This was, beyond a doubt, the most batshit insane plan I'd ever made. However, it was time for me to face reality.

  As much as I hated it, Motteburh was clearly fantasy France.

  From the names of the people there, its heavily classist structure, and even how I was trying to keep it from ending up in its own Reign of Terror...everything matched.

  This means that my past life was in some ways closer to Motteburh than it was anywhere else in this new world. And it meant that I could potentially trick the leadership of Motteburh the same way I could trick myself. Or at least make plans that might trick French aristocrats and modify them for Motteburh.

  "Gustav, you fit dozens of French stereotypes," D?é??om informed me. "You're not a normal Frenchman."

  "They're not stereotypes, they're requirements. Every good Frenchman uses them as an ideal to aspire to," I replied mentally as I came up with my plan.

  And also my backup plans.

  By the end of it, I had several sheets of paper plastered against the wall. Joanna looked on from her seat. She held my crystal ball, adjusting it so Queen Hildoara would get a good view. With a wide grin, I slapped the pieces of paper.

  "One of these plans of mine will find out who tried to kill Astrid and potentially force the Motteburh aristocracy to ease up on the commoners," I declared.

  My wet nurse was the first person to ask a question.

  "Why is there a short, thin man standing next to a tall, fat man? And why does his helmet have wings on it?" Joanna questioned.

  Hildoara blinked in shock.

  "Gustav didn't tell you about the works of Goscinny and Uderzo?" she asked.

  "I..." Joanna sighed. "I think he did, but I did not want to know."

  "This is plan Z. So, you don't need to worry about it unless all my other plans are rejected," I said.

  Joanna nodded, relief flowing through her.

  "Then, what is plan A?" she wondered.

  "A box-and-stick trap with cheese, wine, and escargot inside," I pointed at the relevant image.

  Joanna let out a deep sigh.

  "Please tell me you're joking, Gustav," she said.

  "It's becoming increasingly difficult to tell," D?é??om noted.

  I responded mentally.

  "Despite being the God of Humanity and the God of Exposition, you were never good at telling."

  "Fair point. But also irrelevant," D?é??om replied.

  "I guess so."

  Then, I addressed my two-person audience.

  "This might seem like it might not work," I said. "But if we make it the highest-quality wine money can buy, it should attract the most Motteburhian of Motteburhian aristocrats."

  Through the crystal ball, I saw Hildoara grabbing a piece of parchment and a pen. She made a motion that indicated dipping it before she started writing. Joanna facepalmed.

  "Your Majesty, you do not have to take notes," she stated.

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  "I don't want to rely on my memory alone," Hildoara replied. "And I want to see if Gustav's plan will work."

  Dejection crossed Joanna's face.

  "Of course, Your Majesty," she let out a deep sigh.

  I could tell my wet nurse didn't like plan A. That meant it was time for plan B. My hand slapped another sheet of paper.

  "This is my second plan. We throw a giant feast and masquerade ball," I said.

  "What's a masquerade ball?" Joanna asked.

  "I've never heard that terms before," Hildoara added.

  A grin crossed my face.

  "Exactly," I told them. "Masquerade balls are new to this world. They're like balls, except everyone's wearing a mask. The idea is that you can't tell who anyone is under it. With this anonymity, we can lure in Motteburh nobles to capture and interrogate them. And since they're new, that'll attract Motteburh nobles by virtue of novelty."

  "But if we do that without a reason, it might cause a war," Hildoara pointed out.

  I smiled wider.

  "Exactly. That's why I gave us the perfect excuse, or at least something close to perfect."

  Pointing at some papers, I keep explaining.

  "Motteburh is the most classist place in the world, more than any other I've seen. So, if we were to say that Motteburh nobles were allowed to come, but only if they were of the rank of count or lower..."

  Joanna's eyes widened in revelation. Queen Hildoara wrote notes harder and faster.

