Ensemble Leveling

  Chapter 50: A New Day

  After that brief commotion between them, their rehearsal of ‘Bad Apple’ continues with the second half. It is practically a reprisal of the first part in melody structure and progression with little to virtually no variation. But still, everyone gives their effort all the same either way. Their concerns lie not in the complexity or difficulty of the track but seeing it through and finishing what they have started. And so while nobody noticed, Jihoon played with clarity instead of the feeling of resignation weight upon him.

  D# F F# G#|A#+~~~| D#+ C#+ B#+~| D#~~~|

  Ever on and on~, I continue…

  A#+ G# F# F| D# F F# G#| A#+~~~|

  Circling with nothing but my hate...

  G# F# F D#| F F# F D#| D F~~|

  In a carousel of agony, I...

  The performance goes on, but perhaps the most profound transformation that has taken place, isn’t in the music itself but the fact that Jihoon no longer allows himself to sink into negativity. Not without conscious efforts however though, but he knew for certain that he must be stronger than who he was previously in not just body but spirit if he could brave the tomorrow ahead. Time awaits no one, and the best thing he could do is to get onboard while the initiative is still his.

  As the fingers strum electric guitar with steady motion. Jihoon focused his intent, clearly toward what’s ahead and immediately around him.

  D# F F# G#|A#+~~~| D#+ C#+ B#+~| D#~~~| A#+ G# F# F| D# F F# G#| A#+~~~|

  Slowly I forget, and my heart starts… vanishing and suddenly I see

  G# F# F~| G#~ A#+~ | B#+~~~|

  That I can’t break free—I’m…

  The lyrics resumed, carrying the same melancholy and despair as before. But this time, Jihoon started to look at the words differently. The weight of the words naturally is still there but Jihoon no longer let himself sink into it to the point of self-detachment or numbness. It isn’t that the words lost their meaning on him or anything. But now that he allowed himself to observe it from a more objective perspective now that he isn’t wallowing in his pain or similar.

  “Slowly I forget, and my heart starts… vanishing"

  Wasn’t that exactly what had almost happened to him? Hadn’t he spent so much time drifting, letting his original world pull him apart from one place to another, letting his emotions be drowned out by the sheer exhaustion of living? He had spent years believing that he was fading and wasting away in sorrow.

  That his existence had no more weight than a shadow cast by the past. And with all honesty spoken, no one would probably last or struggle their way out of that downward spiral of a mindset without immense willpower and effort together. Even he himself nearly gave up at some point… at least until the Forgotten Melody reminded him of what he had to do with his given strength. Sure, the little goddess gave him some help here and there. But the conviction to move forward still lies on him doing so.

  And so here he is, still performing, still standing, and most importantly. Living.

  D# F F# G#|A#+~~~| D#+ C#+ B#+~| D#~~~| A#+ G# F# F| D# F F# G#| A#+~~~|

  //D#~~~|~~~~|~~~~|~~~~| C# B~~|~~~~|~~~~|~~~~|

  Slowly through the crack… of a dark e~ternity with nothing but my pain…

  G# F# F D#| F F# F D#| D F~~|

  //C#~~~|~~~~|~~~~|

  And the paralyzing agony. To—

  D# F F# G#|A#+~~~| D#+ C#+ B#+~| D#~~~| A#+ G# F# F| D# F F# G#| A#+~~~|

  //D#~~~|~~~~|~~~~|~~~~| C# B~~|~~~~|~~~~|~~~~|

  Tell me who I am~. Who I was~. Un—certainty enveloping my mind

  G# F# F~| G#~ A#+~ | B#+~~~|

  //C#~~~|~~~~|~~~~|

  Till I can’t break free— And…

  Maybe before, he would have felt trapped in these words. Maybe before, he would have let them consume him. But now as he looked at them objectively, as if analyzing someone else’s story rather than his own. Because only know he truly realized one thing after counting his blessings once more.

  The weariness that the past weight upon him still remain. But for what he could cast away, all of his self-doubt and self-loathing, he had done so without hesitation, and he could say that he broke free with as much confident that he could put behind.

  C#+ D#+ A#+ G#| A#+~~~| G# A#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~

  Maybe it’s a dream. Maybe nothing else is real.

