Six, Unforgivable

  The next day, I got up early and dressed. Biyu helped me style my hair and picked out a pearl lotus flower hairpin from the wooden tray that held my jewelry. The long, broken jade and pearls were inlaid into blooming lotus flowers, with yellow jade as the stamens and blue crystal as the leaves, exquisitely crafted. Just as Biyu was about to pin it into my hair, I shook my head. "Hairpins like this are only for noble consorts and above. The last time the Emperor bestowed one on me was already an extraordinary favor. Today is not a festival or a banquet, so wearing it would be too showy. Although the Emperor dotes on me, I still can't overstep my bounds."

  She had no choice but to put it down, picked a butterfly hairpin with silver tassels and pinned it on her hair, saying: "Miss is too cautious. The emperor's favor towards An Mei is not as good as Miss, yet An Mei still has flowers in her hair every day, and pearls and jade on her head."

  I noticed the expression on Bixia's face in the mirror, and smiled: "Even if An Meiren is adorned with pearls and jewels all over her head, she still doesn't overstep her bounds. Occasionally wearing some exquisite jewelry can't be considered anything out of the ordinary." After saying this, I slightly restrained my smile: "Don't mention this again, or else people who like to gossip will think that I'm jealous of An Meiren's favoritism."

  "Is that so?" she said, but after thinking about it, she still couldn't help feeling resentful. She whispered: "She's not considered a top beauty, and her family background is nothing special either. Why does the Emperor like her so much, just because of her good singing voice?"

  I painted my eyebrows like willow leaves in the mirror, and slowly said: "Favor is not about appearance, nor is it related to family background, but only whether the emperor likes it. Otherwise, it's all in vain." As I spoke, I glanced at her and said: "Why are you speaking so recklessly today? Being cautious and careful is your strong point, keep it well, don't lose it."

  Miss Lin lowered her head, pursed her lips and smiled, saying no more. "The Emperor has already instructed me to come over and have breakfast with you, Miss. You should also dress up a bit more."

  I glanced back at her a few times, and saw that she was wearing a cherry-red soft Luo brocade dress with snow-white silk lining, a pale pink long skirt, a pair of misty blue shoes slightly exposed outside the clothes, and on her head were also dotted with blue and green rice pearls and silver flowers, paired with a pair of fragmented jade gold earrings, which perfectly set off her shiny black hair and handsome face. Her beauty was even more charming. Upon closer inspection, I had already discovered something improper, so I deliberately glossed over it without mentioning it, and only smiled lightly: "You're really dressed up today."

  Miss, have you forgotten? Today is the anniversary of your entry into the palace, so I dressed up more festively. Also, these clothes were all made by you for me last month, and they fit perfectly.

  It suddenly dawned on me that I had been in the palace for a year. Time really flies, and before I knew it, I had transformed from an unknown noblewoman to the emperor's favored concubine.

  Time slipped away like flowing water, bringing me the favor of emperors and adding countless sharp worries to my heart, growing thorns on the tip of my heart. A peaceful and uncontested state of mind has long been something I've lost.

  He let out an almost inaudible sigh.

  Li Zhu said with a smile, "I wonder why the Emperor came over so early to have breakfast with Miss. It turns out that today is the anniversary of Miss's entry into the palace. I'm afraid we'll be having lunch and dinner here too."

  "I said: 'It's okay if I use it. But what if...'"

  "What is Miss afraid of?" asked Liu Zhu.

  "Nothing." I didn't want to say any more, and just said: "Go take a look at the small dishes in the small kitchen, I've instructed them to make it exquisite and delicious."

  Xuan Ling had already walked in, saying: "Just finished the morning court session. I'm also hungry. Today there's some excellent wind-dried fruit and rabbit meat, I've already ordered someone to send it to your small kitchen, have them cook congee with it, let's eat together."

  The servant girl had cleared the table and served a bowl of fresh soy milk to Xuan Ling, before I sat down with him. Soon, the small kitchen sent over a steamer basket filled with fine rice porridge, eight small dishes: mixed vegetables, braised chicken breast, pickled quail eggs, crispy pickled cucumber, cherry blossom goose liver, fried spring rolls, fragrant smoked radish, wind-dried fruit, and plum blossom tofu. Additionally, there were four desserts to round out the full table.