  "...the higher-ranking nobles will see that as an offense. Perhaps even to their very honor," she said.

  "But they will have no legal grounds to do anything about it other than complain, provided that the ball is outside of Motteburh. It is up to the host of the ball to decide who comes and who doesn't. But the Motteburh nobles won't take that lying down," I explained. "And when you combine that with a ball where people are supposed to be anonymous..."

  Joanna nodded.

  "A lot of the Motteburh nobles will come anyway out of spite. They'll hide under the masks to avoid getting detected," I said.

  Hildoara smiled.

  "That's a great plan, Gustav," she stated. "Now, tell me how you plan on getting them to reveal themselves. If you just went around taking off everyone's masks, that would just build distrust in you."

  Seeing my fiancé have such confidence in me filled my body with joy. I gladly kept up my explanation.

  "The plan is to fill the halls outside of the main ballroom with traps. These will be non-lethal and designed to remove masks from people. I'll put these everywhere, even outside of the bathrooms. This will guarantee that we'll catch at least one high-ranking Motteburh noble sneaking in. And that might be all we need. But just in case, we'll try to capture as many as we can."

  "That plan, or something like that, has a very good chance of working," Joanna said.

  Hildoara wrote down a few more notes before speaking.

  "I'll have one of my lords run a masquerade feast. I don't want Motteburh to know that I'm directly involved, and a lower-ranking noble giving the terms of invitation might offend Motteburh nobles more," she stated.

  "And I will set up the stick-and-box trap," I declared.

  Joanna sighed. D?é??om groaned.

  "That plan is ass, Gustav," he said.

  "No, it isn't. It's great," I thought. "It'll work. I promise."

  "Just in case it doesn't, at least have a backup plan together."

  "I have one plan for every letter in the alphabet. But you're right that I should set one into motion."

  So, I spoke up.

  "I'll inform His Majesty about Plan D while you do Plan C, Hildoara."

  Now, Joanna looked a bit concerned. Hildoara seemed very curious.

  "What is Plan D?" she asked.

  "We send some of His Majesty King Eduard the Defenestrator's best male knights, have them disguise themselves as women, and infiltrate Motteburh as serving girls," I answered. "They'll bring back key intelligence."

  Now, Joanna and Hildoara seemed confused.

  "Why male knights?" Joanna asked. "There are female knights in Greenrivers."

  "If everyone thinks they're women, and then someone checks, the moment of shock will give them an opening," I answered. "I'd go too, but His Majesty wants me to stay in the palace for now."

  Then, I realized something.

  "I'll have to abandon Plan D. Now that I told it to a foreigner, King Eduard would never go for it. That means we'll have to go with Plan E."

  "And that plan is?" Joanna wondered.

  I slapped another piece of paper with my hand. The diagrams illustrated what this plan would involve.

  "It's basically Plan B except instead of a masquerade ball, it's a sort of play," I explained. "Donnie's premiering his new invention soon. So, if we only invite low-ranking Motteburh nobles to it while making sure it's in Greenrivers, some high-ranking Motteburh nobles will go out of spite."

  Then, I shrugged.

  "The only problem is that without the anonymity of a masquerade ball, fewer nobles will come. But we can at least get a few of them."

  "Yes. It'll probably be the stupider Motteburh aristocrats who fall for this trick," Joanna nodded.

  "Then, I will inform His Majesty about that plan," I said.

  Looking at the wall, I realized that there were way too many schemes listed there for us to go over. I already wasted too much time coming up with them.

  "Then, if His Majesty agrees, he will carry out Plan E. Hildora, you're already doing Plan B. That leaves me to go with Plan A," I declared.

  "Please don't do Plan A," Joanna begged.

  "I'm doing it," I said. "Now, to make sure Motteburh agents don't find out about these plans."

  I snapped my fingers, and the papers on the wall went up in flames. They burned away in a few seconds. The fire did no damage to the wall or anything else.