Chapter 32: Life and Death Are Not Separate (5)

  "With courage beyond others, no wonder Fei Bai holds you in such high regard. Now, tell me about the conditions you mentioned." I gazed at the black pill that Si Juan had just taken out, and my heart was filled with fear like turbulent waves.

  "Born to be together, born to be together! What a romantic name, as if it's the most beautiful fantasy in every loving person's heart. However, after taking the medicine, except for the antidote person, one cannot be with other men. If the antidote person is not the one you love, you may even lose the right to love forever, and also be deprived of a person's most sacred power - giving birth to children. Such a delicate and romantic 'born to be together' is actually so cruel and heartless! This TMD thing is clearly ancient AIDS!"

  Suddenly I remembered the golden earrings with hidden Snow Pearl Dan that Song Minghui gave me, could it be that what he was worried about back then wasn't the poison White wanted to give me, but this "Eternal Separation"?

  Could it be that Jiang had prepared this "till death do us part" for me in his letter?

  You and Jinxiu colluded to deceive me, I can still forgive you for the sake of Jinxiu's face, but if you want to use this despicable AIDS drug to control me, even if I exhaust all my resources, I will not pardon you.

  If I don't obey, Jinxiu will be drugged and driven mad by him. Even if Yuan Qingjiang doesn't harm Jinxiu, anyone in the Xiao Wu Yi can be a pawn to control me. Now, I have no choice but to obey.

  I struggled to calm my indignant heart, and my mind began to spin rapidly. Then I slowly knelt down on both legs, raised my head, and said slowly: "Mù Jīn is willing to take this life-long separation, and also willing to assist the Third Master in asking for the tripod. However, I also ask the Master to agree to a few things? Otherwise, even if Mù Jīn takes this life-long separation, he will not be willing to follow the Third Master wholeheartedly."

  On the side, Feng Ding loudly shouted: "How dare you, Mu Ge! At this time today, what qualifications do you think you have to discuss conditions with Master Hou!"

  "Haha, how interesting! You're quite bold, I'll give you that. No wonder Fei Bai holds you in such high regard. So, tell me, what are these conditions of yours?"

  I took a deep breath and said loudly, "I have three requests for you, sir." "What are they?" He looked down at me with interest in his eyes, this old pervert.

  "Firstly, my family's Jinzhu is loyal to you, Master Hou. I beg of you to treat her well and not harm her, no matter what choices she makes."

  "Alright, I'll agree to it," Yu Qingjiang said with a smile. "I'm someone who has always refused to be swayed by flattery and coercion... except for Mei."

  "Secondly, when Third Master ascends to the throne, you and Third Master don't need to give me an antidote, I won't ask for a royal title or wealth and glory. I only hope that you will give Mu Xi freedom, Mu Xi just wants to drift on the green waves and end his life." Yuan Qingjiang looked at me with some surprise and said slowly: "If you really decide to do so at that time, I won't let Fei Bai have a hard time with you."

  "Mugong thanked General Hou, thirdly...thirdly, Liu Yansheng is in the Imperial Garden, bullying and oppressing us, the five sworn brothers, and making things difficult for us everywhere. We beg of you, General, to kill him to put our minds at ease." Qing Jiang hesitated for a moment, then gently shook his head: "This third matter I'm afraid I cannot agree to."

  "What's the reason?" My heart tightened. "Now is the time when the Yuan family needs people, I can only answer you for now, but when the Yuan family dominates the world, I will kill Liu Yansheng for you." Yuan Qingjiang's eyes were cold and bright, just like Bai Wenshen's when he was angry.

  As expected, he was indeed cunning and deep in his plans. I secretly thought to myself: "Alright, Mu Jin will remember Master Hou's words." I took a step forward, my hand trembling as I reached out towards the "Life-Linked"…

  I stepped out of Mei Xiao Zhu with a slightly trembling foot, and Feng Ding behind me didn't care about me, but just let out a soft snort, looked at me with disdain, and turned back to the pavilion.

