Volume 4 Chapter 12 San Chun Hui

  At night, I specially lit the oil lamp and candles, put on a dress, and cut out clothes with great spirit. However, although it was possible to make a dress for my daughter, I hesitated for half a day and couldn't decide.

  "Girl, you're not inferior to others in cutting and sewing, why are you hesitating, can't even make a cut?"

  I hesitated for a moment and said: "I'm afraid that if I cut it carelessly, I won't be able to make the best dress for Meng Yue."

  "Madam is the emperor's daughter's birth mother, so naturally she would make the best for her. Madam can rest assured and do it boldly."

  I scratched my scalp with a needle and smiled: "The feeling of being close to home is timid, I guess that's what they mean by 'homesick'."

  Just then, Huan Bi came in with a tired look on her face after washing the clothes for the day. Seeing several pieces of bright and beautiful fabric stacked on the table, she couldn't help but ask curiously: "Did Miss Fang come today? It's not usually this day." She also asked, "Why did Miss Fang send over these fabrics this time?"

  Fang Ruo often comes to see me, only bringing some food or daily necessities, never sending any fabric. The few old clothes I brought with me when I entered the palace were my dowry, and I have put them all away and not worn them again. I am cultivating in the temple, and it is unavoidable that I attract attention. Although I am a Buddhist nun who has not shaved her head, I dress like ordinary nuns, wearing only gray robes.

  I only focus on cutting fabrics and casually say: "It was Liu Wang who sent it to me to sew clothes for Meng Yue."

  "Is Prince Wang back from the capital? When did he return?"

  "Three days ago," I said: "I suppose you hurried back, still looking dusty and travel-worn."

  Her gaze focused intently, falling on the painting scroll I had placed and opened beside me. Her tone carried a faint hint of joy: "Is this child our own Rouyue Emperor's daughter?"

  Yi Xian was also delighted and said with a smile: "Yes. She looks so lovely, her eyebrows and eyes are exactly the same as those of my wife."

  My gaze was also attracted, and I stared for a long time: "Empress Jing is plumper, it seems that life has been treating her well, but unfortunately, Mei Zhuang is thinner again."

  "Also, it's not very noticeable, but Shen Jieyu hasn't regained her plumpness since she started fasting. It's really pitiful for her."

  "This painting has vivid characters, and the painter did a great job."

  I took a glance and smiled: "Wang Ye has a reputation for his talents, I used to think he was only proud of his poetry and books, and also extremely skilled in horseback riding, but unexpectedly, he is also so skilled in painting."

  Feng Qing was slightly surprised, but immediately smiled as usual: "The king is kind." After speaking, she didn't say anything else and turned around to fetch water.

  A large bunch of reeds was placed in the porcelain vase on the case, which was picked up from the shore when I came back. It had no fragrance and no good color, but it was quietly placed in the vase, and with a glance, it felt clear, calm and serene.

  Thus, I worked every night with a lamp, and finally finished a set of clothes, pants, socks, and shoes two days before the Lantern Festival. Each piece was made according to size: two bellybands were made from water-red patterned brocade, one embroidered with butterflies playing among peonies and the other with colorful silk patterns of dragons and phoenixes amidst flowers; a small jacket and skirt were made from dark green woven brocade with hidden flower patterns; bird-beak auspicious flower brocade was used to make winter padded jackets and pants; treasure-reflecting large flower brocade was used to make a set of spring and autumn clothes; square-grid flower Sichuan brocade was used to make a garment for the Lantern Festival, perhaps she wouldn't wear it; rose-purple satin was used to make socks and a scarf.

  Look carefully at both ends, check if the needle is made fine enough, afraid that a careless thread will hurt the delicate skin of Meng Yue.

  When it was done, both Huanbing and Xuqing were overjoyed. Huanbing worriedly said: "This dress is made extremely well, but how will Miss get this dress into the palace? It's really a big headache."

  I just looked at her clothes and smiled: "Tomorrow, the king will come for you himself."