  Xuan Ling looked at the dish and said, "It's very exquisite, just looking at it makes me hungry."

  I smiled serenely: "As long as Your Majesty likes it."

  Seeing that he was in a good mood and had a good appetite, with many dishes on the table having been tasted, he smiled and said: "Your Majesty seems to be in a very good mood, is there some joyful event?"

  He was slightly stunned, and then smiled: "The southwestern war has been continuously victorious. The King of Yinan led the army to recapture Anzhao and the six states of You and Bing, and the Murong family made a lot of effort."

  Her mouth was originally filled with joyful smiles, but upon hearing this, she gradually felt a slight chill in her heart, and vaguely sensed that he had more to say, which must be related to the Empress. So she made a delighted expression, raised the half-bowl of leftover porridge and said: "Your Majesty is wise and brilliant, with great strategic thinking. This is truly a great joy. I use this porridge as a substitute for wine to congratulate you." As she spoke, she scooped up a spoonful of porridge and drank it down, giving him a bright smile.

  He pulled my hand and couldn't help but laugh: "This little devil thinks he can escape drinking like this?"

  I greeted him with a faint smile and whispered: "Your Majesty shouldn't force others into difficulties."

  He smiled and talked about what he wanted to say, before that, he deliberately took a look at my expression. His bright eyes flashed with a hint of unbearable and guilt, "Now that we're back in Ziyao City, and just finished the Mid-Autumn Festival, there are many tedious things to attend to, I'm afraid the Empress's energy is exhausted. My intention is to let Consort Hua assist from the side, what do you think?" His words were soft and gentle, as if he was afraid of startling me, but they pierced into my heart, lightly yet fiercely sharp.

  I was taken aback, as if I couldn't believe it. It had only been a few days since the Empress's incident, and he knew that the Imperial Consort Huai would be suspected of being involved, yet he came to me saying he wanted to restore her authority over the six palaces.

  It's not that I couldn't understand his hard work in state affairs, it's just that his thoughts are too chilling.

  He wanted to find a hint of discontent and anger on my serene face. I tried hard to suppress such an expression from appearing on my cheeks, only smiling as if listening intently to his words. In my heart, I thought that even I was so displeased and shocked, who knows what the Empress felt in her heart after hearing this.

  Her sharp eyes swept across his face, and in an instant I had turned my head away, adjusting my breathing, and also suppressing the tears and shock that had been building up. Only then did I smile at him and ask: "What do you mean, Your Majesty?"

  Xuan Ling's tone was somewhat stagnant, "I haven't told the Empress yet. Let me ask you first."

  I smiled and said: "Your Majesty's concern for the princess is naturally nothing bad."

  He hastily said, "Empress Hua sometimes is indeed impulsive. I originally wanted to entrust you with this matter, but unfortunately, you have not been in the palace for long and your experience is still shallow. Empress Duan is weak from illness, and Empress Xian is mediocre, so it's just that Empress Hua can assist a bit." Xu Ling's gaze was cast lightly, containing some apology.

  Her face still wore a smile, elegantly concealing the turmoil and resentment beneath. I pondered for a moment before speaking slowly: "The Emperor's intentions are good, Your Majesty probably wouldn't have any objections either. However, has the Emperor considered that General Murong just achieved victory on the front lines, and immediately restored Empress Hua's authority to oversee the six palaces? Those who know would say it's because the Emperor is gracious towards his meritorious generals, but those who don't might think it's because the Emperor relies on the Murong family for victories. Therefore, he hastily reinstated Empress Hua as a means of appeasement." A proud and arrogant person, especially an emperor, fears being called useless even more than having a minister with outstanding achievements overshadow him. This jab was forceful, but it might be useful. I carefully observed his expression, continuing: "There are foolish people who love to gossip behind backs, Your Majesty shouldn't take it to heart." I paused for a moment, seeing the faintest hint of anger on his brow, before adding: "It's just that Prince Zhen Nan has achieved great merit and is currently overjoyed. Since Prince Zhen Nan has extensive connections with the Murong family, if the Emperor were to grant authority to Empress Hua at this time, it might cause Prince Zhen Nan to become reckless and ultimately hinder the war effort."

