Chapter One Hundred and Seventy-Six

  “My love,” was the first words she heard on Saturday morning. She rubbed her bleary eyes, perplexed for a moment by the circumstances. She blinked up at Asher’s anxious face and she sat bolt upright.

  “Shit, what’s the time?” she asked, frantically searching for her phone.

  “It’s 5.30,” he replied, settling back down next to her. “Is everything okay? It seemed like something was wrong.”

  “Something was wrong?”

  “Yeah. You were moaning in your sleep. Are you sure I didn’t hurt you?”

  She frowned, patting herself down to check. “I’m okay,” she replied with a yawn, laying back down. “Was I saying anything?”

  “No.”

  “Oh.” She frowned again. “I don’t think I’ve done that before.” Was she dreaming about something? Or… perhaps remembering-

  “I’m just glad you’re okay,” Asher said, taking her hand under the blanket. Neither spoke for a few moments, but Lila wasn’t quite sure whether she’d be able to go back to sleep, especially since they had to be up in half an hour anyway.

  She tilted her head up to look at Asher. He looked back down at her with a small smile and kissed her lips.

  “Sorry for waking you, my love,” he said quietly. “You can sleep again. I’ll wake you up in an hour.”

  “Aren’t we supposed to be up at 6?”

  “I am,” Asher said plainly. “But you can sleep in a bit.”

  She pursed her lips, evaluating this proposal. “… How’s your energy level?”

  “Mine?” he blinked at her before smiling widely. “I feel ready to take on the world.”

  “Hmm…” Lila murmured, brushing her free hand against the side of his face. “If that’s the case… then I think there’s a better use for our time than sleep.”

  “My love, are you sure you don’t need a break?” he asked, his hand leaving hers and drifting down to the small of her back.

  Lila paused to consider this. “I had one. I slept, after all.”

  He laughed. “Not really.”

  “It was enough.”

  “You sure?”

  She nodded, bringing his hand lower, to where she craved his touch. “Please.”

  He obliged and their passion took the remaining time they had before 6. In fact, his alarm rang just moments after and Asher looked over at Lila.

  “Perfect timing,” he said. His eyes flashed down her sweaty, heaving body and he smirked. “God, I love looking at you after we’re done.”

  “R-Really?”

  He nodded, helping her to exit from his side of the bed. “You always look like you’ve had the time of your life and… it reminds me that I can have you and that you want me.”

  “Reminds you? Do you forget?”

  “Not exactly,” he replied, leading her to the bathroom. “But in the heat of the moment, I’m not thinking about any of that. At least, not appreciatively. I’m just focusing on how I love you, how good it feels, and how to make you feel good.”

  “I see.” She pulled him into the shower with a kiss on his cheek. “I get what you mean. You know, my mind goes blank when we do it. It’s like you take my brain and my breath away as soon as you approach me in that way. No other thoughts besides the fact that I love you, it feels amazing, and that I love when you feel good ‘cause of me.”

  He grinned as he began shampooing his hair. “We can afford to be brainless once in a while.”

  “Once in a while?” she laughed, going through her shower routine. “I’m getting kinda worried that we do it too much.”

  “Oh. I mean, we don’t have to-”

  “I never said I didn’t want to,” Lila said quickly, prompting a chuckle from him. “It’s just a thought I had.”

  “Well…” he murmured thoughtfully, “Monday was two… yesterday was three, this morning was one. So, if we averaged it out, that’d be once a day.” Then, his face reddened. “Maybe that is too much.”

  She bit her lower lip. She wanted all of him all the time-

  “I mean, we will probably slow down eventually,” he said, rinsing his hair with an air of bashfulness. “We’ve got to, right? For now though… it feels like we’re making up for lost time – when I was being so… dumb, despite how much I wanted you.”

  “You weren’t dumb, my love,” Lila replied, shaking her head. “I do agree that it feels like we’re making up for lost time, though.”

  “We’ll catch up,” Asher said reassuringly. “For now, let’s just enjoy ourselves.”

  She kissed him on his neck, unable to disguise her smile. “That sounds perfect.”

  They wrapped up with their morning routine in the bathroom soon after and Asher shuffled to his wardrobe, pulling out his uniform as Lila grabbed her clothes from her bag. She dressed herself before sitting on his bed, watching as he put on all the pieces of his uniform, complete with shinpads and a neon-green sports polo. He fussed with his hair for a moment before meeting her eyes, his expression suddenly shy.

  “What’s up?” he asked, pulling his socks up once more.

  “I really like that uniform on you,” she replied with a smile. “You look really attractive.”

  “D-Do I?”

