Hello friends and lovers!!!!

  Welcome to Arc 4!!!!

  To Embrace A Dream Healer

  CW:

  SpoilerFIRST LYRA POV OF ARC FOUR!!! WOW! Talk of past sexual assault and soul shard removal fear and Amwel wounds and Jellyfish snuggles and ALL that!

  [colpse]

  It’s really far past when I should have done this.

  Not even just seeing about pulling this out, but… Admitting this. To all of them.

  I know they won’t hate me like they probably should. Won’t be anything but amazing.

  But it’s still hard.

  Even with our Jellyfish nuzzling close and my pretty Keshada and fuzzy Fae spirit close and bubbling with so much love and support. Even… like… humming alongside my littlest ones snoozie burps and sleepy hiccups.

  Fiddle with the shard while they wait for me to let them know when Raska's sibling is beyond my senses. Burning through the forest I sense to head back to their moms and deliver the messages and first greetings for us.

  Me, mostly. The new silent and hidden Goddess of Theradas.

  Takes them a bit to be far enough away, farther for me to mumble. “Oke. Gone.”

  My Beloveds and Everfme let out such a huff of a sigh as a whole bunch of gathering anxiety starts to leak away. Like how Awnya told me some fish in the ocean can do. Suck in enough water or air or… something. Look bigger and meaner than normal till the scary thing goes away.

  Wish so much I could feel that myself. But… Raska’s sibling didn’t really scare me. Was actually really interesting to watch and compare her wibbling Sparks to Raska’s. To like… try and understand them all more.

  Because despite how some of them prickle with some really messy and scary feelings… I can’t help but love them all. Feel that each of Raska’s Sparks are part of her in really important ways. Especially with how their spirits are all tangled together.

  No, my insides are a clenched mess of fear at the promises I’ve been struggling to keep.

  Need to tell them.

  Need to take this out. Even if it’s just a little.

  Need… Need to… Like… give us all the chances to live without needing… needing… Her.

  Gnce down to the shard buried deep in my Amwel. Grip it so tight. Squeezing it harder than anything else I’ve ever held.

  We can do this. And I’m not throwing this away.

  “That… could have gone so much worse.” Awnya huffs out a chuckle without any really humor bubbling through her soul. “But maybe I’m just… too used to folks wanting to bite me in the unfun way, cause soft songs and gentle words from your sibling made me more worried than I expected.”

  “You’re right to be careful around any Everfme.” Raska replies from the sandstone wall she leans again, scratching at it like a birb almost trying to burrow a nest. “Even an envoy. She could have taken Lyra not wanting to talk as an insult. Carried it back to our moms and id the kindling for a nasty blowback.”

  “But your mothers knew to send someone with more sense.” Our Watcher murmurs, moving to wrap a hand about mine as head tendrils begin to lean close.

  About to py with my soft and… almost mebe starting to grow longer again, hair.

  “Our Dream’s new Goddess already being cimed by a pair of Beloveds Bound sends many important signals.” She continues as I lean into her touch. “Ones of stability. Hopefully.”

  Mictrikia kinda prodded at wanting to meet me. But… My Beloveds firmly denied them.

  Pointed to the storm, the threats without, even the water I was pulling up from nowhere. Promised to always carry her and her mother’s words to me, but… not try to force me into talks that would only distract from the really important and needed work of stabilizing a Rift.

  And Raska’s sibling agreed. Easily even after that. Asked what she could pester her moms into doing to help.

  “Just… Keep being a reasonable and steady sort.” Awnya had chuckled. “Dreamer’s Tits. We’ve literally had my kind and both Godlings pick fights with us. Soft and warm allies are just the thing that’ll make us adore hosting you and yours anytime you wanna visit.”

  Don’t notice the silence and focus for a few heartbeats as the memory fades. Gnce up to find them all just watching me.

  “How are you feeling love?” Tretion murmurs with such a soft smile to me. “Did we act as you felt best?”

  Nod my yes, lean into her side.

  Want to hide my face but…

  Raska steps up, very very gently cups my cheek. Whispers. “Then… Why are you more scared now than we’ve seen you these past weeks, girl?”

  And since my soul tails grip her and them all so tight I… I feel their worry. Their focus. On me.

  “Um… Promises Kept.”

  That… makes her tilt head in confusion. “Which… ones?”