  As I saw his figure disappear, I hastened my pace and arrived at a secluded spot. I pulled off the earring on my right ear, opened the mechanism, and poured out the Snow Pearl Pill that Song Minghui had given me. I hastily sent it into my mouth and swallowed it with a gulp. Then, unable to bear it any longer, I fell to the ground, my whole body trembling like dry leaves in a stormy wind. My mind was filled with sorrow and pain, and I couldn't think at all.

  "Muxin, you……." A low male voice came over, I turned my head, it was Song Mingrui, he saw me and his eyes lit up with surprise, he quickly walked over, squatted down on the ground, looking at me levelly: "You, what's wrong, did Feng Ding take you to see the general?"

  I nodded expressionlessly, wanting to speak but unable to make any sound. His hand gently touched my cheek, his palm damp with sweat.

  "Why are you so scared, did he do something to you?" His eyes were filled with abnormal fear, seeing me shake my head woodenly, he let out a slight sigh of relief, then his hand moved to my empty right ear, "Did you take my Snow Pearl Pill?"

  I nodded blankly again, and Song Mingkui's face changed immediately: "Is... he, is he forcing you to take that medicine?" Song Mingkui's voice also changed, his face turned pale, and the words "that medicine" brought me back to reality. The tension, fear, and humiliation all came flooding back into my heart, surging into my mind. I couldn't hold it in anymore, tears burst forth like a dam breaking, and I threw myself into Song Mingkui's arms, crying out: "Second brother, I'm so scared."

  Song Mingkui tightly wrapped his arms around me, his handsome face twisted, and a fierce hatred flashed in his eyes that I had never seen before, like hell, making my blood run cold: "The Yuans, indeed not a single good thing."

  "Don't worry, I let you carry the Snow Pearl Pill with you all the time for this very reason." After a while, Song Mingpei calmed down and gently patted my shoulder: "Second Brother hasn't actually tested the Snow Pearl Pill to see if it can really detoxify everything, but it should be harmless."

  My heart sank even lower, secretly crying out in distress, it turns out I still haven't passed the final test.

  "Can you hold on anymore, Second Brother wants you to return to Purple Garden." I looked at him fearfully, and he smiled warmly and firmly at me: "Muxin, be brave, never show weakness in front of those who have harmed you, because this is your first step to standing up."

  His words miraculously brought a warmth to my body, calming my heart, and courage grew like wild grass. I wiped away my tears, nodded stubbornly, and Song Mingkui's eyes showed approval as he nodded at me: "Good."

  I returned as usual to Yu Fei Bai's side. Yu Fei Bai sat there with a sullen face, and upon seeing me, seemed to let out a sigh of relief: "Where did you go? I've been waiting for you."

  I gazed at him coldly for a while before breaking into a smile: "Never had this kind of rice cake before, got a stomachache."

  Fei Bai smiled and nodded, but then secretly worriedly felt my pulse for half a day under the table. I raised my eyes to look over, only to see that beside Xuan Yuan Ben Zhong was an additional handsome red-haired young man, who was precisely Fei Jue. My heart was filled with endless sorrow, while he also stared blankly in my direction.

  Xuanyuan said with a hint of a smile: "I'm telling you, Fei Ge, just now you clearly said you were going to add more clothes, but I see that you're getting fewer and fewer. Although your martial arts skills are strong, after all it's almost winter, be careful not to catch a chill."

  Fei Ge looked at me, taking big gulps of wine, and muttered without turning his head: "Ben Shao Ye is willing."

  I only now noticed that he was wearing a single white silk shirt, which was indeed a bit thin for autumn. I recalled that before we parted in the Moonlight Garden, he said he had to make preparations, and this outfit must have been what he changed into after purifying himself for the ritual, specially for our upcoming wedding ceremony. I couldn't help but want to laugh and cry at the same time, and could only swallow my tears, lower my head, and avoid his inquiring gaze.

  He withdrew his hand from my wrist and gazed into my eyes with an unfathomable depth.

  He looked into my eyes, hesitated and was about to speak when a small eunuch suddenly rushed in, panting and reporting in a shrill voice: "Report to the young master, the king, the princess, the prince consort, the palace has sent news that the Empress Dowager has fallen and is seriously ill."