  “Yeah. If we had time-“

  He shook his head with a playfully exaggerated sigh. “What am I going to do with you?”

  “Love me, of course.”

  He smiled brightly – bright enough to summon the sun’s rays through the gap in his blinds. “Of course. I love you, Lila.”

  “I love you too, Asher.”

  He smiled again, plucked his mouth guard out from his desk drawer and shoved it into his sports bag with his other belongings. He then looked around, clearly checking if he had everything before he stretched his hand out for hers, helping her up from his bed. They had almost crossed the rumpus room when a question occurred to Lila. It was one she’d had for a while, but she never remembered it when they met up again after games.

  “Why’s your shirt different from everyone else’s?” From Lila’s memory, all of the other boys wore forest-green sports polos with navy detailing, the colours matching their usual uniforms. By contrast, Asher’s shirt completely stood out – as if he was from a different team altogether.

  He looked back at her in surprise before smiling at her. “That’s a good question.” He opened the door leading out to the staircase and continued as they headed down it. “The goalie has different rules in soccer and is a pretty important player for the opposing team to know, as well as my own. I mean, not that they don’t know who I am, but in the midst of a game, they need to know pretty quick.”

  “Huh,” Lila uttered. “I guess I’ve never thought about it, I guess it’s the same for hockey – only because of all that protective gear they wear.”

  “Yeah,” Asher nodded. “Only special protective gear I’ve got are gloves, but the injuries you’d get from hockey are probably worse since your striking power is enhanced by the sticks and the ball is much smaller.”

  They had a quick bite to eat, consisting of scrambled eggs on toast courtesy of an incredibly chirpy Marlene who was chirpy enough that she appeared more like the Quack Queen rather than Marlene the Maid. Playing soccer on a heavy stomach seemed like the perfect recipe for throwing up mid-game, so Lila didn’t mind the light breakfast. After their plates were taken away, Marlene placed her tea towels on the kitchen counter and gestured to the garage.

  Asher hesitantly placed his hand on the front passenger side door as Lila took her place in the back and buckled herself in.

  “You’re welcome to sit in the back, you know,” Marlene said delicately as she sat in the driver’s seat.

  Asher immediately sat in the back, like he had last time Marlene had driven them both, and Lila smiled, taking his hand once he was situated.

  “Did you sleep well?” Marlene asked politely as she pulled the handbrake down and started to drive off towards Sandy Lakes.

  “Yeah,” Asher replied with a quick glance and a smile at Lila.

  “That’s good,” Marlene responded. “Have you thought about the holidays?”

  “Yeah,” Asher said idly. “Lila will be over, but we’re not sure how long.”

  “That’s good to hear. I look forward to seeing you then.”

  ‘What a dry conversation,’ Lila thought, squeezing Asher’s hand. She wondered why Marlene was attempting one, but couldn’t immediately answer that.

  Lila remembered what Asher had said about Marlene and his Mum – that Marlene was robotic with Asher, but conversations with Tabitha were familiar and friendly. Was Marlene trying to be more familiar and friendly with Lila? She was still quite different than how she was as Quack Queen yet there were glimmers, here and there, showing through. What was she really like? Perhaps Lila could talk about what Marlene was into – maybe something mutual. Lila still didn’t really know World of Warcraft very well, but she had played Stardew Valley with Asher a couple of times.

  She hadn’t made a decision by the time Marlene parked at Sandy Lakes High School. Lila and Asher watched her drive away before exchanging a confused look.

  “I can’t help but read into everything she says,” Asher said quietly, hiking his bag up on his shoulders. He shuddered. “She’s still weird.”

  “I was thinking about talking to her about games,” Lila said, looking over at the stands. “There’s Elise.”

  “What’d you want to talk to her about games for?” Asher replied, the concern clear in his voice. “Then she’d figure out we know about her Quack Queen stuff.”

  “We did break into her house. I think she knows we know she’s into games.”

  “Same deal, though – why do you want to talk to her about something like that?”

  Lila shrugged. “She’s freaky because we don’t know much about her, right? If we know more, then we can figure out her involvement in… stuff. I mean, if we talk to her more, she might slip up about something. Like… what my Dad gave her.”

  “How would a conversation about games lead to a slip-up about what she got from your Dad?”

  Lila shrugged again, her eyes trained on Isaac who was in the stands and had evidently noticed Lila and Asher with the energetic way he was beckoning them over. It was lucky that there wasn’t anyone else in the stands just yet, otherwise they would’ve been casualties of his flailing limbs.

  “I think Isaac’s going to have a hernia if we keep standing here,” Lila said, gesturing to Isaac who was now using both his hands and jumping. Lila could hear Elise’s subsequent shrieks and giggles from where they were standing.