  G# A#+ G# F#| F C# D#~| C# D# F F#| G# A#+ D#~|

  But it wouldn’t mean a thing, if I told you of how I feel.

  A#+ C#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~~| G# A#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~

  So I’m tired of all the pain, all the misery inside

  G# A#+ G# F#| F C# D#~| C# D# F F#| G# A#+ D#~|

  How I wish that I could live, feeling nothing but the night.

  Like a midsummer night. Fleeting and ephemeral as beautiful as they are, a dream remained only as a dream which one ultimately wakes up from. If Jihoon’s life post-Gate was that of an endless nightmare that he wished to eventually wake up from. Then his stay in Absence is truly the most beautiful dream that he ever had. So much that he wished that he could stay in it forever with all honesty.

  But it is not his place no matter how welcoming it is to someone like him. Even one day, he must depart from this paradise as he eventually must return to his world once more. To know heaven’s feel and know you can’t return is a devastating feeling that one can’t possibly withstand entirely unscathed.

  A#+ C#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~~| G# A#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~

  You can tell me what to say, you can tell me where to go

  G# A#+ G# F#| F C# D#~| C# D# F F#| G# A#+ D#~|

  But I doubt that I would care, and my heart would never know

  Previously, he would have considered this as his own slow succumb to the apathy toward the world around him as the life he had taken away from him. And even now, he can’t really interpret it as something else at all. The lyrics itself is just that bleak on its own that one can’t really think of it as anything else but most harsh and straightlaced truth spoken out loud. Like a mirror shard cutting straight into one’s heart.

  No point sugarcoating reality, some truth is just simply what it is said and written.

  A#+ C#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~~| G# A#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~

  If I make another move, there will be no more turning back.

  D#+ F+ F#+ F| D#+ C#+ A#+~| G# A#+ G# F#| F C# D#~

  Because everything will change, and it will all fade to black.

  And now, as he had his eyes placing itself toward the future. The idea of moving toward the uncertainty isn’t as harrowing as he thought it to be anymore because his own mind had already chosen its own direction without conscious input before he even recognized it. Why he fought so hard for Aquarius’s freedom, or to uncover the primordial truth of Absence’s history when he himself has nothing to gain from doing so.

  His choices had already shaped his fate, without him even acknowledging them.

  So, what’s the worry of things turning irreversible if he took actions? It did without his consent already and there’s nowhere to go but up when one is at the abyss.

  A#+ C#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~~| G# A#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~

  Will tomorrow ever come, will I make it through the night?

  G# A#+ G# F#| F C# D#~| C# D# F F#| G# A#+ D#~|

  Will there ever be a place, for the broken in the light?

  He might have lost the life that he once has, in that little slice of haven that he took for granted. But as the little goddess has shown to him. If he found no place around that he could belong to. Then make one himself where he is surrounded by like-minded people who share his beliefs and thoughts. Do anything convey your sentiments and let it be heard. Found no words to succinctly put all the feelings? Then let one’s action speaks in hundreds of words at once. And in Jihoon’s case, it is his music performance.

  The pain and isolation that one felt is real and undeniable, but often, all of said agony is self-inflicted as one lets their own worst fear dominates themselves in their headspace. One suffers more in their own imagination than in reality. And that downward spiral of one’s own depression may well end the war before even the battle has begun. Jihoon understands unfortunately too much of it to just disregard with a single phrase of indifference unlike most observers.

  A#+ C#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~~| G# A#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~

  Am I hurting or am I sad? Should I stay or should I go?

  G# A#+ G# F#| F C# D#~| C# D# F F#| G# A#+ D#~|

  I’ve forgotten how to tell. Did I ever even know?

  Hurt too much to even begin the measurement of agony even. And although he could precisely tell when it all began, to tell when he had overcome it instead of ignoring in indifferences is another ordeal. 10 years of living in a world that he knew didn’t belong in is an experience that would drive everyone else to the brink if placed in equal circumstances like he did. And, he can’t deny that the Forgotten Melody did so much wonder that its basic description of ‘negating all negative mental effects’ is doing injustice to what it actually done to turn his life back around.

  The reason why he started composing music to begin with is now also the salvation of his second attempt of his dream once more.