  He closed his eyes slightly, his face calm as water, but with a hint of hidden turmoil. One needle sees blood, I knew he had taken in my words. Hurriedly kneeling down and weeping, she said: "Your servant was momentarily confused, and rashly discussed state affairs, please forgive me, Your Majesty." As she spoke, she bowed her head to the ground. As soon as I knelt down, all the female palace attendants were startled into kneeling all over the floor.

  The ticking of the copper leak sounds like a knock on the heart, listening to time flowing by bit by bit in my ears. Silence is soundless.

  He helped me up, saying, "It doesn't matter. I've already said that I'll let you discuss politics." Then he sighed, "I'm afraid that in this palace, except for you, no one dares to analyze the pros and cons with me so directly."

  I held back my tears, only to say: "Your Majesty, I'm not speaking out of jealousy towards Empress Hu. But rather, I hope you can weigh the pros and cons, and temporarily delay restoring her power to manage the six palaces. Firstly, it's to maintain fairness, secondly, it won't damage Your Majesty's authority, and thirdly, during the upcoming festivals, you can bestow another title upon her, making everything proper and harmonious, with all six palaces rejoicing together."

  I had long calculated it clearly, the festive closure must be a grand festival. The Mid-Autumn Festival has passed, and next is New Year's Eve. It's not suitable to close during the new year, so I have to wait until the Lantern Festival. Who knows what the situation will be like at that time? First avoid this hurdle and then slowly plan again.

  Xuan Ling gazed at me, his eyes rippling with a hint of warmth, and said after a moment's thought: "It's hard for you to think so thoroughly. It's good this way, but it's a pity that the Empress has been troubled."

  I said, "Your Majesty doesn't need to worry about the Empress. The Empress is also familiar with the affairs of the six palaces, and there are female historians to assist her, so it's unlikely that anything will go wrong. Your Majesty can rest assured." Seeing him nod in agreement, I further tested him, saying: "Actually, Shen Chang was originally intended for Hui Bin when she first entered the palace, with the intention of letting her learn about the affairs of the six palaces to help the Empress with trivial matters in the future. It's just a pity now..."

  Mentioning Xuan Ling seemed to make her somewhat displeased, and she only said: "Let her calm down and cultivate her virtues."

  I'd rather not continue, seeing that he had been speaking for a long time without making another move, I was just about to instruct Pei'er to bring another cup of apricot kernel tea when unexpectedly, Huai Bi's eyes were quick and her hands were fast, she already held a cup of tea in front of Xuan Ling and softly said: "Your Majesty, please have some."

  Under the shock, her heart suddenly cooled down, and she indeed walked up. The white hands of Yu Mei were even more prominent with the blue porcelain tea cup, Xuan Ling couldn't help but raise his head to glance at Yu Mei, and he smiled out loud, "You're dressed so stylishly, only the red skirt and green shoes are a bit too common."

  Huan Bi heard this and was greatly embarrassed, for a moment she stared blankly with a red face and said: "The slave's name is Huan Bi, so I wear a pair of green shoes."

  I understand in my heart that Biyu wants to get Xuanling's attention, so she chose a colored dress and deliberately paired it with green shoes to deepen Xuanling's attention, but forgot the taboo of red and green matching. Slightly self-satisfied, she said warmly: "Forget it. I picked out a new lake blue satin yesterday, take it to make a new dress and change into this red skirt." She also said to everyone: "Today's small kitchen dishes are well done, you can take them away and share them to eat."

  Everyone bowed in unison and thanked her. Fen Bi's face turned red as she curtsied and retreated. Xuan Ling didn't look at her again, only saying: "You're good to the servants."

  "They are already working hard as slaves and maids in the palace, if I don't treat them well, it's really pitiful. Once they have grievances, even if the masters give orders, things won't be done properly, and it's not good for anyone." I smiled and said my intention: "Besides, it's just a piece of brocade. Huanbi is a maid who accompanied me as a concubine, and in the future, she will still have to find a good marriage for her. What does Your Majesty think?"

  Xuan Ling Dao said, "You can handle your own maid yourself. It's hard for you to be so considerate of them." He smiled and gazed at me, saying, "Looking at how magnanimous and understanding you are in governing others, I really should let you assist with the management of the six palaces."