  “Yeah,” Asher nodded. “Let’s go.”

  They trudged down the hill, hand-in-hand, and climbed the steps to where Elise was sitting.

  “Finally,” Isaac huffed. “Thought you weren’t gonna play.”

  “Why’d you think that?” Asher asked incredulously, placing his bag between his knees and taking out his gloves. “I wouldn’t come all the way here to not play.”

  “Well, you are here later than usual,” Isaac replied, as though that answered everything.

  Asher met Lila’s eyes as he pocketed his mouthguard. “Sorry for being late,” he said, inspecting his bag once more.

  “Nah, nah, I don’t like the way you said that,” Isaac responded, clapping his hands over his ears.

  “Drama queen,” Asher snorted. “Besides, I’m still here before half our team. C’mon, let’s warm up.”

  “Better be with joggin’ rather than whatever else you were doing-”

  “Shut up, dumbass.”

  Asher placed his bag in Lila’s lap and hurried off behind a cackling Isaac, who skipped sideways across the oval to where their teammates were stretching. Lila sighed, leaning back for a moment before looking at Elise with a smile.

  “Welcome to another game,” Lila said. “How’s it feel, being out as Isaac’s girlfriend when watching one of these?”

  Elise grinned at Lila. “Amazing. I was so stressed the last time, especially after we hugged.”

  Lila gave her a sympathetic look. “Asher and I were pretty excited that you guys hugged. We thought it’d lead to something.”

  Elise laughed. “I mean, you weren’t wrong in thinking that way. We were pretty freaked out that you would’ve put two and two together and figured out we were already dating, though. I was almost constantly watching my phone in case you’d send a message.”

  “You’re so silly,” Lila replied, nudging Elise with her shoulder.

  “Never felt sillier than when I saw your reactions to our news,” Elise sighed. “Oh well. Them’s the breaks, I guess.”

  They watched the boys warm up in silence for a little while before the stands began to fill with too many spectators for Lila and Elise to share any kind of meaningful conversation. It wasn’t long after this that the match began, with Asher in the goal furthest from the stands.

  They cheered and booed at appropriate points. Isaac was playing incredibly well, scoring a point towards half-time, and Asher had saved every ball that came his way. Overall, though, it was quite neck-in-neck with how defensively Sandy Lakes were playing by the time the referee blew the whistle. Some of the people in the stands stretched and dispersed, taking brief walks around or talking to some of the players.

  Asher and Isaac took swigs of their water bottles before jogging over to the stands with identical beams. Elise and Lila shuffled closer together as Isaac and Asher joined them.

  “Looks like a good game so far,” Lila said with a grin.

  “The goalie’s playing insane today,” Isaac smirked, placing his foot on an empty spot next to Elise and stretching down slightly. “Hasn’t missed once. Have a feeling I know why.”

  “Shut up,” Lila blushed, folding her arms across her chest. He chortled in response.

  “You’re one to talk,” Asher commented, narrowing his eyes at Isaac. “You seem a lot more carefree today than you have been in weeks.”

  “Like I said, I had been dying to tell you about Elise and me,” Isaac replied frankly, performing an overhead stretch with a contented grin. “You have no idea how persistent the two of you are.”

  Lila exchanged a knowing smile with Asher. “I’m pretty aware,” she said, looking back at Isaac.

  “Sorry,” Elise replied sheepishly.

  “I mean, the plus side is Isaac’s on top of his game,” Asher replied. “We might even go to the finals if he keeps playing like this.”

  Isaac bashfully placed a hand behind his head. “You make it sound like it’ll be down to me. You’re doing well, too.”

  Asher stretched his arms across his chest as he spoke, “I thought I’d be too tired, to be honest.”

  Isaac smirked again and Asher smacked him on the stomach.

  “Don’t injure the goods, dude,” Isaac complained, rubbing where he’d been hit.

  “Don’t think shit like that, then,” Asher retorted, though Lila could see worry in his eyes.

  “You haven’t denied a single thing,” Isaac retorted back. “It’s not like I’m making it up-”

  “I’ll push you off.”

  “I’ll push you off first!”

  Asher and Isaac continued to squabble until Asher triumphantly pointed his finger at Isaac.

  The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

  “You’re just being like this ‘cause after the game, you and Elise are going to bang-”

  “Those orange slices are calling me. Goodbye!”

  Isaac darted off, faster than Lila had seen him go outside of a game, before anyone had a chance to respond. Asher gave a sound of satisfaction before looking down at Lila with a grin.