  "Miss, are you going to see the king alone?" She thought for a moment and said, "There is a personal attendant named Ah Jin by the king's side. I got to know him when I was in the palace. It's been a long time since we last met, and I don't know if he's doing well or not."

  I smiled and tidied up my clothes, carefully wrapping them into a bundle, saying: "I didn't know there was such a person, but if you want to go, it's fine to accompany me together tomorrow."

  Lingbi smiled slightly, "Miss said so, I naturally have to go." Then she pitied me and said: "Miss can sleep early today, these two days for sewing the emperor's daughter's clothes, several days did not sleep well, look at this eye under all black, people are going to be exhausted, sleep early today."

  I let out a yawn and smiled: "You're right. For Meng Yue's sake, I'm willing to go through any hardship."

  The next day at noon, he found a gap and went to the riverbank again. When he arrived, Xu Qing had already arrived, and this time there was indeed a young servant following him, who looked like he was in his early twenties, with a clever appearance and a kind demeanor.

  Lanxiang saw him from afar and beckoned, calling out: "Ah Jin."

  Ah Jin was delighted to see Fen Bi, and as soon as they met, he said: "It's been a long time since I've seen Miss Fen Bi. I thought the simple life at Ganlu Temple would have made you look dull, but instead, you look even more lovely."

  She took a sip of water, made a gesture as if to hit him, and scolded: "You're getting more and more glib-tongued, asking for trouble."

  Xuan Qing saw them laughing and said to me: "This is Ah Jin, my lifelong follower since childhood."

  Ah Jin saw me, and hastily asked for a peace offering, saying: "In the past, in the palace, I didn't get to ask you for peace, now I'll make up for it all at once." He also smiled and said: "In the past, I always heard our king say how good you are, but never saw you with my own eyes. I thought our king was exaggerating, but now that I've seen you, I think our king's words were good, but when it comes to your goodness, he still fell short. I don't know what the reason is."

  Lingbi couldn't help but laugh at the side, and then scolded: "Miss, don't listen to him. Ah Jin relies on the prince's favor, and is always smooth-talking."

  Ah Jin straightened her waist, raised her neck and said: "Listen to what Miss Huan Bi is saying. Can I be wrong? Where has a maid ever spoken ill of her master? It's truly unheard of."

  Lingbi was both angry and anxious, and she stomped her feet heavily. Xuancheng smiled and playfully flicked Ahjin on the head, saying "You're getting more and more talkative."

  I smiled and handed my clothes to Xu Qing, saying "thank you", then turned to Ah Jin and said: "Huan Bi originally guessed that you would come, specially asked me to bring him here, but didn't expect that as soon as you saw her, you made her angry."

  Ah Jin hastily apologized, "I really didn't know about this, it's indeed my fault for saying that." As he spoke, he went to pull on Huan Bi's sleeve, saying, "I'm ignorant, please forgive me this time, good sister."

  "Miss Lin forced open his hand, her face flushing with shame. 'The king is here, and yet you don't discipline Ah Jin, who's becoming more and more unruly.' She added, 'This dress took Miss so much effort to make; it would be a bother for the king to send it into the palace.'"

  Xuan Qing smiled and said, "Of course."

  I took out a red tassel ball from my bag, with two small silver bells hanging from it, ringing out. Laughing, I said: "This is for the Wind Chaser, would Your Highness also like to wear one?"

  Xuan Qing intentionally furrowed his brow and said: "It can be seen that Qing is not as good as Yu Feng in your heart. There's only something for Yu Feng, but nothing for me."

  I covered my mouth and smiled: "Didn't the prince say last time that Yufeng has learned all of your bad habits? Then giving it to Yufeng is just like giving it to the prince."

  After chatting for a while, Ah Jin said: "We still need to go visit Old Lady Tai Fei."

  It also dispersed hastily.

  Returning to the house, I found Fang Ruo already waiting there. Seeing me come back, she hurriedly got up with a smile and said: "The young lady is back. Because I was busy preparing for Princess Di's first birthday ceremony, I came two days late."

