They say the past is a gateway to obsession. No matter how many times you look back, your regret will remain unchanged. Although I would argue differently, regret is merely a symptom of something far more psychotic—something I can only describe as phenomena.

  My parents always thought I was out of my mind, disregarding me as human and internalising a belief that I was too far gone. Truth is, I can't blame them for thinking that way. To any normal person, I look like a lunatic, but not to my older brother. He stuck with me despite my obsession with time, the thing I so desperately wanted to control. Why, you ask? I'm not entirely sure myself, both the reason he stuck with me and my obsession with time are unknown to me. It felt as if this obsession was planted in me from the very beginning, growing ferociously into the monster it is now.

  "You seem exhausted. Need some help?"

  It was my brother. His tall figure stood confined in the empty doorway that separates a place I like to call my haven from the rest of the world. His black, wavy hair blew in the direction opposite to me, as if trying to escape from the barren box in the outermost corner of our garden that I like to call home. A home where I can truly exert my obsession without judgment from even the devil himself.

  "No... it's not like you could, even if you wanted to."

  He stared curiously at the orb-like object in my hands. Two streaks of lines act as the barrier to each metallic casing that encapsulates the sphere. One went down the middle; the other went across. They are stopped by an indented cylinder through the center, and a flat glass pane could be seen where the indent comes to an end. It displayed a peculiar object with two cylinders intertwined perpendicular to each other, floating within an endless sapphire void of what is presumed to be some type of liquid.

  "Ah, I see. Well, I will leave you to it then." he said, hesitantly leaving. You see, it wasn't as if I was insulting his intelligence. My brother died 22 years ago. What now haunts me is truly a testament to my madness. A sincere hallucination of what once was. It's almost like he's always been here, yet, ever since that day, he never has. Although, that's what I think at least; I could never truly tell the difference between reality and what's all in my head.

  "Another day, another failure. I figured out how to go into the future but can't figure out how to go into the past?" I said with a face that screamed frustration. I was considered a prodigy amongst others as a kid. At the age of 8, I developed my theory for time travel. By 12, I realized it. As impressive as that seems, I was only able to create the ability to go into the future. I could never bring forth the past to the present. No matter how hard I tried, it was like a message from the universe itself telling me not to cross this barrier. And its messages were real, sent through endless restless nights, displaying continuous repeats of the nightmare that occurred that day...

  My head was spinning. I didn't know the reason why, but I knew I was in a daze. A figure, whom I presumed to be my brother, was carrying me back into that barren box I loved so much. He muffled the sounds of the distant screams and gunshots by pressing my ears against his chest, and I could feel his breathing accelerate to insurmountable speeds as he mentally agonised at the situation he found himself in. We arrived, and he gently placed me onto the cold surface that plagued my body, sending shivers down to the bone in my skin. His agitated state created an uneasy atmosphere, making me reflexively maneuver myself back ever so slightly to create distance. He noticed and tried to calm himself by briefly closing his eyes, taking deep breaths in the process. After composing himself, he gave me a perplexed look. At first, I thought he was looking at me, but I was mistaken. He was looking at the orb-like object in my arms, and simultaneously reached out with his ragged hands, which looked like they'd been through years of self-imposed torture. I instinctively leaned back, hugging the orb-like object tightly. He grabbed it while mumbling words under his breath that I couldn't make out from the deafening sounds in the background. Why would my brother want the object he's seen countless times? I thought to myself while battling tirelessly to get it back. Both our arms were outstretched to the max while we leaned back all the way, as if we were toddlers fighting over a toy. Time slowed down in an instant as both our hands lost their grip, slipping from the object and making it leap into the air. The recoil caused him to tumble backward, cascading into the outside world. My eyes widened. I was witnessing a dream come to reality. For years, I tried making this creation of mine work. For years, it felt like an impossible dream that existed but could never be brought into reality. Yet, as it danced through the air, I saw the four pieces of the metal casing that were separated by the streaks of lines spring outwards. It levitated in a circle around the cylindrical glass, and it connected itself through strands of electricity that acted as an electric field, rotating the interconnected cylinders within the mystic liquid. It glided across the internal rough surfaces in an endless spiral at exceedingly impossible speeds that radiated a sapphire luminescence. Within a moment in time, a dome with that same sapphire glow emerged from the object and surrounded all nearby entities. My body felt heavy. It was as if I was being dragged into the bottomless pits of hell by all of the dead in existence. But instead of hell, I was being dragged into that demon of a creation I invented. What have I created... I internalised while being sucked in—BANG!

  I shot up from bed. "The same nightmare..." I whispered while erratically panting and gripping my forehead in desperation to sense reality. BANG! This time it came from outside. I shuffled out of bed and dashed to the window in my room to see where it was coming from. To my dismay, it was coming from the shed, the same barren box that contained the very creation I despised. I hurried downstairs and stumbled out the door to the garden. I sprinted as fast as I could until I reached the doorway to my haven. An outline of a person could be seen amidst the darkness that swallowed the surrounding area. It was my brother. He was holding my demonically inspired creation, the time machine. Or more appropriately—the time orb. He looked me dead in the eyes. All I could see was a glint suppressed by his moonless eyes that painted a lack of regret for his following actions. I was rendered speechless as he shoved me out of the way and made a break for it toward the house. I followed with haste, staying on his trail, which led me on a journey to the summit of the house. Why did he come to the roof? What is he up to? Numerous questions plagued my mind while I climbed the last few steps...

  My eyes dilated, sweat spawned all over. I entered a trance, hypnotised by the sight before me.

  "What do you think you're doing?! Don't even think about dropping that!" I shrieked with visible fear. He was holding the time orb over the edge, about to relinquish its existence.