  A#+ C#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~~| G# A#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~

  Can I take another step? I have done everything I can.

  G# A#+ G# F#| F C# D#~| C# D# F F#| G# A#+ D#~|

  All the people I see, they will never understand.

  No one will understand exactly the pain he has endured even as he retold his experience. But so too is he when he listened to Alvorna’s plight atop the cloud stage as she tearfully spoken of all the inner repression that she did to herself as she tried to make herself appear exactly how her mother wanted to be. A bird in a gilded cage that can’t break free beyond its boundary. The pitying glances wondering why Alvorna so stubbornly pursued what is considered as an ill-fit mismatch against her aeromantic birthright.

  Every ounce of repressed insecurity, every instance of self-doubt ruthlessly squashed for the sake of self-appearance, every bitter grievance against the suffocating confines of expectation. Even if Jihoon would witness every flaw and ugliness that she has, all too woven into the harmony that they are resonating together.

  He too can’t exactly say that he understands truly the exact experiences she underwent. But he understood the pain and anguish she felt for the source of their suffering come from one same origin. The anguish of not feeling belongs to the world they live in.

  A#+ C#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~~| G# A#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~

  This time you’re not hurting me. This time I will take a stand

  G# A#+ G# F#| F C# D#~| C# D# F F#| G# A#+ D#~|

  All the hatred in my eyes. Building up an evil plan.

  The melody turned abrupt, signaling the final part of the chorus. The tempo surged, with OneByteDrummer pushing his rhythm into overdrive, each beat hammering like a war drum. Jihoon’s part held steady, his guitar delivering long, sustained riffs—a foundation of sound beneath the rising storm. And above it all, TearsOfTragedy sang with unrelenting force, her voice cutting through the chaotic crescendo with the intensity of someone who had finally embraced the abyss.

  The feelings invoked by the lyrics changed entirely from its first half, as though the singer had truly embraced the darkness. Had he remain mired in his own depression, then perhaps that part would have completely subsumed him as likely did what the lyric does. But to look at it with a changed perspective is truly… enlightening because it makes him wondered what would happen if he had listened to it with a wrong headspace.

  No longer did they lament helplessness or despair, this verse was vengeful, defiant, brimming with resentment. And if Jihoon had still been mired in his own depression, if he had listened to these words with the same headspace he once had… Wouldn’t he have seen this darkness as his own? Wouldn’t he have resonated with its consuming fury, letting it sink into him completely? Wouldn’t he have thought—

  "Maybe this is what I should be."

  But now, with a new perspective, with a mind no longer shackled by his own pain after he realized all the blessing he has received. He saw it for what it was.

  A warning. A glimpse of the path he could have easily fallen into.

  But had chosen not to in the end.

  A#+ C#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~~| G# A#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~

  Standing lonely in the night. With the darkness by my side.

  G# A#+ G# F#| F C# D#~| C# D# F F#| G# A#+ D#~|

  Looking deep within myself. All it revealed is only fright.

  The lyrics spoke of solitude, of being surrounded by darkness, finding only fear when they looked within themselves. Jihoon finally understood all of what is meant to convey. The way that self-hatred could build up, how it twisted into something more than just sadness itself. Into rage and bitterness. Into something that would just sought to lash-out at the world around ceaselessly instead of healing oneself. Completely abandoning all of one’s relations to the world around since they themselves are isolated already.

  The worst is that Jihoon saw it happen with his own eyes. Of the people who had lost everything, who had no path forward, who had chosen to wallow in their fury rather than facing the pain themselves. And that he had been dangerously close to just being one of them. Had the Forgotten Melody never reached him, had he never encountered the little goddess. Nor his arrival in Absence in finding a new path forward for himself. And never meeting the those who gave him a reason to play again.

  Would he have been any different? Would he just simply let his own resentment fester until it become the only thing he had left? Would he become the very person that this song described?

  It was only thanks to his last stroke of fortune that he turned his life around, and how he responded appropriately to it even at the utter bottom. Only through that combination above, did he finally notice the abyss ahead and took a different direction while he can.

  Even if the pain is ever-present and an undeniable aspect of him, they simply cannot be the entirety of his identity. To be defined entirely by his suffering, is to only see the shadow of oneself cast but not one’s own visage.

