“So! What’s the matter? Why did you call me? You have two minutes; I’m busy.” In all likelihood, my contact wasn’t happy. Like someone forced to stop amid his rest, he spoke with a bothered, almost disturbed tone. But I didn’t mind; I had been expecting that much. He was always like that and knew how to be much more irritating.

  “I had some juicy news and an important thing to report, so I decided to contact you ahead of time...” I responded to the face I could see throughout the mafic orbe without showing any hint of indignation.

  However, I had a problem. The man’s video settings for the artifact were definitely wrong, and things that should’ve remained confidential were in plain view. I didn’t know how to point it out to him without making him more pissed off than he already seemed to be.

  The topic of our discussion would be more than enough, and I didn’t want to give him the slightest desire to kill me for no reason other than his own fault…

  “Yes? Come to the point!” The man didn’t even let me finish my sentence, proving that not upsetting him would be arduous.

  “Ahem. That’s a video call, sir...”

  “Yes? I know it, you idiot. That’s what we agreed upon when starting our collaboration. Come to the point!”

  “I mean, you’ve made a bad focus, sir…”

  “Did I? I’m pretty sure I have the correct setting yet. Is it blurry? Or perhaps it’s dirty? Though I’m sure I washed it well…”

  “I was referring to the capture size. You are in wide mode, sir...”

  “Perfect, that’s what we are looking for. It makes me look taller and more imposing. My communications agent recommended it to me and–… never mind, hurry up, I’m about to leave.”

  “Splendid desk you have here, sir, is it a new one? It seems different.”

  “Yes? Indeed, the old one was too narrow under it, which made it awfully uncomfortable, so I changed it. This one’s a collection piece belonging to the stainless soul church’s third pope. Glad you noticed. Well, most did lately… Bah, never mind. Do you have any other comments on my setup? Or do you plan to waste my time any further?”

  “No sir, if it suits you that way, so do I.” I give up. I just can’t stand this man. He is as stupid as some of my subordinates. I’ll deal with it. At least the view isn’t bad. “Let me resume my report, I—”

  “One moment. Hey you! I already told ya not to disturb me when I’m in private talk. Why are you staring at me? Is that important stuff you have in hand? Don’t ya just stand here, put the report you’re holding on this side, then go at once! Humf… ”

  ‘Yes, sir! Right away, sir! Sorry, sir.’ I could faintly hear someone's apologies for the man’s order, followed by a big slam, probably a door closing violently. Well, I could understand that person’s secretary. She would have every right to be confused, but she gets thrown out like her job was a maid's job… Bah, this is not my concern.

  “Hey!! Pay attention to the door! It’s the late empress Rana’s personal bathroom door! It’s priceless! It cost me a whole county with its provided workforce, fifty of my best-trained slaves!”

  I don’t think anyone can listen to your words anymore except us. But one in the other, it’s for the best. I don’t see how you could justify yourself in front of the current king or the princess if this came to be known… A county? Really? Maybe I should change my career path and reconvert into stealing famous figure furniture. How much would it sell if I were to put in action one of their private belongings…

  “You could probably get yourself a small duchy, a good one if it’s a really private one. As far as I can remember, there was a case where someone got his hand on Rana’s used socks, and the highest bid was to make him a cardinal in exchange for them. It was a fake tho, the man and his son were last seen as transgender, almost complete female, sex slaves in training.”

  … My bad. It appeared that I was thinking out loud. But did I hear it right? Oddly enough, the reward suddenly didn’t seem worth much, while the sentence for forgery felt outrageously harsh.

  Never mind, being the leader of a gathering of criminals of all kinds didn’t seem like such a dire situation anymore after all… Even if, in all honesty, I should instead call them a bunch of troublesome idiot rapists with sharp swords and gold but no brain.

  Bah! Currently, the worst end I could meet was an unofficial execution by my employer or being killed on duty. Moreover, my pay was already quite good, so there was no point in trying my luck in antiques and used clothes resales. It’s a pity because I have tons of used underwear from unknown girls, and perhaps one could come from a celebrity. Who knows. But I don’t want my fate to become that of a transgender slave due to a personal mistake or misunderstanding from a dissatisfied buyer, even less so if there was a chance for the master to be this brainless pig employer of mine.

  “Sorry, let’s go back on track. As I was saying—” Putting an end to my pointless and dangerous thought, I was about to speak again before my interlocutor interrupted me again.

  “Sorry, I need to cut you again. Hey, stop cleaning it! I think it’s quite neat already, so get down to business, will you? Plenty of dust is on the floor, so take care of that if you don’t know what to do.”

  Come on! You said you had no time, and not only do I realize it, but I also see it perfectly! Let me speak, at least! Tsk, if this man weren’t my sponsor and the one who holds my life in his hands, I would’ve long cut off the conversation.

  “Y-Yesh! At once!” A person responded to the odious character. This time, I could hear the voice perfectly and clearly. Well, considering the origin of the sound, this was normal. This time, the voice came from the actual maid, whose presence in our secret meeting was apparently a natural occurrence unless another mere secretary.

