Arrange For Interruptions On A Regular Schedule

  “What is Miss Bodder's full name? It is only that we have never been introduced to each other.”

  Takki replied offhandedly, heedless of the likely consequences. “Erzrasprej Bodder.”

  “Hahahaha!” Gelfid demonstrated by her unfeigned jubilation two of the three excellent reasons for every Adaban, Rik, Mabonn, Ottkir, and Heweker in camp without exception to refer to the Chtrebliseuan reporter by her last name alone. There was the wish to avoid an affront to Miss Bodder of course, but also to preserve oneself from the indignity of an intemperate display. If Doltandon Yurvitas had been present and heard Miss Gelfid's laughs as they degenerated into snorts and wheezes, she might have gone straight to Ksori and asked to be sold off as a rower to some faraway continent. The third reason, of not being on sufficiently intimate terms with the lady to dare such familiarity, was not wholly divorced from the other two.

  By the time Gelfid recovered, any idea of continuing on that subject had fled. She resumed the main narrative, which interested her much more than it did anyone else in the room. “It seems that some of Iflarent's associates had been out in other countries making trouble for everyone at the time he died, and they flatly doubted he actually did. He had a reputation it seems for cunning beyond the normal. They thought he had faked his death and hid his money. In that way he could get free of the revenue-sharing agreement they all had made when their business had better prospects. Mustn't the life of a criminal be tiring with all the suspicion and so? They came to investigate his hideout and found fairies.”

  If ever doubt arose within Dirant as to whether he generally obeyed the law from fear of punishment or as an inherent tendency, he might for evidence look to the fact he had failed at first to realize the enticing prospects of a world separate from the one patrolled by the authorities. Every highwayman, kidnapper, or counterfeiter, not to mention political agitators and publishers of libel-adjacent articles, grasped them instantly. He considered making a knowing remark about the plans of those brigand but opted instead to wait for Miss Gelfid to tell the story in her own way.

  “These were the smart kind of thieves. Charismatic too. They convinced Ksori to set up a bandit hideout just the way they wanted it. Mr. Doltandon said it's hard to attack. He also said they could confine hundreds of people there until the ransoms trot in. He gathered that from reports, and then he responsibly decided to look the place over himself. He has not come back. I wouldn't blame him if he ran away, but I think there's more to it because of this. Recently a disreputable-looking man left an audience with Queen Ydridd, and if he got what he wanted, I've never seen a happy person. From the way he scowled and grumbled I know he would have kicked a pebble if the kingdom had any. Is that not the behavior of a kidnapper refused the ransom he looks on as his right?”

  “The one kidnapper I've seen thought he was succeeding at the time, so I really can't help you find the right description. I think you're doing well though.” That revelation of Takki's past criminal acquaintances failed to startle Gelfid on account of Takki's being both a Battler and from Pavvu Omme Os, two enigmatic categories to her.

  Dirant had nothing additional to contribute on the topic of kidnapper mannerisms. “And what do you think is the chance he met with capture after failing to negotiate a cooperative venture with Ksori?”

  “You are a humorous gentleman, are you not, Mr. Dirant?”

  “No more than is common in Fennizen. And now, what is the conclusion?”

  Gelfid sighed. “I hoped it was that I was wrong about the ransom and that Mr. Doltandon smartened up enough to come back to the real world and that his friends knew all about it. You were the only one Wiuyo thought she could find.”

  The door opened. “Did someone mention me?”

  “I did. Thank you again, Wiuyo.”

  “You're welcome.” The door closed.

  “Now it's a little unclear how it stands in the kingdom. The queen hasn't yet appointed a replacement, so am I in charge? I could pay the ransom on my own authority if such is true.”

  “Could you?” Dirant asked while trying not to scrutinize too closely Gelfid's simple, honest, inexpensive attire.

  “I could not. Right now, but if I am the general, must not Ydridd give me gems and such like she did Mr. Doltandon?”

  “Did she before?”

  “She did not. I could ask for something in the way of an advance.”

  “Is that not a modern conception?”

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  “Ah.”

  Dirant possessed a great amount of goodwill ready for distribution since he allotted Doltandon Yurvitas a minuscule portion only. Assisting Miss Gelfid in determining her best course would not exhaust it. “What estimate of the ransom may be made based on what Ksori and his daring band have gotten so far? Presuming his capture of course.”

  “They haven't gotten any. This gang is late to the industry after all. Mr. Doltandon was sure they nabbed a few people but had not yet disposed of them.”

  “Ah, he desired to enter the business at the beginning.”

  Takki, thinking that to be a bit much, stepped in. “Is it silly of me to think the price will come down after a rejection? They don't know his aunt is reconciled to him unless they read the news from Yean Defiafi, and while that isn't impossible, I really think it's a low-probability phenomenon.”

  “Is that true about Mr. Doltandon's aunt?” The news gladdened Miss Gelfid for all that the implications if the fact became generally known went against her current interests.