  The illusion of power crumbled in the very final line. Because what did that anger, that bitterness, that embrace of hatred amount to in the end? Nothing but fear. No matter how much rage someone buried themselves in, no matter how much they convinced themselves that they had become something stronger— It was still fear.

  Fear of being vulnerable. Fear of facing one’s reality. Fear of accepting that the past could never be undone.

  A#+ C#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~~| G# A#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~

  If I make another move. If I take another step.

  G# A#+ G# F#| F C# D#~| C# D# F F#| G# A#+ D#~|

  Then it would all fall apart. There would be nothing of me left.

  As the final section of the chorus began, Jihoon found himself listening with clarity, no longer weighed down by his own biases or emotional fog. All of that previous displayed beneath his stoic fa?ade were perhaps him react truly to what it is speaking out to him. Of the fragility that his mental state were back then which he would have agreed without a moment of reflection. That every step he made is destined to inevitable failure and losses beyond his control, taking away everything that mattered to him. To summarize it all, is the fear of change no matter for good or bad.

  If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

  The belief that one wrong step, one wrong decision, could erase everything.Jihoon had once felt the same way—trapped in an existence where moving forward seemed as dangerous as standing still.

  But all of that was just dangerous doomsaying that his self-doubt voiced to him. Which did not come without a reason of its own. Unless that he can physically disproven his doubt by obtaining something that is truly his that can’t be stolen by mere circumstances, then its fear talking will stay no matter what until then. After all, not moving is the real death sentences.

  A#+ C#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~~| G# A#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~

  If I’m crying in the wind. If I’m crying in the night.

  G# A#+ G# F#| F C# D#~| C# D# F F#| G# A#+ D#~|

  Will there ever be a way? Will my heart return to white?

  Within the words carry the longing for purity, for a clean slate, for a past that can no longer be returned to. The yearning for innocence was palpable that Jihoon felt achingly familiar without a doubt. However, it didn’t take today to realize that he can’t return to that halcyon day ever again. That was in fact long ago, which is how and why he composed SPIKA to begin with.

  Because at the end of the day, he did not need to become the person he once was. He does not need to try to wash the stubborn stain of the past to move forward in life. Carrying the burden onward is the only proof required that he lived through it. It is not the feeling of absolution that he needed but the acceptance that he does not want his own past to be erased. No shame of being marked by the past, no shame in being changed by suffering.

  A part of him it might be no matter how much pain it held. A part of him, but not all of him.

  A#+ C#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~~| G# A#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~

  Can you tell me who you are? Can you tell me where I am?

  G# A#+ G# F#| F C# D#~| C# D# F F#| G# A#+ D#~|

  I’ve forgotten how to see. I’ve forgotten if I can.

  The sense of disorientation in the words resonated with him. That feeling of being lost, of not recognizing oneself, was painfully familiar. Like how he take a look at his own reflection for the first time in 10 years since the Gate Outbreak, and not even recognize the person looking back. And him abandoning from his world and arrived at Absence in hope of finding a kindred soul to share his plight.

  Now, on a simultaneous quest to find himself again. Not to reclaim what is lost but to redefine clearly of who he is.

  He was Jihoon. A musician. A Maestro. A man who had chosen to keep playing, even when the song of his life had nearly stopped.

  He was no longer searching for who he was. Because he had found himself in the music he performed once again.

  A#+ C#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~~| G# A#+ C#+ D#+| A#+ G# A#+~

  If I opened up my eyes. There will be no going back.

  G# A#+ G# F#| F C# D#~| C# D# F F#| G# A#+ D#~|

  ‘Cause I’d throw it all away. And it would all fade to black.

  The one that sealed the fate of the song’s story. The moment where the singer had given in completely, choosing to embrace the darkness over holding onto even a fragment of hope. The harshest words of them all.

  And now, standing here, fully aware of who he was, of what he had gained, of how far he had come. Jihoon let the last line linger in his mind, the words repeating themselves like a haunting refrain.

  “It would all fade to black.”

  Once, he would have seen this as the literal surrender of hope. A willful descent into despair—choosing to remain in the darkness because it was the only place that felt familiar. To reject the light entirely because it was foreign, unreachable, and fleeting. To forsake the dream of redemption and embrace the comforting numbness of solitude, because it was all one had ever known. To become one with the very suffering that bound you, because it was the only thing that felt real.