  "This is for your own good," he said with a stern tone. "I have witnessed time and time again your failures, your restless nights, your countless nightmares. It's about time you give up that desire of yours. The past isn't to be meddled with for a reason!"

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  "...But... what about you?"

  "What about me? You're chasing a non-existent dream, an impossible dream. You can't bring back a person who never existed..."

  "What? What do you mean never existed? You were always by my side? Through the struggles, through the torture, through everything, weren't you?"

  "Didn't you ever wonder why your parents thought you went insane? It wasn't because of your obsession with time, it was because of me. It was always because of me, so please let me go." He professed while letting go of the time orb.

  "No! I refuse!" I raced against the clock and took my chances, leaping for the time orb. My body pierced through the air as I latched onto it, jerking it toward me. However, in the process, gravity itself acted as an opposing force to the orb, causing it to discharge an electric field in a similar manner to how it did that day. Although, instead of a sapphire illumination, this time it was different. It displayed a crimson-red glow, and contrary to before, the two intertwined cylinders had an inverse rotation, clashing profusely against the glass cylinder. It rapidly increased its speed, surpassing what would've been known as its terminal velocity, and expanded an unstable dome of crimson-red light that consumed me. I felt suffocated. It was as if I was instantly placed within the deepest parts of the ocean, and in a blink of an eye, everything went dark.

  My eyes unbolted, as if gasping for air after being shut for decades. I lunged my torso upwards from the ground. My head felt as if it swirled in a spiral over and over again. My ears chimed a high frequency that muted the sounds enveloping my environment. Without delay, the pain from the ringing in my ears was replaced with the pain from the screams of horror that could be spatially sensed from inside the house I jumped from. I had no time to contemplate the position I was in. The gunshots nearby triggered a reflex of fear, springing me to my feet. A small, feeble human could be seen hunched along the grass that paved their outline. They seemed to be unconscious. Without pause, I rushed to their aid, praying they weren't wounded from the gunshots nearby. It was a boy, a young boy, breathing at a steady rate and seemingly uninjured. He was wearing an unbuttoned azure shirt over a plain white t-shirt that contrasted his jet-black, baggy trousers. His clothes covered something, but I had no time to investigate as I hauled him into the sky, making him airborne for a split second before he safely landed in my arms. Where did this boy even come from? Why am I hearing gunshots? What's even going on? I weighed within my mind while scurrying toward my shed for shelter. My erratic head movements must've woken the boy up, as he seemed anxious when I placed him onto the floor. I was too busy trying to compose myself that I missed his attempt to create distance between us. I would've comforted him, but something caught my eye—the object that was covered by his clothes had now shown itself. It was too hard to see exactly what it was, but I was intrigued and reached out toward it. The boy seemed to be protective of it, hugging it like a mother would her child. And then it hit me like a stack of bricks... "...It can't be...." I mumbled to myself while clamping my hands around the object. We had a tug of war, a war that felt like it lasted centuries but only lasted mere seconds. Both our hands acted as levers that snapped from the pivot, causing it to launch into the air. Only then did my deluded fears come to existence... it was the time orb. But that would mean...

  "That's right."

  The boy vanished before my eyes as I spun my head around to see where the voice was coming from.

  "That boy... that boy was you from the past. From that day you have been so desperately clinging on to."

  It was my brother. He had a smug look on his face, as if trying to say, "I told you so." He was wearing an all-black outfit with his hands in the pockets of his jacket. The sun enchanted his presence, being blocked by his tall structure. Those same moonless eyes, with that same glint that had seemed to whet his determination to instill something within me, gave me a cold stare.

  "So... I succeeded? It was that simple? It all makes sense now... I needed to create negative energy that the Earth's gravitational field aided with while in the air, creating the conditions opposite to that which brings you into the future!" I rejoiced. This feeling, foreign to me, I almost forgot what it was called.

  "No, You didn't succeed nor did you fail."

  "What?"

  "Ivor Lennon...."

  Haven't heard that name in years, 22 years to be exact. It's been so long, I barely recognised it.

  "...You are dead."

  Oh.

  "What? How can I be dead? I am literally here right now!" You know exactly what he's talking about.

  "You died 22 years ago on this day, 12 December 2011. The same day you have dreaded all these years."

  "S-Stop..." No don't, release me from this never ending hell.

  "An organisation called 'The Compound' found out you harnessed the ability to go into the future, and are the very same people you hear now, murdering your parents."

  "..."

  "They found you and killed you, that same place and position you found your younger self was your deathbed. Ever heard of the phenomenon where your brain in the last 7 minutes of activity, replays your memories before going into the afterlife?"

  "...Yes but... these aren't memories?"

  "You're right, these aren't memories, but instead a fabrication of the reality you wished you had. You fabricated my entire existence, you going 6 years into the future this day, and even everything that's happening now. Your mind is truly a special one indeed." He smirked, and tilted his head slightly, as if to mock my very being.

  "Then why does it feel so real..."

  "It's truly incredible what the mind is capable of, isn't it."

  "Then why did I so desperately want to go to the past? Why did I dream of this moment time and time again? Why did I spend 16 years of my life wasting away trying to go to the past? Why..Why.. WHY. TELL ME WHY" I fell to my knees. An ocean of frustration came over me, tears streamed down my face, they weren't tears of sadness, but instead tears to wash away the regret. The regret that was a symptom of the true reality, something far more psychotic.

  "I can't answer that for you. But I can say this, you don't feel regret for the past, you have no reason to."

  "...I see.." I may act clueless, but I knew it all along deep down within my psyche. This was all an attempt to find a way out, and I tricked myself into thinking this was all to save my brother.

  I guess that was the whole reason I made him up huh. I thought to myself, while coming to the realisation of reality.

  It was obvious, I wanted to go to the past for one reason and one reason only...

  I wanted to rid myself of this existence.