20

  I spent the afternoon hunting goblins, using my Softstepper’s Tactical Automap to determine their numbers and positions before I ambushed them. The map made finding isolated enemies easy, and I exploited that fully. Things were far less messy today; I had a better grasp on my combat abilities and I was better prepared. I had acquired a few antidotes from Quicklily, who evidently had some alchemical know-how. I thought about asking her to teach me a few things, but she already had enough to do, and I think she kind of hated me anyway. I happily took the antidotes and thanked her, to which she replied with a grunt.

  I had given Gerard and Lily a play-by-play of my encounter the previous day, and neither were impressed with my judgement. Neither could deny the results, but I was admonished by both of them, much as I had been by Sage. Gerard’s critique was delivered in sober terms, while Lily had snorted and called me a ‘bloody greener,’ which seemed about equivalent with a noob. It also sounded like something gross that emerged from a five year old’s nose, or was gracefully hawked on the street by a passing heavy smoker. Their criticism wasn’t anything I didn’t already know, but I took it to heart nonetheless.

  I was much more cautious and patient today, and it paid off. I moved a bit further in the direction of the goblin camp, though by all accounts it was still a few days' travel from the area I was exploring. The goblins were in greater numbers today, continuing the trend of growing forces in the area. I discovered a new class of goblins during my recon; Scavengers. They appeared around water sources, or hunting game singly or in pairs, and seemed to be gathering or identifying supplies for the other goblins. These goblins proved to be my bread-and-butter for the day, as I was able to farm eight of them. I relied on Cunning Strike and generally one-shotted my first opponent. If there was a second, I dispatched it with a solid kick to stagger it, then a close range magic missile followed up by a dagger strike. This was enough to kill Scavengers. They were about as strong as the Scouts; the Pigstickers and Grunts seemed a little more robust.

  I was comfortable assaulting a single camp if there weren’t more than three goblins, and it wasn’t secretly occupied by an enormous pissed-off Lyena. I only found one of the creatures today, and it had been level 2, and much smaller than ‘Lucky’, who had been level 5. I was patient between attacks on camps, and ensured my health pool stayed topped up. I used Hemorrhage repeatedly while in melee combat, to great effect. I also tried a combination of stealth and Arcane Bolt, and scored a critical hit on a level two goblin, which took half of the thing’s bloody head off. I was surprised by an immediate notification:

  You’ve discovered a new skill: Spellsniper

  Range: Variable. See range of applied spell

  Cooldown: 60 seconds

  Damage: High

  This unique rogue-sorcerer skill allows the user to apply the damage bonus from Cunning Strike to an offensive ranged spell attack. This 50% damage increase applies to the first instance of damage only. This ability is available only when under the effects of the Stealth skill.

  “Wicked,” I said as I read it. This opened up a range of new possibilities.

  During the course of the day I did take damage from slashes and spear thrusts, but I made sure to neutralize archers first, so fortunately I didn’t sprout any arrows. I used three health potions and one antidote in the course of the engagements, and by the time it was edging into late evening I had racked up 16 kills and hit level four. Stealth, Arcane Bolt, Hemorrhage and Melee Combat all gained a level, and my Daggers and Short Swords skill had risen to four. I was getting better with the weapons, and the increased skill level added damage to my strikes. I continued to pump stat points into my charisma to increase my casting abilities. It had risen to 18, which was starting to pay off in damage increases to Arcane Bolt.

  Viewers awarded me two grim achievements for the day:

  Achievement Unlocked: Let the Bodies Hit the Floor (Part 1)

  You’ve reached 25 total kills, you savage. You might be getting good at this.

  Congratulations, you’ve received 100 gold pieces. Congratulations, you’ve received a Rare Chest!

  The second achievement followed, which was:

  Achievement Unlocked: One Shot, One Kill

  Head shot! Nice.

  Congratulations, you’ve received 100 gold pieces. Congratulations, you’ve received a Rare Chest!

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to be reminded of my death toll too often. Eventually there would be more than monsters on that list. The thought made me queasy, but I was still happy to receive the rewards. Once I was out of immediate danger, I made the decision to have Illuma running perpetually when I wasn’t in need of stealth. It was starting to get dark, and it interfered with my nightvision, but I wanted to level the spell as much as possible. I had been thinking, and I had plans for Illuma. There was potential there, I sensed. For now, the little light bobbed a few feet above and to the right of my head as I bounded beneath the trees, making my way for Spade’s Rest. Sage’s camera pod whirred along with me, its white chassis and lenses gleaming beneath the light of the spell.