  The lyrics’ bleakness was undeniable as there was no hopeful interpretation that didn’t feel forced or dishonest.

  And maybe that was the point. Not every darkness had to be given a silver lining. Sometimes, it just had to be faced for what it was and walked away from on one’s volition.

  Jihoon knew exactly how easy it was to fall back into that pit despite the newfound clarity he obtained. He had once lived that line in literal sense, sinking into the black because there was nothing of sort to hold on to. But now that he is out of thanks to the little goddess…

  He chose not to go back again. Lest that he disgraced his benefactor after she expended her effort on a worthless nobody like him.

  G# A#+ G# F#| F C# D#~|

  D#- D#-_D# D#_C# D#_D#-| D#- D#-_D# D#_C# D#_D#-| D#- D#-_D# D#_C# D#_D#-| D#- D#_F# G#- F#_G#|

  D#- D#-_D# D#_C# D#_D#-| D#- D#-_D# D#_C# D#_D#-| D#- D#-_D# D#_C# D#_D#-| G#- F#_G# D#- D#_F#|

  The song entered its impromptu section again much like in the latter first-half. The rhythmic motion played out like palpating heartbeats as the instruments all converged together on one singular melody again. Jihoon knew that this song was about to come to a proper conclusion. After these few minutes of enforced self-reflection and emotional rollercoaster, it felt like years have gone by and his lifespan were shaved out of his weary spirit. While he had appreciated the moment as it had brought him to proper closure of his past, he would rather not be going through another similar experience ever again.

  D#~ D#_C# D#|~~~~|C# D# F# G#| A#+ D#~ D#|C# D#~~|

  D#- D#-_D# D#_C# D#_D#-| D#- D#-_D# D#_C# D#_D#-| D#- D#-_D# D#_C# D#_D#-| D#- D#_F# G#- F#_G#|

  D#- D#-_D# D#_C# D#_D#-| D#- D#-_D# D#_C# D#_D#-| D#- D#-_D# D#_C# D#_D#-| G#- F#_G# D#- D#_F#|

  Together united as one again. They performed the chorus of the original Bad Apple again. No better way to end this shared performance, than going back to the root. Full circle.

  A#+~~~ |G#~~~| F# F C F| D#~~~|

  D# F F# G#|F~~~| A#-~ F F| F# D#~~|~~~~|

  C#~~~|D#~~~|D# F F# G#|F#~~~| A#-~ F F| F# D#~~|~~~~|

  C#~~~| F# F# G# A#+| G#~ F~| G# G# A#+ F#|~~~~|

  C#~~~| D#~~~| D# F F# F| D~ G# A#+|~~~~|G# F# F C#|

  [D#-; D#; D#+]~~~|

  The final note held by all the instruments, by all of its performers as its finality linger in the air. Then silence as all of its performer still playing the notes mentally in their mind.

  SilvaGun_GildedSun – Hey TripleKill, did you record the performance?

  TripleKill – Hold your horse, woman. It’s not like it’s going to run anywhere.

  SilvaGun_GildedSun – Yeah, well, you’d be surprised because knowing your history of goldfish memory in worst timing. You would forget to click the record button and not check it again.

  TripleKill – Hey, that was just a one-time incident.

  CroixGrimmoire – One time, you said. You forgot to record the entire collab with Enigmatic Station, and we had to do it all over again.

  TripleKill – Excuse you, I’m a professional. I got the whole thing recorded here now. Triple-checked even for your words of confirmation, even the part where Jihoon got all introspective mid-performance like he was going through an existential crisis.

  CookieXI – Oh my god, he totally did. Man wasn’t just playing, he was out here fighting demons. (╥﹏╥)

  Laughter erupted through the group call, and Jihoon sighed, rubbing his forehead in slight exasperation. Jihoon leaned back in his chair, still catching his breath. Despite the lighthearted banter, he found himself genuinely reflective, still caught in the emotional resonance of the performance.

  ToxicXEternity – You know…

  SilvaGun_GildedSun – Hmm?

