thing about her appearance?” I asked.

  “Um, she’s blacker than anybody I’d ever seen before, and her white hair is real. I’ve been close enough to tell,” he added.

  “Right. Skin as black as night,” I confirmed. “Well, here’s the deal. She’s from a very small ethnic minority, and they all have skin as black as hers. In fact, most of them are even darker. I can show you some pictures, if you’d like.”

  “Um, I had lunch at a place on Melrose the other day, and the waiter was black like that,” Teddy Bear said, thinking about it.

  “The Fifties-styled diner? I own that. And yeah, there are a couple of guys on staff from the same ethnic group.”

  “Yeah, that’s the place,” Teddy Bear confirmed.

  “O.K., so that’s the first part of the background. The next part gets a little bit more… hard to believe, I guess? So, this ethnic group is like the Roma people in a way-”

  “Gypsies?”

  “Yeah, but I guess that term is considered derogatory, right? So anyhow, Emmy’s people are like the Roma, in the sense that they have a culture separate and distinct from the overall larger culture they live in. I guess like Hasidic Jews, for that matter, but I can’t really say I know much at all about the Roma or Hasidic people, either.”

  “O.K., I think I get the idea,” Teddy Bear said, leaning forward, fascinated.

  “Alright. So, Emmy and I are the queens of these people here in the Americas.”

  “Emmy and you?” Teddy Bear asked.

  “Right. Emmy, but me, too.”

  “Because you’re married to Emmy?” Teddy Bear asked, trying to fit the pieces together.

  “Partially, but also no. I’m the… functional queen of our people. I’m the one who lays down the law. I’m the one who settles disputes. I’m the one who makes sure our people are doing O.K. When there is a problem, I’m the one they reach out to,” I said, leaning back.

  “But you’re not…” Teddy Bear objected.

  “Yes, I am, but my genetics are such that I don’t express the gene,” I said. “And yes, a few have had some objection to their queen not showing the main characteristic trait of our people, but,” I said with a shrug. “They get over it after a while.”

  “What does this have to do with Japan?” Teddy Bear asked, his brows furrowed.

  “Well, when we were there for the tour, a group of locals came to see if Emmy really had the black skin,” I said.

  “Locals?”

  “As it turns out, there is a population of us there in Japan that had been cut off for the last thousand years, and nobody had any fucking clue. We in the outside world had no idea they existed, and they had no clue anybody like them lived outside of Japan. So they came to see if Emmy really was like them and we got to talking.”

  “This is blowing my mind,” Teddy Bear said.

  “Have you ever heard of the root of the word ‘assassin’?” I asked.

  “Something about Persia is all I know. There’s, like, some castle or something, right?” Teddy Bear asked.

  “Right. That was s stronghold of our people, and they were famous for, well, killing people sneakily, right?” I said.

  “What does that have… Oh, shit!” Teddy Bear said, his eyes growing wide. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  “Not kidding,” I said. “I am going to Japan to help strengthen ties with the fucking ninjas.”

  “Shit…” Teddy Bear said. “So what happens in a year?”

  “We announce that yes, ninjas were real, and yes, their descendants still live in Japan and have a proud heritage and a history that they documented. More or less simultaneously with that Emmy has a press conference where she announces the existence of our people and calls for the rest of us around the world to come out of the woodwork.”

  “Ho lee fuck…” Teddy Bear said, taking a big drink of his high alcohol-content drink. “My mind has been so blown that I can’t even.”

  “Right. So, like I said, the shinobi want me to come to Japan to plot out how to announce things, and how to capitalize on the inevitable flood of attention they’ll receive.”

  “So where’s the danger?” Teddy Bear asked.

  “They’re fucking ninjas,” I said, giving him a dead-eyed look. “They’re famous for being sneaky, dishonorable bastards.”

  “Well, yeah, I get that,” he said, “But they’re asking for your help, right?”

  “Right. So, honestly, I don’t think there actually is any risk, but I can’t discount the possibility of a knife in the middle of the night. It’s probably close to zero, but it isn’t zero. As Andy pointed out, the stories of ninjas being dishonorable came from the elite class, who looked down on them for being commoners, but still hired them for just that reason, right? Also, all the stories that developed the more or less modern myth of the ninjas were written two hundred years after the ninjas stopped operating, so it’s all hearsay anyhow.”

  “Leah, can I tell you something?” Teddy Bear asked.

  “Sure,” I said, wondering what he had to say.

  “When I first met you, my first impression was that, aside from your physical aspects, you were really freaking intimidating. I mean, sure, you’re tall and built like the proverbial outhouse, but it’s your presence. They talk about born leaders, and you’re about the perfect example. People do what you say, because you say it.You leave one Hell of an impression on people- you know, people still ask me about you at parties. So, when you tel me you’re, like, an actual queen, I can totally believe it. And the thing about Emmy, well, that makes some kind of sense, too. So I guess what I’m getting at is that I can’t help but believe you about all this, as crazy as it all sounds,” Teddy Bear said. After another sip of his cocktail, he asked, “Who else knows?”

  “About which part?” I asked. “Lots of people know about the Night Children- that’s what we call oursleves- and all of them know Emmy and I are the queens. The ninja thing, not so many know about that.”

  “Andy does, though?”

  “He was there when the initial meetings happened,” I confirmed.

  “Who else?”

  “All of my top lieutenants do, and I invited the king of our people in Western Europe to be involved in our meetings, so he and his people do, too, but otherwise…” I said.

  “This is fucking crazy,” Teddy Bear said, idly fishing the cherry out of his now empty glass.

  “Yeah, it is,” I agreed.

  “So, like, you were raised from childhood to be some sort of warrior, right? That’s how…” Teddy Bear said.

  “Not exactly, but close enough,” I said. “I guess I’m known in the other nations of our people as the devil queen. Apparently they use my name to scare their children.”

  Tinea And Leah (a cyberpunk novel here on Royal Road. It was originally a fanfic of Stray Cat Strut, also here on RR, but has since surpassed its source material and gone beyond), has graciously given Emmy And Me a little corner of their Discord channel.

  Emmy And Me's Discord Channel.

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