  “Think I won that one,” he said.

  Lila glanced at Elise, who was hiding behind her hands. “I think so, too.”

  “Stop looking at me,” Elise murmured, her voice significantly muffled by her hands.

  Asher chuckled, kissing Lila swiftly on the cheek. “Those orange slices are calling me, too. See you after the game.”

  “Good luck, my love.”

  “Thank you. I’ll try my best, just for you.”

  With that, he jumped down from the stands and hurried off to where his team received orange slices from Mr Kovac.

  Lila glanced at Elise. “Guessing Asher was right, huh?”

  “Shh,” Elise hushed, looking up at Lila with distress across her face.

  Lila laughed, nudging Elise again. “Well, it’s better than McWorking with him after, isn’t it?”

  “Of course.”

  “A park again?”

  “I’m going to sit somewhere else if you keep teasing me.”

  “Sorry,” Lila snickered.

  “… Isaac’s right about you two though, isn’t he?”

  Lila sighed, resting her head in her hands, her eyes back on Asher, who was eating his orange slice as quickly as he could. “Yeah.”

  “Are you two just taking every opportunity you can to-“

  “Basically.”

  Elise gave a soft laugh before straightening up. “That was how it was like for us in the very beginning too.”

  “In the beginning? So you’ve slowed down?”

  “A bit. Sometimes when we hang out, we don’t even end up doing it.”

  “How often do you hang out?”

  “… Every second day, we make time for each other outside of school.”

  “That’s cute,” Lila replied, her tone dreamy. “I’m glad you guys see each other so often.”

  The stands began to fill once more, effectively silencing any opportunity for Lila to talk with Elise again. The game resumed, with Asher now in the goal closest to them, and he turned briefly to wave at Lila, who waved back.

  It was another tense half, though Asher once again saved every time the ball was kicked into his goal – prompting loud cheers from Lila each time. Eventually, he turned and grinned at her before turning his attention back to the game at hand.

  Watching a soccer game from start to finish on the stands was a much different experience than how she’d experienced soccer previously – one that Lila appreciated entirely. Aside from being able to see Asher, in his bright neon uniform, perform, she could see how the team as a whole worked together. It seemed like Zack’s absence from the team hardly affected the dynamics at all. Lila wasn’t quite sure if this was good or bad, but the fierceness with which the rest of the team played was undeniable. Lila had almost expected the boys to be falling behind Sandy Lakes since the morphine ring had been busted, but the opposite seemed to be true.

  The match was rapidly drawing to a close, with Sandy Lakes not letting the ball past their goal and instead increasing the pressure towards Forestglade College’s defences. Lila picked at her nails, her nerves increasing as the ball pushed closer and closer to Asher. She was sure he’d save it – save it and keep the win for Forestglade – but she’d really made him tired his morning and last night. Was he running out of steam?

  The Sandy Lakes Striker closed in – the ball swiftly passed to him – and, with seconds to spare, he kicked. Asher leapt forward, hands at the ready. Lila’s heart pounded for just one moment – had he saved it? She couldn’t quite see from here, since she was looking at the back-

  “We won!” Elise cried over the trill of the referee’s whistle. She jumped up, pulling Lila to her feet. Lila grabbed hold of the strap of Asher’s bag, ensuring it was safe before joining in on Elise’s celebratory dance, her eyes again on Asher. He held the soccer ball above his head as the Forestglade College team swarmed him, cheering and whooping loud enough for Lila to hear. She placed her hand around the ‘A’ on her shirt, feeling the cool metal in her fingertips. He’d saved it.

  Elise calmed down from her excitement, pulling Lila back down to a seated position as she also sat down.

  “Seems like there needs to be a celebration,” Elise beamed. “That was quite the save from Asher. Lila, that means they’re going to the finals!”

  “Imagine if they won the whole season,” Lila replied with a matching beam. “If they did, we should take them out for dinner or something.”

  “Ooh, like a double date?”

  “Yeah.”

  Elise looked pleased with his idea, but her face quickly fell. “… It can’t be a triple date.”

  Lila pressed her lips together, holding in her impending sigh. “Yeah. It can’t be.”

  As the Forestglade College team wrapped up their war cry, the stands were quickly emptied of spectators, all chatting about the game. Lila and Elise descended the stands and, once Asher and Isaac drew close, ran to their respective partners and hugged them.

  Lila deeply breathed in Asher’s scent and he laughed, spinning her around gleefully.

  “You won!” she declared happily once he set her back down on the ground. “Congratulations! That was an amazing save at the end there.”

  “Thank you,” he grinned. “It’s all thanks to you, my love. I couldn’t fail with you watching.”