  I just maintained a proper smile and said, "Your Majesty is joking, I'm not qualified to convince the crowd." As I spoke, I lowered my head slightly and whispered in his ear with a low laugh, "It's embarrassing to hear you say that I should be considerate of them, don't I show enough consideration for Your Majesty?" My heart felt a slight pang, but I forced a smile and said, "The Huafeng Empress from the Murong family has made great contributions, it would be better if Your Majesty spent more time with her."

  He said: "It's hard to accompany you. The war is won, and there are many things to deploy, I'm afraid these days can't get out of the imperial study."

  His heart slightly relaxed, he said: "Your Majesty is working hard for state affairs, you must take care of yourself."

  A meal eaten with difficulty, the greasy foie gras in my mouth also feels bitter and tasteless, but I couldn't lose my composure in front of Xuan Ling. Otherwise, even if I had planned something, it wouldn't be convenient to carry out, and I couldn't let a momentary anger cause me to lose sight of the bigger picture. I could only show a virtuous, gentle, and kind expression, serving dishes for him, chatting with him, and laughing. Only then did I realize that in the palace, the two words "virtuous" were how difficult it was to bear, and to preserve this reputation, not even a hint of bitterness could be revealed. After feeling a sense of admiration for the Empress's skill, between her and Huafei, it seemed like Huafei had the upper hand, but no matter whether she won or lost, she almost never showed it on her face, always with a calm expression. And beneath this calmness, what kind of sorrow and bitterness was there, to be ground down by the cold moonlight day after day, becoming an unfeeling elegance... Just thinking about this, Xuan Ling picked up a few pieces of oil-salted stir-fried ginkgo nuts and put them in my bowl, smiling warmly: "This flavor is not bad, you try some too."

  I smiled and thanked, gazing at these few roots of fried celery, for a moment my heart was upset, like knocking over a bottle of five flavors, it's hard to express. As if I were those few roots of fried celery, being stir-fried in oil, being marinated in salt, after several tosses, finally getting into the flavor, and being placed in this delicate carved flower bird grass pattern lotus leaf green porcelain bowl, posing a contented attitude.

  It wasn't easy to finish the early meal, and Li Chang came to report that the cabinet ministers had been waiting for a long time in the Yuyuan Temple's imperial study. Seeing him hurry away, he returned to the Yingxin Hall with a gloomy face and slowly entered the western chamber.

  Knowing that I was unhappy, he dismissed the crowd and brought over a cup of tea, saying softly: "Young master, have some tea to calm down..."

  I clenched my teeth, made a gesture to throw the teacup to the ground, but after thinking about it, I endured and heavily placed the teacup on the table, splashing out the tea water. I angrily said: "Very good! Each of you wants to bully me!"

  "Understandable that the young master is angry. It hasn't been long since Empress Wenyi's incident, and now the Emperor wants to restore Concubine Huafeng's power to manage the six palaces, it's indeed a bit chilling."

  I took a deep breath, my heart filled with desolation, heavy with resentment and shock, yet there was also a sense of clarity: the imperial family had always been this way, so why should I have expected anything else from them.

  I sat silently, lost in thought, my right hand's ring and pinky fingers, adorned with golden armor, scratching the pear wood desk with a soft "hiss", leaving faint white marks. Suddenly, I knocked on the desk with a loud "thud" and said coldly: "It's no wonder that the Emperor handled this matter in a way that chills people to the bone. The Huafeng family is powerful and has military achievements, absolutely not to be underestimated. For now, it's just a matter of dealing with the past, but I'm afraid that in the future, old grievances will be brought up again." I gritted my teeth, "Now they dare to wrong me by accusing me of poisoning the princess, and in the future, when they have the power to control the six palaces, who knows what kind of situation it will be? It's likely that I'll die without a place to bury my body."

  Qingyu looked down at her toes and said, "The more victorious the southwestern war is, the more this matter will be raised. This is an inevitable event, Master should prepare early to be prepared for any situation." Qingyu replied with a respectful expression: "Originally, Emperor had intended to let Mei Zhuang learn about the affairs of the six palaces when she was lucky, but first, Empress Huai suppressed her tightly, and secondly, Mei Zhuang's incident happened so quickly that this matter was put aside."