  "I said quietly: 'It doesn't matter, Auntie, please sit down.'"

  Fang Ruo leaned back in her chair, gazed at me for a moment, and smiled: "You look particularly radiant today, where did you go strolling just now?"

  The maid brought up the tea and said with a smile: "Miss saw that the weather is still good today, so she asked me to accompany her for a walk around."

  Then Fang Ruo picked up the matter of Huanyue Zhou's birthday banquet and said, "How did the Imperial Household Department prepare for it? How was the ceremony conducted? What gifts did the various palace consorts prepare?" She said, "The other princesses' gifts were nothing special, just the usual auspicious objects, gold locks, and ingots. Only Xu Zai sent a white jade Guanyin statue, which was very thoughtful." She continued, "Since the princess is cultivating in Ganlu Temple, she naturally cannot be by the emperor's side to care for him. Xu Zai sending the white jade Guanyin statue to the emperor has two meanings: first, it shows that the princess's heart is always with her daughter, and second, it is also a way to calm the emperor's mind and pray for his blessings. This white jade Guanyin statue was very expensive, and Xu Zai's family background is ordinary, so she must have put in a lot of effort."

  I heard Fang Ruo mention a certain Xu Cai alone, and also saw her fondly mentioning Meng Yue, so I couldn't help but ask: "Who is Xu Cai?"

  Fang Ruo smiled and said: "Xu Cai's maiden name is Xu, her given name is Yan Yi. She was selected as a concubine last year at this time and has now become a cairen."

  I murmured slightly: "Is Xu Cai Ren very spoiled?"

  Fang Ruo shook her head, "At first it was okay, but now she's not favored and can be said to be unknown. Currently, the ones who are popular in the palace are An Ronghua and Guan Shunyi - also known as An Fenyi and Qi Pin, except for them, there are also the new consorts from last year: Qing Gui Ren, Chang Pin, and Yang Liang Yi. These three are the most favored among the new consorts. Especially Chang Pin Hu Shi, she didn't enter the palace as a showgirl, but was personally chosen by the Emperor at a palace banquet. Her birth mother is the younger daughter of Taizong's sister, Dance Yang Gongzhu - now known as Jin Kang Weng Zhu, although her husband's family has declined, they are still relatives of the imperial family. She's also born beautiful, when she first entered the palace, even the Empress Dowager specially summoned her."

  I pinched my palm and sneered: "Congratulations to An Ronghua and Guan Shunyi, they have been promoted step by step and both have been conferred titles."

  Fang Ruo said calmly, "Indeed it is. Within this year, An Ronghua has been promoted again, and indeed he is in a flourishing state." Fang Ruo slowed down her tone, word by word: "Moreover, at present, Chang Jun has already become pregnant."

  I was taken aback, my eyes widening slightly as I asked, "Is Changgui pregnant?" I immediately realized my mistake and calmed down, probing cautiously, "As a noble consort, Changgui's status is extraordinary. If she is indeed with child, it would be a good thing. In the future, whether she gives birth to an imperial princess or a prince, her status will be even more honorable."

  Fang Ruo was taken aback for a moment, then immediately understood my meaning and said in a soft voice: "Don't worry, Your Highness. The Empress will naturally have her own protection, as for the pregnancy of Consort Chang, it's only natural that the Emperor will pay attention to it, not just that, all the people in the palace will be concerned, even the birth mother of Consort Chang, Grand Dowager Lady Jin, often comes to the palace to visit."

  I slightly closed my eyes and said meaningfully: "Since you attach so much importance to it, Princess Chang's fetus will definitely be safe and sound."

  Fang Ruo smiled slightly and said calmly, "Who knows about this? It's just that because of Empress Chang's pregnancy, the Emperor hasn't visited Princess Di for three or four days. However, on Princess Di's birthday, the Emperor will definitely come."

  "This is an expected thing, it's just that after Changbin's child is born, Mengyue will be even more neglected." I sighed, "A daughter without her biological mother by her side always has to suffer a bit."

