SMS

  4 People

  Today 9:51 AM

  sanity check:

  is there a girl in this picture?

  not a trick question, btw

  i see a redhead asleep in the foreground, on the bed

  & i need to know if she is a delusion or no

  *or not

  Simkha couldn’t look away from the picture on her phone. She had taken it while she snuck out of her bedroom. She had barely had the presence of mind to snap it at the time. She was glad she took it then, because she was too scared to go back into her bedroom now. She felt silly for feeling scared of Tali, but that didn’t stop her from being scared. G*d, Simkha felt terrified of everything right now.

  Fear was a frequent feature of Simkha’s mornings. Morning fear had a special potency that seemed to demand special recognition, leading Simkha to think of it as “daybreak dread.” Today’s dread was worse than usual. It did something to Simkha’s body, but not through any sensation Simkha could identify. The daybreak dread almost nipped at Simkha’s heels, driving her to pace back and forth for the little relief that brought.

  Well, at least one of Simkha’s stressors was handled. For some unclear reason, her HUD had started to make her anxious. Luckily, the HUD could be hidden if Simkha flipped her SIGN pendant around backwards. So the pendant got flipped right over, then tucked into the top panel of Simkha’s high-neck sports bra.

  Why did Simkha feel better without the HUD, though? She didn’t think she should feel relief from hiding it. She had felt unalloyed excitement and wonder when she got the thing last night. She felt even better because of how obviously Tali enjoyed her reaction. Then Simkha felt so conflicted this morning… so something must have changed. And for whatever reason, Simkha felt guilty about that.

  Simkha needed to get this tension out. Normally she might release it by going on a run. Today, she was too injured for that. Well… she probably had time for a walk.

  Simkha wrapped her injured ankle in a compression sleeve. She replaced the special plaster on her left palm that was on the verge of seeping through. She changed into some dark purple dance pants with a white racerback. She zipped her phone into a thigh pocket. She pulled on her reinforced socks and nice trainers.

  Simkha stepped out of her bathroom, grabbed a walking cane, and slipped through the front door. She locked up and shuffled down to the street.

  Simkha’s path led her north with long, regular strides. It led her down and around the next block. Then over the railway bridge. Then across the field along the footpath. It led her across the bridge over the stream, where she turned left and walked south down the wooded path beside the Thames.

  Simkha used her cane like a crutch opposite her injured ankle to take weight off of it. Simkha unclenched her jaw. She breathed out.

  Relax, you stupid bitch. You’re allowed to have emotions. You can figure out what they mean.

  Well.

  Tali’s presence had caught Simkha flat-footed when she woke up. Simkha’s delusions normally went away after she managed a decent night’s sleep. Or if the delusions persisted, then at least they felt less immediate—less present. Tali had confounded all rational predictions. She was just right there when Simkha woke up this morning… and there, there, and there. And she had given Simkha all that SIGN jewelry and the HUD too, each element compounding Simkha’s bewilderment anew.

  No… Simkha didn’t really mind the jewelry or HUD, she minded the fears that they reminded her of. She had spent so many years wishing for Tali back, even if she had to be crazy again. And Simkha had felt so right when she woke up to find Tali softly clinging to her body. Simkha didn’t think she could let go of that wonderful feeling for long enough to start a new round of anti-psychotics. Doubly so after Simkha closed her eyes and imagined how she’d feel if Tali were touching her while awake, if Tali really wanted Simkha in that way.

  Simkha thought she felt another strand of emotion too… maybe… relief? She felt less tense without the specter of insanity looming over her. She could just deal with being crazy instead of constantly asking “what if, what if, what if?” Simkha would have to leave First Oxford, of course. She would have the perfect excuse to give up the scholarship she no longer deserved. She would move back to her family home in Tangiers and help out as she was able. And maybe in a few more years, Simkha would be sane enough to try university again. She would enroll somewhere more familiar, maybe an Anglo-Amazigh university like Oksfordtwo.

  Finally, what about all those little doubts she had harbored last night? All those little things that didn’t add up. What if… what if this was actually real? What if Simkha had spent the last twelve years trying to get over a real friend who had really loved her?

  Simkha chided herself. She was being a very naughty crazy person. She shouldn’t even think “what if my delusions are real.”

  The maths will give you perspective, Simkha. Do the drills, you stupid bitch. The chance you have a significant psychotic episode in any given year must be low… call it… three-in-twenty. The chance of any given episode creating a particularly vivid delusion seems a little lower… call it two-in-twenty. Those chances come to fifteen percent times ten percent. That’s a one-point-five percent chance each year that you have a delusion like this one. What about the chances in any given year that you discover that Tali is real… and magic is real… and Tali’s a wizard? One in a hundred? One in a thousand? No, it must be far less likely. Just call it one in a hundred-thousand. But if Tali was truly a wizard, then the chance she would come find you is almost certain. Those chances come to 0.001 percent times one-hundred percent. So the annual chance of discovering that this is all real is 0.001 percent.

  Maths don’t lie, Simkha. One-point five versus 0.001. The chance that this is all a delusion is fifteen-hundred times greater than the chance that this is real.

  Simkha felt much better now, despite the ongoing conflict between her emotions. She smiled at some women walking past her hand-in-hand, then took the next turn back east towards town. Simkha traversed an overbridge and entered town. She walked until she reached Walton Street then turned north. She passed dogs on four different occasions. By the time Simkha was passing the Jericho Cafe, she felt downright good.

