Hearing those words, from that same familiar voice? It destroys my world.

  It's been so long. I thought asking Sparrow to stay with me would make this easier. But I don't put the channel on speaker because that's a lie; I should have known. I didn't put it on speaker because I couldn't do this out loud. He'd sent me a few messages, but I never worked up the courage to read them. Because I was wrong, and I knew it. And time made it worse, not better. But how could I say it? Reading his words would only make it hurt worse. Because I'd know how much I hurt him. Because he'd say it. Or not say it, in a way that made it clear how much I hurt him and how noble he was in forgiving me.

  Because I betrayed him. Because I told the neuron-jockeys on Luna to save him. To do whatever it takes, because I wanted my Alex back. My fiancé. But he was dead, and the body that walked out of that surgical bay was inhabited by someone new. Someone who called themselves Alex and remembered his life, but didn't live it. Someone who didn't ask to be born, and didn't ask to inherit the memories of a dead man. And the worst part is, he didn't even know he was an echo of a man I killed. Not at birth.

  How can I tell him how sorry I am? That I couldn't save him? That I beat his skull in with a spanner? That I told the med techs to build a facsimile of him from the bleeding, broken pudding that remained in his shattered skull? How can I tell him that they failed, and that the homunculus they delivered in his name makes me want to vomit? How do you tell someone that you love them, but that you wished that they had stayed dead?

  And my whole world falls apart. And it's not even fair, because his world fell apart too, and was rebuilt long enough for me to flee and wreck it all over again. And how can I tell him I'm sorry? Because I'm not; I'm so fucking glad I ran, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

  But I'm so sorry I hurt him. And I just wish I could tell him that.

  But what I actually say is, "Alex? What the void-spawned fuck!"

  There's a beat of silence. "It's good to hear your voice too, Mel."

  My heart hammers in my chest. My skin is clammy, and goosebumps rise on my arms. He's here. There's almost no lag. He's in the Jovian.

  My mouth is dry, and a tremble runs through me. "You vacuum-sucking... did you follow me to Jupiter?" I stammer out. Sparrow squeezes my hand, but I shake her off.

  "Relax, I'm not transferring to Europa, and don't intend to visit Ursa Miner at all. I'm here for a case."

  Not Europa. And definitely not Io; I'd know if a new cop transferred in. "Are you on Callisto? Or Ganymede?" I feel my belly roil, and I taste bile.

  After a moment of silence, I hear Alex sigh. "You don't own the Jovian, Mel. The first time you reach out in months, and you're grilling me and plotting how you can avoid me?"

  "Fuck you!" I scream, cutting the channel. I can't breathe, I unclasp the harness and stumble out of my seat, falling to my knees.

  Ragged, gasping breaths leave my lips, and I can taste copper. But Sparrow is there, and I feel her arms around me. "Melody, it's alright!" Her arms hug me and pull me to her chest, but I can only shake my head urgently.

  "It's not alright," I gasp, before a sob rips through me. My shoulders heave, and I bawl loudly.

  Sparrow pulls me to her tightly. "It's going to be ok. Melody, I'm here."

  A few more sobs rip through me, making me shake as tears spill down my face. "So is he."

  I remember the smell of burning plastic, of ozone, and of blood. The smoke in the air, the feel of the spanner in my hands. Smashing every inch of that archive to fragments, as Alex twitched on the ground. The feeling of the spanner, shivering in my hand, as it strikes his skull. The soft wet crunch of bone. The small little breath, almost a pant, as he falls limp to the ground. I remember screaming, wailing, weeping as I held and rocked him.

  But that's not why I'm terrified. I'm not afraid of having killed him. Because he's back, the not-Alex. The thing that looks and talks like him yet thinks so unlike him. He's waiting. I ran, and running took me right back to him. He's waiting for me, all these months later.

  My heart pounds, my pulse racing, goosebumps rising on my arms. My skin seems to crawl, and I claw at it, digging scratches along my arms. It's too much. My breathing is fast and shallow, but I've run out of tears. My knees ache from hitting the deck of the Chimera. But the pain is real, it’s reassuring, it’s bringing me back. The pain tethers me, drawing me to the here and now. I taste blood as I realize I’ve bitten my cheek, eyes beginning to focus on the laser-etched walls of the Chimera.

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  Sparrow left me swaddled in the sleeping pad in the bedroom. Oof, that was horribly embarrassing. And Alex...

  I take a few moments to assess. Alright, well, I vaguely remember her ushering me to bed. Tucking me in as I sobbed and freaked out and babbled about how sorry I was and how it was all my fault, and so forth. A bunch of weepy, self-flagellating bloatware. I can't believe I broke down like that. About my ex. Right in front of her. How am I going to look her in the eye?

  There's a knock on the cabin door. "Melody?"

  I swallow and clear my throat, wiping my cheeks. "No need to knock. It's your bedroom..." I say, taking a breath as I sit up.