  I pursed my lips tightly and listened to her finish speaking, saying: "Meizhuang was the first among us to gain favor after entering the palace together. The Emperor naturally looked at her with different eyes. Unfortunately, I gained favor late and my qualifications were not enough, let alone Lingrong, whose background is even worse. Just now you also heard that there was no intention in the Emperor's words to release Meizhuang...

  "Outsiders are nothing to worry about, but it's hard to guard against thieves in one's own household. Please don't blame me for speaking out of turn, Master, but today at breakfast, Miss Huanbi seemed a bit too clever."

  I gazed at her coldly and said, "You've noticed it too."

  "Perhaps it's just my imagination running wild."

  I sat in a daze, finally picking up the tea bowl and taking a sip of tea. I spoke slowly: "It's not that you're being overly cautious, but rather it's hard for you to be so meticulous. Others might still be in the dark." I couldn't hold back the surge of anger in my heart, and let out a cold laugh. The autumn sun shone warmly on me through the window screen, but my heart felt an indescribable chill and sorrow. It was actually her, Huan Bi, who had such thoughts. I treated her so well, like a biological sister, yet she couldn't restrain herself from treating me this way! "This...". I trailed off, not finishing my sentence.

  "Then will that lake blue satin horse be given to Miss Huanbi as well?"

  I burst out laughing: "Reward. Of course, reward. And also give her that string of pearl necklace on my dressing table. The Emperor has clearly not put her in his eyes, I want to see what this hoof can do!"

  "Yes."

  I said again: "I reckon that most of the rumors about Cao Qin's affairs in the Water Green South Fragrance Palace are spread by this person. I'm afraid even the matter of Empress Wen's death is not unrelated to her. Didn't she take back the wooden token on her own initiative?"

  He lowered his head and sighed silently: "It's really hard to measure people's hearts, the young master is so good to Biyu girl, Biyu girl is also the young master's childhood sweetheart, they grew up together, but it didn't turn out to be like this. Now I just don't know who she secretly met with, was it Empress Hua or Concubine Cao?"

  I slowly stroked the clean tea bowl, thinking for a moment: "I think Huafei won't see her directly, most likely through Cao Jieyu. After all, Cao Jieyu hasn't torn her face with me yet." I gazed out the window at the distant blue sky, which was just as blue and sunny as it was on the day I entered the palace, even the geese flying south were similar to those of old, and couldn't help but sigh softly, "This girl... originally also had a miserable fate, only her heart is too high, she wasted my plans for her." Pausing for a moment, I instructed: "When you take things over, don't show any expression, we need to use stillness to control the situation."

  "Slave understands, but the young master has already understood and still wants to pretend to be unaware with Miss Huanbi day and night. The young master can't help but suffer."

  I gazed at the colorful sunlight floating on the window screen and couldn't help but say, "Hard work? I'm afraid the hard work of tomorrow will be endless." The autumn sun was almost piercing to the eyes, bringing out two lines of clear tears from my eyes, mixed with the forced smile I had just put on in front of Xuan Ling's face, brewing all sorts of unbearable grievances, and enduring the evaporation in the faint misty fragrance of sandalwood incense.

  The warm sunlight of early autumn is no less than that of summer, the bright light leaking from the silk window is like brocade, reflecting the satin and jade on my body and the precious objects in the house, brushing off a brilliant shadow, and the syntax is filled with unclear thoughts. The past events are reflected like a tide, surging to my heart, before the impending wind and rain struggle, in the clear and blue tea water, I suddenly see the smile of Xu Qing, as if he is still pointing at a small white flower and asking: "Don't you know what this flower is?" My heart remembers that small white flower, its ripples floating on my mind. It was such a warm and jade-like youth, on a prosperous summer-ending starry night, who witnessed my hidden loneliness and sorrow.

  Xuan Ling's busyness was indeed real, the war in the southwest had become his top priority, and the national grain and military supplies were being transported to the battlefield in an orderly manner under his arrangement. His face always looked tired, but amidst the fatigue, there was also a hint of joy.

  I went to the Yuanyuan Temple as usual, but outside the temple, I saw a lonely-looking Tan Gui Ren. After she greeted me, she suddenly glanced at the food box in my hand and smiled faintly: "Sister Jieyu has gone to so much trouble, but it's not necessary for you to make this trip, the Emperor is busy and won't see anyone."

