Intro Song: / Ang Pinagmulan - IV OF SPADES
/ CRAB - Zild
Why...
Can't I...
Forget him...
Why...
Did I d-do t-that...?
Why...
Was I so stupid...
So stupid enough...
...
To throw away everything we had...?
Maybe...
After all...
I wasn't meant to get close to anyone...
In the first place...
That must be it!
...
That...
Must be it...
I will...
Never get any rest...
I will...
Never have...
Peace...
Nor happiness...
...
As much as I try to avoid it...
His very presence...
Is always on my mind...
Every time I try to keep it in...
To shove it aside...
I keep clinging on to his every move...
And memory...
Every time...
I see...
T-them...
T-together...
I can't help but...
But...
...
I CAN'T HELP BUT WANT TO WRING OUT THEIR NECKS...
This feeling...
What is it...?
Why...
Is every day even harder to get through...?
Why...
Does it feel like...
...
My life has ended...
A long long time ago...?
...
I wander through endless sceneries...
Unable to share any of them...
With anyone...
I keep my ears shut...
Screaming in my own head...
"They're getting closer and closer..."
"They're getting to know each other better and better..."
"They'll pull you downwards... ever so slightly..."
"Leaving you wondering... wondering..."
I sang with a bitter aftertaste... clicking my tongue...
IN PURE DISGUST-
All I can ever focus on...
Is my own mind and body...
The weight of my footsteps...
The way I look towards others...
Do I look ok?
Do I look attractive?
Do I look like an idiot?
Aren't I the biggest one of them all?
Laughing couples and groups of friends gather around me-
The faint pop music of the blown-out mall speakers-
The chilling breeze of the blasting air-conditioned overhead-
I can only lower my head...
In shame...
Of what I am...
I'm sooo young...
In the prime of my life...
Supposedly...
And yet...
Why…
Am I always left alone…?
Why…
Am I always left behind?
…
I bit my lower lip...
Fiercely...
Causing it to bleed...
The sweet taste of my own flesh and blood...
The closest I'll ever get to any fluids shared with me...
Why...
Does it feel like...
This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.
...
I'm slowly rotting away...
Each and every day I'm "alive"?
I may pass people by...
They may acknowledge me by the most superficial and shallowest of excuses-
Or not at all...
I can just about say the most random shit and be replied in return...
But that-
RIght there-?
I turned my eyes to...
Him and her...
Sharing a meal t-together...
It's what him and me used to d-do...
Hell...!
That's-
...
The same sundae he was feeding me-
No...
I let it spill onto the table...
Didn't I?
...
And now...
He has another...
A more beautiful girl...
More cute...
More attractive...
Than I'll ever...
Could be...
...
And it seems...
They even have better chemistry together...
Unlike us...
Where it feels like he was grasping at straws just to get me to say anything at all...
That right there...
That's what I'll never get...
Something so real...
Something so... genuine...
It's...
It's...
I stopped in my tracks...
And as my phone played the next track in the queue:
/ SA HULI ANG PAGSISISI - BLASTER
I just stood there...
In the middle of the crowd...
With bated breath...
Being passed through...
Like I wasn't even standing in anybody's way...
At all...
"It's not f-fake..."
...
And silent tears falling...
I felt my soul slowly leaving my body...
Ever so...
Slightly...
My face twitched uncontrollably-
I tried to let out a scream...
But...
Even that...
I couldn't even do that...
I hunched my back further...
To hide my truest of feelings...
To hide my real self...
My pathetic piece of garbage self...
From the rest of the world and its prying eyes-
Every footstep was in beat to the song...
It was played on repeat...
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER-
...
Again...
...
What am I even living for anyways?
What am I fighting for...?
...
I've...
I've got nobody...
Nothing...
Everything...
Everything...
...
EVERYTHING BORES ME TO NO END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why am I even alive...
In the first place...
...
Why couldn't I...
From that day...
...
HAVE THE GODDAMN GUTS TO JUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...
To join her...
Mom...
Why...?
Why can't I seem to ever wake up from this endless nightmare?
Am I torturing myself...
...
On purpose...?
...
I took every vice imaginable...
From alcohol...
To vaping...
But nothing could ever get rid of this pain...
...
Of letting you go...
...
Jisei-kun...
...
I stood on the same rooftop...
From when I should've joined her...
With my vape clutched so tightly...
The only thing that could calm my nerves was the twilight sky and the city lights blending together...
Top that off with a good smoke...
I blew such substances off, that which emanated from the mouth-
It's tough and sweet deadly toxicity-
Which filled my lungs and brain...
With the false sense of satisfaction...
One such as an alcoholic and chronic smoker like me-
That...
Was all that was left for me to believe in...
That one day...
Someday...
All of this could stop...
That somebody...
Like him...
Will come to save me...
From the very depths of myself...
That is which...
That is which...
Is eating away at me...
I bent and hunched my form ever so closer to the railings that protected me from such thoughts-
Which would save me...
Maybe...
Even I...
Am not worthy...
Of even meeting mom...
Ever...
...
If she would ever see me in such a state...
...
Like this...
What would she think...?
Would she disown me...?
Even in the afterlife?
...
I stared blankly at the stars...
They… reminded me of the phrase:
"Dead stars..."
"Huh..."
"How fitting..."
"For such an elusive phantom..."
"Like myself..."
I filled the night sky with my own clouds-
More deadly than thunderstorms-
Atleast those killed you in a flash...
Unlike mine...
Which killed the person...
Ever so slowly-
Would there be any left...?
To go to heaven?
...
Right?
...
Mom...?
...
The song blasts and whispered into my ear lobes-
"Is it right to hide it?"
"Even if it kills me?"
"I hope I wake up soon"
"Before the night takes me"
"I pray..."
"You'll notice me..."
...
"BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I screamed and beckoned to the heavens above-
The wind taking me and embracing me-
No sign of warmth would ever reach me...
I spread my arms so wide-
Accepting my ultimate fate...
As such...
...
I don't deserve love...
I don't deserve happiness...
I don't deserve peace...
I don't deserve to dream...
I'm not a living person...
All I am...
And all I ever will be...
Is a wandering phantom...
Forgotten by time...
...
And before I knew it...
Years passed so fast...
My endless tears will never stop falling from me...
What use is such proof of my humanity?
If I'll always be the person I am today...?
So lonely…
So so lonely…
...
So keep purging my thoughts...
Along with my elusive heart...
Keep smothering my soul and taking all of its essence-
...
All I have is our memories...
Even if the past is the past...
...
I don't mind...
...
I don't mind...
...
I don't mind...
...
So keep...
...
Haunting me...
...
Each and every day...
...
My true love...
...
Jisei...
...
I don't think I'll ever mind...
...
Kissing you in my memories...
...
And embracing you...
...
This is the only way I can be with you...
...
Forever and ever...
...
You're mine...
To do as I please...
Jisei-kun...
.
.
.
-End of Haunt You Every Day Arc-
- - - - - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - --
-To Be Continued-
...
Ending Song: / Sariling Multo (Sa Panaginip) - IV OF SPADES