  Awnya moves to my other side, takes up my opposite hand. “Something problematic stirring?”

  Can tell from how her Amwel tenses that she’s carefully asking about my Dark Goddess.

  Shake my head. “No. N– need t– to… Tell. A– about… shard. H– how got.”

  That… makes them all pause. Bubble with all kinds of worry. Expect one of them to like… mebe nudge me into not sharing. Thinking I’m forcing things.

  Always told me that this promise can take all the time it needs. That it was a thing of guilty words after such a bad day.

  But none of them do. They all bze with… with such…

  “Alright, Beloved. Let’s get home.” Tretion agrees. Make sure you can feel as safe as possible.”

  Trust. Pride. And like… the way they do when they see my past scars bleed a bit.

  But not pity. Never that.

  Adoration at the way I keep fighting. I think, is the best words I have for it right now.

  ** ** **

  “Oke.” I mumble as we sit on the floor of the room together. Kinda… our go to spot for hard talks.

  And… Dreamer’s Tits, I’m already shaking so hard. Needing to grip their souls so tight while Tretion holds me from behind and the other two at my sides and... and...

  And the shard.

  “Um… After… Um… Tw– Twi– T– Twil– lll—”

  The Twilight Court.

  The pce I killed my Tretion at.

  But our Watcher takes up my hand, murmurs into the hair her tendrils weave gentle calming patterns through. “It's alright, Beloved. Not your fault. Skip past if you’d like.”

  Nod, swallow the dry nothing in my throat, and push through and over. Like a frog hopping over a scary brook.

  “W– went back. D– didn’t… even mean to.” I force the words to tumble forwards. “Couldn’t remember anything. Just… J– jade eyes. S– someone t– to h– h– he– elp.”

  Crawled up like some monster from the Blighted sea. A pce trying to help me forget my pain. Find rest.

  Words get stuck again for a few eternities. And... and no matter how softly Tretion nuzzles or Awnya grips a hand or they all bubble with nothing but patience... I... I can't get the stupid Dreamer smothered words to fall from my stupid lips!

  Fuzzy Fae wribbles in… somethings. New ways.

  An offer?

  Not… like… Sure what you’re…?

  So it gives more thoughts, and even Furthonois seems to understand it.

  [It can mingle spirit with yours.] Our pretty Keshada expins. [Help guide your lips. If you can help it remain steady in turn?]

  Oh. OH! Dreamer’s Tits. Yes. Please. I agree immediately and such a visible sigh of relief.

  So, it slips up and away and out of the mebe parts, wraps once again around my Amwel like a cloak of prickling protections. Then… kinda does like it did the first time we met.

  But so much softer. Like I once saw a mother bird do when cuddling around her clutch. Like how my mom would slip her humming beneath my songs to help me sing.

  “R– reavers were waiting. Killed them.” I whisper, the words still so heavy and I have to say them slowly but… They’re clear. So much more than I’ve even been able to do for years and years. “Ate them. Got more Naranggas. B– but… with the warmth of their souls c– came my memories. I tried to go back. To the Blighted ocean. Didn’t w– want to remember. And… th– that’s how Th– Thend– Then– SHE, found me.”

  Fuzzy Fae helps to keep me from doing more than talking. Avoid the thoughts behind the memories. Don’t worry about the tears. Or the way we're trembling like some tree about to colpse.

  Don’t hesitate.

  Don’t stop fiddling with the little thrumming shard if that helps.

  “I asked her to kill me. Because she p– promised me that. Back when I broke and stopped trying to resist. Before I met Awnya or even Usete found me. That she would let me sing while she gobbled up my Amwel in one big bite. But… but sh– she…”

  Ignore the tears. We growl together. Don’t let the way our lover’s souls writhe in worry at this stop us!

  “B– but… but she just ughed. Said she lied. Was going to curse her for that. Almost did. But… but she didn’t care. Just… kept smiling. Even commanded me to sing the curse. Which… I… I couldn’t. B– bec– because…”

  Because I couldn't lose someone I loved again.

  But... We decide to skip over that. They’ll understand.

  “Alone. Couldn’t be alone. Then a really bad Waking Nightmare bubbled up. Not sure how long… just… Was with her in her room next. In the bed. She… she was holding me through it.”

  But together we keep the emotions smothered. Smushed beneath sheer dead insides and will.