  The sincerity behind his statement was strong enough to make her blush.

  “N-No, you’re just that good,” she replied, reaching up to touch his cheek.

  He grasped her hand, his grin softening. “We can agree to disagree.”

  “You two are going to make my tummy ache,” Isaac said with a frown, his arms around Elise’s shoulders. “Let’s go home, Elise. Mum’s waiting for us.”

  “Don’t get too carried away, you two,” Lila called, winking at Elise. Isaac coughed, looking incredibly embarrassed.

  “We should say the same to you, too,” Isaac replied, pulling Elise with him. “See you on Monday.”

  Lila wasn’t able to respond before they scurried too far for them to hear her. Asher squeezed her shoulder and she looked up as he took his bag from her hands.

  “I can’t wait to tease them on Monday,” he said, taking his gloves off and placing them in his bag. “Isaac’s embarrassment is so interesting to me.”

  “It is?”

  Asher nodded. “Well, he’s really confident and honest, you know. You’d think he’d be proud to say he’s doing it with Elise, but instead, he shies away from it.” He chuckled and added, “He’s so in love with her.”

  “You reckon?” Lila queried as they started walking up the hill to the carpark.

  “Absolutely. As honest and confident as he is, I think he wants to keep that part of his love private and just for them. Like I do about you.” He laughed again. “Except they’re doing a terrible job keeping it just for them if the rumours Ayla heard were correct.”

  Lila shuddered. “Thinking with a clear head – let’s definitely not go for it at school. I mean, imagine if we got caught.”

  “Yeah, let’s not do that.”

  “Though… we might not get caught-”

  “Lila, you just said-”

  “Kidding! Besides… we don’t need to, with how private your house is.”

  “That’s true.”

  They reached the top of the hill and looked around for Marlene’s car. They spotted it and headed that way before Asher stopped in his tracks, his face oddly pink.

  “What’s up?” Lila asked, blinking up at him.

  “You said you’d reward me, right?”

  She laughed, louder than she’d intended, which drew the attention of some stragglers from both teams.

  “My love, I’ve been thinking about it all week. Did you think I’d forget?”

  His cheeks turned a deeper shade. “Not at all.”

  “C’mon. Let’s go!”

  They’d barely closed the door to the rumpus room before they started kissing, Lila tugging at his pants as a way to coax him to his bedroom. They tumbled through the door, their lips still connected, when Asher stopped.

  “Wait, wait-”

  Lila felt disappointment weigh down in her stomach as, in his panic, he gently pushed her back. But, with the intense way he looked at her as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, she felt hope begin to take the place of disappointment.

  “I-I haven’t showered,” he said breathlessly. “I’m still-”

  “I said I liked you in this uniform, didn’t I?” she said, bringing her hand under his shirt and running her fingertips over his muscles. “Isn’t it fitting that I give you your reward while you’re wearing this?”

  He looked strangely nervous as he responded, “A-Are you sure?”

  “Of course,” she replied, slipping a finger into his waistband and running it along. She slowly looked up into his apprehensive eyes.

  “Are you sure?” he repeated, his breath hitching in his throat.

  “Please,” she whispered. “Let me reward you.”

  “I-If… if you’re okay with it.”

  She grinned. “I can’t wait.”

  He swallowed, looking deeply into her eyes. “Neither, my love.”

  After Lila finished rewarding Asher, he took his time thanking her on his bed. Then, with a cheeky grin, his hand fished for a condom, his eyes devoted to hers.

  Once they were done, they showered and returned to the rumpus room, relaxing by playing a game that she’d been thinking about for weeks but had been put on the back burner in favour of other activities.

  The rest of the day was spent in this way – hanging out, playing games, talking about his win, and watching videos. They would kiss and cuddle here and there, but it seemed that they were finally at peace with the amount of intimacy they’d had that day.

  Lila contemplated talking to Marlene about games during lunch and dinner, but Marlene didn’t try and initiate any type of conversation over dinner. Marlene would occasionally look at them both and smile, but it was far too awkward for Lila to just bring up the topic of gaming out of nowhere.

  After dinner, Lila and Asher retreated upstairs, resuming the movie they’d paused to have dinner. Once it was done, Asher stretched, turning to look at Lila with a smile.

  “Why don’t we go on a date tomorrow?” he asked.

  “A date?”

  “Yeah. We haven’t been on one in a while. I don’t necessarily have anywhere in mind, but we could wander around the shops and have lunch together.”

  She nestled herself into his chest. “That sounds good.”

  He placed his hand on the small of her back, rubbing her gently. “After that, we can come back and have that Jenga rematch you wanted.”

