It had been a while since Matthew last visited the Doc’s office.

  It hadn’t changed much since either; still the same nearly organized room with shelves filled with neuroscience books, experimental medications, and enough snacks to fuel an entire kindergarten’s collective sweet tooth. They never failed to bribe visitors into spilling all of their secrets.

  The sugar helped soothe the pain too.

  “Welcome, Matthew,” the Doc said as he invited him to sit on an extraordinarily comfortable leather chair. “I was just about to brew some hot chocolate. Do you want some?”

  “I want it black like my soul,” Matthew said while forcing himself to smile. He felt himself sinking into the cushion like a stone in the sea the moment he touched the seat. “So soft…”

  “If the soul has a color, I suspect it would be yellow,” the Doc mused as he served Matthew a cup. He moved the curtains to let some light in and then sat down, facing his student. “Thank you for taking the time to visit me. I understand homework is quite heavy for you this year.”

  “Don’t worry, Doc, I’ll always pick Crawler stuff over school!” Matthew replied, though he hadn’t exactly been looking forward to this particular meeting. A day had passed since the Major Chicken Dungeon’s destruction and the Mall incident that followed, during which Matthew and his teammates could hardly focus on anything else. Kari and John had also booked sessions after his own to vent their own thoughts as well.

  A big chunk of the Association’s funds went into a therapy budget for a reason. They all needed an adult to talk to.

  “I find that quite sad to hear,” the Doc said as he pulled out a small notebook. “Young men your age should be able to live a normal life.”

  Matthew knew that the Doc had pushed hard for an age limit on dangerous Dungeon runs until the lack of manpower forced Crypto’s hand; a policy she would likely install if they ever reached a sufficient adult member threshold.

  “I'm having fun, Doc… most of the time.” The memory of the Mall flashed into his mind on its own like an intrusive thought and soured his mood. “All but one time.”

  The Doc gave him a knowing look. Matthew could almost feel his stare piercing through his jokes to see the fear he wished to keep safely buried in his heart.

  “If you don’t mind, Matthew, I would like to cast a new spell during our session,” said the Doc. “An emotional aura reader.”

  “Are battle auras a thing?” The thought of shining with Shonen power while glaring at monsters appealed to Matthew’s artistic sensibilities. “I want a golden one!”

  “Only if you’re happy,” the Doc replied with a small chuckle as he waved his hand. A bluish flow of Flux swirled around Matthew and quickly stabilized into a white halo barely visible over his skin. “My spell should change color based on your primary emotional state. Red for anger, blue for sadness, yellow for joy, white for a neutral state, and so on. This is only a visual indicator for the both of us.”

  “So I’m just being boring right now?” Matthew pondered until the aura subtly became a tiny bit yellower. “And now I’m amused!”

  “You’re catching on quickly,” the Doc complimented him. “I’ve heard that you created a new spell yourself.”

  “I’ve made two, but I can’t show them here.” Calamity Force would likely result in a forceful office redecoration, and his Sentimental World only worked on a sleeping caster. Come to think of it, maybe he should research a sleep spell too…

  “Two spells in a week is an impressive progress, Matthew. I daresay you might be our most talented spellcrafter.”

  “Now you’re making me blush, Doc!” And his aura shone brighter than a coin in the sunlight too. “Kari and John want to practice them too, see if our colored spells can mix.”

  “I admit I’m very interested in testing out these color ‘hacks,’” the Doc said while scribbling down sentences in his notebook. “Did you come up with a name for these spell fusions?”

  “Kari called her Premium Thoughts-Peak combo ‘Optimizer.’” As usual, his friend had no flair for names whatsoever. “As for my Doom Sense and Peak fusion…” Matthew grinned ear to ear. “I think I’m gonna go with Danger Dodge.”

  “Alliteration is a good memory technique,” the Doc mused. “Are you planning on experimenting with a new combination?”

  “I am,” Matthew confirmed. Kari had suggested trying to combine his Sentimental World spell with a Blue one like Premium Thoughts to help clear his mind of holes and… close them.

  Anxiety overwhelmed Matthew whenever he considered the idea. He hated the idea of having forgotten important stuff, but a part of him knew he would only find pain should he succeed in recovering those lost memories.

  Matthew’s aura suddenly shifted to pitch black. Gloomy shadows now surrounded him, somehow making his skin look even paler.

  “Is black pride?” Matthew joked.

  The Doc didn’t smile back. “Black is fear, Matthew.”

  Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

  Obviously, his words immediately killed the mood. A short silence followed as Matthew found himself at a loss for words.

  “Is this connected to yesterday?” the Doc asked softly.

  “I handled it like a champ,” Matthew lied through his teeth. “I managed to sleep two whole hours last night!”

  The Doc observed him a moment before asking. “Did you?”

  The mere question caused Matthew’s aura to darken further. Blackness streaked with blue now hovered over him like a rainy cloud.

  “No,” Matthew admitted, his voice so low he could hardly hear himself. “When I landed there, it… it all came back. All the pain and memories.” He shook his head, his arms cold all of a sudden. “I was… I was scared.”

  “It is normal to be afraid, Matthew, especially in those kinds of circumstances.”

  “I wasn’t just scared for me,” Matthew added. “I… I feared the monster would kill John and Kari too, like it did with–” His head hurt all of sudden, his thoughts coming to a sudden stop. “With Perse.”

  “But you all made it through the experience,” the Doc consoled him. “Your team destroyed a Dungeon and survived unscathed. That is a victory that should be celebrated.”

