Kaiser weaved through the busy streets of Arkhold, taking in the overwhelming sights, sounds, and unfortunately, smells. The city at the end of the world was alive in ways he hadn’t expected. The air buzzed with voices shouting over each other, the scent of spices and smoke filled his nose, and colors clashed in a chaotic yet strangely harmonious mess.

  Then a paper flew right at his face.

  He barely had time to react before another one came soaring from above, then another. The remnants of the bubble burst earlier were still descending, and Kaiser had to duck, weave, and nearly throw himself sideways to avoid the barrage of enchanted advertisements.

  “NO, NO, NO!” he hissed, batting them away as if they were deadly projectiles. One particularly aggressive flyer latched onto his sleeve, and he ripped it off, glancing at it in horror.

  “The Grand Opening of Mimo’s Toe-Reading Boutique!” it read in fancy golden lettering.

  Kaiser shuddered and crumpled the paper before tossing it aside, somewhat glad that this one didn’t teleport him again. “I hate this place.”

  But as he looked around, he had to admit, Arkhold was unlike anything he had ever seen before.

  To his left, a merchant stall held rows of glass cages, but the creatures inside weren’t just statues, they were moving. Tiny birds made of fragile blue glass flapped their crystalline wings, a snake of black obsidian slithered between its bars, and a cat sculpted from emerald-green glass arched its back and hissed at a passing customer. The merchant, a burly man with golden tattoos spiraling up his arms, clapped his hands together and grinned.

  “Ahh, traveler! You have the look of a man who needs a pet that can never die! Perfect for assassins! No mess, no feeding, just pure, elegant companionship!”

  Kaiser stepped back. “I don’t need a glass assassin pet, thanks.”

  Before the man could argue, Kaiser turned, only to nearly collide with a woman draped in flowing robes that shimmered like liquid. Her stall witch was behind her was filled with clothing that moved like waves, flowing and shifting as if made of living water.

  “Ah! You have a good eye, sir!” she chirped. “Would you like to wear the ocean? Perhaps a scarf that will never dry? Or a cloak that lets you slip through crowds like a drop of rain?”

  Kaiser opened his mouth, then shut it. “How does that even work?”

  “Magic,” she said with a wink, adjusting her headscarf, which itself was shifting between the colors of the sea.

  Before Kaiser could process that, a voice bellowed from behind him.

  “YOU THERE! YES, YOU! THE MAN WITH THE PERFECT HAIR!”

  Kaiser turned, instantly regretting it.

  A towering, four-armed man stood behind a stall filled with glowing bottles, each pulsating with light. The sign above it read, Elixirs of Personality – Fix Your Flaws Today!

  “You look like a man in need of enhancements!” the merchant declared, slamming one glowing blue vial onto the counter. “This one? Confidence in a bottle! Take a sip, and you’ll be charming enough to seduce a rock!”

  Kaiser scoffed. “I don’t need—”

  “Or this one!” The merchant grabbed another, this one an eerie shade of green. “Tired of being too nice? This’ll give you the perfect amount of bastard energy to win any negotiation!”

  “That’s literally poison.”

  “No, no, that’s the black one. But if you want actual poison, I have a discount on—”

  Kaiser backed away, shaking his head. “I’m good. Really.”

  Before he could escape, a child ran past him, chasing a floating golden coin. At first, Kaiser thought the coin had been tossed, but then he saw it weaving through the air, evading the child’s hands like it had a mind of its own.

  Kaiser groaned, running a hand through his new perfect hair, which somehow felt out of place in this chaotic mess of a city. “This is insane,” he muttered, stepping aside as another glowing coin zipped past, chased by a man in full plate armor screaming, "COME BACK HERE, YOU CHEATING SON OF A—"

  He exhaled through his nose and kept moving, weaving between merchants and shouting vendors, past stalls that sold things he wasn’t even sure should be legal.