  Everyone in the hall was shocked, the actors on stage stopped performing and stood still. Yuan Qingjiang's face turned solemn as he stood up, shouted "withdraw the banquet" and signaled to Yuan Feiqing and Yuan Bai to follow him back to the Purple Garden.

  Fei Bai squeezed my hand and whispered, "Your pulse is a bit strange, go back and rest first, I'll be right back."

  Song Mingkui followed Feibai to the front of the Zi Garden, looking back at me with a worried expression. I squeezed out a smile for him, and only then did he relax his eyebrows and follow them in.

  Su Hui and Wei Hu ran over, Su Hui looked at me with a smile and said: "Mu Niang, I just heard Gong Ding Gongzi say that you entered the Purple Garden to deliver medicine to Grandfather, but was seen by Hou Ye, he promised you to San Ye."

  I forced a faint smile, probably uglier than crying. Su Hui was taken aback: "What's wrong with you? We're going to be the masters of the madam in the future, shouldn't we be happy instead? Why are you looking so gloomy?"

  "Wei Hu coughed: "Su Hui, it's getting late, let's send the young lady back to Xi Feng Yuan." After saying that, his eyes glanced in the direction where Fei Ge was sitting, and Su Hui immediately nodded repeatedly: "Right, right, Mu young lady, let's go."

  Su Hui pulled me towards the archway, I turned back to see Yuan Fei jumping off the sedan chair and rushing towards me. Guo Er flashed out and grabbed him, then coldly whispered something in his ear. His face changed drastically, frozen in pain as he stared at me without a word.

  I looked back at those eyes filled with regret and anger, in the rustling autumn wind, I so wanted to rush over and put a cloak on him, afraid that he would catch a chill. But my feet seemed rooted to the ground, unable to move an inch. Nai Jue, Nai Jue, you and I are destined to be apart, from the moment I mistakenly entered Xi Feng Garden, it was predetermined that we could not be together in this life. Now that I have taken the vow of eternal devotion, I fear that I will be even more unable to approach you.

  I stand in the courtyard, gazing at the one I love from afar, hot tears overflowing, yet that inch of a step seems like an insurmountable distance, my heart feels as if it's being cut by a knife.

  Su Hui pulled me into the carriage, Wei Hu was driving in front, I sat in the carriage hugging my legs, constantly dropping tears. Su Hui looked at me and handed over a handkerchief from time to time for me to wipe away my tears, possibly wanting to say something comforting, but closed his mouth again in frustration.

  I returned to the Western Maple Garden and walked back to my own room, only to find it empty and bare. Su Hui told me that San Niang had already moved all my belongings to the Xiang Xin Pavilion. I trudged along like a zombie, feeling dull and numb, until I arrived at the pavilion. All my things were neatly arranged in the outer chamber, while the inner chamber was now Nai Bai's "boudoir". San Niang chattered on about Amitabha Buddha, saying that General had promised me to Third Master, and that Third Master and Madame Xie had finally fulfilled their wishes. It was supposedly a great fortune for me, and tonight they would be celebrating my union with Nai Bai or something. I stood by the ivory threshold, listening blankly until everything became muffled and indistinct. I didn't even notice when San Niang left the room. As I gazed out at the vibrant sunset, I couldn't help but think of Nai Bai's pure smile, and tears streamed down my face in silence.

  At dusk, the sky darkened, and San Niang specially changed into a new wedding dress for me. The house also changed to bright red lanterns, and the bedding was replaced with new ones. As a result, Yuan Fei did not return home for dinner, but only sent someone to pass on the message that he wanted to discuss important matters with Hou Ye and would be back late. San Niang was somewhat disappointed, but still comforted me not to mind, saying that men should prioritize their careers, and that my good days with San Ye were yet to come. I nodded in agreement, and when San Niang turned her head, I secretly changed into a casual outfit and let out a sigh of relief.

  I want to have a good talk with Fei Bai, after all we are civilized people. Although I was infected with the AIDS virus by your perverted old man, love can still be forced. I straightened my body, sat up straight and waited, waited...