  Fang Ruo disagreed, "However, the Warm and Virtuous Emperor's daughter, Princess Wen Yi, was raised by the highest-ranking consort, Empress Dowager. The Gentle and Harmonious Emperor's daughter, Princess Shu He, had her birth mother, Consort Xin Gui. Yet, the treatment of Princess Shu He was not as good as that of Princess Wen Yi, while both empresses could not compare to the favoritism shown by the emperor towards Princess Meng Yue."

  "It's just... My eyebrows furrowed like a mountain peak, "The birth mother of Meng Yue is someone who was abandoned by the Emperor. Therefore, in the palace, what Meng Yue can rely on most is her father's favor, the only and unwavering favor, which is her way to establish herself."

  In the palace, the concubines compete for the emperor's favor to protect themselves. As children of the emperor, why should they be any different? The princes can rely on their own abilities to rise up, but the princesses' entire lives and fortunes are tied to their father's affection and love.

  I leaned against the windowsill, lost in thought. In the room, a few branches of bright yellow chrysanthemums were arranged, their fragrance bitter and medicinal, making one's mind clear and refreshed. I slowly opened my eyes, revealing an extremely calm and serene smile, and said: "The relics of Empress Chunyuan, who is taking care of them now?"

  Fang Ruo tapped her fingers, thinking and saying: "The Empress Chunyuan's most beloved personal clothes and jewelry are all with the Emperor, the rest are kept by the Empress, and there are also some in the Dowager Empress's place."

  "What kind of beloved jewelry and hairpieces did Empress Yuan have when she was alive?"

  Fang Ruo concentrated her mind and thought for a moment before saying, "There is. I remember that the Empress Chunyuan had a jade necklace carved from sheep fat white jade, with a central piece of double-petaled hibiscus, pure and clean, and on either side were nine pieces of green jade carved into leaves connected together. The empress loved it very much before her death, and I vaguely remember that it was given to her by the emperor himself on their wedding day."

  "So, if you want to carve a similar pendant, how much effort would it take?"

  Fang Ruo thought for a moment and said: "Pure sheep fat white jade is hard to come by. Even if there is, it would take at least half a month's work to make it."

  I plucked a chrysanthemum and slowly pinched off its petals one by one, the light yellow sap staining my palm with a faint medicinal scent that wafted up to my nostrils. "If I were to carve a ordinary white jade into a four-petaled peony-like sea holly, and then carve ordinary green jade into leaves to connect them, how long would it take? I only seek resemblance in spirit, not in form."

  "It's an ordinary thing, with simple craftsmanship, and can be completed in about three or four days."

  I got up and opened the long-sealed jade box, reached in and grabbed a handful of crystal-like bracelets and pearl flowers, handed them to Fang Ruo, and begged: "Meng Yue is my only daughter, now she's about to turn one year old, as her mother, I just want to do something for her. Please take these accessories and ask the craftsmen in the inner affairs department to hurry up and carve a necklace like I said earlier, so that Meng Yue can wear it on her birthday, which is also my wish as a mother."

  Fang Ruo looked at me with a deep and clear gaze, after a long time, she let out a long sigh, held my hand and said: "The savings beside the madam are not many, it's not necessary to spend so much on craftsmen." She casually took out a jadeite chain and said: "This is enough. Madam can rest assured, I will do my best."

  I warned: "I was wronged for mistakenly using the former clothes of Empress Yuan, I hope Meng Yue won't follow in my footsteps."

  Fang Ruo comfortingly patted my hand and said, "Don't worry, miss. I understand."

  I leaned against the doorframe, watching Fang Ruo leave, seeing her figure disappear into the vast twilight, and the lingering emotions in my heart became even stronger.

  Fang Ruo came again after a month, and as usual, she took the Buddhist scriptures I had copied and smiled: "According to the Empress Dowager, your handwriting has improved a lot, but it lacks some vitality. Probably because you've read too many Buddhist scriptures, your temperament has become too calm."

  I said: "The Empress Dowager's skill in judging people by their handwriting is extremely good."