  One booth had a sign that read, "IDENTITY SWAP – BECOME SOMEONE ELSE FOR A DAY!" and Kaiser made a point to walk faster past it. Another was selling weapons, but not just any weapons, but singing singing ones. A dagger hummed a soft lullaby, and a massive battle-axe loudly belted out some kind of warrior chant in a deep, booming voice. The merchant, a tiny old woman with a bejeweled eyepatch, waved at him.

  “Need a weapon that inspires fear and entertainment? Special discount for men with good hair!”

  Kaiser held up a hand. “No thanks. I prefer my weapons quiet.”

  “Ohhh, mysterious!” She cackled. “You’ll be back!”

  He doubted it.

  As he kept walking, he felt something tug on his sleeve. He turned sharply, ready for another scam, only to find a hunched-over old man with fingers like gnarled tree roots holding up a small wooden box.

  “For you,” the old man rasped.

  Kaiser narrowed his eyes. “What is it?”

  The man grinned, showing far too many teeth. “A mystery.”

  Before Kaiser could decline, the box shook. Something inside rattled, tapping against the wood like it was alive.

  Kaiser immediately shook his head. “Nope. Not dealing with cursed objects today.”

  The old man’s grin widened. “Are you sure?”

  Kaiser pointed at the sky. “A paper just tried to assassinate me five minutes ago. That’s my limit.”

  The old man chuckled, tucking the box back into his cloak. “Very well. Another time.”

  Kaiser didn’t like how certain he sounded.

  Exhaling, he pressed forward, dodging another enthusiastic salesman and stepping around a woman who was arguing with a floating lantern about exchange rates. Every step he took only revealed more absurdity: merchants shouting, people bargaining, enchanted goods blinking, shifting, or outright arguing with their owners.

  And, of course, the sky still wasn’t done assaulting him.

  Another gust of wind sent a fresh wave of papers fluttering down, and Kaiser leapt back, cursing under his breath as one grazed his shoulder.

  Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

  “I swear to the gods, I will set this whole city on fire if one more piece of paper touches me.”

  “Ah! My good sir!”

  Kaiser groaned before he even turned his head.

  “You there! You look like a man who desires answers!”

  Kaiser visibly twitched. His patience was already hanging by a thread, and now this. He turned slowly, glaring at the man like he was considering arson.

  The merchant was a thin man with dark, beady eyes and a fox-like grin. His stall was completely empty, save for a single black cloth draped over a round object. The kind of setup that practically screamed scam.

  Kaiser exhaled through his nose. “I desire to be left alone.”

  The merchant’s grin only widened. “Then, my friend, I have just the thing for you.”

  With a dramatic flourish, he yanked the black cloth away, revealing a single gleaming, silver sphere. It hovered an inch above the table, pulsing faintly like it was alive.

  “The Orb of Absolute Truth,” the merchant whispered, eyes gleaming with faux mystery.

  Kaiser squinted. “You just made that up.”

  The merchant shook his head solemnly. “Not at all. One question. One true answer. Ask, and it shall be revealed.”

  Kaiser paused. His irritation battled with curiosity. “…Any question?”

  “Any.”

  He stared at the orb. Then at the merchant. Then back at the orb.

  “…How do I get people to leave me alone?”

  The merchant chuckled, waving his hands over the orb. “A fine question, my friend! The answer shall be…”

  The orb pulsed once. Then again. And then, in glowing golden script, a single word etched itself across its surface: "Die."

  “Wow.” He laughed. “Bit extreme.”

  The merchant coughed, suddenly looking very uncomfortable. “Er, perhaps the orb has a—how do you say—dark sense of humor?”

  Kaiser drummed his fingers against his arm. “Yeah. Or maybe it’s just a rock with a built-in magic trick.”

  The merchant gasped, clutching his chest like he’d been mortally wounded. “How dare you! This is an ancient relic!” The merchant continued, but Kaiser had already left.

  Kaiser stormed through the streets, his patience hanging by a thread. His boots stomped against the stone road, his long, perfectly straightened hair flowing behind him like a furious noble who just found out his tea was lukewarm.