  Unfortunately, I waited until the third watch of the night, but he still didn't show up. Finally, I couldn't hold on any longer and fell asleep on his writing desk, dozing off in a daze. Suddenly, a faint scent wafted into my nostrils, and someone gently wiped the corner of my mouth. I woke up with a start to find Yuan Fei standing beside me, smiling as he delicately dabbed at the saliva on the corner of my mouth. I leapt up like I'd been electrocuted, hastily wiping my mouth with my sleeve several times. Looking at him, I wanted to speak but didn't know where to begin. Could I just tell him that although I'd fallen for his father's AIDS, in this world besides you, I couldn't be with any other man? But the one I loved was still Yuan Fei, that silly kid, especially since we had a history together...

  A single lamp, weak and flickering, cast a soft and dim light on his unparalleled beauty. It was as if the air itself had scattered to every corner of the room. Clearly, I hated him, hated how he and Jin Xiu had deceived me together, hated how he had taken away my freedom, hated how he had torn us apart, hated how he had given me a life sentence... but looking at his faint smile, my heart still softened. No, Mu Qi, you can't be so foolish, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him...

  So I glared at him fiercely and hatefully, but Yuan Fei withdrew his gaze, turned his face away, and muttered somewhat embarrassedly: "You always stare at me like this, as if I'm not wearing clothes, making me, a man, feel embarrassed."

  I... have fallen so low... Alas! Could it be that I really must often look at people with such a gaze? No wonder everyone says I'm a demon...

  Wait a minute, I suddenly remembered that this brother's trickery skills are on par with mine, especially when we met Yulang Jun in the mountain cave, it was him who almost got me killed.

  "You..." I raised my carrot-like finger, trembling as I pointed at him. Sure enough, he sneered wickedly and swiftly closed in on me, gently pulling me into his arms, saying: "I know you've been wronged today, thank you for protecting me."

  I gently pushed him away and said coldly, "Bai San Ye, don't misunderstand me, I'm doing this for Jin Xiu's sake."

  After hearing this, the hand that Fei Bai had stretched out was left hovering awkwardly in mid-air for a moment. His face twisted into a bitter expression as he withdrew his hands and gazed deeply at me for several moments. He let out a helpless sigh, picked up the candle holder and gently handed it to me: "I have to leave with the general for Kyoto tomorrow morning, you're also tired, go to bed early."

  I'm filled with grievances, you're a heartless bastard. You let your father infect me with AIDS and didn't even explain the story between you and Jin Xiu to me. Indeed, from ancient times to the present, men have always known how to handle affairs in a way that disregards people's suffering.

  I angrily snatched the candle holder and turned around to lie down in the outer room, not looking at him again.

  The habit of lying on my jade bed, combined with the many things that happened today, made it impossible for me to fall asleep. The occasional flash of Naihe's sunny smile in my mind seemed like the best thing in the world.

  The uneven breathing of the room is always turning over and over again.

  The two of us were each lost in our own thoughts, the night wore on until the fourth watch. Suddenly, Fei spoke up from inside the room, saying he was thirsty. I reluctantly lit a lamp, poured a cup of tea and brought it in to him. His black hair had come undone at some point, his pale face was deathly white, and his eyebrows were furrowed together. He took a few sips from my hand, then fell back heavily onto the bed. I felt that something was off about him: "Third Master, what's wrong?"

  In the old mansion, it was quiet and still. He half-propped himself up, wearing a snow-white undergarment, his black long hair framing his pale and exquisite face. His deep, dark eyes stared at me, and in the flickering candlelight, there was something eerie and almost unreal about him. He held my hand tightly, his palm cold and damp with some trembling. I felt a little scared and wanted to go find Mr. Han to take a look at him. However, he pulled me back and whispered: "It's just that during the day, I was forced to drink some wine by Master Ma, so my legs are cramping up a bit. It's already so late, don't make a fuss about it anymore. Just help me rub it for now."

  I thought to myself, I still thought you were guilty and couldn't sleep, the old illness relapsed, fortunately the light was dim, it didn't shine on my twitching face, so I pouted, got up, and gently massaged his calf.