  Unlike the previous day, Sage and I didn’t have any disagreements on strategy as the day had progressed, and we had even begun to move into a steady rhythm of something that resembled teamwork. Sage wasn’t capable of taking direct offensive actions, and it would have been against the rules anyway, but I could leverage her surveillance and situational awareness to my advantage. The rules permitted Sage to notify me about basically anything of note within range of my mini-map, including mobs. We accomplished our joint efforts in two ways; Sage would internally call out the position of an inbound enemy, such as “Spearman, six o’clock” and then mark my mini-map with a flashing red dot for the indicated enemy. This was especially helpful in close-quarters combat with multiple opponents. By quickly snapping my vision to the mini-map, I could get a sense of what was around me, even to my rear, without having to look, and Sage’s call-out told me who was coming and with what.

  When an attack was incoming, I could respond almost instantly. It took practice, and it took a lot of trust in Sage, but before long we were working together smoothly. For her part, the advisor seemed to revel in the dynamic nature of the combat, almost as though she was enjoying the chance to get more involved. These efforts earned me +3 in Cunning and +2 to my Wisdom stat. By the end of the day’s hunting, Sage and I were chatting amicably about tactics as I travelled back to the town.

  I returned to the Fleet Fox to hand off fifteen bloody goblin ears to Richard when I realized I’d only been severing one ear from each goblin. I’d robbed myself of six chests and 150 gold pieces. I cursed silently as the quest complete notifications appeared three times, chests were awarded, and gold went into my inventory. A part of me didn’t regret the mistake a whole lot, since severing things from bodies is pretty god-damned unpleasant. Still, those were valuable resources and it was a rookie error I wouldn’t repeat. Rookie errors were becoming an unwelcome trend. There’s always a learning curve, I told myself. Maybe I could undertake the grisly task of retrieving the unharvested ears the next day.

  Richard, for his part, was seated at the bar, treating the pile of ears like a platter of sickly green nachos, complete with coagulating blood for salsa. Pamela, who was tending the bar, appeared outraged at the grisly pile defiling her clean bartop. She was mollified, however, when Richard reluctantly shoved an ear in her direction as an apparent bribe. She examined the ear, gave a terrifying approximation of a grin, and slurped it into her rotted mouth. I heard a weird sort of squelchy crunch as she bit down. A little blood oozed out to dribble down her chin. She didn’t notice. Richard then turned to regard me, three ears jammed into his mouth, and he bit down slowly. Like, achingly slow, gazing at me all the while. He gave me a long, low groan that sounded decidedly sexual. It was deeply disturbing.

  “Jesus, take it easy, Hannibal,” I said, shuddering. My appetite thoroughly destroyed, I decided to eat later and instead made my way to the Shrine to collect my chests. I had three rare chests to open, as well as three common and three uncommon chests. As usual, the lower tiered chests appeared first. I received a decent restocking of my health potion supply, and this time I received three mana potions in each chest as well. The uncommon chests contained a few antidotes each, and each one also included an item I hadn’t seen before. It was a small brown leather patch about the size of a post-it note, with a black emblem of a hammer crossed with a sewing needle. It was called a Quick Repair Patch and it could be applied to any non-magical armor or weapons. The patch would immediately restore the equipment to its ideal condition. Individual weapons would be sharpened or restored and armour would be repaired, though each patch only applied to a single piece of armour, such as a breastplate or a gauntlet.

  These were actually quite useful; I’d already run into problems with my blades dulling and I had more than one puncture in my leather armour. I used one of the patches on my breastplate, and saved the other two. I could sharpen my daggers at no cost at Willy’s, and I might need the patches when out in the field.

  The second of three rare chests rose from the Veil Basin, and I opened it as it sat atop the shimmering blue liquid. I looked within the small chest, and saw a small velvet pillow upon which sat something that looked like an actual microchip. As I picked it up and examined it, I saw that instead this was etched with arcane-looking glyphs and script, none of which I could read. I furrowed my brow as I looked it over, unsure of how I was supposed to apply it. I checked out at arcane brain surgery. Its description formed above it, and my brow rose slowly as I read it.

  Stolen story; please report.

  HUD Upgrade Package 76b (Rogue Edition) - Detection Detector

  This one’s name is admittedly a little awkward, but you’ll like it. Remember all those times you snuck downstairs late at night so you could use the family PC to explore a horizon-expanding world of untold perverse delights nestled in the shadier corners of the net? There was everything! Marge Simpson foot fetish pics, lopsided orgies involving the cast of Snow White, and tentacles. So many tentacles. All these and more were represented in a veritable cavalcade of filth. This was the majesty of the internet, and it employed precisely zero means to prevent pervy pubescent misadventures like these. You know, just like now. Anyway, this doodad would’ve saved you from the unfortunate times mom caught you at two a.m. desperately trying to close a browser window while simultaneously hiding the tent in your pants. …Handy, right?

  Sorry about that last one. Low hanging fruit.