  "Gods, this city is cursed," he muttered, dodging yet another merchant trying to sell him a bottle of captured sighs. His fingers twitched, fists clenching at his sides. ‘No more scams. No more weirdos. No more—‘

  "Ah! You there, sir with the magnificent hair!"

  Kaiser spun on his heel, eyes burning with a barely contained rage.

  "If you try to sell me one more thing, I swear I will take the most cursed object I can find, shove it up your nose, and activate it just to see what happens!"

  A deep, awkward silence followed.

  Then, a familiar, wheezing laugh.

  “Hahaha! Kaiser, my boy, you wound me!”

  Kaiser’s brain short-circuited.

  He blinked. Once. Twice. Slowly, painfully, he turned his head to see…

  "GLUNKO!?"

  The sheer whiplash of emotions nearly sent him into cardiac arrest. Just seconds ago, he was ready to declare war on everything, but now—now he was looking at the most beautiful sight in the damn world.

  Glunko stood there, hat tipped, that same lazy grin on his face. And beside him, looking mildly concerned, was Aria, her fingers still curled around Glunko’s sleeve.

  Kaiser let out a dramatic gasp, throwing his arms wide.

  "YOU'RE ALIVE!"

  Glunko arched a brow. "Well, yeah. Why wouldn’t we be?"

  "I THOUGHT I WAS LOST FOREVER!"

  "You were gone for, like, an hour," Aria deadpanned.

  "TIME WORKS DIFFERENTLY WHEN YOU'RE BEING HUNTED BY AGGRESSIVE ADVERTISEMENTS!" Kaiser waved his arms wildly. "Do you know how many times the sky tried to kidnap me!? The sky! I had to dodge FLYING DISCOUNTS like they were FLAMING ARROWS!"

  Aria crossed her arms. "Ah come on, now you are just being dramatic."

  Kaiser clutched his chest like he had been stabbed. "I have been betrayed."

  Glunko chuckled, patting Kaiser’s shoulder. "Alright, alright, cool it. We were looking for you anyway, kid. You really know how to make yourself hard to find."

  Kaiser groaned into his hands. “This city is going to be the end of my sanity.”

  Aria adjusted her sleeves. “Well, now that we’re all together again, how about we find a place to rest? Maybe get something to eat?”

  Kaiser perked up immediately. "Yes. Food. Normal food. None of this ‘drinkable bread’ nonsense I saw earlier."

  Aria made a face. “Why would you drink bread?”

  Kaiser threw his hands up. “ASK THE CITY!”

  Glunko laughed, shaking his head as he led them forward, Kaiser following like a man finally freed from hell.

  As they weaved through the endless streets of Arkhold, Kaiser felt his shoulders slowly relax. The chaos, the scams, the teleporting, the potatoes, all of it had been too much. But now, with Glunko beside him and Aria within reach, it all seemed a little less overwhelming.

  That relief, however, was cut short when Glunko came to an abrupt stop near a quiet alleyway. He adjusted his hat, rubbing the back of his neck like he was searching for the right words.

  “Well, reckon this is where we part ways for now.” Glunko said, his tone light, but there was something underneath it.

  Kaiser blinked. “What? Where are you going?”

  Glunko gave a small chuckle, but it wasn’t his usual carefree kind. “Got some folks I need to meet, business to handle. Can’t have a couple of bright-eyed pups wagging their tails behind me while I work.”

  Aria crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow. “We are not kids, Glunko.”

  He smirked. “Oh, I know, never said you were” He said, looking at Kaiser, “But trust me, some places are meant just for merchants.”

  Kaiser frowned. “So that’s it? You’re just leaving?”

  Glunko hummed, reaching into his coat pocket. “Leaving? Nah. Splitting off for a bit? Yeah.” He pulled out a small, finely printed card and held it out toward them. “Here. This here’s the address to my shop in the capital. If ya ever feel like droppin’ by, doors’ll be open.”

  Kaiser hesitated before taking it. The card was simple, plain even, but somehow, it felt… important. Heavy in a way paper shouldn’t be.

