“...yeah, no.”

  I gape at the pirate, beyond confused at the indifference on her face. What does she mean no? I just offered her a once-in-a-lifetime chance! I offered to sweep away all her troubles at no cost other than her cooperation with something she can’t avoid anyway! What am I missing?

  “Why not?!” I demand.

  “Eh.” She shrugs. Actually shrugs. “Seems like witchery to me an’ that never ends well, ya know.”

  “But…but…who cares what it is?!”

  “Ya stupid or something? Ya don’t get involved in witchery.”

  “Are you stupid?!” I cover my eyes with a hand, unable to look at her. What is actually happening right now? “You’ve got to explain this one to me. What, do you prefer money?”

  “Ah don’t need yer money!”

  “Then what do you need? I don’t understand. You’re miserable but you’re refusing help because of a superstition.”

  “Oi! Who said ah was miserable?”

  “You did! When you were yelling at the things trying to wear your skin. Unless you enjoy being a worm host.”

  “Who would enjoy that?”

  “You, apparently!”

  “Ah don’t!”

  “You could have fooled me!”

  Rey runs a frustrated hand through her hair, turning away as she scowls. “Saints’ hairy asses woman. What do ya want from me? Ah guess it’s good yer trying to be a decent lady boss and all but ah don’t trust no land witching. Seas, ah don’t trust sea witches either but at least ah know what to expect from ‘em.”

  “Who cares about trust? We’re offering to change you, to make you the woman you’ve always wanted to be.”

  “And ah’m telling ya ah don’t need changing!”

  “...you’re kidding right?” My gaze goes over her, taking in her over-sized jaw, her scarlet hand, and her unnaturally moving shoulders. “Rey, you’re…” What’s a polite way to say monstrous?

  “Ah know what ah am.” The pirate clicks her tongue.

  “Don’t you want to get better?”

  “What we want ain’t always good. Some things ya just gotta accept.”

  Is she refusing because she’s just accepted she’s going to be like that forever? Sigh. She’s an idiot, isn’t she? She has to be.

  But maybe there’s still a way to reach her.

  “Don’t you want to look good for Maxine?”

  That gets her attention. Her head snaps up, eyes narrowing as she stares at me. The glare does nothing to stop me. “You like her, right? Well, the bug teeth on your back aren’t going to make it easier to woo her.”

  I can see the moment her conviction wavers…but then it hardens. “Don’t need no witchery fer that.”

  “Really? I guess I missed your favorite merchant suddenly falling for you. When’s the wedding?”

  Rey scowls but doesn’t say anything.

  A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

  “I could make her heart stop when she sees you but you’re refusing because you don’t trust me? Hah! How many people do you trust, fully? I’d bet a hundred gold that you can’t use all your fingers to count them.” Saints know I can't. “But fine. Have it your way. I’ll cut you open and send you on your way without so much as a backward glance. Then you and your worms can watch the girl you like get swept off her feet by someone who isn’t scared of every—”

  She lunges at me with a hiss. It’s pitifully easy to catch the fist aimed at my face. I grin as her star-shaped pupils widen and squirm, but, again, she isn’t one to be stopped by good sense. Her other hand moves to strike me. I catch that one too, still grinning.

  “If you kick me, I’m going to hit back.”

  “Stupidly strong annoying woman,” the pirate grumbles.

  “You’re the one who made this physical.”

  “‘Cause bastards like ya need to be punched. Ya strut around, throwing how much better yer are in my face. Offering to turn me inside out and expecting me to thank ya fer it. If ah don’t punch ya now, yer going to turn into one of the bad ones. Captains like whales, just opening their mouths and swallowing everything.”

  “Better I be overbearing while offering solutions and gifts rather than an overbearing tyrant taking what little you have.” I throw her backward, the pirate tripping over her feet but managing to stay upright. “You’re right. I’m a villain. But I’ve got rules. I…consider people. I…care. Even about annoying idiots like you. You’re not going to convince me that I’m like the scum of this kingdom because I’ve seen them. I’ve been under their boots and I know I’m nothing like them.”