  “Sounds like you’ve thought about it.”

  He laughed, wrapping his arms around her. “I told you I wanted to go out on a date or two over the long weekend but we ended up staying in.”

  “I love that,” she replied, feeling herself melt against him.

  “You do?”

  “Yeah. Whenever you plan something, it makes me feel really happy – like you’re excited to be with me.”

  “That’s ‘cause I am.” He yawned and stretched before shaking his head. “What a day. I’m exhausted."

  "We can go to bed."

  They made their way to his bedroom and Lila was about to get changed into her pyjamas when Asher stopped her, hugging her back.

  “Yes?” she asked curiously, looking up at him. His face was pink and her heart skipped a beat. It looked like-

  “My love, I had a lot of fun today and… I’d like to recreate it.”

  “Aren’t you tired?” she laughed, though her heart was stirring itself into a flurry.

  “I am… but… knowing me, I won’t be able to sleep if… I mean, if you don’t want to, that’s fine, but-”

  “You know how much I want you to sleep,” Lila replied flirtatiously. She fell backwards onto his bed and he followed her, the rampant lust in his eyes compelling her to look nowhere else.

  He grinned, kissing her neck as he ran a hand up her shirt. She shuddered, the feeling flowing through the rest of her body. He broke away from her and, his eyes still on hers, he opened his bedside drawer and placed his hand in it, rummaging around for a few moments. Then, he paused.

  She looked at him curiously, detecting panic instead of desire in his eyes.

  “What’s wrong?”

  He didn’t answer her, instead moving to look directly into his drawer.

  “Shit,” he muttered, looking back at Lila. “Uh oh.”

  “Uh oh?”

  He pressed his lips together, running a hand through his hair. “I… I’ve disappointed you.”

  “Disappointed me?” Lila’s confusion was only increasing. She sat up and his expression turned to guilt.

  “I forgot to get more condoms.”

  “Seriously?” It was then that she remembered what she said, about him needing to get more for the weekend, lest she be disappointed. Her shoulders slumped. Did they have to stop now?

  He nodded, sitting back on the bed. “I’m sorry, my love. I’d been meaning to throughout the week but with exams, I just kept forgetting to ask George to stop at the shops.”

  She bit her bottom lip, thinking for a moment. “We can do other things besides going all the way.”

  His eyes darted to hers. “We can…”

  “So let’s… just get it out of our systems.”

  “My love… I think once I start, I won’t want to stop.”

  She took a deep breath, shame quivering her voice. “S-Same here.”

  He gave an almost imperceptible sigh before pressing his lips together. He started to stand when she pulled his shirt, making him fall just above her.

  “I… I think we can,” she said softly. “If we’re careful. Go all the way, I mean.”

  “Are you sure we should?” he looked unsure, though his face was flushed and eyes were light with his true feelings on the matter. “I’m sorry I haven’t gotten any more.”

  “I’m on the Pill… so… i-if you pull out in time, it should be fine.” She wasn’t too sure on this part, but the way he was looking at her made her feel like she wanted to say anything to get him to try it. “We’ve… done it before.”

  He met her gaze, his face turning even more flushed. Could he detect her uncertainty?

  “If… you think it’s fine,” he eventually said, smoothly running his hand under her skirt, up her hips and grabbing her underwear. He paused before looking into her eyes again – piercing, serious and full of desire. “Do you think it’s fine?”

  “Y-Yeah.”

  “Lila…”

  “My love, please.”

  He swallowed before mumbling, “… Lila, I know you well enough to know you’re unsure about this.”

  “Asher, it’s what the Pill is designed for, right? So, if you pull out, we’ll be safe.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t get more.”

  “I heard you the first time.”

  “Right, but I feel like you’re making a sacrifice for me since I asked for it.”

  “You make it sound so noble, but it’s me being selfish,” she replied with a small smile. “I’ve decided I need you right now, no matter what.”

  “Well, if it’s you being selfish this time, I think I can live with that,” he replied, his hands drifting up her thighs.

  “Please.”

  The plan she’d had in mind for this particular session was going quite well – until she found herself begging, her voice nearly a whine, for him to stay until he finished. She wasn’t quite sure where this request came from, except that it must've been her primal, wild side paired with just how good it felt to not have anything between them. And, without hesitation, he complied with her request, the complete sensation making her forget exactly how terrible an idea his obedience was.

  “Holy shit,” he murmured as he pushed her legs up so they were touching her shoulders. He paused for a moment, his eyes looking mesmerised. “This is so fucking hot.”