  This is a Detection Detector, and it adds a meter to your HUD which indicates the degree to which your stealth is becoming compromised by nearby enemies. If mom is coming down the stairs, that meter will rocket to the top and shine a brilliant red so you can stuff it back in your pajamas and claim you were really just playing Unreal Tournament. Ah, youth.

  “Jesus Christ,” I said. “That was awfully fucking specific, dude.” I rubbed my head and sighed. “Meta-Me is a dick, Sage.”

  Your Personal Predictive Model’s descriptions are very likely…consistent with what you yourself would have written, were the situation reversed. Consider, if you were to be asked, or if you were writing for someone else, would you prefer more mundane, neutral descriptions and achievements? Your simulated counterpart appears to prefer more…colourful descriptions and titles.

  I thought about this, and I quickly came to the conclusion that I would, indeed, write asshole achievements and descriptions, because it would just be more fun that way. I enjoyed it when games trolled me with achievements. Even if they weren’t all that funny, they injected a sense of humour that was welcome in lore-heavy games. Besides, I’d always been the type of guy to poke fun at myself as much as I did anyone else. Though, recounting cringy pubescent horror stories was pushing it a little.

  “Well, no one wants boring-ass achievements for every god-damned little thing, like jumping over a puddle or catching a fucking fish or something. It’s just filler. That’s one upside to achievements being voted on; they’re more meaningful, even if I am at the whim of the mob,” I said thoughtfully. “As for descriptions, in spite of being the butt of most of these shitty jokes, I’d still prefer it to some lame-ass generic text written by a disenchanted staff writer whose soul died long ago.”

  See? Your Personal Predictive Model has proven accurate thus far. Mostly.

  “Mostly?” I said, raising a brow. “Have I upset my dear sponsor’s expectations?” I asked, both curious and amused. “I’d hate to go off-script.”

  Careful, she said in warning. But yes, you’ve proven more reckless than your model predicted. An analysis of your game-play style on Earth is consistent with this finding, but when we accounted for the real-life risk factor, we expected your logical leanings to make you more…cautious. On the upside, it’s proven to be a boon in regards to your popularity. That has proven higher than expected.

  “It’s probably just the fact that I received divine gear so quickly. I imagine it’ll drop off unless I do something spectacular,” I said.

  Certainly a portion of the viewers tuned in for that reason, but you have a decent retention rate with a subset of viewers who tend to focus on progression. It’s an aspect of the game that many viewers follow closely. There are even groups that track and publish their analysis, offering recommendations as a paid service to Sponsors. Your choice to learn Sorcery in addition to your Rogue skill set has proven to be popular thus far. The consensus appears to be that it will make your fighting style more exciting. There appears to be some concern that, with your new ability, you’ll lean away from melee combat in favour of stealth-based ranged casting, more like a spell sniper. The fast paced, close-in combat you’ve been employing with your daggers is entertaining to watch, and it seems most viewers prefer it.

  I listened to all of this intently. Hearing how viewers were responding to me was interesting, though it made me uneasy. Most of what I’d chosen to do so far was due to my own perception of my strengths and the skills that were likely to keep me alive. I was absolutely leaning in to making myself into a cocky and irreverent asshole; that was deliberate and calculated for the performance side of things. It garnered attention, and as soon as the audience and the showrunners were acclimated to my character, I’d have more room to be a rebellious dick when I really needed to. If everyone was expecting me to be a cocky asshole who upset conventions and spoke his mind - if that was part of my appeal - then I could get away with saying and doing a whole lot more, especially if I was required to buck authority at times. All within reason, of course. I was well aware that there were lines I would not be permitted to cross.

  My invented persona aside, my play style and class had been choices I’d made for personal reasons, not to please a crowd. I didn’t want to be beholden to a mob to decide how I was going to survive, but at the same time, the performance side of this game was critically important. I needed the chests. I decided that if I put my mind to it, I could make it work both ways.

  Sorcery would let me modify my spells, and I intended to leverage that in how I fought. I liked close-quarters combat. I didn’t like fighting at range. I wanted to be close in, where I could immediately create and exploit weaknesses. I intended to use spells to enhance my melee fighting. Hit hard, hit fast, hit often. It was a much more personal way to fight, but it gave me a greater sense of control over the flow of events. That didn’t mean I would hesitate to spell snipe when it made sense. There was no reason to limit myself to a single methodology.

  “Well, I’m glad the good people approve,” I said with a sideways smile. I looked up. “I wouldn’t want to neglect your thirst for explosive violence. If you promise to keep following, I promise to keep on delivering the dopamine spikes I know you need, you blood-junkies. I’ll make it flashy, guys. Before I’m done, I have every intention of being the best one-to-one fighter on this whole fucking planet,” I said grimly. I meant it. “I’ll probably have to get my ass kicked a few more times,” I grinned. “But I’ll get there. Just watch me.”

