“Aah! Woosh! Hey, come back, villain! Schwing Is your side okay, Lily? I have nearly ended mine, just need one more push.”

  “Ah yes, I’m–BONG–fine–splash!”

  Splash? What splash? Looking around, I could see here and there small and large pools of blood, some containing corpses, others body parts. At least, they all had lumpy heterogeneous mush of bone and meat in their center, making it all quite artistic in a sense.

  “Hey! Be careful! How are we supposed to give subjugation proof when the evidence is gone? Not to remind you, but we need something to identify them afterward!”

  Splash “ARGH!!!!” Some random enemy yelled out of pain as Lily struck a powerful blow on him.

  OHHH!!! What a lovely red, here’s an arm for you. I might have been skeptical at first when she said she would use a mass instead of her staff for the time being, but she seems to have mastered it quite well. She had no problem being at the forefront despite her rare specialty. Well, given her proficiency with the spoon, I shouldn’t have doubted.

  “Easier said than done, you don’t have this concern! You’re a man; they won’t try to harass you or take you alive so they can rape you before selling you as a sex slave. My innocence is at stake here!!” Lily responded with a solemn tone and a concerned face.

  Well, I don’t think you have anything to lose here. You threw it away yourself when you asked me in marriage... No, even before perhaps knowing the sister, this girl was certainly stained at an early age.

  “BITCH, how dare you! My dominant arm!! Give it baaackk! Woosh. You have the nerve to amputate me! Strike. Not talking about masturbating properly, I won’t be able to write sweet love letters and poems to my favored prostitute Rosa now!

  AHHHH!! Just thinking about it makes my blood boil! Wait for me. I'll make you my slave and train you well! Hehehe <3 Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.” An imposing and angry man, whose arm was no more, forcibly interrupted our talk and practically jumped on Lily like a rabid wild boar.

  I see what she means. They were truly lost cases. So what if you lost a limb? If you die, you won’t be able to taste her body either… or write to your lover beside, even if I wonder why you would fuss over it.

  BANG, Bong

  “I’ll show you everything there is to know, teach you how to use your hands, your head, and your whole being!” Seemingly more concerned by his previous loss than his present critical condition, the man kept charging at Lily again and again without a rest, throwing a tantrum.

  “Hee? I don’t think so! Stay away from me, dirty pig! If your remaining hand comes near, let alone masturbation and writing, don’t even dream about imposing yourself on anyone, except a dead body, if you know how to aim well, lol!”

  “Stop worrying about others, and savor your remaining freedom. I’ll make good use of your body and mind!” SPLASH

  Wow, it wasn’t gone, but the angle it made with the body left little hope for future recovery. You should take care of it right away, buddy…

  “Told ya, stupid beast.” Lily seemed overjoyed by the spectacle she was taking part in with enthusiasm. The man was not; his gait was pathetic, and he was at death's door due to some missing body parts, yet he didn’t care about his condition at all.

  “AHHHHH! Now I’m angry! All I wanted was to be nice, but I think I’ll train you all night long and won’t allow you any rest until you beg me! Hehe! And even there, I’ll make sure you dream of it! It doesn’t matter if I become a torso man, for you will be my tools!”

  Can’t you die already? It’s tiring at the end. If all our enemies today were this obsessed and resilient, I wouldn’t have bet on our side.

  “Boss! Andy is done for! He lost his mind...and both arms. We need help!” Before his teammate's stupidity and thoughtless act, one of the random assailants lost his cool and asked for some additional help from his leader in a desperate voice.

  It must be said that they were struggling to control Lily even though they were far outnumbering her and had already lost a third of their force to her deadly mass swing. Unfortunately, their only hope was already occupied by its spare against me, and he also suffered heavy losses. They were already done for.

  “Can’t you see my hands are already full there? Why are you even looking at them? Do something yourselves, idiots! Restrain that bitch, are you men or losers? Don’t mind the dead; they were wastes anyway. Just think about this girl’s body in your embrace. It's a one-in-a-million chance! You wouldn't want to miss this opportunity, would you? And remember, only the survivor's name will be known!”

  “YES, SIR!” Like a single man, a shared answer came in concert.

  Ohhh! They were fired!! Was a sexy body in front of you, a little promise of greatness, and lots of perverse thoughts all you needed to defy death?… Well, I did the same against the demon queen, and it worked just fine… But it was different! I’m the hero while they were nobody. How could they dream of using such a secret skill right away when it took me a great deal only to learn it, and I had to polish it throughout my whole adventure!!

