Kaitlyn stopped in her tracks to stare at Elliot. The ginger walked a few more steps before realizing and halted just a little further down the path. A brief silence stretched between them as a few distant trees rustled their few remaining leaves. The small buildings on either side of the path provided some cover from the wind, but didn't entirely stop it from fluttering his ponytail.

  "Run that by me one more time?"

  He met her gaze head-on, his deep green eyes holding hers without a single shred of embarrassment. "I wanted to introduce you as my girlfriend. So… what do you think?"

  Nope. Didn't mishear him. He's actually confessing.

  It shouldn't have surprised her as much as it did. Kaitlyn had known she was on the right path—or at least strongly suspected it—which should've prepared her for the possibility. Yet here, in this moment, it felt like a bolt from the blue.

  That means… it's really happening, right? I did it. I got the romance ending. And yet…

  "Why?"

  The question escaped her before she could even process. Elliot looked a little taken aback at her response, his brow furrowing. "What do you mean, 'why'?"

  "I mean… why do you want to date me?"

  A flicker of hesitation flashed across his features. He tilted his head slightly, pausing to consider her. "Is this some sort of test? What, does it still seem like I've got some sort of ulterior motive?"

  "No! I mean, It's not that! I'm just… confused, I guess?"

  Elliot shook his head, his expression turning slightly bemused. "You really are a cynic. Here, let me ask a different question instead. Do you want to date?"

  "Yes, obviously." She answered without hesitation. "But…. that makes sense, doesn't it?"

  "And me wanting to date you doesn't?"

  She shook her head. "Well… no."

  "Why not?" He cocked a grin. "Are you intimidated by how impressive I am? Because you definitely shouldn't be, miss prodigy."

  Kaitlyn let out a frustrated sigh. "It's not that, really. I swear. It's just… I mean, you've helped me so much. And I don't just mean with the dinners and the advice and everything. You've done so much more than I ever asked for. You helped me push my boundaries and do things that I never would have considered before. Heck, just knowing you has made me feel like a more confident person, more comfortable in my own skin."

  "Those seem like pretty good reasons why we should date, you know," Elliot quipped.

  She shook her head. "I know. It's like… I trust you Elliot. I trust that you really do have my best interests at heart. That you'll be there for me when I need it. But… I don't feel like I've earned that kind of trust in return. Not even close. I haven't done anything for you, despite everything you've done for me."

  Elliot went quiet as she finished, his grin fading into an unreadable expression. His eyes seemed to bore into her own with uncharacteristic intensity. After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, Kaitlyn couldn't help but look away.

  Why am I saying this? Why can't I just take the win and be done with it?

  It would be so simple to just say "yes," kiss, and take the win. And yet she still had questions. Questions she wanted answers to.

  Badly enough to risk torpedoing this whole loop, apparently. Geez, Kaitlyn. Talk about self-sabotage…

  After a moment that seemed to last for ages, Elliot folded his arms. "Ok. So. Let me get this straight. You feel like a better person for having known me."

  "Yes."

  "But you don't feel like you've tried to make me a better person."

  "...Yes."

  "And so, that means you somehow don't deserve to date me? Even if I've benefited as well?"

  "...I mean, I just don't see how you have…" Her answer came out as a quiet mumble rather than anything remotely confident.

  "…Kate. Has anyone ever told you that 'I can fix him' is a terrible mindset to take into a relationship?"

  "I wasn't…!" Her head snapped up to object, but the words died in her throat as the words processed.

  …Actually, that's exactly what I've been trying to do, isn't it? Shoot.

  Her embarrassment must have shown on her face. Elliot shook his head, pushing the hair back from his face with a sigh. "It's ok. I'm not upset or anything like that. But I already told you, I'm not looking to get anything from you. I didn't hang out with you because I wanted help or to be fixed or anything like that."

  "Then why? Even if you're not trying to get anything, it's so… one-sided."

  "I already told you. I'm comfortable around you."

  "That can't be it," Kaitlyn insisted. "You don't ask someone out just because you're comfortable with them. It's a good enough reason to be friends and hang out, but there's gotta be something more. Right?"

  "Well, you are pretty cute. And exactly my type. So that helps."

  Kaitlyn felt the blood rush to her face, but stood her ground. She refused to be distracted. After a long moment of silence, Elliot gave a resigned shrug, slipping his hands into his pockets. "Also… I don't necessarily agree. I feel like that aspect alone's pretty damn valuable to me. Coming from a family like mine means that there's a certain… distance between me and other people. One that stems from the money or status people associate me with. It's pretty much always there, whether they recognize it or not. Maybe it's my imagination, but… I can't help but see it. How everyone's got an agenda, even if they don't want to or won't admit it.

  "It's even worse with relationships. I went to a private high school where everyone knew everyone's parents—including mine. Even among that crowd, my dad was a bit of a big deal. Between that and my winning personality," he flashed a cocky grin, "It meant that I was a bit of a trophy for the girls to fight over. A prize."