  Aria glanced between Glunko and the card. “You’re making this sound like we won’t see you again.”

  Glunko let out a breathy chuckle. “Reckon that depends on you two, doesn’s it?”

  Kaiser stared at him. He hadn’t known Glunko for long, but there was something about the old merchant, something about the way he spoke, the way he carried himself, that made him feel like more than just some wandering trader.

  He was rooted in this world. Connected. Someone who had been through things, seen things. And yet, he had taken the time to guide them through this madness, to make sure they weren’t just left on walking for days on the street.

  Kaiser exhaled. “...Thanks,” he muttered, slipping the card into his coat pocket.

  Glunko gave a small nod, his smirk softening. “Ain’t nothin’.”

  There was a beat of silence, the city’s distant clamor the only sound between them.

  Before Glunko turned to leave, he suddenly snapped his fingers as if he’d just remembered something.

  “Oh! Before I go, you two are gonna need a place to rest up. There’s an inn not too far from here, about ten minutes of walking, straight down the main road.” He adjusted his hat and smirked. “Name’s Erya’s Middle Finger.”

  Kaiser, who had been nodding along, froze. “...I’m sorry. What?”

  Glunko sighed as if he had been dreading this reaction. “Yep, same Erya you’re thinkin’ of.”

  Kaiser’s eye twitched. “The same lunatic who threw me into a chair and teleported people out of their beds?! That Erya?!”

  “The one and only,” Glunko muttered with a shake of his head.

  Aria looked between them, confused. “Who’s Erya?”

  Kaiser threw up his hands. “ A menace.”

  Glunko sighed dramatically. “A genius.”

  Kaiser turned to him, horrified. “You’re on her side?!”

  Glunko held up a hand. “Listen. I don’t like her either. Woman’s got the subtlety of a war drum and the patience of a lit fuse, but I can’t deny it, she’s the most talented person I’ve ever met.”

  Kaiser scoffed. “At what? Screaming at people?”

  Glunko wagged a finger. “At everything.”

  Aria raised an eyebrow. “Everything?”

  Glunko turned fully toward her, as if this was about to be a lesson. “Everything. Name it. Cooking? Better than chefs who’ve spent decades perfecting their craft. Tailoring? I’ve seen her weave a dress so fine, people thought it was stitched by the gods themselves. Blacksmithing? I once watched her forge a sword so sharp, it cut a man’s shadow.”

  Kaiser narrowed his eyes. “You’re exaggerating.”

  Glunko stepped closer. “Am I? The woman runs over thirty shops across the world. Her stronghold is here, in Arkhold, where she owns and manages more than ten. She’s got an inn, a tailor’s, a smithy, a bakery, a jewelry shop, a bookstore, a post office…”

  Aria blinked. “A post office?”

  “A post office!” Glunko repeated, waving his arms. “The mail system in this city was garbage before she took over! Now letters arrive before people even send ‘em! You’re telling me that ain’t talent?”

  Kaiser slowly turned to Aria. “He’s lost his mind.”

  Glunko ignored him, continuing his rant. “She’s built empires, Kaiser! Empires made of haircuts and hospitality! She could be a queen if she wanted! The world’s lucky she doesn’t have the patience for politics, ‘cause if she did, we’d all be livin’ under the rule of the Eryan Dynasty.”

  Kaiser buried his face in his hands. “This is a nightmare.”

  Glunko clapped him on the back. “Look, just go to Erya’s Middle Finger, tell ‘em Glunko sent ya, and you might get a free meal. Worst case, you pay for your dinner. Best case, she’s too busy fixing someone else’s life to notice you.”

  Kaiser exhaled sharply. “Gods help me.”

  Aria just shrugged. “Free food sounds nice.”

  Glunko smirked. “That’s the spirit. Now, try not to get into trouble. And Kaiser?”

  Kaiser looked at him warily. “What?”

  Glunko’s smirk grew wider. “Try not to get kidnaped again.”

  Kaiser groaned as Glunko tipped his hat and finally walked away, disappearing into the city streets.