  “Sorry, so, where were we? Let’s hurry. I expect another urgent matter to come soon.” After ordering his maid around, the man finally urged me to continue, or should I rather say, begin our conversation.

  “Ah! Eh… Yes, as I was saying, I got some important news on hand. Firstly, the trolls, our cover, are gone--”

  “WHAT!!!”

  “Yes, they’re dead, and—”

  “They are dead!!!!? Does it mean a strong party came? Have you been discovered?? Should I dispatch killers to clean up?”

  “No! No, don’t worry. We already solved the problem, and I wish you wouldn’t act rashly and unscrupulously. We both know who your murderers’ first targets would be, and I prefer to take care of my men by myself if you don’t mind. Furthermore, I would not want your assassins to mistake me for one of their targets, which would inevitably harm our relationship of trust. Unless this is what you want?”

  “Never! I wouldn’t go this far! That would be too easy to track me down in case of failure.”

  You agree that I would be an issue, too. Thanks, man. I took precautions beforehand.

  Ahem. “Anyway, we already found the cause of our trouble. It turned out the hero was working around to make himself forgotten and took the request quietly, for the high reward purpose. ”

  “WHAT, THE HERO?? He’s not someone I can stop or put to death, even with my best guard and sharpest blades! What should I do? Is he already coming for me? How did you stay alive? Give me your secret!”

  “If you want me to be concise, stop Interrupting!!”

  ***

  This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

  Sigh, what a moron, I thought it would never end. This dude had to interrupt me every 20 seconds only to pretend to order and guide his maid in her duties while he was fooling around with her. But as if it weren’t already difficult enough to stay composed while watching the whole scene for this long, you had to make it even harder. You almost screamed that I had become an annoyance that would need to be removed soon. I had only one desire, which was to gut and tear him apart.

  And all of this for what? I only wanted to confirm the hero's identity because I had doubts.

  But while the hero ultimately seems to be the real deal, what about my employer's command? Wait for the next shipment, then Either kill him and make him disappear or stage his death publicly?

  Really? That would be like digging my own grave, putting aside the fact that I need to kill him first, which is not an easy task at all. Could I even do it?

  I mean, without the girl as a hostage, I was probably nothing to him. I know he has fallen into disgrace and lost all of his support, but even there, I’m not his opponent, with all the guys around ganging up on him likewise. Is that the only thing he could think of to get rid of me?

  As for the second part, I’m not taking the bait, making him suddenly vanish when all of the big power’s eyes are on him. It won’t take them a week to find out about us after they lost his tracks. As for staging his death, it was even worse and doomed to fail.

  How was I supposed to pretend the hero emerged victorious but tired from his fight against two trolls before succumbing to a dragon’s wraith? Dragon don’t run on the streets, you fool! The version where he would’ve been killed by a group of jealous women feeling betrayed was even less plausible. How would you expect the guild to believe a few women could’ve found the hiding Hero's whereabouts?

  You Dare reject my proposal to make use of the hero’s wife instead and pretend they killed each other for a love quarrel, which would’ve been infinitely more credible. Still, instead, you propose we merge your two ideas and act as if the Hero’s death was the cause of a dragon mad in love who took revenge for his infidelity?

  Where did you find such an inconceivable idea?... Well, this might’ve actually worked… but that was not the question!

  Our collaboration was bound to end shortly, and I’m pretty sure my employer wanted me to either fail and die or succeed… and die.

  To top it all off, he wants the girl for his own use? Does he want to make more video calls just so you can introduce her as your new maid to your viewers and boast about how you wiped out the hero and got yourself this girl as a new toy?

  This without even closing your door and letting yourself be bothered by simple secretaries?

  Are you trying to prove yourself superior or something? Or do you only want to make your interlocutors jealous?... Never mind, I don’t think what he did today was intentional… So he would probably just get himself killed when it would reach the king or princess’ ears. … If he didn’t show it to them directly by mistake…

  Nope, it's not gonna happen. I won’t fall into your trap and will not follow your suggestion.

  Let’s think…

  I still have time before the next shipment, but I could always delay it by a bit to be sure. It would probably be the last one, anyway. I can’t trust this man anymore.

  I can try to help myself with the hero. First, set him in a good position, then put him on my side. I don’t think he is as desperate to be tempted to become a bandit as he wanted to make me believe, but he does have a great need for money and care for his companion.

  Furthermore, he is craving girls as if he hadn’t touched one for ages. Wait, didn’t you say she was your wife? Isn't she enough for you? Anyway, I can use that to my advantage along with other benefits.

  Last resort, I can use that, even if I really don't want to… But if I come to have no other choice… Say… You already planted enough seeds and harvested the fruits, didn't you? By pity, don’t grow a forest from it if we get there… please.

  Let's not think about it. It makes me want to throw up. I’ll try implementing my plan from now on first.

  “JOE!”

  “Yes, boss?”