  I softly said "oh" and smiled: "Trouble Sister Tian to inform." But my light footsteps did not stop, the hem of my skirt moved lightly, all the way to the Yiyuan Hall, leaving only the surprised gaze of Concubine Tian beside me.

  But it was Li Chang who personally came out to greet me, "The young master has arrived. The emperor is waiting for the young master." I didn't bother to pay attention to the expression of the noble person behind me. As a human being like me, I also know that it's impossible to satisfy everyone, I can only take care of myself.

  Nor did I go to disturb him, silently taking a piece of his favorite Longyan incense and placing it in the Jinguo dragon-shaped incense burner. After lighting it, the white misty smoke brought out wisps of subtle fragrance, restrained yet not showy. He liked to deal with complex state affairs in such a serene atmosphere. I also like it. Nowadays, I can already enter and exit the imperial study to pay respects.

  He gave me such privilege, making my status in the harem of women like clouds even more revered.

  The afternoon sunlight falls sparsely, like thin and light clouds floating on the ground, a faint dream of a spring maiden. I hold the incense burner to the window, Xuan Ling is buried in his book, smelling the fragrance he raises his head, sees me come and smiles slightly, then lowers his head again.

  However, I knew in my heart that the grievances and resentment brought by the Imperial Consort's affair had not dissipated due to such tranquility. I still wore a smile, properly hiding the emotions that I didn't want or shouldn't reveal in front of him, smiling brightly at him with a warm and innocent demeanor. This was what he liked most about me.

  And such a me, in such quiet moments, is suitable for my sleeves to quietly bring up the storms of the harem, and to shock and suppress my enemies with gentle warmth.

  At this moment, he stroked a meticulously painted map, with mountains and rivers, wind and smoke, and gazed at it for a long time. His eyes fixed on the southwest region, and in an instant, they became sharp as an eagle's. He said quietly: "I will recover the southwest." His gaze was focused on me, but his tone was full of grandeur. "The territory that our ancestors lost will finally be taken back by my hands."

  I stopped what I was doing, a smile blooming on my face like the flowers on a willow branch in early spring, infinite joy, "Xuan Xuan is truly happy for Si Lang."

  He grasped my hand, his grip gradually strengthening, and said word by word: "Apart from Xīnán, there is also Hèhè who has been eyeing our dynasty covetously, year after year intending to make a move, and is also a great threat. As long as I live, I will definitely eliminate this threat, so that my children and grandchildren will not have to take up arms again, leaving a peaceful and prosperous world for them."

  I didn't feel any shock, such a mysterious and powerful person, I had never seen before. But also moved by his wish, I grasped his hand back, smiled and said: "Xuan Xuan hopes to accompany Fourth Brother in creating this peaceful and prosperous era."

  He gazed at me, nodding deeply, with a resolute look in his eyes. "Xuan Xuan, I want you to always be by my side, and you will definitely always be by my side. My era of peace and prosperity cannot be without you." His gaze was too deep, and I felt a little afraid, but also moved. When I looked up again, the deep gaze seemed to hold a hint of clear sorrow, which disappeared in an instant.

  It's almost as if I doubted myself, that kind of expression shouldn't appear in such a tone, I became bewildered for no reason, but couldn't figure it out. Maybe, I really did missee it.

  After a moment of silence, I suddenly realized that in my heart, there were intricate threads of faint joy and confusion.

  The soft light and shadow were filtered through the intricately carved window lattice, casting a faint "six same spring" ink shadow on the room. As he looked at me, his originally slightly sharp and hard eyebrows suddenly softened, adding a few points of warmth.

  I softly said, "Your Majesty has been looking at the memorial for a long time, it's about time to take a break." As I spoke, I took out four-color pastries from the food box, lotus seed cake, wisteria cake, honey-glazed cherry, and pear meat good gentleman. Then, I sprinkled dried osmanthus flowers into the cups, making a pot of refreshing tea that soothes the lungs.

  He held me in his arms, his soft breathing tickling my ear: "Will you stay here tonight?"

  I smiled and said, "That's true. And it saves a trip back and forth on the Fengluan Spring Grace carriage, Your Majesty is really clever." Such naive and playful teasing, relying on his favor and pampering. In his eyes, my words and actions were all lovable and pitiful.

  I gently buried my head in his arms, and my face slowly faded into calmness.

  It's hard to calm down!