"Book of the apocalypse"

  What is an apocalypse?

  The dictionary will probably tell you something like:

  Apocalypse

  The complete destruction of the world or an event involving destruction or damage on a catastrophic scale.

  Movies will probably talk mostly about zombie apocalypses in which the world has been taken over by flesh eating monsters.

  But then I wonder...

  Does there exist something like a quiet apocalypse?

  Perhaps a personal apocalypse?

  One in which life as we know it is destroyed for maybe even a single person.

  Or perhaps it is the silent self-destruction of the world itself.

  Slowly killing itself, wrapping itself in plastic until breathing becomes impossible.

  Willingly suffocating itself.

  Because it had always wished for death.

  For silence.

  For peace.

  For the end.

  For now you may call me Farren.

  I believe that the world I live in is one of a silent apocalypse.

  One in which humanity itself decides to extinguish their own flame.

  A mind destroying apocalypse.

  All the while acting as if nothing is wrong and everything is going great.

  And perhaps it really does make some people happy.

  Perhaps they want to see the end... and they might want to see it really soon.

  My world is one of constant loneliness.

  I'm surrounded by many people.

  They walk past me without even batting an eye.

  Well it's not like I am the one paying attention to them.

  No, I'm just like them.

  Isolated.

  Alone.

  Uncaring.

  A cog in a machine that's killing itself off joyfully.

  This story is about the apocalypse during a time of computers.

  An apocalypse so silent no one notices.

  And even those that do, try to ignore it.

  The author's content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

  To be born in a time like this truly seems unfair.

  After all, I live in a world in which doing something else is seen as weird, insane or wrong.

  Well then again, it's not like I care that much either.

  I'm not brave, nor smart.

  And rebelliousness is something that can be seen as the polar opposite of me.

  Just like most, I work in this society like an ant.

  An ant who does nothing else but what it's told.

  There are moments though, moments in which I truly regret it all.

  My life choices, my weaknesses, my birth.

  If I had done this differently, then maybe I would have had a better position at my job.

  Maybe if I had been less shy I could have made friends who would stay with me.

  Maybe if I hadn't been born, the world wouldn't be this insufferable.

  Well nothing I can change about it now, I too am stuck in my own personal bubble.

  A friendless, lowly bubble.

  Yet somehow still desperate enough to keep on surviving.

  The sudden sound of my alarm clock awakens me from my daydreams.

  Crap! If only I had paid better attention to the time, I might have finished more...

  Well, again, nothing to be done about it.

  I guess I just have to work harder tomorrow.

  "Hey Farren!" A loud voice that immediately gives me shivers comes from behind me.

  It's the manager of my floor.

  Carefully I turn around, whilst trying to hide my trembling hand.

  "Y-yes?"

  Shit, I screwed up already.

  "It's 'yes sir', for you."

  Yes, he's pissed.

  "Sorry s-sir."

  He looks down at me almost like he sees before him not a human being, but instead a cockroach.

  Or perhaps more something like dog poop.

  Well, anyway, he doesn't try to hide the look of disgust on his face as he speaks to me, even keeping his distance to protect himself against the smell of the dog poop or the moving cockroach.

  "You should know what this is going to be about."

  His eyes stare threateningly into mine.

  "Is this about yesterday, or..."

  Honestly I have no clue, but it's better to guess than to admit it with him.

  "Not just yesterday, lately Farren, lately."

  "I should work faster...?"

  God, I'm hopeless, especially now that fear has taken a hold of me.

  Desperately I seek for an answer around me, while trying to avoid eye-contact.

  "Like hell! You've been so slow lately, just what is your problem?!"

  Thank God I guessed right.

  "I-" I try, but he doesn't let me finish.

  "No excuses, you should try to be more like Kathan. Great guy always on time at work and with his work."

  "Kathan the intern?"

  "So what, he does this a thousand times more efficiently than you."

  Kathan is our unpaid intern, that's what I want to say followed by: of course he is better, because he literally works for free. But luckily I'm able to hold my tongue at the right time.

  "I will do so, sir." I reply automatically, but it doesn't seem good enough for him.

  He's always like this, belittling those he sees as lesser than him.

  Makes me wonder if he talks like this to his wife and kids too.

  "You know, I let you stay out of the goodness of my heart, even though you're older than most people I hire."

  Bullshit, hearing that coming out of the mouth of a man at least twice my age sounds really weird.

  Old? Yeah, to a teenager. I'm in my twenties, the manager is in his forties or fifties.

  He just doesn't like me because I get paid almost as much as him, more than a sixteen-year old.

  Also, he wasn't the person who hired me. It was our old CEO, who did care.

  The floor manager continues his rant: "If you keep going like this, I will have no choice but to fire you."

  I nod: "Yes sir, I understand."

  Perhaps it's time for me to start looking for another job again.

  Sucks, I've been working here for a couple of years now and even though the manager sucks, other things are okay.

  Well...

  I've avoided the bullying for now...

  It's really stupid, when you enter the adult world, you learn how childish people can really be.

  After his rant is finally finished, he lets me leave.

  Kathan seems to have seen it all and wants to walk over to me, but I act as if I didn't notice and hurry out of the building.

  I don't want to be pitied.

  Exhausted, I take the train back home to my apartment.

  It's a bit run-down, the building, but at least I have a place to sleep, shower and cook.

  Even if all is just in two small rooms.

  As I look outside I can see the dreary cityscape, reminding me how hopeless this world really is.

  I drop myself on the couch (that's also my bed) and turn on the tv.

  I watch video after video, mindlessly, not listening to anything.

  Because in truth it really is just background noise to make my brain stop thinking unwanted thoughts.

  After a while I look at the clock and notice that it's almost one in the morning.

  I turn off the tv and fall asleep.

  The loud noise of my morning alarm wakes me up again and I'm reminded that I haven't eaten since yesterday lunch.

  Quickly I take a soda from the fridge and drink it.

  The chance of me being late to work today is pretty high, so I rush out of the building without looking back.