  "Really?"

  He nodded. "Really. Imagine someone like your roommate being laser-focused on scoring you as a date. Now imagine half the girls in the school being like that. Things got pretty nasty."

  Kaitlyn tried to picture it and shuddered. It sounded like an actual hell.

  "Anyway…" Elliot continued, shifting slightly, "That's one of the reasons why I've always been so skittish about relationships. I've run into people who didn't know who I was before, and that is nice. But there's always this fear of them finding out, of how it'll change things. Because it always does. But you?" He gave her a small nod. "You're not like that, Kate.

  "Ever since the start, you knew, and you didn't care. You made me feel… normal. Like I could just be myself and let loose for once. It's been amazing. The only other person I can say that about is Esme, someone I've known my entire life. And so… here we are."

  For a long moment, Kaitlyn simply processed what she'd heard. It did make sense. Based on everything she knew about Elliot, this was exactly the kind of thing that he needed—if anything at all. But was that really enough?

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  "Anyway, that's my piece." He finished, indicating her with a nod. "But I'm more curious about yours."

  She blinked in surprise. "Mine?"

  "Yup. This isn't the first time that the whole 'what am I getting out of this' thing has come up. Do you really feel like you're in my debt or something?"

  "I…" Kaitlyn bit her lip, seriously considering her response. The effort was more difficult than she liked to admit. "It's not like a debt thing, I think. I just thought of it as trying to help, you know? I thought… it was the least I could do."

  "Sure, I get wanting to help people. That's one thing. But this sounds deeper than that. Like it's not just something you want to do—it's something you have to do. Why?"

  The question hit uncomfortably close to the mark. So much so that Kaitlyn didn't have an immediate answer for him. Yet it touched on something that she'd avoided asking herself for a long time.

  Why am I like this?

  On one hand, this was how the game worked. Loop after loop, she learned and improved until she had the knowledge required to make deeper connections with each male lead. Then, she could use that knowledge to identify their personal struggles, help to overcome them, earn their romance endings and… move on. Helping people wasn't just something she strived toward selflessly—as much as she wished she could be that kind of person. Everything she'd done so far indicated that it was the way to make progress.

  On the other hand… that wasn't the only reason she'd taken this approach, was it?

  I hadn't intended to treat each guy as a puzzle that needed solving. And in the start, I feel like I wasn't—not really. But at some point, it kind of turned into that, didn't it?

  Maybe she'd fallen away from seeing them as people. Maybe she'd just assumed that it was the right way to do things.

  Or maybe there was a different reason.

  "...I thought it was the only way anyone could ever like me."

  As soon as the words left her mouth, she felt the truth in them. Something about the statement resonated within her, deep inside, at a level that she hadn't ever dared to touch before.

  She saw Elliot's eyes widen in surprise, then soften. Something new flashed across his features—sadness, and maybe even a hint of pity. It made her break eye contact, gaze dropping to the pavement below. The admission made her feel weak enough even without that.

  …And why not? Making myself useful has been a pretty straightforward way to connect with people. Giving them something that they can benefit from. Not just the guys, either—I've done it with Heather and Kate's Kitchen, Esme and baking, even Rachel with the Cedric stuff to some extent… Maybe that's why I was so insistent about the tailor thing and taking them to the beach and who knows what else.

  Really, aside from grinding out classes and skills and research… making myself useful is about all I know how to do.

  It wasn't that she hadn't changed at all. She obviously had. Even as recently as this loop, she'd pushed her boundaries by trying out new fashions and making herself attend that work party. Heck, she'd even reached a huge milestone in finishing her research project. That all should have felt like proof of her accomplishments and personal growth. But it felt so superficial when she considered what lay underneath. That progress paled in comparison to the looming specter of who she was—who she'd always been.

  Just the other day, she'd been congratulating herself on how far she'd come. But now?

  Yeah, right. Even with all of that, all the accomplishments I've piled up, all the progress I've made… it feels so empty. It doesn't change the truth. Deep down, I still feel like the same useless weakling that I've always been. Like I'll never be good enough, no matter how hard I try or how many loops I suffer through.

  A pair of arms wrapped around her. Kaitlyn tried to pull back in surprise, but Elliot didn't budge. Instead, she let out a small squeak as he held her against his warm chest.

  "You really do need to give yourself more credit, Kate."

  She shook her head adamantly. "No. I don't. I told you, I'm not some prodigy like everyone thinks. I'm not smart. I'm not even that good of a person. I'm just… I'm just…"

  He pulled her closer as her words faltered, fists clenching and unclenching at her sides. "Maybe that's true. Maybe you're right, and you've managed to somehow con everyone into thinking that you're someone that you're not. I doubt it, but maybe. Either way… that doesn't matter to me."

  Elliot's thumb began to trace small, slow circles across her back. "I don't care about Kaitlyn the rich software engineer, Kaitlyn the brilliant biologist, Kaitlyn the incredible cook. All of that is awesome, sure. And whatever you may think, from my perspective, you are all those things. But that's not what makes you special.