  Fang Ruo smiled and said: "Chang Gui is three months pregnant, and her belly is starting to show a bit."

  I faintly said "oh" and slowly twirled the nanmu wood Buddhist beads in my hand, not taking it to heart at all: "Whether someone is pregnant or not has nothing to do with me."

  Fang Ruo said: "Indeed, it has nothing to do with the young lady. It's just that Chang Bin's pregnancy would have diverted some of the emperor's attention from the several princesses and princes. Now it seems that no one can share the favor, especially not Huanyue Princess, who is uniquely favored by the emperor."

  I smiled and turned a page of "Yan Feng Jing", faintly smiling: "Thanks for your trouble, aunt."

  "The slave is just following the orders of the young lady. This time, even Empress Jing was amazed. Fang Ruo continued: "On October 6th, it's the first birthday of Princess Di, and a grand banquet will be held in Chonghua Hall. The princess will wear a dress made of square-patterned brocade with flowers, looking very lovely. She will sit on the left side of the emperor, held by Empress Jing. When the emperor holds the princess, he sees the jade pendant around her neck. This was a risky move, and even Empress Jing hesitated for half a day, fearing that the princess would follow in her mother's footsteps and bring disaster upon herself. But I carefully persuaded her, using the young lady's past plans as an example, and Empress Jing finally agreed. When the emperor saw the jade pendant, he couldn't help but sweat. Who knew that after staring at it for a moment, he just said it looked familiar and didn't get angry? He only asked Empress Jing where the pendant came from. Empress Jing explained that she had prepared jewelry for the princess two days ago and discovered that she didn't have a jade pendant, so she hastily ordered the Imperial Household Department to make one for her to wear. The young lady knows that when Empress Jing entered the palace, Pure Yuan Empress was already deceased, so Empress Jing naturally hadn't seen any of her belongings. The craftsmanship of this jade pendant is simple and only looks similar to Pure Yuan Empress's from a distance, but not up close. The emperor wouldn't suspect Empress Jing, thinking it was just a coincidence. He immediately called Li Chang to bring the jade pendant that belonged to Pure Yuan Empress and gave it to Princess Di, even putting it on her himself. That's when I finally breathed a sigh of relief."

  The rounded Buddhist beads slid past my fingertips one by one, circulating endlessly. I closed my eyes and lightly sniffed the fragrance of sandalwood, slowly saying: "The princess is young and ignorant, even if it's the same thing, the emperor won't think that the princess intentionally offended him. To make something similar, first, it's to prevent Empress Jing from being implicated by those with ulterior motives, second, to make intentional things seem unintentional, making it easier for the emperor to believe, and even the empress won't be suspicious."

  "Afterwards, even Empress Jing said that having the jade necklace of Empress Chunyuan was like having a protective charm for the princess."

  "I asked: 'Then how does Empress Jing address Princess Di in front of the Emperor?'"

  Fang Ruo slightly lowered her head and softly said, "When there are others around, I am called 'Meng Yue', but when I am alone with the Emperor, my imperial concubine name is 'Wan Wan'."

  I nodded and smiled, "Empress Jing is a clever person who knows how to protect herself well. I am at ease leaving the princess in her care. Also, please ask Auntie to inform Empress Jing that this jade pendant should be kept properly, if it's often worn outside, unnecessary troubles will arise."

  "The slave understands." Fang Ruo smiled softly and said, "The young lady has learned to turn defeat into victory in her own defeat, which is beneficial for the emperor's daughter. It can be seen that the young lady's mind has not been slowed down by the Buddhist teachings, but rather has become more comprehensive."

  "My aunt is joking. I'm just a defeated general, how dare I speak of bravery? It's just that after experiencing setbacks, one becomes wiser and will try their best to help their own daughter."

  Fang Ruo was relieved, "With this lotus jade pendant, it's clear that the emperor values Di Ji highly. Even if Chang Pin gives birth to children, they won't pose a threat to Di Ji's position."