  Bzzz.

  Simkha’s phone had a notification.

  Bzzz.

  Bzzz.

  Bzzz.

  

  Today 10:18 AM

  Sapphic Sensei (aka Mika IntroArchaeoTA)

  Yes

  I see her

  No delusion

  Sorry for the wait

  Just woke up

  Like 10 minutes ago

  The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

  Now that the serious business is over

  WHAT

  WHO IS SHE !?!?

  Djjdjsjskjd

  GET IT BEYBE

  ??????

  IM SO PROUD

  Momma Batteferet

  I see her too

  She's real, not a relapse

  And yes who is she?

  Do we get to meet her?

  And who’s the new # in this chat?

  Sapphic Sensei (aka Mika IntroArchaeoTA)

  O HI

  I’m Mika ?????

  Used to be S’s TA

  But we been ? p r o p e r ? fiends for years now

  *friends

  & youuu 3 must be the “Well-Fit Footie Jocks?”

  Ehhh?

  ?????

  Tho that means lucky Ms. sleepy isn’t one of you

  Momma Batteferet

  Ohhh

  Simkha is just going to PERISH

  I

  Am her MOTHER

  ??????

  Call me Ouri

  This is too good! We just HAVE to chat

  I have the best baby Simkha stories

  Sooo cute

  If you have the uni gossip

  She simply REFUSES to talk about girls with us

  While she tells you about all her hot jock friends

  ????

  I tell you, it’s practically elder abuse!

  Oh no.

  Oh no, oh no.

  Simkha could not let her momma spill the beans to Mika. She didn’t think she could be daughter-Simkha and friend-Simkha at the same time. She just… she had to stop this! How could she stop this?

  Simkha stopped walking and crouched into a resting squat so she could think better. She rubbed at her brow with one hand.

  Hmmm.

  Only one person had any chance at fixing this.

  Perhaps…

  

  Mom Berlioz, Esq.

  Oh hello, dears.

  I am going to need your undivided attention.

  And I think you both WANT to listen to me.

  Because the most INTERESTING thing just happened.

  There I am, preparing for this Monday’s trial…

  (I’m a barrister)

  While my wife blissfully sleeps the morning away…

  When I get an EMERGENCY email from my daughter.

  Sent to my professional email, since she must have realized my phone is on DND.

  She sends a screenshot of a most curious conversation…

  And a demand that I “Stop them! I’m not ready!”

  I look at this screenshot…

  Where I see an exchange between my darling wife…

  And my daughter’s friend at Uni…

  Introducing herself as “Mika”…

  But listed in my daughter’s contacts…

  as “Sapphic Sensei”

  ??

  Sapphic Sensei (aka Mika IntroArchaeoTA)

  WHAT

  Momma Batteferet

  WHAT!!!

  AHAHAHAHA

  Sapphic Sensei (aka Mika IntroArchaeoTA)

  Brb, gotta tell my gf about my new title

  And update my resume to match

  Simkha, you are just

  Absolutely

  PERFECT

  You are never getting rid of me, now.

  No way around it.

  Momma Batteferet

  ??????

  Mom Berlioz, Esq.

  Delighted to learn she didn’t tell you about that, young ma’am.

  That’s precisely the sort of fact our dear Simkha oft neglects to share.

  Speaking of which…

  Good morning, my name is Lella-Louise Berlioz…

  And I am ?also? Simkha’s mother.

  Sapphic Sensei (aka Mika IntroArchaeoTA)

  WHAT

  WHATTTTT

  Gbgdgshfbhbhfch

  SIMBA’S HAD TWO MOMS THIS WHOLE TIME

  Momma Batteferet

  Hahahhaha!

  She has!

  She never said?

  Lella-Louise and I have been married for 20 years!

  And plenty of dating before that!

  Mom Berlioz, Esq.

  There is no escaping it now, young ma’am…

  You MUST have a long call with my wife soon.

  She’ll need to ensure you’re giving Simkha the best advice…

  If you want to keep your “Sapphic Sensei” title!

  Sapphic Sensei (aka Mika IntroArchaeoTA)

  Oh yeah

  I am never going to give that up

  1sec

  Holdup

  Just saw Sim outside rightnow

  On the street outside the caff

  She looksupset

  G2g

  Talk latre

  Momma Batteferet

  Oh no!

  Simkha, we love you!

  We tease because we’re happy for you!

  Mom Berlioz, Esq.

  Yes! We love you so much!

  We are happy for you… Really… You’ve done nothing to feel embarrassed about!

  A healthy sex life is a good thing…

  And it’s a good thing to listen to others’ wisdom and advice.

  Momma Batteferet

  Please just call us when you can

  We should check in about your meds soon anyway

  & any related problems

  BUT

  We don’t have to talk about anything u dont want to talk about

  Today 10:32 AM

  I’M FINE

  FFS

  im fine

  mika just saw me from a weird angle

  shes getting us breakfast now

  & walking me home

  & i didnt sleep with the girl either

  ???♀????♀????♀?

  SEE, E.G., that big chunky sweater shes obvs stillbwearing

  *sweater shes obvs still wearing

  not exactly lingerie

  ffs

  we can call tomorrow

  Mom Berlioz, Esq.

  If you say so…

  We still love you more than anything!

  Your Momma says the same!

  XOXOXO