  “You pervert! Why are you targeting my chest, Uh?” Lily’s flustered voice kept distracting my attention and stopped me from focusing on my target.

  “But ma’am… When we were going for the legs or thighs, you said we were lecherous bastards, disgusting feet enjoyers when targeting the ankles with ropes, armpits fetishists when going to your arm, and rapists for the rest of the body. You even prevent us from attacking the head, saying that a girl's pretty face is as important as her life and we won’t be called men anymore if we damage it. What are we supposed to do? We are not even trying to restrain and catch you at this point, just killing you before we’re all dead!”

  Splash!

  “SHUT UP! You are trying to manipulate and disturb my thoughts!? Saying immoral words so I surrender myself and give my body away, right? Too bad for you, that won’t work on me. I’m in complete sound mind!”

  One less moron, but the biggest one was still well and fine! Moreover, I dare to say in top condition! In sound mind? Her? MY ASS!

  “Kyaaaa!!!” Suddenly, Lily shouted while striking a strange and embarrassed pose, holding her long nun’s scapular with both hands. Her clothe were stretched to the extreme and on the verge of tearing.

  What’s now? Did they finally lose their mean and stop their hopeless offensive attempts? Even if it means dying, you might as well do as she said and try to enjoy and molest her. At least you will be able to savor your last moment, right before turning into minced meat... Or did one go crazy and open to nudism all of a sudden, may--… … WHAT THE HECK?

  “Yu fon’t efcape! Fu arf minef!”

  Did this madman just try to… No, he totally did it. Something utterly stupid was happening before my eyes.

  “STOP BITING MY DRESS!! You’ll damage it or worse, drool on it!!” BANG BONG SLPOOSH! The offender was hung on Lily’s clothes solely by the strength of his jaw and teeth, refusing to release the fabric despite the violent blows attempting to stop his degenerate move.

  Hey, isn’t he the one who lost both arms earlier? Is he some sort of immortal? A zombie?

  RIP “Arggbl…. -cough- ...I’m dying…” Finally, the dress gave up just before the man. What did you expect, honestly?

  “I won’t be able to see her one last time….ouch… ah… Estel, my love… I’ll miss you. I hope you will find another man in your life… sigh.”

  And no, you aren’t! A dying man can’t speak for so long when amputated both arms...and legs. Ultimately, he became limbless as he said… Indeed, what a bad taste of fate. And wasn’t his lover’s name Rosa? Why did it change all of a sudden?

  “Even if I die, I’ll make you take responsibility! Argg–groan.”

  How so? Do you have relations in the afterworld by chance? If so, could you introduce me to some before parting away? I’m greatly interested.

  “So you say! There is no way I would even pray for your soul. I don’t know what you want from me, but as they say, va mourire ailleurs si j’y suis!!”

  Wasn’t it va voir ailleurs? And using otherworldly idioms was supposed to be my forte! Don’t take away the little bit of likable personality I had left, at least!

  “NOO!!! Please! Ugh. I don’t have anyone else to ask, pr.. cough promise m..me that you will write her letter in my stead… Normal one will suffice… cough-cough, she has no one else to correspond with. I was the only one who studied letters that she knew of… Tell her all my love and sorrow… That I won’t be able to meet her again… please give her my farewell… Sigh.”

  “….Oh…”

  THAT’S WHY???

  “I only wanted to teach you to write fine sentences….”

  Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  Not due to Lily's irresistibly tempting slutty body, not by frustration, cuz you lost to a little girl? You just threw away all chance of escaping death after losing only an arm! All for what? DID YOU JUST COMMIT SUICIDE, LOSING ALL YOUR REMAINING LIMBS, BECAUSE YOU WOULD NO LONGER BE ABLE TO WRITE PROSE TO A GIRL YOU DON’T EVEN REMEMBER THE NAME!!

  “Hey, you shouldn't divert your attention here; that's dangerous in a fight you know.” SLASH

  And you, you shouldn’t remind your opponent of that in the first place. You’re not better yourself. Didn’t you lose two buddies, or to use your words extras, because you were casting lustful eyes on Lily in the middle of the fight and stopped covering for them just early? And three more as you were trying to peek under her skirt?