  The excursion down that conversational line decided Dirant to state upfront what he had been thinking all along. “Now that everything we do not know about the monetary aspect has been addressed, it is best that we examine the alternative. Miss Gelfid, you have an army. Threaten the brigands and crush them upon receipt of any defiance.”

  His confidence in Gelfid's power to achieve that result puzzled her almost as much as any suggestions as to a deficiency of probity on Mr. Doltandon's part. “But Mr. Dirant, I thought I said they have an excellent bandit fortress.”

  “You did,” Dirant said, and leaned back to prepare for a speech he hoped would not sound overly didactic. He straightened upon remembering several professors who leaned back before letting loose an elementary lecture. “Please remember that when evaluating my opinion that I am not an experienced bandit chief. An excellent hideout I have heard is one which has at least one rear entrance, and an excellent criminal operation is one which has sufficient personnel to conduct its operations and not a single hand more in order that the proceeds might be divided in an optimal fashion. A spirited defense against assaults is not a standard consideration.”

  Gelfid smacked her own head. “I'm so stupid about these things. Queen Ydridd was right not to give me a globe filled with diamonds so that when you shake it, it makes the sound of money.”

  “Is that an authentic item? Did she bestow it on Mr. Doltandon? Did he have it on his person when he was captured?” The matter at last won Dirant's full attention. No fairy riches to date had melted in the sunlight or the moonlight either that he had heard, though no rigorous tests had been conducted. Furthermore, the greed of Ksori as contrasted with the absence of such in Ydridd's character could be explained by a gap in wealth between the two, though certainly the difference admitted other explanations.

  “No, she gave it to a tourist who wrote a poem about her. Mr. Dirant, I know it seems I'll never stop bothering you, but what else can I do when you're so helpful? My question is whether you think fairies can carry off a plan of the sort you mentioned, or?”

  “Likely not. What is the quality of your human recruits?”

  “There are some Functionaries, some Small Fry, maybe a few Warm Bodies or so.” That view of the condition of Ydridd's army was a trifle too tinted for Gelfid to retain her pride as an honest woman should she refrain from correcting it. “It's probably almost half Small Fry, a third Warm Bodies, and some Functionaries and so. There is not a combat class around.”

  “Reliable authorities assure me that you are happiest in your Small Fry population. The absence of hard classes is vexing. The squads I envisioned for assaulting the minor exits relied upon them.”

  Takki understood no more about strategy and logistics than the common Jalpi Peffu, which consisted exclusively of what a cousin in the government who held the rank of Paperwork Corporal (an unofficial designation but nevertheless accurate) said once at dinner, but in comparing Battlers to lesser classes, she possessed impressive experience. Moreover, her Fairy Battle ability marked her as one of the continent's foremost experts in battling against Fairies. “You have to have specific classes. I know they say that about regular fights too when they really mean generals always want more Brawny Knights, but this is different. I saw a Warm Body try to throw a net over a fairy and it fell straight to the ground without touching the target, but the same net functioned as intended when a Duelist who had learned an anti-fairy ability picked it up. I don't want to have to say this, but if you can't hire mercenaries, you can't attack the bandit camp. Ressi, what's a better plan?”

  “Your confidence, while inspiring, is wholly misplaced. My martial capability extends that far only. Instead I must insist upon my single plan all the more. Discover the identities of captives held by Ksori, determine if anyone has offered bounties for them, and entice mercenaries on the promise of a share in those.”

  Rather than being heartened by the recruitment plan Dirant unfolded, Gelfid grew more dejected with each word. “Your kind advice is wasted when I'm the one who hears it. Am I a general, an information gatherer, a ransom broker, and an employment agent for mercenaries, or am I none of those things? Can I even list the right classes? Battler, Duelist, Brawny Knight, Tiger Knight . . .”

  Takki assisted her. “Myrmidon, Jobber, Pinpointer, Symbol Knight, sort of Acrobat but not really, Distorter. Chemistician maybe. Definitely not Ninja. Oh, and this is the one time you want a Ritualist in the actual fight.”

  Dirant had not bothered to hope she would not inform Miss Gelfid of that unusual facet of anti-fairy combat any more than he ever tried to take a nap at the side of a major avenue while a Visitation parade came by. Neither did he fail to anticipate that Gelfid would, in her desperation, request his assistance with an appeal founded on his non-existent friendship with Doltandon Yurvitas. He looked on the inevitable as an opportunity to refuse while he indulged in pleasurable imaginings of the traitor stuffed in a cell under a hall of partying brigands without even Mr. Aptezor and Mr. Taomenk to lighten the burden of imprisonment by their company. Would the meals satisfy his Yean Defiafish need for mild spice and lots of fins? Probably not.

  His preparations for reverie were interrupted, not by Gelfid's inevitable plea but by Takki. “If you think I'm too suspicious say so, but I like to step out of clandestine meetings at odd times to see if anyone is spying on me. It's tremendously unlikely, but wouldn't it be interesting if someone were? Ressi, you come too so we can look two ways at once.”