  The door opens and she peaks her head inside. She brushes her blue bangs aside and gives me a weak grin. "Well, I wanted to give you some time with your thoughts, if you need them."

  I shake my head. "I've had enough of those thoughts," I admit, closing my eyes. "But it's such a shock. Alex transferred out here, and now he's pursuing a case, either on Callisto or Ganymede."

  She tilts her head. "Well, Callisto has a larger population, but he still might be on Ganymede... and if you run into him-"

  My hand clenches. "If I run into him, I'm sure we can act like adults and be civil to one another," I say, biting my lip and lifting my chin to meet her brown eyes. "This isn't a bad daytime holo. I'm sure I can avoid childish drama."

  Her eyebrow rises. "Like screaming 'fuck you' and hanging up on him?"

  I lower my eyes, feeling my face growing red. "I'm sorry you saw that. Saw me like that," I murmur as a shiver runs down my spine. "Cartwright wasn't totally wrong; I'm a mess. I know I'm still working through my issues-"

  But Sparrow is already shaking her head urgently and holding up a hand. "Melody, you've been through some hard stuff, and I'm not going to throw shade at you. You don't have to face him here and now if you decide to bail," she says, holding a hand to her belly. "But if you do run into him.... is the weapon certification worth it?"

  I put a hand to my temple, trying to steady my breathing. "If... I run into him, maybe he can get his closure. Or I can. We both can?" I shake my head. "I don't know. If I don't run into him, it's moot. If I do... I'll deal with it," I say, licking my lips. Trying to ignore the beads of sweat rolling down my neck.

  Sparrow must read the tension in me, because she frowns. "Melody... I'll support you, whether we sling back towards Io or dock at Ganymede."

  I take a deep breath. "I'm not giving up and running back to Io. We'll dock; I'll make my appeal. And for the rest of the flight, I'll distract myself. Maybe in the meantime, I'll even get some work done," I say, with a smile I hope comes across as genuine.

  Sparrow nods slowly. "Want some company?"

  I shake my head. "Thanks, but I think I need to be alone more than anything else right now."

  I meet her eyes. "Ok, Melody." She closes the door. I hear her bootsteps walk back to the cockpit. It feels like there's a parsec of distance between us now.

  I'm a vacuum-sucking moron sometimes. But for right now, I just want a distraction, and work is good for that. Well, what's first? Something drama free; maybe some online dating.

  I pull up my overlay and let the latest messages roll through my inbox. Of the four suspicious ones, I have two replies, both fishing for financial help. Oh, need a ticket on a Jovian transport to get to Io? Sure. The other isn't much better. Fractional ownership? Not the scam I'm looking for, but probably a few sailors losing credits there.

  The shady credit union, Daedalus, didn't ask for a lot of my details, and I didn't add many credits to the account. It's still a risk, in terms of identify security, but probably the only chance I have. I mock-up a message, while sending a few hundred credits. Not enough for transport, but somehow, I don't think they'll decline it. And in the metadata of the message, and embedded in the code of the wire transfer, I slip a few tags.

  The tags should leave a print on anyone who accesses the message or account accepting the wire transfer. Of course, it's just inert code; wiping the cache could wipe the print, so no telling how long it'll last. I let one of my two sniffers free, the more advanced one, and set it to look for the tag in the dating app and through my inbox, messages, and credit union account. The AI bounds through my overlay. Well, it's a long shot, but who knows what avatar or profile data I could get if the scammer is careless? Stranger things have happened.

  If I was still a scouting officer, I'd have more tools, but I suppose I'll have to get more creative with what's left. With nothing more to do on the scammer case, and a few hundred credits poorer, I turn to the problem handed to me by Jax. Blackmail is tough, because the victim doesn't want to reveal what the blackmailer is using for leverage. But this blackmailer doesn't want credits or information, they want control.

  Which suggests that this K.C., whoever they are, is well-connected. They want to funnel trade through a forum they control, and a funding source. It's sophisticated then; not some luddite gang. Maybe some criminal organization is expanding. One of the black-hat gene-modders broadening their operations, or some crypto-currency data-miners stealing computational space. But someone is consolidating.

  It suggests a power-play somewhere in the Jovian. Probably Callisto or Ganymede, but not necessarily. Well, I don't have any official sources. I could try speaking with a few old Luna contacts, but I doubt they'd have any information on current events in the Jovian. Sparrow and Jax obviously can't give me anything else; or won't in Jax case. The only code enforcement officer I really know out here in the Jovian is Ashton Cartwright, and I doubt he'd appreciate me pinging him. Especially to ask him to act as a source for my PI work.

  Well, that's not true. I suppose there's technically one other code enforcement officer I know in the Jovian. But I'm not going there. Well, I'll just use the time to cold-call some Luna contacts and see what I can pull up on the exonet.

  Because there's no fucking way I'm going to ask Alex for help.