  “...yeah, fine. Yer still a bitch though.”

  A bark of a laugh escapes me. “Saints damn you too.”

  “Ya really mean it? When ya said…” Incredibly, the brazen woman blushes. It’s actually kind of cute, with the way she nervously twirls a lock of hair and hunches her shoulders. “Ya can make me…pretty?”

  “Whatever you want to be, Rey,” I promise, trying to infuse sincerity into my voice.

  “And you’ll take the worms out? Ah’ll never hear them again?”

  “I’ll try my best to do so and protect you. I’m going to be honest, we don’t know what we’re dealing with, not for sure. But if anyone can do this, it’s us.”

  Rey jerks her head in a shaky nod. “...okay. Then yeah. Ah mean, uh, thanks lady boss. Ah’ll take yer deal.”

  “Thank the saints. You're not a complete idiot.”

  “Nah, ah am. If ah could beat ya, ah’d have beaten ya into the ground and forgot all ‘bout this. But yer strong so ah have to think. And thinking ‘bout it, it doesn’t make sense to fight it. It’s just…my ma told me that ah’d always have the sea in me and she’s the strongest witch on the coast. She knows ‘bout these things, way more than some mudlegs who's never stepped onto a boat. Ah still don’t believe ya, not really, but…” She shrugs. “Might as well gamble, yeah?”

  “Might as well,” I agree. I thought she was being stubborn but I think she might be scared. But of what? Is she afraid of me? That I’ll fail? Or that I’ll succeed?

  “And ya know ‘bout this stuff. About making Maxie fall for me.” The blush doesn’t show strongly on her tan skin but my eyes can spot it easily. It’s spread all the way to her ears. “Ah mean, you’ve got a bunch of women so…”

  “I wouldn’t say a bunch.” Three isn’t a bunch, right? I’d say it's rather tame compared to the harems some noblemen keep in and outside their estates. “I’ll help you with Max, but all I can only help with the looks. There’s more to love than that.” Though I can't deny a face like mine is a significant advantage.

  “Bah! Ah’ve got that. She likes me, ah think. We, uh, spend a lot of time together. Talking.”

  Aw. There really is a maiden under that gruff exterior. “That’s a good start.”

  “Yeah. Figure ah look more like ya and that’s that.”

  “Well, I’m not going to give you my face.” Saints, that’d be strange. “The goal is to make you a better you.”

  “That ain’t gonna work. Yer the one she likes so ah need to look like ya.”

  …what?

  “That’s ridiculous.”

  “Hey, not like ah get it either but that’s what she said.”

  I’m not the humblest woman in the kingdom. Saints, I’m pretty sure I’m tempting to most people, men and women. But I know Maxine isn’t interested in me, not like that. I can literally smell such things and she’s never been interested. I don’t know if it’s a matter of preference for men or that she’s loath to get involved with a business asset, but Rey is working under a huge misunderstanding.

  Why would she say something like that? I can’t–oh. Oh no. I’m picturing it; the overbearing and thoughtlessly violent pirate confessing to the mild and meek merchant. Saints have mercy on her, Max was probably terrified. I…can’t say with confidence that Rey would take rejection well. Who am I kidding? Of course she wouldn’t. Even if she didn’t attack Maxine, I can clearly see her taking out her frustrations out on others.

  To avoid that, I guess the merchant gave her a target for her dissatisfaction. Someone that could take her anger head-on without consequences.

  Sigh. That sneaky merchant owes me.

  I appear next to the pirate, chuckling as she jumps in surprise, her eyes unable to follow my speed. I throw an arm over her shoulders before she can step away. “We’ll talk about it. The important thing is that you like the way you look, okay? And there’s a world of options out there.”

  “Ah guess.”

  “Come on.” I pull her with me as I head for the house.