  “We barely survived.” The monster had been an inch away from tearing his back open. “How did the Mall catch us while we were coming out of another Dungeon?”

  “We don’t know yet,” the Doc said with a heavy sigh. He couldn’t lie to save his life. “The Dungeons we investigated in Little Brussels didn’t connect to the Mall in any way we could detect, and we encountered no issues when we cleared them. As far as I can tell, what happened to you and your team yesterday was an anomaly.”

  Matthew scowled. He knew there was no such a thing as coincidences. “Because it wanted me,” he guessed. “Because it wanted to complete the victim set.”

  “We cannot know that,” the Doc insisted. “Let us not jump to conclusions, Matthew. I assure you that Crypto and I are monitoring the situation carefully and we’ll get to the bottom of this.”

  A kind way to say he couldn’t assure Matthew that this wouldn’t happen again. He felt himself sinking further into his chair. The truth was that even the Doc, the world’s leading authority on Dungeon research, couldn’t reassure him with a proper explanation.

  Was there a more crushing weight than uncertainty?

  That was what bothered Matthew so much about his lost memories; the unknown, and the fact he couldn’t trust his own mind.

  “Doc, I…” Matthew cleared his throat. “I think I’ve forgotten something very important.”

  The Doc frowned. “What makes you think that?”

  “I’ve found holes in my memories while exploring my subconscious with a spell,” Matthew admitted, his hand nervously scratching the back of his neck. “Literal holes. John thinks I used my Key on myself, but I’m… I’m not sure.”

  The Doc didn’t say anything.

  His silence immediately alerted Matthew that something was wrong. His mentor scowled with eyes brimming with concern, his fingers nervously touching his papers in embarrassment.

  “You knew?” Matthew guessed, his heart skipping a beat in his chest.

  The Doc then set his notebook aside, joined his hands, and took a deep breath.

  “Yes, Matthew,” he said, picking his words very carefully. “You did use your Key to wipe your own memories.”

  He spoke with such calm confidence that Matthew found it almost eerie. “How can you tell?”

  “Because I was there when you did it.”

  A chill traveled down Matthew’s spine as he put two and two together. “It happened here,” he guessed, his fingers gripping the chair’s armrests. “During a session.”

  “I’m afraid so.” The Doc shook his head. “I strenuously argued against your decision, but you had made up your mind the moment you came up with the idea. I couldn’t stop you.”

  “And you’ve known from the start?” Matthew’s aura turned crimson. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because you also wiped away the method to undo the damage from your mind, so I lacked any option to restore your memories at the time.” The Doc shifted position in his seat, buying himself time to find the right words. “There’s… there’s also the fact that this was your attempt to deal with thoughts which you, probably rightfully, feared would destroy you.”

  Matthew froze in place, the red aura blackening. “Which thoughts?”

  The Doc scowled, his eyes brimming with concern. “I think you know the answer to that, Matthew.”

  His crimson aura turned to the darkest shade of blue sorrow.

  Yes. Yes, the Doc was right. Matthew may not recall his memories from back then, but he vividly remembered the thoughts that crossed his mind after the Mall Incident. How he could have used his magic to… end it all.

  “Don’t blame yourself, Matthew,” the Doc said kindly. “You were a child of thirteen dealing with a trauma no one should have experienced. However unhealthy the solution, erasing some of your memories did ease your mental stress enough to begin healing. I thought it best to focus on your therapy and broach the subject once you had recovered enough to… well...” The Doc coughed. “Process everything.”

  Matthew’s jaw clenched on its own, and he focused back on his hot chocolate. The sugary liquid helped soothe his nerves, but only a bit.

  Now the Doc looked downright guilty. “I’m sorry if you feel I’ve betrayed your trust on this,” he apologized. “I assure you that I only sought to help you in the best way I could. If you want to find a new therapist, I can–”

  “No, no, I… understand,” Matthew reassured him. No other shrink could even begin to comprehend what he went through, and he knew that the Doc only meant well. Besides, he had a point: even if he had told Matthew, neither of them could bring back those memories. “Do… Do you know what I’ve forgotten?”

  “I’m not entirely sure about everything you’ve removed, so I do not wish to give you wrong assumptions,” the Doc replied, a scowl forming on his face. “However, I know for a fact that the removal process started with the memory of Persephone’s death. Its image haunted you so much you wanted to wipe it out.”

  Matthew struggled against the urge to hold his skull as a new headache seized him. He quickly realized that the Doc was right: he recalled horrible flashes of the battle that preceded Perse’s death and the sight of her blood staining the floor, but the moment itself remained beyond his reach.

  Matthew could see himself erasing that from his mind, but it didn’t explain the mysterious door from his childhood.

  “There’s more than that,” Matthew said, his aura shifting back and forth between blue and black. “Though I’m not sure how it connects to the… the Mall incident."

  He recounted the band event to the Doc, who grew more and more curious with each new detail. “You think this mysterious door led to a Dungeon, Matthew?”

  “John thinks it might have,” Matthew replied, though he himself couldn’t confirm it. “You think that’s possible?”

  “Yes, I do.” The Doc nodded. “I’ve suspected that you might be the world’s first Crawler for a while, and that Dungeons first appeared in the Evermarsh region. A person’s Flux reserves increase with age and practice. The fact that you obtained your Key years before anyone else would explain your immense Flux pool, and it would line up with another hypothesis I’ve been investigating lately.”

  “What hypothesis?” Matthew asked.

  “I have a theory about how Dungeon cores and Keys are connected, though I cannot confirm it yet. Namely…” The Doc sipped from his chocolate cup. “That they might be the same entities.”

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