  ToxicXEternity – It’s funny. I’ve heard this song a million times. But playing it just now, it felt… different.

  There was a beat of silence, as if his words had momentarily stilled the air. Then—

  CroixGrimmoir – You’re just thinking about it too hard.

  TripleKill – Yeah. It’s just a damn song, dude. Don’t go writing a philosophy paper on it.

  SaraeJinnae – He’s so totally gonna write a philosophy paper.

  OneByteDrummer – You were looking way too deep into it, bro.

  TarmaSpaghetti – Yeah, it’s just an edgy song about despair, not a religious text.

  JinSarae – Nah, let him have this. He looked like he was about to uncover the meaning of life halfway through the second verse.

  SilvaGun_GildedSun – ToxicXEternity’s Essay on the Existentialism of Bad Apple.

  Jihoon let out a soft laugh, shaking his head at their playful dismissal. He hadn’t expected them to take him seriously—and honestly, he didn’t mind. After all, this was just one of those rare moments where he allowed himself to feel freely, without any pretense.

  ToxicXEternity – Fine, fine, laugh it up all you want. I just thought it was interesting how the lyrics evolve through the song.

  SilvaGun_GildedSun – And that’s why you’re you, dude.

  Despite the teasing, there was warmth in the exchange. Because no matter how philosophical or ridiculous their interpretations got— The important thing was that they had played together.

  The call eventually ended, the once lively banter fading into silence as each member logged off one by one. The room was left in complete stillness, save for the faint hum of Jihoon’s amp and the quiet whirr of his laptop fan. The screen cast a dull, fading glow on his face, illuminating the subtle exhaustion in his eyes.

  For a moment, he simply sat there, motionless, staring at the darkened screen.

  Then, without warning, his shoulders began to tremble.

  Jihoon stood up away from his chair as he laid himself over the bed. His breath caught as though the dam broke, and all the pent-up emotion he had been holding back finally surged forth. He clenched his fists against the edge of his desk, his nails faintly digging into the wood, as he let out a ragged exhale.

  Tears welled in his eyes, and despite himself, he allowed them to fall freely. The performance had been a cathartic release—but even so, it hadn't been enough to absolve him of everything he carried. The weight of the years of guilt, the bitterness of loss, and the ache of all that he could never regain still lingered.

  And so, he let it out. Soft sobs escaped him, shoulders trembling as the overwhelming mix of relief and sorrow coursed through him. Even if there’s anyone complaint about this scene, of a man struggles to reconcile his emotions and mental burdens then kindly he would kindly tell them to leave the audience chamber since he and no one invited such people to be here.

  As the minutes stretched into eternity, the burden gradually dissipated. He felt lighter, in a strange, intangible way—as though the performance had somehow exorcised a lingering fragment of the past from his heart.

  And with it, came the inevitable wave of fatigue. A bone-deep exhaustion that clung to him not only in body but in spirit, as though the dream had drained something real from him. A bone-deep, soul-crushing fatigue that had been lurking beneath his skin, waiting for a moment like this to finally settle in.

  He had carried it for so long, buried beneath distractions, behind his responsibilities, behind the constant pushing forward that had become second nature. And now, with nothing left to hold onto, with no weight left to bear— He let it all go.

  His limbs felt heavy, his breathing slow and deliberate. With a soft grunt, Jihoon pushed himself off his chair and staggered toward his bed. He collapsed onto the mattress, not bothering to even remove his jacket.

  The familiar warmth and softness of his bed cradled him, wrapping around him like a familiar embrace. For the first time in what felt like forever, he allowed himself to simply exist—without thinking, without fighting, without running. His eyelids drooped, too heavy to resist.

  The nostalgia of being back in his past, the conversations with his old friends, the long, winding emotional journey— All of it had drained him. Even though this had been nothing more than a dream, a carefully induced illusion, it had felt too real.

  Too real for his heart to come away unscathed.

  And just like that, he let go, letting the familiar lull of sleep take him. As his mind slipped into unconsciousness, he thought he could still hear the faint melody of their performance echoing in his ears.

  The past faded into darkness.… Just like that.

  …

  When Jihoon opened his eyes again, he was no longer in his old world. Seeing the soft glow of lantern light, the faint scent of lotus incense in the air, and the cool stillness of the Lotus Chamber greeted him.