  After a while, his face gradually calmed down, his breathing slowed down, and the muscles in his legs relaxed. He looked at me with pity, took out a towel, and wiped away my sweat: "You've worked hard, come on, lie down and rest."

  I was exhausted and powerless, being pulled into his arms. His gentle embrace surrounded me, even with my eyes closed and back to him, I could still feel the scorching gaze behind me. His soft, shallow breathing sprayed onto my earlobe, warm and ticklish. His hands quietly wrapped around my waist, pulling me tightly against his sturdy chest. I turned around in frustration: "What are you doing? You're not getting away with it tonight..."

  The bright moonlight, I suspect it's the frost on the ground. The clear radiance of the moon spilled onto his non-white face, his ink pupils gleaming with a silver light, entwining me, yet his voice was bitter and difficult to bear: "On the second day you entered our village, I already knew Jinyu."

  My heart was hit hard, he pulled the quilt for me and held my hand, continuing to say: "We often play piano and paint together, practice literature and martial arts. I pity her for being born with a pair of purple pupils, suffering from white eyes. She pities me for having crippled legs, spending lonely days. She always mentions you in front of me, saying that you are highly talented, learned and knowledgeable, the embodiment of the spirit of Xiao Wu."

  "Her martial arts skills have improved greatly under my guidance, and both the madam and Er Ye have come to trust her more and more. As a result, she has become increasingly busy and can no longer visit Xifengyuan as often. We now communicate through carrier pigeons, but even those messages have become fewer and farther between. I've sent people to gather information about her, but my spies tell me that Hou Ye's attitude towards Jinxiu has changed." His voice dropped lower, his gaze growing colder.

  "I was furious at the time, but Mr. Han said to me, 'This is heaven's blessing, I am not wrong. Haven't you heard that Gou Jian presented Xi Shi to Fu Chai, greatly defeating the State of Wu? Wang Yun used Diao Chan to destroy Dong Zhuo, and Lü Buwei sent a loved one to Yi Ren, which led to the rise of the Qin state. At this time, the young master has not taken a concubine for many years. Qiu Daolong once said that Jin Xiu was a noble person with a heavenly appearance, and he must have been moved by her. If I strongly demand that the young master return Jin Xiu, even if he agrees, there will inevitably be discord between father and son. This is the worst strategy. If we place Jin Xiu beside the general as an informant, this is a mediocre strategy. But if Jin Xiu can win the favor of the emperor, making the young master love her with all his heart, sharing his joys and sorrows, speaking in his ear at night, then great things will be accomplished sooner or later."

  I felt a chill run down my spine as I listened, and it wasn't until half a day later that I coldly said: "So you're the one who persuaded Jinxiu to marry your family's old man..."

  He sat up suddenly, looking down at me with a fierce gaze: "In your heart, am I just a shameless person who uses people to get the world?"

  I also sat up abruptly, facing him, and said with a scowl: "Then tell me, how did Jinxiu end up by the side of Lord Hou?"

  "It was Jingyu who was willing to go...," his face suddenly turned pale: "At that time, Mr. Han was saying, Jingyu happened to bring tea in and stood outside the door listening clearly, without waiting for me to answer, she rushed in and said she was willing to go to the side of the prince, to take the world for me, I didn't agree at all, Mr. Han sighed with difficulty at that time, saying he didn't expect me not to be destroyed by Qing Da Ye or Jue Si Ye, but died at the hands of one person..."

  "You're lying, you're lying, I don't believe it, I refuse to believe that she would do such a thing, it must be you who forced her, you bastard!" I burst into tears, covering my ears and shaking my head frantically like a madman, refusing to accept this heartbreaking truth. Then, with unbridled fury, I pounded his chest: "How could you treat her so! How could you treat her so! Do you know how much she has suffered?..."

  He didn't fight back, only closed his eyes in pain. When I was tired of hitting him, he pulled my hands and suddenly changed his tone, saying coldly: "I've never forced you."