  I felt a sense of relief in my heart, and I couldn't help but sigh with a smile: "Raising children for a hundred years, worrying about them for ninety-nine. Is there ever a time when one can truly be at ease? Even if the emperor were to decree that our daughter would marry well in the future, I would still worry whether her husband would truly love and cherish her." I thought for a moment, then asked Fang Ruo: "There's something I've always wanted to ask you. When Consort Zheng entered the palace after General Qi's death, she was immediately made a noble consort; when Consort Hua entered the palace, with the backing of Prince Runan, she was also made a noble consort right away; as for the empress, it goes without saying that she was the emperor's cousin and the empress dowager's niece, and was revered as a noble consort from the moment she entered the palace. So why did Consort Chang, being the daughter of Princess Kang of Jin and having imperial connections, only enter the palace with the rank of guiren, and even now that she is pregnant, only be promoted to consort?"

  Fang Ruo's eyes seemed to be lost in thought, and she murmured: "When the Emperor first ascended to the throne, both the harem and the imperial court were unstable. It was inevitable that he would establish several famous consorts with noble titles. Now that the harem is stable, even if Chang Bin gets favored again, she will have to start from a low position. For this reason, Jin Kang Gong Zhu complained to the Empress Dowager when she came to pay her respects. However, Jin Kang Gong Zhu was also too muddled." Fang Ruo shook her head and said: "Nowadays, the harem is managed by the Empress, and the Empress Dowager's body is not well. Is it still like the old days when the Empress Dowager had absolute power?"

  "What about Changbin's relationship with other consorts in the harem - was there anyone she was particularly close to?"

  "There is none," Fang Ruo replied without hesitation: "Chang Bin's status is noble, and she has always been proud of herself, not getting along with others. She usually comes and goes alone, except for showing some respect to the Empress, Duan Fei, and Jing Fei, but doesn't care about anyone else."

  I stroked my increasingly thin chin and said softly, "What about An Ling Rong then?"

  Fang Ruo didn't even raise an eyebrow, "Chang Gui's eyes are above the top, how could she put An Ronghua in her eyes. Although An Ronghua's position is above Chang Gui, she is extremely respectful and humble to Chang Gui."

  I smiled slightly, "Anling Rong didn't have any strong family background in the harem, so she naturally yielded to Chang Bin. However, as long as Chang Bin and Anling Rong don't get along, I won't have anything to worry about."

  Fang Ruo helped me pack the winter clothes, stood up and bid farewell: "The young lady has nothing to worry about, so I don't have anything on my mind either."

  Winter arrived unusually early in the vast and desolate mountains. This year's winter came right on schedule after the leaves fell. Xuán Qīng's visits were fixed at two or three times a month, to avoid suspicion, and also because I didn't want to be trapped by rumors, he often waited for me at the foot of the mountain by the long river when I went out to wash or gather firewood.

  At first, it was often him telling Ah Jin to tell Bi Xi the time he would go, and then waiting for me to meet him. Gradually, perhaps due to tacit understanding, I often felt as if I could sense when he was coming back, so I went, and he was always there.

  He occasionally asked, he just smiled, "I'm just idle, so I wander by the river. After wandering for a long time, I naturally know when my daughter will pass by." His smile was as gentle as the breeze, crossing the calm river surface, stirring up the sparkling ripples. "Or perhaps, I secretly like to wait here, if I can wait for the person I want to see, it's especially exciting. Sighing, maybe it's fate."

  I smiled into the wind: "To be honest, when it comes to relationships between men and women, I don't believe in fate. I've always thought that only weak and powerless people who aren't willing to strive for something would use fate as an excuse. They use deep fate as a pretext for getting close, and lack of fate as a false reason for breaking up."

  Xuan Qing smiled faintly, "Your ingenious remarks always make people feel like they've entered a new village after passing through a willow-lined path, as if there's an end in sight, yet another world unfolds."

  "The prince has overpraised me." I gazed out at the small boat on the rippling river and said softly, "Perhaps one day when I've reached a dead end with no way to escape or solve it, I'll say that our fate has come to an end."