  Need. To. TELL. THEM!!!

  No matter how much they can feel something is different. How my words are as clear as they were back when Thendra commanded me to talk.

  But… trusting. Even proud. In the way lovers are when they see their beloved doing something really hard and painful. Are tensed for the next words like others might do when seeing a storm swooping in.

  “W– wasn’t m– mad that I stayed away. Asked if…i– if this was the s– se– Second S– ss– Sunrise. ” We whisper. “Said yes. And… and we… Um... y– yeah.”

  A hand of ours slips up to grip our shoulder and colrbone while trying to fight down the mess of feelings and memories. The spot she loved to bite ever since that night. Especially after we got burned by Raska and hurt so much worse and… and started to blend into the same marks I refused to heal away.

  Can’t even begin to think about trying to weave their removal into my songs.

  “First time was… normal.”

  Well… normal for Thendra.

  “Then… She grew these wiggly bits between her legs and um… Used those.”

  Kept using them, actually. Lots of times over the years. Would even… often reach up through my everything to nuzzle and cut and bite and sometimes when she was raging at something squeeze so tight it felt like she… she was about to ki–

  “One stabbed my Amwel." I blurt to cut off the memories. "Broke off a piece. L– left it inside. And um… She had, has, a glowing little tendril… thing in her soul now too.”

  Always and Forever sensing the nonsense in my broken head.

  A long pause. Long enough for our patient Watcher to finally whisper so gently. “And that’s what links this shard back to her?”

  Nod and answer. “If I touched it I… I could feel that. Didn’t like to.”

  “Not to distract but… you’re burning like an Everfme, girl.” Raska murmurs, not worried. “One of your spirits inside all curled about you closer than I’ve seen outside of danger. Guessing... It's helping you get through this?”

  “Um… Yeah. Fuzzy Fae.” We answer. “L– like how beavers will hold paws while napping in their river?”

  She kinda… stutters at that. Confused. But in a good way that helps the bubbling worry inside us calm.

  Awnya even chuckles then, nudges Raska in the arm. “That actually makes more sense to me than any of the words you’ve tried to describe the mess of multiple spirits inside with.”

  “Mantling. Or… being Mantled?” Tretion asks, gncing up past me to Raska.

  We wibble and sway together. Thinking…

  “Both? Mebe? Not… sure?” We murmur.

  “Mantling, I’d guess.” Raska shrugs. “Not a problem either way. No sparks spitting about to signify its anything but what she wants and... probably really needs right now.”

  Nod at that, let fingers fiddle away as much worry as they can in my p.

  “From mine and Wren’s discussions, this still seems a Spirit Hook. Simply… one woven and tuned for the exact tasks we assumed it is for.” Our Watcher offers carefully. “Probably very sturdy. Unable to be broken except with a deliberate effort. Of that she’s actually pretty certain. To the point of frustration. Both from her observations, but also where she’s been told it's been.”

  Take a deep breath at that… confirmation.

  Look down to the shard I squeeze as the Fuzzy Fae nuzzles close. No longer helping the words spill out. If fact that… it seems really tired. But knowing easily what I want to do. Thrums with worries that harmonize with mine so easily.

  Please. Don’t… I’m just going to take this out. I whisper on the inside to the shard I clutch. Not throw it away. Just… I may have wanted this. Your ability to see my everything. But they didn’t. Don’t want you to know all the things. Have been so patient. It… I need to do this.

  For them. And our Jellyfish. Need to give them my everything now.

  Grip it tighter. As tight as I dare. Pleading softly. Then…

  Please don’t leave.

  Pull.

  Don’t disappear.

  Wiggle and tug and jerk. Wince in pain as it seems to have like… roots or something. Or little mouths that have tched onto my sea-bed of a soul.

  At least… Not… not until I… I can… can tell you...

  Something tears, and for a second I’m worried I broke it. But… no.

  That was my Amwel. Is even bleeding a little. Nothing to worry over.

  Because now I hold the shard outside my core. Braced and cradled between two Naranggas.

  And… wow. It’s so heavy. Like some of the denser souls are. So warm, too. But not too much.

  And all through this I sensed so easily the worry that boiled to such glowing pride and love.

  Look up to grin at my Beloveds and Everfme, even as such shivering fear rolls through my everything.

  “Easy Easy.”

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