Life was good. I’ve been at the village for a bit over two months and I was loving my routine. I was getting stronger at a good pace, I was developing my relationship with Emma well enough. We had even said the big L a week ago. Everything was easy and breezy.
“Hey, stud. I think I’m pregnant.”
Aaaand there it was. The Fuckening.
“What? Why? I thought you could prevent that? What the fuck?”
She smiled with a confused look in her eyes. “Yeah, but I made myself fertile after we said ‘I love you’ I figured you’d make yourself fertile once you were ready.” Now she was outright laughing “Wait, did you not make yourself infertile? You knew about that trick for about 6 weeks now, but you chose to just keep firing your arrows unblunted?”
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! Fuck!! Fuck!!!” I wasn’t ready to be a father. Was I? Did Emma think I was? Would I be a good dad? Fuck! What in the hell was I supposed to do? What would my child even be? I wasn’t human, technically. Fuck!
Deep breaths. In.
And out.
In.
And out.
- Now I needed to immediately become the strongest being in all of existence to protect my love and my child.
I was about to run out of the house, when Emma caught me by the neck.
“No running away mister! We are going to have a long talk about this, alright?”
Ok, first long talk. Then frantic training.
She did in fact manage to calm me down. It took her about two hours, at the end of which I was actually excited to be a father. 18 wasn’t all that young to be a parent in those days. I still worried about Emma’s and my child’s Safety, of course, but I wasn’t hyperventilating anymore.
I threw myself into training, especially the work on my mana lattice. Val actually cautioned me, saying I needed to slow down a bit. I found that suspicious, but didn’t protest. I did however add another bit of training to my routine. At the end of all the other stuff, when I would usually work on my shapeshifting, I sat in silence. I made the flesh in my arm wobble a bit to keep up appearances, but I was doing something else entirely. I was trying to see the unseen.
It took me five days of this charade, until it finally happened, I had found her.
Finally! Got you now.
A few days after that incident, I had finally progressed far enough at my mana lattice, that I was confident to test it out.
The test was rather simple. Val would throw Illusions at me and I had to dispel them. Once I was able to do that flawlessly she switched towards offensive spells. Those would show how strong my defences actually were, according to the severity of said spells post-me trying to rebuff them. It was actually kind of fun. Like swatting a ball back and forth. Only the ball would melt your skin on impact and the bat was a lattice of rigid mana inside your body, which you had to expand and harden, once they were brushed by anything. My reaction time was ass, and I couldn’t manage two prods at once, but that was all stuff one could improve on naturally. I finally had mana defences and I was glad. Skadi had them figured out two weeks ago, but who’s counting?
Skadi ... Skadi was counting. And she let me know about the current score each and every day.
That was annoying, but it isn’t like I would have been any more gracious.
Between the specific training and the daily hunts, I had a good amount of Skill growth. Nothing explosive, but I also wasn’t in mortal danger all the time, so that was alright.
I was pretty ok with that amount of growth. [Tracking] especially went up a lot, as I had to find stuff to eat every day. Most things that noticed me first would just immediately bolt.
It was coming to be two and a half months, since I joined the village and for the first time in almost as long I wouldn’t fall asleep mentally and physically exhausted. It was just physical this time. Val had given me a break on the mana defence training. Said something about needing a day to fix a ward. Whatever that meant. Anyway, I fell asleep and could actually dream.
Aaaand it was a nightmare. The exact nightmare Val had induced before. Not a pleasant experience the second time around. I knew what was happening, but I couldn’t do anything different. I actually tried to rebuff the illusion, but no. It was a regular ass nightmare. No magic involved. I awoke when something punched me in the chin.
“Let go of me! What has gotten into you?”
I opened my eyes. I was holding Emma in a vice-like grip. As in, all my limbs had transformed into pseudo tentacles to secure her. I had not put any pressure on her belly, but any other part was held very tightly. Except for her left hand, which she used to punch me.
“Sorry! Sorry! It must have happened in my sleep.” I untangled myself from her.
She rubbed her wrists. “You dream about bondage?”
I burst out laughing. “No? I had that one nightmare again. I guess my subconscious decided you needed to be protected.”
She stared blankly for a bit. “You can shapeshift this precisely in your dreams? You do know you are ridiculous right?” Well, at least her mood was intact. I let myself be berated about how unfair my existence was, but internally I kept thinking about that dream. Or rather how I never want to have that dream again.
No way around it. I had to exhaust myself mentally and physically every day, just to not dream.