  A serene and calm smile is more brilliant than a bright and clear wave. "If you had said such words in the past when you were pleased, it wouldn't be surprising. But now that you rely on Buddha to cultivate yourself, don't you still believe in fate?"

  "Yes." I adjusted my collar, the grayish white robe as calm and serene as my heart at this moment. "Even if I'm in the Buddhist gate, I still have my own beliefs to uphold. Not to mention that the Buddha's teachings are profound, and I haven't fully understood them either. I just hope that the Buddha's teachings can bring peace to people's minds. As for the concept of 'fate', I think it's all up to human effort, whether we come together or part ways, there's no need to use 'fate' as an excuse."

  Xuan Qing clapped her hands and laughed, "I thought that the nature of a nun had been completely softened by Buddhist scriptures, but I didn't expect there to be another side. What you just said, however, doesn't have even half a hint of a nun's demeanor."

  My face flushed slightly, and I quickly smiled: "Although it is said that one learns from what they see and hear, after all, I have only studied Buddhist scriptures for a little over a year. There are many profound and vast things that I still can't comprehend, and my words and actions would make Your Highness laugh."

  Occasionally chatting with him like this, he didn't say anything about private affairs between men and women, but instead made me feel a little relieved from the anxiety that had been building up inside me.

  Apart from sending a painting of Meng Yue every two months, at other times, he often discussed Buddhist teachings or poetry with me. Occasionally, when there was nothing to say, we would simply sit together and watch the clouds rise. Or, if he had obtained some good books, he would send one over to me. When it wasn't convenient for us to meet in person, he would have Ah Jin deliver them to me on her way out of Ganlu Temple. The years at Ganlu Temple were generally dull and lonely. Apart from scripture and work, there was hardly any other pleasure, but his idle chats allowed me to retain a bit of poetic sentiment amidst the desolation, which I suppose is a small delight in this fleeting life.

  In the days of Ganlu Temple, my heart was entangled with heavy despair and resentment, entwining the fragmented traces of past events, whether beautiful or cruel, one after another, pressing on my heart. I always struggled to forget, but in the still of night, when the wind whispered like a cry, it fell drop by drop, mercilessly and decisively crushing me along with the marks of time. Like the tracks left by a cart in the snow, they were exceptionally clear.

  So tortured and unable to break free, so repeatedly struggling and exhausted, yet in his presence can be so calm, as calm as an autumn day with sunlight shining on the lake.

  At that time, Biyu was always worried about me and Xu Qing being alone together, fearing that there would be similar gossip as before with Wen Shi Chu, so she followed closely, but seeing that I was just chatting casually with him, she stood far away and joked with Ah Jin for a few sentences.

  So it is, just a faint coming and going, a noble friendship.

  It wasn't until many days later that he didn't come, when passing by the Long River under Ganlu Temple, I heard the chirping of birds, and the wind brushing against my face had already taken on the unique warmth and intoxication of late spring and early summer, accompanied by the sweet and mellow fragrance of mature grass and trees.

  I suddenly realized that Xuan Qing had not come for two months. Only the river water was still quietly winding, and Anu was singing that song she often sang as usual.

  Little sister is waiting for her lover - the affection is deep, don't let little sister down - a romantic affair, when you see her face - treat her well, when you don't see her face - think of her every day seventeen or eighteen times!

  Anu's singing voice was loud and cheerful, always singing with joy and delight.

  I sometimes didn't understand, so I asked her: "Anu, do you know what this song means?"

  Anu laughed brightly: "Of course I know."

  I smiled and sighed, "This song is about love between men and women, you know it, but didn't bring out that kind of feeling at all."

  Anu shook her head, twisting her own braid, and smiled brightly: "What's the point of knowing if you can't sing it out? There are many things in this world that people know but can't do. And besides, I don't have a sweetheart, so what's the big deal about not being able to sing about love between men and women?"

  I still hear her singing love songs with joy, and suddenly a vast and desolate loneliness emerges in my heart. And beside me, Yu Bing also sighed: "The king has not come for a long time, and there is no one to talk to." Her tone was also lonely.