  For a moment, he simply stared upward, disoriented. It took him a few seconds to register where he was—back in Absence. The dream therapy had ended. Back from the dream into the waking world where his current reality resides. He was back in Absence.

  Immediately, a gentle murmur of voices surrounded him. Chamber attendants in flowing robes stood near his bedside, monitoring his conditions in the process, watching him with curious yet professional expressions.

  One of them, a woman with delicate features and calm eyes, stepped forward.

  “How do you feel?” she asked, her voice smooth and measured.

  Jihoon took a moment to process himself, testing his thoughts, his emotions, his body. There was no lingering haze, no pain, no sense of disorientation— Just a quiet and determinate clarity.

  “I’m fine,” he answered after a pause. “No side effects.”

  The attendants exchanged brief glances, nodding in understanding.

  “The therapy was a success, then,” another attendant noted, scribbling something onto a parchment. “If you experience any unexpected symptoms, please notify us immediately. But otherwise, your treatment is now complete.”

  With that, they slowly began to disperse, leaving Jihoon alone once more.

  Jihoon sat up, running a hand through his hair, feeling the weight of what had just transpired. He wasn’t sure what to feel in particular. There was no dramatic sense of closure, no overwhelming revelation or grand absolution of all of his worry. What he obtained after all of that is a simple and quiet understanding. He looked back upon his past, confronted it for what it was. And now, his only decision that he could make out of the hazy future ahead, is to simply step forward with all he has.

  Would he relapse? Probably? Would there be moments when the weight returned once more? Absolutely and undeniable.

  But in the end, he accepted it for what it was. People moved forward regardless of what it is holding them back in the past. And his circumstances were never special to begin with.

  He was never unique in his suffering.

  Even so… Because as long as he could keep moving, as long as he could keep playing, as long as he could keep holding onto the present— He knew he could face whatever came next.

  Jihoon let out one final breath, feeling the last remnants of his weariness slip away with the exhale before he got up and left the therapy chamber.

  It was time to begin again.

  …

  …

  The door to the Lotus Chamber slid open with a soft creak, and Jihoon stepped out into the cool corridor.

  As soon as he left, just waiting outside of the Lotus Chamber was a certain someone that took him by surprise and her presence stopped him dead in his track. Alvorna. Who literally just sat waiting outside the therapy chamber when there’s literally no reason to do so. He blinked once, unsure if he was hallucinating from the lingering effect of dream therapy. But no—

  She was really there.

  From the way that she appears and the expression she wears, Jihoon was afraid that she literally just stares at the door of his therapy chamber for the entire night while no one does anything to dissuade her. When her mind finally processed that he was here before her and that he was real did her dull and vacant eyes slowly widened. From the way she looked, with her hollow, weary expression and the vacant glimmer in her emerald eyes, her wings faintly trembling, and legs drawn close. He could immediately tell the situation. And that realization made his stomach twisted with dread.

  For hours that she remained there, alone with her thoughts and left to simmer in her own silent torment.

  Her lips parted slightly, trembling, but no words came out. Then, she stumbled forward, her legs giving out beneath her, her body limping from exhaustion and its full weight collapsed into him. She would have collapsed to the floor entirely had Jihoon not caught her. He instinctively wrapped his arms around her, holding her slender form tightly as she sank into his embrace.

  Her fingers curled weakly into his shirt, clutching at him with desperate strength, her talon-ed feet reflexively scraping against the stone tiles, seeking some kind of purchase.

  Tears started to flow without control even though she wasn’t crying explicitly as she was so worried about him that she just became restless no matter what. She didn’t sob immediately, no wailing, no broken sounds at first. Just the slow, unyielding stream of tears that slid down her cheeks without control. Her breathing was ragged, uneven, catching in her throat, her chest heaving silently as she clung tighter as though trying to bury into him.

  Jihoon’s arms tightened around her, holding her close as he felt the tremors wracking her frame. And then, the dam finally broke as she crumbled completely. Her wings wrapped around him, clinging as though she were afraid that he would disappear the moment she let go. Alvorna’s voice cracked, her breath hitching with strained, broken sobs.