  "I care about the Kaitlyn who's willing to try new things, even ones that she's obviously terrified of. The Kaitlyn who won't give up until Esme completely understands how a super complicated Punnett square's probabilities work out, even if it takes all the time patience in the world. The Kaitlyn who goes off in her own little world when she's analyzing data and doesn't hold back in Bash Bros and calls me out when I'm pushing her buttons. That's the Kate I know. And that's the Kate that I fell for."

  Elliot's shirt started to feel damp against her cheek. Belatedly, she realized the reason why. She was crying.

  "So who cares if you're 'special' or not? You never needed to be. I never liked you because of your accomplishments or anything you could do for me. I like you because of who you are. The most genuine, hardworking, down-to-earth girl I've ever met."

  She took a deep, shuddering breath, finally reaching up to embrace the ginger back. He stroked her hair soothingly, not saying anything more as she continued to sniffle and sob. Despite some part of her rejecting his words, she couldn't help herself. It felt… comforting.

  "...I'm sorry," she choked out. "I'm totally being selfish."

  "How so?"

  Kaitlyn buried her face further into his shirt. "All that about not having done anything for you, and look—here I am, being even needier. Seriously…"

  "Hey," he reached up to touch her chin, tilting it up so her red-rimmed eyes could meet his own. The deep green of his irises fixed her in place. This close, she spotted a few flecks of hazel that she'd never noticed before. "None of that now. I told you. I'm not here because I need or want your help. I'm here because I legitimately enjoy your company. I like being around you, Kate. I like the way that you bring out the best in me. Just like I hope I bring out the best in you."

  Her gaze skidded away once again as shame and embarrassment flooded her. All this time, she'd been so focused on trying to "fix" Elliot that she'd completely overlooked his own feelings. She'd been blind to the idea that someone really could just like her for who she was. The realization just made her feel even more immature.

  It's not like I didn't know. I mean, he told me. He made it so clear that he never viewed this as a transactional thing, where he helps me and expects something in return. But I never believed it could be so… simple.

  And yet… when she really thought about it, she realized that she felt the same way. Sure, his help with the practice dinners and the company party and everything else were amazing. But she'd found him attractive long before that.

  He's just so… easy to be around. The more I got to know him, the less I felt like I had to really watch my words or be careful about what I said around him. Not just because it feels pretty pointless to hide things, either—it's also because I know I can trust him to be honest with me about pretty much anything.

  As much as Elliot poked fun at her, she could do the same right back—and did, without hesitation. Spending time together wasn't something that needed to be planned ahead of time or danced around as a potential date. It was just a given they'd want to hang out if the other was available. If anything, Elliot felt like a safe refuge that she could always go back to. A closer friend than anyone else.

  …No, not just a close friend. There's a reason why we've moved past that.

  Beneath the obvious exterior of a confident, super-attractive male lead lay something else. Something that Kaitlyn resonated with deeply. Elliot, more than anyone else she'd met in this world, understood her. He knew what it was like to be isolated. The reasons why differed, and it was one of the hardest parts of getting to know him, yet…

  Maybe that's why we've gotten along so well this time. On some level, whether he realizes it or not… we get each other. In a way that I don't think I've felt for a long, long time.

  Her grip tightened around the ginger. The revelation felt bittersweet. Even though she'd been unintentionally bonding with him over that particular shared experience this whole time, there wasn't much opportunity to delve more deeply into it. Not with the end of the loop breathing down her neck.

  Kaitlyn's breathing evened out as she wiped her eyes. The sleeve of Elliot's jacket came away damp. "...I don't deserve you."

  "I don't care." Elliot answered simply. "This isn't about being deserving versus not. I'm not some prize you have to earn. I spent too much time feeling like that in high school. And besides… you don't have to try and help everyone. Sometimes, just being there is enough. It is for me."

  She finished sniffling, pulling back slightly to look up at Elliot. The wind had tugged a few locks of hair loose from his ponytail and sent them fluttering across his face. Yet he didn't seem to mind. His entire attention was focused on her with a look of genuine affection that practically melted her heart.

  …I hope that's true.

  He wasn't just saying this to make her feel better. She'd known Elliot long enough to know that he would never do such a thing. This was how he really felt.

  …Even if that's how he sees me, it's not so easy to just believe him. But… maybe there is something to it. Maybe… maybe I have changed. In more ways than I gave myself credit for.

  A hint of mischief snuck into his otherwise soft smile. "And let's be honest, Kate. If you don't deserve me, then I might as well give up finding a girlfriend. I don't know how much higher the bar can go."

  "That's not—!"

  Her objections were cut off as his lips met hers.

  ***

  Cycle 42 Complete!

  New Ending Unlocked!

  Ending: Growing Together

  Total Endings Unlocked: 14

  Achievement Earned: Certified Techbro

  Achievement Earned: Miss Moneybags