  I finally looked down to study the HUD upgrade. It was an excellent item, maybe even worthy of a higher tier chest, but I wasn’t about to complain. Knowing when my stealth was about to be compromised would be invaluable. Anything that made me sneakier was an excellent addition to my gear. I held the item in my palm, studying it closely. After a moment, a small notification appeared above my hand.

  This is a HUD upgrade package. It contains the “Detection Detector” upgrade. These upgrades are permanent, though they may be disabled under the Upgrades and Patches tab in your user interface. Would you like to apply this upgrade? Yes or No?

  I looked at it a moment longer, then shrugged. They were already in my head, and I needed this. I mentally tapped “Yes,” then blinked in surprise as the little chip sank into my hand like my palm was a puddle of water. It just disappeared beneath my skin. I instinctively poked at the spot it had been, almost expecting to feel it beneath the surface of my palm, but there was nothing. Evidently it had been absorbed into me, about which I had mixed feelings, but the benefit was too good to ignore. I moved to the new Upgrades and Patches tab, and found it in a scrollable list where it was the only entry so far. Evidently one could have numerous upgrades. That was intriguing. I activated it, and immediately saw a vertical bar form near my mini map. It seemed to function almost like a LED volume indicator, which would rise as detection grew more likely, and fall as the danger passed. I would field test it the next day.

  My next rare chest contained a small leather pouch that could be attached to a belt, and within were 10 of the following items:

  Shadowblast x 10

  Cooldown: 60 seconds

  Duration: 30 seconds + 2 seconds per point of intelligence over 10, to a maximum duration of 60 seconds.

  These small clay balls may be thrown or broken at the user’s feet to create a burst of magical shadow that encompasses a 10 meter radius surrounding the point of impact. This darkness heavily obscures vision within and prevents vision from without. This effect meets the requirements for activation of the Stealth skill.

  Note: Items, spells, or abilities that negate blindness, such as Unobstructed Vision or Transparency, will neutralize the effects of this item.

  “These are awesome,” I said, peering into the pouch at the little black clay balls. “Keep these coming,” I said, looking towards the ceiling. “This is some serious Ninja shit.” I grinned and let the chest pixelate and disappear. I watched the final chest rise from the pool, and saw that it was not a chest at all, but a simple hardcover book bound in green leather, with a title in shimmering gold letters. As I read it, the description popped up:

  Book of Diathesis Vol. 6: The Red-Veined Lily

  Ever wonder about those meal-tester guys who have the unfortunate duty of tasting their Master’s food for poison? Most of them die young, particularly when their Lord is the type of guy who pisses people off regularly. The ones who don’t die before the age of 20 inevitably live a life of ceaseless paranoia and top-shelf-level anxiety as they tempt death every few hours. It should go without saying that this is a really, really shitty job. First of all, the benefits package is awful, owing to the fact that most Feudal Lords have terrible Human Resources departments, and even worse managers. Here’s looking at you, Janine. These are people, for fuck’s sake. Secondly, if you do your job properly, you inevitably die a horrific death in front of a room full of rich assholes. How embarrassing.

  Anyway, this book details the ways in which extract from the Red-Veined Lily can be turned into an effective neurotoxin. When applied to a weapon, this poison grants a 15% chance per strike to inflict the Slow condition on the target. When ingested by the target, the poison automatically takes effect and its duration is doubled.

  Duration of poison effect: 30 seconds +3 seconds per level of the Poisoner Skill

  Duration of weapon coating: 60 minutes

  Note: This effect can stack with other temporary conditions, such as Bleed or Fear.

  I had wondered when this part of the rogue skill set would come into play. I picked up the book and flipped through it, finding detailed instructions on how the flower could be processed into a poison. Sage said the book would be consumed upon reading, and my knowledge of the poison and its crafting would be permanent. I would read it later, when I had some time to sit down and devote myself to the task.

  “Thanks everyone. This is a great haul. You’ll see all this in action soon enough,” I said. I stored my new items and descended the two small steps that lead down from the Veil Basin. I approached the door, and before I exited I stretched and popped my back with satisfaction. I was preparing to leave when Sage spoke up.

  Luck, it’s time we addressed what you’ve been avoiding. Uh oh. I knew very well what I’d been avoiding, but I played dumb anyway.

  “Oh? What’s that?”

  Your Socials, Luck. You haven’t checked the tab a single time since you’ve been planetside, and it’s an important part of your progress. It serves as a barometer for viewer engagement, and that directly relates to your rewards. Be smart about it. We should tend to it as soon as possible, and you should be getting in the habit of using it daily. You already know this.

  I was a master procrastinator on Earth, and I had been employing that skill liberally to avoid what Sage was insisting upon now. “Alright, god-damnit. I’ll deal with it before I sleep tonight,” I said in defeat. “Why is it that sawing off goblin ears seems more appealing than checking my fucking comment section?” Sage had no answer for that.