Chapter 5:

  Harper ran over and put a hand on my shoulder, concern in her eyes "What do you mean? Did you put points into it?"

  "I brought it up to 13, I didn't know that would give me a debuff!"

  Max looked around the cave "Shit, I didn't know that either. What's your HP at?"

  "65."

  Max choked. Harper's eyes went wide. Caroline... didn't actually look that invested, but then again I just met her.

  "I've heard a rumor like that." She said easily. "Numbers with special meanings have weird effects if you put them in a stat. So 13 makes the stat worse, I guess?"

  "That's a thing? Max rubbed his chin. "I'm gonna grind up and powerlevel my charm to 69." Harper elbowed him in the stomach.

  "Connor," Harper looked at me with eyes full of worry. "stay behind Max until you can level up again and fix it. It shouldn't take us too long to get you to level 3."

  That felt like shit. I made a bad choice and now I was going to be dead weight for an entire level.

  [Evaluator: You're gonna be dead weight a lot longer than that, mate. You're still the only party member with a single digit level. You're proper fucked bucko.]

  "Let's go..." I sighed and started trudging further down the tunnel. "Let's go." My head was swimming. I was dimly aware the others were chasing me, Harper was telling me not to go to the front. At some point Caroline's light went out and she had to recast it. I wasn't really paying attention. I didn't even know where we were until I had to duck to get through a narrow gap in the tunnel and I realized we were entering a larger chamber. The chamber was maybe 50 feet wide and 200 feet long, maybe another 50 feet tall. At the center of the room, there was something in the floor. Like, a hole with some kind of covering that can close in from all sides or open up. There's a word for it, I'm pretty sure but-

  [Evaluator: Sphincter.]

  [Connor: Dillweed]

  [Evaluator: What? No, the word for that kind of doorway structure is a Sphincter. It's usually a bodily structure but sometimes dungeons incorporate them.]

  [Evaluator: It's like how helicopters are based on Maple Seeds.]

  [Connor: Wait... are they really? That's cool]

  [Evaluator: Right. I'm like 80% sure I'm not making that up.]

  "Guys, I think this is the Stairwell." I took a few steps towards the... sphincter. It was huge, nearly 20 feet across.

  "Connor, hold on." Max's hand was on my shoulder all of a sudden. "Sometimes there's a stairwell guardian. There usually isn't one on the first level but that's not a hard and fast rule. We should still be careful."

  I deflated a little bit more "Sure. Fine."

  "Harper, could you do a quick scout of the area while the three of us try to figure out how to open the... uh..." Max stumbled

  "Sphincter." I provided.

  "Yeah. That."

  "On it." Harper nodded, drew her arrow against her bowstring, and started to circle the outer wall of the room. I could hear her distantly counting off a number or two every few steps. "One.. Two, three.... Four... Five, six, seven..." I realized pretty quickly that she was counting holes and openings in the walls. I could see that there were dozens of them, at all heights of the chamber.

  "I think maybe all the paths lead this way." I looked around. "Some of the others might be coming this way soon."

  "Then we should definitely figure out how to open the stairwell." Max poked the head of his hammer against the weird membrane that was stretched over the hole in the floor. It... quivered.

  That was... disturbing.

  [Evaluator: I now regret contributing the word "Sphincter" to this conversation.]

  [Connor: I also wish you hadn't done that.]

  "Is that thing... alive?" Caroline asked. "Is the stairwell some kind of... creature?"

  "I think it is." Max poked it again.

  Quiver

  I gagged a little. "Thanks, I hate it."

  The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

  "We could probably get it to open if we damage it enough. Don't suppose your platinum card makes explosions or something?"

  I held up my mace "You think I'd be using this thing if I could cast fireball?"

  "Good point. Caroline?"

  She shook her head. "All utility. My only offensive ability is called-"

  "Guys," Harper jogged up to us "I just finished scouting the room. There's 25 entrances to the room. Five of them at ground level. Do you have a plan to get us into the stairwell yet?"

  "Wow." Caroline stared at her. "Rude. I was talking."

  "Oh, sorry." Harper rubbed the back of her head awkwardly. "I just wanted to bring everyone up to speed. Like Connor said, the other teams might-"

  "Well well well!" came a familiar voice from one of the tunnels. "It seems we meet again."

  Hoster and the three tracksuited streamers were standing at the mouth of one of the tunnels, maybe 15 feet above us.

  "Sorry to interrupt but it is WE who will be defeating the... the... sorry, what's the stairwell guardian you guys are strategizing about?" It was that guy in the blue tracksuit, Chilipepper Yentl or whatever.

  "Not really a guardian." I shouted back. "It's just a Sphincter."

  "Okay, can we all just stop talking about Sphincters?" Caroline cut in "Ever since we got into this room, Sphincter, sphincter sphincter. I think I've heard the word sphincter more in the past 5 minutes than I have in the entire rest of my life combined."

  "Doesn't really sound like a real word" Put in the woman in the Red Tracksuit. "Sphincter. Sphiiiincter."

  "That's enough!" Hoster yelled. "I don't care what we call it, we'll be the first ones through it! Now get them!"

  He grabbed the man in the Yellow suit and whispered something to him.

  Red Tracksuit stepped forward drawing her card from the air. "This is my skill, Gift of the Phoenix!" Fire came streaming out of the card like it was a flamethrower, I could feel the heat burning against my skin before the fire even got close to us. I closed my eyes. This was probably it.

  When several seconds passed and I wasn't cooked alive, I peeked in front of me.

  Max was standing in front of the group, the fire pouring around his Brave Man's Shield Aura. The look of strain on his face matched the one on Red Tracksuit's.

  [Evaluator: You're not supposed to pit two skill cards against each other. Creates a terrible strain. Of course, some high level Hunters train for it, but without that training skill vs skill combat is really tough on the body.]

  [Connor: Are you saying the fire could override Max's skill?]

  [Evaluator: Yes and no. The skills are designed to counter monsters, not each other. Racksuit's fire skill won't just bypass it, but your friend's shield might not be designed to contend with it.]

  [Connor: ...Racksuit?]

  [Evaluator: What, were you just going to call her Red Tracksuit for the entire battle? I shortened it.]

  I dismissed the message and looked up at the ledge. Racksuit was starting to look drained.

  She was also starting to look... alone. The other two bodyguards were nowhere to be seen.

  "Guys, I think they're-" Yellow tracksuit... "Yacksuit?" was running along our left flank. He drew a card from the air and held it up at us "Gift of the Storm Dragon!"

  Lightning shot out of his card and flew forward. Instead of flying toward us, it continued in its long, crackling arc, flying through the air behind us and past to our other side. It was circling us, penning us in so we couldn't get out of the way when Max's shield expired. Unless... If Yacksuit was here then...

  I spun around in the other direction, looking for... There he was, Blacksuit... wait no, that wouldn't work. Dammit. Backsuit? No, that sounds absolutely terrible.

  Backsuit was closing on us, aiming a silver card at Max through the gap between the lightning snake and the phoenix flames. If that skill hit him while his shield was up, Max might not be able to survive.

  Not sure if I'd do much better if it hit me, either.