  “WHOA!!! How come you are already here? Shouldn't you be babysitting the hero and his partner?”

  “I was, but my instinct told me you would ask for my presence, and I rushed through winds and tides without taking time to finish my task properly, so here I am.”

  Mmh? Well, that is good. It will save me from wasting my time.

  “You can let the hero and his wife in the same cell… no even better, make them stay together in the same places as the goods. If he ever requests some girls to have fun, go for it, be it a trained slave, a fresh one, or even one of the kidnapped girls if she is willing. Anything else, it’s up to your judgment.”

  “And go get the girl, the one I put aside for myself, make sure she’s cooperative, make her understand that she can finally escape from her fate if she does the job right, then send it to take care of our new friends. No question, no comment, okay? Our life is on the line.”

  “Rogger, but what about you?”

  “Meanwhile, I will go with some men. I have to make it as the hero suggested and report to the guild in his name that he will push deeper into the forest to investigate the trolls' origin.”

  A good thing that he came up with this idea and gave me his adventurer ID card. This would cut out a fair bit of burden on my shoulders. It would allow me to kill two birds with one stone, dissipating the hero’s stalkers' doubt and persuading mine that I had disposed of him. Because I, too, had some bothersome eyes watching my every step.

  ***

  Who’s the manager!! That’s not what I have asked! I want a refund!

  A day after our incarceration, we were accompanied elsewhere, from our initial habitat, simple Iron cages put side by side in rows, to an unknown destination.

  Located in mountainside natural caves whose entrances were barely visible. Their hideout was perfectly concealed. I'm not surprised the guild never heard of their presence.

  From what I could see, the layout was intricate. Cave rooms connected by gallery networks served as their base of operation. At that time, the whole thing appeared perhaps way bigger than I originally thought.

  I was right like I usually do, but it exceeded my assumption, beyond all my predictions in every way. It wasn't just any hiding place, a good yet simple bandit camp.

  That was quite elaborate and even roughly built or carved into the rock in certain places. They have functional rooms for their needs, furniture, and decoration. Things were very well arranged. All of which could accommodate at least forty people. Another bad news, by the way, was that they were way more than planned.

  …

  Following our guide, we went deeper underground. Upon entering a secret path whose entrance was concealed behind a woven tapestry and a hidden door, we got ourselves yet another speleologist ride. It was a long trip underground, crossing multiple caves and corridors, sometimes natural, sometimes man-made. God, I hate labyrinths. There was little to no hope that a stranger to the place would find his way in this maze of galleries.

  We were watched by three men on top of the unique and unforgettable Joe all the way, and of course, Lily was carried by them, a knife on her throat to dissuade me from everything.

  After a long time, perhaps over an hour of walking underground, the tunnel finally opened into a vast cave, a lot bigger than all others, and this time, fully built, with actual plain structures in wood, bricks, and rock. Some were even completely dug into the cave’s wall. They were in poor condition, half in ruins, but nonetheless, their sight of view was shocking and beautiful, simply breathtaking. Where the hell is this?

  We were then accompanied further for a while, and the rocks left their place for polished stones, and the galleries became corridors and stairs. A building? Seemingly a big one, given the width of the hallway.

  It was all for the sake of ending up in an actual prison, a dungeon, not mere cages like before, made of strong stone and thick metal. We were brought to a big cell under dozens of bystanders' stunned and questioning eyes.

  The entire lockup was filled with prisoners and everything else but this particular unit was empty. Still, they were not one on top of the other, as the dimensions were huge. Probably made for monsters initially. It would’ve been okay to add some more without making it unbearable.

  At first, I thought that this lousy mouth of mine had yet again predicted the future, and I expected to find there a bunch of muscled black men who would unintentionally drop the soap to my feet.

  Luckily, they were not. But this caused other trouble which I would never have imagined.

  Problem one: They were all girls of any kind, ranging in age from young teens, if not children, to forties. They were all pretty, although not necessarily stunning.

  Problem two was their outfits. Their simple, short cotton dress barely covered their essential parts and highlighted their shape. Also, they had no underwear.

  Problem three: Me!

  Let me out!! This is not what I had planned!! What do you want? My death? Do you plan to keep me confined here, doing baby-making nonstop until I die? No luck to you. It can’t be anymore! The only thing I can do is show you how to do it! But even for me, that’s a little too much here!

  We were put in a modest cell opposite theirs, across the corridor. Craps! I shouldn’t have let my mind run wild… Now, I’m compelled to look without touching, which was genuinely an intolerable torture then… LET ME IN!!!! Lily, if I lost my mind, pardon me.

  Later, a slave, a young, gorgeous, and stunning beauty with blond hair, was sent to us with the instruction to serve our every need and almost got assaulted by me in a moment of weakness. Saved only by the stares of hatred, disgust, and pity radiating from behind her, and somewhat thanks to Lily's saddened and eager face, I managed to hold back and keep the control of my body out of my evil alter ego’s hand.

  I repeat myself. LET ME OUT!!!