  He gazed at me intently: "That day, I comforted her with gentle words, saying everything was fate. If she could obtain the world by relying on a single person, how would there be so many heroes who bowed their heads to serve the world? But after that day, she disappeared. I desperately sought news of her, but there was no word. After the incident at the Sima gate, she became one of the Duke's personal bodyguards, inseparable from him every day. Then she sent me a letter saying she had no connection with me, and that in this life, the person she cared about most was me, while the person she trusted least was you, Mu Qi. She asked me to take good care of you. When Song Mingpei surrendered to me, he also entrusted you to my care. Although I took you in, at the time I was still extremely angry with Jin Xiu and didn't value your talents. I also didn't take good care of you..."

  He paused and said: "Later, I don't know where Lihong heard that I had secretly been in contact with Jinxiu, so I would spend the whole day socializing with different sons to shift the suspicion to Jiangdong..."

  "Then, you set your sights on me, because I'm a pawn, you can use me to take revenge on her. You thought that if she really betrayed you, you could also use me as leverage against her. It's a win-win situation for you. Then, you discovered that this crazy and ugly girl has some skills that can help you conquer the world, so you pretended to be in love with me, asking your father to marry us, and even made him promise that I would be by your side forever, never leaving each other, just like a pair of mandarin ducks. You're really something...!" I angrily pushed his hand away and coldly laughed at him.

  His pupils suddenly contracted, his face twisted in pain: "What is AIDS, you are talking nonsense... When did you get infected with HIV? You, do you think I let Master Houxian give it to you? And when did I ever think of using you to take revenge on her, to coerce her? Am I really so despicable in your heart?"

  At this time, all my sad engines were fully activated. The bitterness, the grievance, and the indignation surged to my heart, bringing with it the deep pain of past lives. I could no longer think rationally and blurted out: "Not only are you not worthy, but you're not even a man! For the sake of fame and fortune, you sacrificed the person you liked, letting her serve as a sacrifice, and on the surface, you still pretend to be carefree, flirting with me and deceiving me into sacrificing myself for you. Now, you've even poisoned me, preventing me from being with the man I love and having children with him. You've torn apart my relationship with Fei Yu. You're a coward who dares not take responsibility for your actions. If I were Jin Xiu, I would despise you from the bottom of my heart. Get out of my sight, forever!

  His non-white face was pale to the extreme, in an extremely cold and gloomy manner, he raised his hand and slapped me with a slap. This slap might be heavier than what both of us had imagined, I was immediately knocked down, my mouth bleeding, he immediately showed regret on his face, wanting to pull me up, however, my instincts had already drawn out my sword, the silver light flashed, his few strands of black hair floated slowly and gently like a feather between him and me, a blood stain appeared in his throat, in an instant, a string of blood pearls slowly trickled down his smooth white neck, falling powerlessly like a beaded curtain.

  His pale face, his slender and tall figure, under the silver moonlight, his phoenix eyes reflected an unusual gloom, an unusual sternness. Between him and me, it was as if we were looking at each other through fog, and now, at this moment, it was as if we were separated by thousands of mountains and rivers, forever and ever unable to heal.

  I wiped the fresh blood from my mouth with one hand, and pointed at his throat with a trembling finger, icy anger churning in my chest. I gave a cold laugh: "Not bad, Young Master Bai, this is the second time you've slapped me. You're really something," I forced down the metallic taste in my throat, gritting my teeth as I spat out each word: "But let me tell you, this is absolutely the last time. Even if I'm destined to be alone for the rest of my life... even if I spend the rest of my days in solitude... you'll never lay a hand on me again."

  His dark pupils were like a deep well, seemingly calm and waveless, but actually full of shocking waves. Like a raging fire that was about to erupt, it burst out violently, mixed with an immense pain and despair that I couldn't understand or bear. He didn't move closer to me, nor did he speak again. He just tightly pursed his lips, his dark eyes fixed on me, slowly taking the handkerchief to wipe away the bloodstains from his throat.

  At this moment, I and Fei Bairen were like two wounded beasts that had fought to a draw, each occupying one end of the spacious ivory-inlaid rosewood couch, coldly glaring at each other with anger in our eyes, each secretly harboring thoughts of struggle and conquest.