  Her stomach swooped – that combination of words was absolutely dangerous. Speaking of dangerous…

  “Shit,” she sat up. He looked at her in alarm, his right hand hunting around his bedside table for some tissues.

  “What?”

  “You actually did it.”

  He blinked at her. “Y-Yes… as you asked?”

  She ran her fingers through her hair, anxiety replacing the joy and pleasure she’d felt only a moment ago. “You’re not supposed to! I-I’d said to pull out before. And I know I just said to do it, but… you know this makes me stupid. I-I don’t know if it’s okay.”

  He passed her some tissues, his face now mirroring the anxiety she felt. “You didn’t research it?”

  “Did it look like I was researching?”

  “I… guess not. It looked like you were really enjoying yourself, though.”

  She gave him a reproachful look, kicking a leg out and hitting his arm. “Of course I was… but… I think we need to get the morning-after pill.”

  He rubbed his forehead for a moment before leaning over and looking at his phone.

  “Pharmacy’s long closed. Can we hold out for tomorrow?”

  “Yeah… it’s most effective within 24 hours, according to Clare.”

  He looked relieved. “You almost gave me a panic attack.”

  “I’m still kinda panicked.”

  He sighed, looking down at her. “There’s nothing we can do about it now,” he said gently, bending down to kiss her cheek. He cleaned himself up with some tissues and helped Lila do the same, with him inspecting her to make sure she was mostly fine once he was done.

  He glanced at her, his face uncertain for a moment. He then sat next to her on the bed, opening his mouth as if to say something. He closed it again before sighing with a subtle shake of his head.

  “Uh… we… haven’t talked about what would happen if I got you pregnant,” he said quietly.

  “We haven’t,” Lila concurred in a murmur. Suddenly, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to have this conversation now, considering what they’d just done. Was this that post-nut clarity that she’d heard about? Either way, it seemed… a bit late.

  “I… guess we’ll start with you,” he muttered, looking down at his hands.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, if I got you pregnant… what would you want to do?”

  Lila intertwined her fingers together, not exactly sure how to answer him. At this age, she wasn’t ready to be a mother. But… the idea of telling Asher to his face at this moment that she’d abort his child sounded heartless. And… truthfully, a part of her didn’t mind the prospect of having one with Asher – just not while they were still in school.

  “Uh… I… um… I’d probably look at getting an abortion,” she confessed in a whisper. “I-If it was right now. We’re… well, I’m not ready for a kid.”

  Asher remained silent for a few moments – long enough for Lila to get worried. Was he angry?

  “It’s your body, your choice,” he eventually said. “Pregnancy takes a lot out of someone. Growing another human being isn’t easy. That said…” His voice quivered, but he quickly recovered. “I feel like I want to have kids one day. S-So… if you decided not to abort… then I’d step up. For our baby.”

  He suddenly whipped his head up, seriously looking into Lila’s eyes now. “I’d spend my life making sure you had everything you need to grow a happy, healthy baby. And I’d keep spending my life to make sure our kids have everything they need.”

  Lila’s heart skipped a beat. It was just like Asher to be responsible like this – exactly how she thought he would be in this scenario. He seemed so entirely dead serious about a hypothetical child that… it almost made Lila feel as though she could go either way now. And ‘kids’? Plural? How far into the future was Asher thinking?

  “Is your preference an abortion?” she asked him in a low voice. He broke eye contact with her.

  “For now, yes. For logic, and realism’s sake. I don’t have a job, and even though my family’s rich, I couldn’t just mooch off of them for a baby they didn’t consent to having. My own principles wouldn’t allow it, even though they’d be able to support us financially. But, like I said, it’s your choice.”

  Lila nodded. It made sense.

  “If we needed me to, I’d drop out,” he added, staring intently at his hands. “So I could work. Since you wouldn’t be able to. At least… not at first.”

  Lila felt as though her heart stopped altogether, an icy feeling flooding through her. Asher, who had spent almost his entire life working so hard to get the best grades possible, was willing to throw it all away to help raise a baby with her? This hypothetical was getting too deep.

  “I can’t let you do that,” she shook her head. “You don’t need to worry. I’d abort. I don’t want to be a teen mum.”

  “Alright,” Asher replied gravely. “Just… saying that the option’s there.”

  “Thank you,” she smiled at him. “I love you.”

  He returned the smile, pulling her into his chest and leaning back against his headboard. “I love you too.”

  They lay like this for a while, contentedly in each other’s arms. Then, a thought occurred to Lila – one that was relatively cheeky. One that he’d probably disagree with, given their conversation just now about her getting pregnant.

  “So… Asher…”

  He looked down at her with a serene smile, kissing her forehead gently. “Yes, my love?”