  She wept. Ugly, unrestrained, soul-wracking sobs, the kind that shook her frame and left her gasping for breath.

  Her voice caught in her throat, broken, messy, incoherent with emotion.

  “I—I was so scared…!” she choked out between shuddering gasps, her voice cracking with the weight of her anguish.

  Jihoon froze. Her voice was raw, trembling, hoarse from the long night of unspoken terror.

  “I—I didn’t… I didn’t know if you were going to—”

  Her words collapsed into a broken sob before she could finish. Her fingers continued to fists into his shirt, clutching him tightly as though she could somehow anchor him to this moment— Her body convulsed with every heaving breath, and she buried her face deeper into his chest as though trying to hide herself from the world. Her nails digging in slightly, trembling as if she were desperate to hold onto something tangible.

  She was practically suffocating in her own storm of emotion. And Jihoon just held her, letting her break apart in his arms.

  For the first time, Alvorna, the Harpy, the Daughter of the Matriarch who was supposed to be free, unfettered, untamed and answers to no one but her family— Wept over someone else. And it terrified her, because she never once worried for anybody before herself until this very moment.

  The idea of him being in the Lotus Chamber, where the therapy forced him into his past, reliving memories he could barely face—

  Combined with the myth of the Lotus-Eaters, the story of those who ate of the flower and forgot themselves entirely into the dream as they will never wake up again once more—

  It had all cascaded into a wave of irrational fear. Anxiety had clutched at her throat the moment she imagined him not waking up. That he might forget her. That he might not return at all.

  For minutes, she cried without words, without holding back. She didn’t care how she looked. Didn’t care if it was unsightly or pitiful. Didn’t care if she appeared vulnerable.

  Because at that moment— All she could feel was the overwhelming relief that he was still there. That he was still alive and by her side.

  Through her choked sobs, she finally spoke, her voice thick with anguish.

  “You… you idiot… And so am I… for approving it…” she whispered, her voice hoarse and trembling, barely louder than a breath. Even though she was the one to also agree that the Lotus Chamber dream therapy is necessary for him. But during the supposedly the shortest duration that will be passed in no time, it ended up becoming her endless torment which every second felt painfully long like years.

  Anxiety had clutched at her throat the moment she imagined him not waking up. That he might forget her. That he might not return at all. The idea of him being lost in a dream he could never wake from had driven her into a spiral. And the thought of it left her shaking the deeper she contemplates even though everyone peacefully rests the night away.

  There was no freedom in her heart anymore. No empty skies she wanted to soar toward alone. She realized she could never go back to that solitary existence.

  “I—I was so scared, Jihoon…” she sobbed. Her voice was ragged, and barely above a whisper, but the anguish in it was deafening.

  “I didn’t… I didn’t know what I would do if you—” Her throat caught, the words cutting off mid-sentence as she choked on another sob.

  Her fingers tightened their hold on him, trembling violently as though her own soul will detach from its own body from sheer anxiety.

  “I didn’t want to lose you… not you… not again…”

  And that was it. The entire dam of repression that she had held back for so long came crashing down. The day he had reciprocated her feelings atop the cloud stage, the day he had sung out her pain along with her with his instrument, that was the turning point of her life. She can no longer imagine the life that she would lead without him, not even succeeding her mother in the Rite of Ascension that she once looked forward brought any more assurance than his presence did.

  As she wept into his chest, Jihoon slowly lowered his chin to rest against the crown of her head.

  His hand slowly stroked her hair, offering her a silent comfort. He didn’t say anything. Didn’t offer hollow reassurances.

  Because she didn’t need words. She just needed him. He simply let her know— That she wasn’t alone. That she never would be again.

  And so, he held her, steady and unmoving, as she let herself fall apart. And for the first time in so long— She let herself be vulnerable. Because she knew that, no matter what, he would be there to catch her. Her sobs eventually quieted, but her breathing remained uneven, her chest still heaving softly against his.

  Her wings remained draped around him, her talons loosely curled into his back, still trembling faintly.

  And for a long, long moment— They simply stayed there. Together.

  Without a word spoken, without a sound beyond the quiet raggedness of her breath. And even though her tears still lingered on his shirt, and her chest still shook faintly from the aftermath of her sobs—

  She never let go.

  And neither did he.