  Well, it was time to end this animal brawl anyway. There was not a single decent one. Their leader was already struggling to keep me at bay with his henchmen, but now they were gone, and the ones threatening Lily were splashed pretty much everywhere. The remaining ones had lost all hope before Lily’s violence. They either turned out mad or froze in place out of fear.

  Finishing them off shouldn’t be more than a matter of minutes… nay, of seconds now. There was even one who collapsed at the sight of the butcher's work… Tsk, what a loser… He just had to act like everyone else, including me. Focus your gaze on Lily’s body, preferably away from her hand, which held the instrument of slaughter, and from her feet where the corpses gathered.

  Personally, I had a weakness for her breasts cuz her cute face stood out too much in the landscape, but everyone has their own preference. If you couldn’t handle it anymore, you could even try fighting with closed eyes. I did give it a try, and it worked somewhat, so it shouldn’t be impossible… Wait…

  Those could actually explain why they had been losing this easily… I was joking, you know… or was I?...

  Anyway, all that remained was this average boss of them, barely knowing how to use a sword. The danger I paid attention to, that’s to say, having Lily taken hostage and used against me, has more or less disappeared. Unless she throws herself into it–

  “Kyaaa! –ugh… Watch out, Hero! The floor is slippery, ahh! -panting- I slipped on something just as I was coming.” Lily interrupted my thought with yet another shouting while striking a sexy pose, moaning and panting like she just had a run. She almost fell and had trouble managing her balance.

  The thing you had lost your balance on was likely skulls and brain residue. Apart from a strawberry milkshake, I don't see what else it could be. And don’t use terms that could be misinterpreted, please… I thought you were you know what for a moment...

  Well, at least she had finished on her side, and it seems the remaining opponents met their end shortly after the limbless man did. It was fast; they probably hastened their death to escape suffering.

  “Don’t move, and let me take care of the re—”

  SLIP “Ah!!!” Fa-thud! “Ugh, can’t you pay attention? I told you I was coming.”

  It wasn’t me.

  “HEY, where do you think your hands are? I don’t mind it, but that’s not the time!”

  “I said It wasn’t me, YOU idiot!”

  “Hehe, I don’t know what you did to god in order to make him take my side, but you have my thanks.”

  fondle fondle

  “I’m not an idio—KYAAAAA!!! Remove your dirty hand from my ass!”

  “Hey! Bas les pattes, dirty bastard, she is not someone you can afford!”

  What if she falls in love!! It’s a risk, given her tendency. Can you stand it? Can he? I don’t think anyone can last a day without smashing his skull on a rock or suffering from a lasting mental disorder. Eventually, her sis will come to find you and...what? I don’t even want to think about it!

  “Now listen to me, put away your weapon and… Well, I don’t know yet, but let’s do that first, yes, drop that sword, boy!”

  “Tsk... What a hassle, what a burden.”

  “I’m no—.”

  “Shut up!” Lily, still more concerned about the way we called her than the situation, tried to correct me but was unable to do so due to the interruptions from the idiot who was keeping her hostage.

  “Stay still. You’re meant to be my hostage here! If you or your boyfriends make one wrong move, I’ll cut something. But maybe I should strip you beforehand to prevent any attempt hehe…

  Anyway, you, the hero or something, leave without turning back and don’t return until tomorrow midday. Give me some time to have a little fun with this dead weight of yours. I’ll let you retrieve her later after I put her unproductive hand and purposeless hole to good use.

  If she’s not broken, that’s it. Otherwise, you could always recycle her into an onahole afterward. As long as you don’t mind another man’s semen hehe.”

  That's all? You let me live and go like that? While we are not even that far from the city? I could return at any time with help while you’re making your affair, you know… I didn’t even need the guard. I could totally just hide myself, wait for you to lower your pants and kill you, d*ck in the wind!

  “I’…” mumble mumble

  “So vulgar…, thanks, but I think I’ll pass. I don’t like going second. And even if she is useless, she is my friend (well, not only, she’s unconditionally my wife), I definitely can’t let you–”

  “I’m NOT useless!” SNAP!!!

  “AHHHrghb!” One finger of the bandit’s hand that was on her ass was cut short.

  Why the spoon, again? Can’t you use a proper weapon when your life… well, maybe not your life… When your maidenhead is at risk?

  “I’m NOT A DEAD WEIGHT” BIM!

  “HIIIII-yelp!! OWW!! OUCH!” groan

  The face.