In retrospect I will admit that I overreacted, but I was genuinely terrified of hurting Emma in my sleep. From that day forward I would wait until Emma was asleep and then go out and practise my mana lattice, or anything else, until I was on the cusp of collapse.
I don’t know if that was efficient, but it worked. Blissful oblivion. I spent a month and a half like this.
At one especially dark night, it may have been the winter solstice, I slithered out of Emma’s embrace. I walked out of the hut, not making a sound. When I wanted to open the door, however I felt something strange. I put a tiny bit of pressure on the doorframe. Sure enough it crumbled. It was rotten to the core, basically just sawdust pretending to be solid wood. That made me think.
This was no doubt my doing. Again. My aura. Although was it really fair to separate my destructive aura from my being? I would like to, but could I?
I didn’t know. That didn’t matter, I had something to do. Off I go breaking and entering again.
I broke into Emma’s place of work. The carpenter’s shop. Inside I went about making a new door. I didn’t use any tools, I simply shaped my flesh accordingly. This was not the first time this had happened.
However even as I tried to distract myself with work, I couldn’t help but stare at the sawdust all around. Just like the doorframe. A symbol of the destruction I had wrought by simply being present. Could I be a father? The greatest act of creation from someone who could only destroy. My home, my face, my enemies, my prey. Don’t I destroy everything I touch? How could I raise a child?
How would I not destroy them too? Am I just a destroyer? Val keeps calling me a monster, but am I? I never believed in fate, but it seemed I was destined to be an agent of entropy. Reducing all down to its components. Destruction. Entropy. Disassembly. I looked at the sawdust once again. Then at the door I was currently making. Making, by sawing through a larger piece of wood. Maybe destruction doesn’t have to be destructive? Maybe I can find a different role. I have the tools of a destroyer, surely I can find a way to use them for the benefit of my child. Destroy what would harm them so they are safe. Disassemble what they don’t understand so they can learn. Make small what once was too large so they can climb. Make easy what once was hard so they can overcome. A new fire was growing in my heart. I am a destroyer, but I choose how to destroy, what to destroy, when to destroy. I will destroy for my child.
I put the finishing touches on the door, as I resolved myself to be what my child needed.
(Finishing the hinges) I will move what needs to be moved.
(Filing away the last millimetres) I will make fit what needs to fit.
(Making the imperfections to match the previous door) I will ensure you never have to know what your father truly is.
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I installed the door and cleaned up the evidence of what I did. I checked the other doors, and other wooden furniture in the hut. I had replaced most things here already. I will break and remake the world. Even if I have to do it every day.
I slid back into Emma’s embrace. I fell asleep with my hand on her belly. I did not have a nightmare that night.
Val’s POV:
Couldn’t he just have a normal panic when impregnating his Girlfriend on accident? Who by all the hells gets a philosophical epiphany when making a door. And such a profound one at that. Val was starting to get annoyed at James’ resilience. She admired his spirit, but that would not make her quit with her plan. Even if it would devastated him even more now. She would admit to exactly no one that she actually felt bad for what she had to do. She would have some work to do when it was over. James had proven that he would not bend - ironic for someone so flexible - now Val would find out whether he would break. And if he does … Would he shatter, or mend?
James’ POV:
So, what have we achieved over four months?
Well, on a personal side, I had found love, I was going to be a father and I had resolved to be the best father I could be, but you knew that already.
Skadi had achieved [Transcendance over Form] after completing her human form. We celebrated that for two days. Afterwards she managed to replicate most of my weapons. Venom and projectiles were still beyond her though. Anyway, her mana control was leagues ahead of me. I could reliably rebuff magic, when I was prepared for it, and had a 50/50 chance when I was not. She could actually keep the lattice up 24/7. Val said she expected to get to that point after a year and a half. Something just clicked between Skadi and mana in that way.
Back to me: I had really gotten to liking the projectiles. I could fire the blades out of my arms, and I managed to get the claws on my fingers to fire away too. Less range and power than the blades, due to limited space, but potentially a more subtle weapon. My current project was turning my Arm into a giant blade. Something with some real weight behind it. The real problem with this was getting the transformation mid combat down. [Prepared Form] was too slow and all my attempts on my own were either too slow as well, or did not produce a sharp and even blade.
On the front of personal combat. George was getting his ass handed to him. Like … one third of the time. I was getting better at using my [Shifter] Skill, but I still couldn’t match his raw experience and combat instincts. Or maybe he was just ridiculously observant. I didn’t know and he refused to tell me.
As I was going to bed, at three in the morning drenched in sweat, I checked my Status sheet.
I would say this was a successful time all in all. I laid my head down next to my lover.
Then she coughed.