  “Did… you like it?”

  “Like what exactly?”

  She felt rather flustered, now that it seemed that he didn’t know what she was referring to. But she caught a slight twinkle in his eye that made her think he was just trying to get her to say it.

  “You know what I mean.”

  He tilted his head playfully. “Do I?”

  “You definitely do.”

  “I’m really at a loss here.”

  “Asher…”

  “Lila.”

  “Asher, I… don’t want to say it.”

  “Well, how am I supposed to know?”

  “You definitely do! Look at that smirk!”

  “Maybe I’m smirking because you being so flustered is adorable.”

  She faltered before taking a deep breath and saying, “Fine. Did you like finishing like that?”

  Now even he seemed flustered.

  “I-I did,” he cleared his throat, bringing a hand to the back of her head. “A lot.”

  She coyly looked up at him again, slightly surprised by this answer. “Enough to do it again?”

  “Lila… I think I discovered something about myself,” he said softly, now stroking the top of her head before moving to her cheek. “It seems like I like it a bit too much. If I could, I’d do it all day. The feeling, your reaction, the way you begged me and then what you look like afterwards… if we were wanting to have kids, I doubt I’d need to try very hard.”

  She started to feel shy, but instead of backing down, she decided to speak. “I loved it. It feels like a reward for me. Like… you’ve left proof that you love me. A-And watching your face, hearing you and feeling you do it – I don’t know how I’m going to get any schoolwork done when we go back since that’s all I’m going to be thinking about and wanting to feel.”

  “I dunno either,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “It sounds like we’re in a bit of a pickle.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “For two people who don’t want to have kids right now, we definitely enjoy all the parts that go into it far too much.”

  She paused. Then, she suggested, “Maybe… we can get it out of our systems?”

  He raised an eyebrow at her. “What, like us doing it all the time already has done that thus far?”

  She felt her cheeks start to heat up. “Never mind, then.”

  “No, no, sorry. That was a bit harsh. What were you going to say?”

  “I… was going to say that… since we’re getting the morning after pill tomorrow anyway… we could take advantage of… well… that fact.”

  “Lila, I told you before that I’m really weak,” he said quietly. “If you say something like that, I have no choice but to obey.”

  “I’m just saying that we probably won’t have the chance again,” she replied just as quietly, looking down at his chest instead of meeting his gaze. “It’s like… I can feel all of you. I don’t want to let go of the opportunity just yet. I love you, and it feels like you’re giving me a piece of you for me to hold onto when you do that.” She paused. “Sorry, that last part was really cringey. Uh, I’m just going to go clean up a bit more.”

  She waddled somewhat awkwardly to the bathroom. Glancing in the mirror, she saw that her face was bright red. She hadn’t realised how embarrassed she’d be, saying all that to him. There wasn’t any way she could take it back, right?

  She sighed, flushing away the used tissues before glancing at the shower. It felt as though she’d put her foot in it. Perhaps a shower would ease her mind.

  She turned it on, waiting for it to warm up, when she heard the sound of the door opening behind her. Suddenly, she felt too nervous to look at him – a ridiculous feeling, considering what they’d just finished doing, but one she had nonetheless.

  She felt him stand behind her before his arms wrapped around her, his lips grazing her neck before making their way to her ear.

  “Lila, if you want to, and if you say it’s fine, I’d love to. It… well, it feels the best without a condom. When you asked me to do that, it felt like my mind went blank. I hardly gave it a second thought, after you begged me to. The way you said it, and your face… it was just so fucking hot, and I instantly craved it. Plus, I just… want to give you everything I’ve got.”

  He mumbled the last part, as though he’d caught himself saying something embarrassing just as she had. She turned to face him, touching his cheek gently. His face was pink, his eyes looking past her shoulder.

  “If that’s the case… then… let’s do it again. It’s sexy as hell,” she smiled, grabbing his other arm and pulling him towards the shower. “When you’re ready. But there’s nothing wrong with a shower first.”

  He looked incredibly relieved. They showered together for a few minutes, each content with their silent routines, before Asher spoke.

  “So… if we’re going to take the opportunity to do this before we get the morning after pill, do you want to go again when we wake up?”

  “Yes, my love,” she smiled, bringing him into her arms. “I’d say now, but… I’m really tired.”

  “Same here,” he replied, lightly brushing her cheek with his hand. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  With that, they finished their shower and climbed into bed, with Lila tucked into his arms as he spooned her.

  “Goodnight, my love,” he whispered into the darkness.

  “Goodnight, my love,” she replied just as quietly, her eyelids incredibly heavy already.