  “I’M NOT A BURDEN OR A HASSLE!” BAM, BOOM, CRACK!!

  Both lower limbs, ?bim bam boom ?? . . . a devil’s melody came to mind while the torture beating continued.

  CHOP, one hand less. CRACK CLACK One arm was in pieces, completely bent.

  “shtop Iarghhh, I bfeg fyou!” sob sob

  He was no longer a man but a simple pile of flesh.

  “AND ABOVE ALL, I’M NOT HIS FRIEND; I’M HIS WIFE!!” BANG BIM BOOM!!!

  “EILL FME! FMERCY! OINK!”

  ? POP?. A distinct bursting sound reached my ears.

  “SQUEEEEK!!!!! SQUEEEK!!!!!”

  And now, a pile of flesh who lost his manhood….

  On that, I looked away, forcing myself to ignore the painful cries asking for death from a former man who had been denied everything he had. There. I, too, awaited my punishment with bravery in a repentance position.

  … … …

  Kidding. I was not a fool. I was in urgent need of a solution, and I'd rather find it sooner than later before it was too late. Quick! Think!

  Sadly, at this exact moment, the only thing that came to mind was supplicating God. ‘At least… she had no heels.’ I thought while making a cross-movement and offering my prayer, asking for forgiveness from a higher being.

  Yet, this turned out to be very useful. A sweet warmth covered me, comforting and reassuring me. Did God pity me? This was a sign! A sign that what I just imagined next was a must!

  “Hey, Lily!” I interrupted Lily, who was still letting off steam on the man’s remains.

  “You! Stay still and don’t make any move. You’re next. In the very unlikely event that you wish to repent, you can already stab yourself. That should allow us to save some time. I can’t share the one I use currently, but I have a few other spoons left.”

  A few? Oh my god, does that mean that she had more than one? Did she rob a whole restaurant or something?

  “Choose the ones you want neatly, cuz you won’t avoid it this time, personally, I’d recommend the teaspoon, it’s easy to handle for a first time. Make sure to plant them where It hurts the most; they’ll stay there until I’m statisf—mhhhh.”

  This was one more reason to make sure this wouldn’t happen. Hopefully, a deep French kiss will suffice.

  “Mhhh—ahhh!! Let me catch my breath, and it won’t save y—”

  If one isn’t enough, two will!

  pat stroke “—mhhhhh—” moan

  I delicately stroked her hair with one hand while the other held her neck firmly, preventing her from breaking away. I resumed my action, not even letting one of us inhale. Forcing the kiss for a very long time as if my life depended on it…

  Yes, just the right amount. More specifically, the time it takes to send someone into the dream realm. The shortage of oxygen didn’t make me wait. As my lips turned blue, dizziness appeared, and my remaining strength left.

  “Mhhh—ahhh!”

  Will it be enough? I was at my limit and couldn’t help myself from crumbling down. I hope it was...

  “Hey, why did you stop? I was just starting to enjoy… Hey, did you faint? What got into him, what a shithead, he could at least conclude... I’m all ready and wet, tsk…” A frustrated voice was heard as I blacked out.

  “Never mind, I'll just do as usual and do it myself…wha!…why...su...ddent… fuzz...y” flop, thud.

  “Ouch!!”

  I was not too much of an M, fainting due to lack of air? No, thank you, that ain’t gonna happen, or at least not outside a proper session with an appropriate professional.

  Melting a sleeping pill with my saliva was the easy step. Passing it down by kissing her while making sure that she wasn’t aware of my attempt was not. Because I didn’t use my experimental drug, and it was a simple and plain sleeping pill, she could’ve probably detoxed herself if she found the problem early on.

  Well, it worked great somehow. I merely wish she hadn’t fallen on me while I was lying on the ground and catching my breath.

  I may need to find another solution. Escaping the consequences by drugging myself or drugging the reason wouldn’t get me far.

  She has already started experimenting with sleeping drugs lately. I feared she would spend her life’s work on the subject if I kept this ongoing. She would definitely find a way to forcibly awaken the person, even if I were to use my divine mixture. I should keep it as an escape route for absolute necessity.

  Perhaps I should play the trash but domineering husband. That could work, right? But again, this would only work if I played the husband part first…

  We were a week after my last convalescence, on our way to finally start our adventure after fully settling down and agreeing upon how to proceed. I drugged a girl for the first time without her knowledge only so I could escape punishment, and I nearly suffocated by doing so.